Charmed Season 5
by Genius Equals Insanity
Summary: The rewritten Season 5 that will provide background for my upcoming Charmed original fanfics, due to the changes in canon. Read my Charmed Seasons 3&4 fics first. There will be fanfics for S6-8 as well. They will all be in script format. There won't be fanfics for S1-2, or the stuff that happened before the show, as I changed nothing in those seasons or the background of the show.
1. A Witch's Tail, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything. Except for the twins, now that I think about it, considering that Phoebe's son died in 4x21 in canon, and the daughter is completely made up.

 **Author's Note:** Just so everyone knows in advance, due to having to delete some episodes, this season will only be 19 chapters. I apologize.

I want to thank everyone for the reviews, favorites, and follows I got to Seasons 3 & 4\. They were much appreciated. :) Just to respond to the more recent reviews, these stories will be Prue/Cole, not Prue/Andy, so if you're holding out for Prue/Andy, you're reading the wrong stories, but I hope you stick with them regardless.

To my last reviewer, while I appreciate the review, these are _my_ stories, not yours, so I will name the kids what I want. While I like the name Perseus, it's too long for my tastes, and I don't like any of the nicknames for it. I do love Phoenix though, which is actually a name used for _both_ boys _and_ girls, and is actually more common for _boys_. Do the research before giving a negative opinion, please.

The twins will be named Phoenix Langdon Halliwell and Persephone "Seph" Amethyst Halliwell, and when Prue eventually has her third kid, he will be named Pagan Victor Halliwell.

 **A Witch's Tail, Part 1**

[Scene: Manor. Prue and Piper are walking up the stairs.]

Prue: Okay, guys, I can't be late getting to the office today. I have a radio interview with those morning guys, Pip and Skeeter.

Piper: That's Skip and Peter. (They walk into the hallway.) Could you forget about your advice column for two seconds? Come see where we're putting the nursery. It's for _your_ children too.

Prue: You're putting it in the hall closet. I've seen the closet.

(They walk over to the emptied out closet and look inside.)

Piper: Look. It's perfect.

(Cole and Leo are there making a hole in the wall to fit a window.)

Prue: It's a little cramped though, don't you think?

Leo: That's why we're adding a window, to bring in the light, and create a sense of space.

(They walk back into the hall.)

Prue: Aww, you guys are _very_ cute, but why are we doing all of this now? I mean, our due dates are not for months.

Piper: Well, demon activity has been light, so it's a good time to get ahead.

Prue: You're right. And speaking of ahead, I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown.

Piper: Oh, honey, of course we noticed them. You can see them from a passing 747.

(They laugh.)

Cole: We would've told you how proud we are of you, but you never slow down to give us a chance.

Prue: Okay, well, I've seen the nursery, and it's absolutely beautiful, but I really have to go to that interview.

Piper: Uh, honey, I know your work is very important to you, but guess what? We're going to have babies.

Prue: Aw, I know.

Cole: Yeah, so how about you take a couple of minutes to be a mom?

Prue: Oh my god, you're so right. I'm so sorry, honey. (Prue and Cole kiss. To Piper) Okay, what do you need?

Piper: An opinion. Uh, I'm thinking-

(Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)

Paige: Positions! Bogey, in three, two, one.

(Suddenly, a demon wearing no shirt and a black and white mask appears. He blows darts at Phoebe and Paige with a blowgun and they duck. The darts hit a teddy bear and it shrinks. Piper gasps. Prue blows up the demon and vanquishes him.)

Phoebe: So much for the theory that Borneo demons are impervious to magical powers. I can't wait to tell the local witch doctors.

Leo: Okay, excuse me, can we refrain from blowing up demons in the nursery?

Piper: Oh, honey, it was just one.

Leo: Okay. Prue, Piper, you're going to be moms. You need to start thinking about the safety of your children.

Cole: I agree with Leo.

Leo: (to Phoebe and Paige) And you two, you're getting so caught up with this magical kick. (to Paige) I mean, look at your hair. It's so red from the potion you blew up last night.

Paige: Do you have any idea how much _this_ would cost in the salon?

Phoebe: I love your new 'do, personally. I think you look beautiful.

(Phoebe gives Paige a hug.)

Paige: Thank you.

Prue: Okay, bye. (to Cole) And, honey? I appreciate that you're very concerned, but I am still a witch, and we do still have innocents to protect, and demons to fight. I can't just crawl in a hole.

Piper: (to Leo) What she said.

Prue: Come on, Phoebe. We gotta go to work.

Piper/Paige: Work.

Phoebe: Yeah. Prue got me a job as her new assistant. This is my first day.

[Scene: A sea hag's cavern. The walls and floor is made of rock and is placed right beside the sea water. The sea hag walks over to a beautiful blonde-haired woman.]

Sea Hag: It's too bad, Mylie, but your time is up. You had thirty days to find love, or the penalty would be death.

Mylie: But he does love me. I know he does.

Sea Hag: Oh, really? Did he tell you?

Mylie: He doesn't have to tell me he loves me.

Sea Hag: Well, actually, he does. But he'll never say he loves you until he trusts you. And he'll never trust you until you tell him what you really are. You see why I always win these bargains? (She picks up a large shell.) As an immortal being, I'm afraid only _you_ can give up your life. Place this auger shell over your heart. It will draw your immortality inside.

(Mylie takes the auger shell and five slimy leech-like creatures poke out of the shell.)

Mylie: And if I don't?

Sea Hag: Then you can rot for eternity right here.

(Mylie moves the shell closer to her heart, then suddenly stabs the end of the shell into the sea hag. The sea hag screams in pain and Mylie dives into the sea.)

Mylie: You're wrong. He does love me. And I'm gonna prove it.

(Mylie swims away. revealing her gold mermaid tail.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Piper is sitting on the bed sorting through some boxes. Leo is in the closet sanding down the window frame.]

Piper: Leo, I can't believe you found all our baby stuff.

Leo: Grams was a bit of a pack rat.

(Piper pulls out a pink album.)

Piper: Baby book. My baby book. (She opens it up.) Oh, look how squishy I was.

Leo: You were so adorable.

Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.

Leo: Well, I'm your Whitelighter. I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

Piper: Uh-huh, yeah, see that's too creepy to think about. I never knew that mom kept a baby book for me.

Leo: Well, why not? I mean, you started one for our daughter. I always thought you and your mom were a lot alike.

(He picks up the window and tries to get it up to the frame.)

Piper: It's strange to think that she went through everything I'm going through right now. I don't think you ever really know how much your mother loves you until you become one yourself.

(Leo drops the window frame and he groans in pain.)

Leo: Ow!

Piper: Oh, are you okay?

Leo: Yeah.

Piper: Here, um, why don't you let me help you?

Leo: It's heavy.

(Piper walks over to him, still holding the album.)

Piper: Well, see, that's kind of why I wanted to help you with it.

Leo: Piper, when are you gonna accept the fact that you're pregnant?

Piper: When are you going to stop being so overprotective?

Leo: Look, all I'm suggesting is that you slow down.

Piper: Okay, Leo, I'm not gonna be one of those women that sits on her ass and eats Bonbons throughout her entire pregnancy. That's just not the woman you married. Besides, generations of Halliwell women raised perfectly normal children before me. They all got through it and so will I.

Leo: Not all of 'em.

Piper: What's that supposed to mean?

Leo: How far along in the book have you gotten? (Piper flips through the rest of the book and the pages are blank.) There was no one there to finish it after your mother died.

Piper: Oh.

Leo: Like I said, you're a lot like your mother. She was careless too. She thought she was invincible. She was wrong.

[Scene: The sea hag's cavern. The sea hag is sitting down in pain. A very nervous demon with a croaky voice fades in squatting nearby.]

Demon: Hello. I'm begging your evil pardon. I bear a message from my master.

Sea Hag: Necron.

(The demon stands up, acting like a completely different person.)

Demon: He wants the immortality you promised him and he wants it now! (The demon squats back down, returning to being very nervous.) His words, not mine.

Sea Hag: Tell your master he'll get what he wants, but he must be patient.

(The demon gets upset.)

Demon: Oh, no, I can't tell him that. No disrespect, but skeletal beings aren't known for their patience.

Sea Hag: Then you best hurry along.

Demon: I'll do as you ask, but it'll be the last thing I do before Necron eats my life force. Then comes for yours.

(He fades out. The sea hag walks to the edge of the sea and holds out her arms.)

Sea Hag: "Water rise up from the sea/Find the one who fled from me/Follow where the winds are cold/Then fall tenfold like days of old."

(The sea water bubbles furiously and thunder is heard.)

[Scene: City. An outside eating area. The sky grows dark and lightning flashes in the sky. Mylie waits anxiously by a fountain.]

Guy: Mylie! (Mylie turns around and sees a guy walking quickly towards her.) Mylie! Hey.

Mylie: Hey. I'm so sorry to pull you out of your meeting.

Guy: You said it was important. What's going on?

Mylie: I need to know how you feel about me. (the guy laughs.) What's so funny?

Guy: You know what I love?

Mylie: No, what?

Guy: Your enthusiasm.

Mylie: Oh. What else?

Guy: Well, I, uh, I love this dimple right here when you smile. (He kisses her dimple beside her mouth.) Mylie, what's going on here?

Mylie: Look, I told you. I need to know how you feel about me deep inside. It's important.

(They walk over to a table and chairs and sit down.)

Guy: Well, listen, I'm gonna be on a plane in like two hours to go to New York, and when I get back, we'll go out and-

Mylie: No, _before_ you get on the plane. I can't explain right now, but unless you tell me how you feel about me, I may not be here when you get back.

Guy: What's that supposed to mean?

Mylie: I'm sorry. This isn't a threat. It's just…. It is what it is.

Guy: Look, Mylie, this isn't the time or the place for this. Whatever I feel for you should come out when I'm ready.

Mylie: But we're running out of time. Look, Craig, I admit that this isn't fair what I'm asking you, but it's what I need right now if you want to keep me in your life.

Craig: Okay. If it's that important, okay. (Mylie smiles.) When I first met you, (it starts to rain) I felt a wall come down, a wall around my heart…. (A raindrop falls on Mylie's thigh and gold scales appear.) I mean, I don't how to say this but, uh...

(Mylie stands up.)

Mylie: I've gotta go.

Craig: What? Wait a minute, you just-

Mylie: I'm so sorry. I've gotta go.

(Mylie rushes off, covering her scales with her dress. It starts to pour and Craig runs under cover. He looks back at Mylie, who's standing nearby out of the rain. A billboard catches Mylie's eye. It's Prue's billboard, reading: "Ask Prue…. She has all the answers. The Bay Mirror." Mylie smiles.)

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige walks in soaking wet. She walks over to her cubicle.]

Mr. Cowan: Matthews! In my office, now!

(She walks into his office.)

Paige: Weather advisory? If you're gonna go outside, bring a paddle.

Mr. Cowan: Where were you?

Paige: Had to run the Mackenzie papers over to the courthouse.

Mr. Cowan: You've been gone an hour.

Paige: Yeah, well, there's a freak rainstorm. The entire city's flooded.

Mr. Cowan: Well, you should've let someone know where you were headed. You have this habit of coming and going as you please.

Paige: As _I_ please? No, I come and go as other people please. That's what assistants _do_ , they _run errands_. I'll tell you a little secret. They don't like it.

Mr. Cowan: Well, your behaviour's got to change.

Paige: Maybe it'll change if you promote me to social worker.

Mr. Cowan: I already did. You start tomorrow.

[Time lapse. Paige is talking on the phone to Prue.]

Prue: He promoted you?! Congratulations!

Paige: Thanks, I guess.

Prue: What do you mean, you guess? Paige, you've worked so hard for this. It's your dream.

Paige: Yeah, Cowan already gave me the big responsibility speech. No more coming to work late, no more long lunches.

[Cut to Prue's office. Prue's assistant walks in.]

Prue: Hold on a second, sweetie.

Phoebe: Uh, I've got Nancy O'Dell's producer on the phone. They wanna know if you want hair and makeup.

Prue: Uh, no, I will do my own. Thanks.

(Phoebe leaves.)

Paige: Nancy O'Dell?

Prue: Yeah, she wants to interview me on TV tomorrow.

Paige: Look at you blowing up around town. Billboards, radio, TV…. What's next? Prue, the world tour?

[Cut to an underground parking lot. The ground is wet from the rain. Prue and Phoebe walk over to Prue's new car and throws her coat and bag in. Mylie sneaks up on them and they spin around. Phoebe gasps.]

Prue: Who are you?

Mylie: I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that… I recognize you from your billboard. I need your help.

Prue: Oh, that's sweet, sweetie, but if you write a letter, then I respond to everyone's-

Mylie: No, you don't understand. I recognize you as a Charmed One. You're very famous where I come from. I'm not evil or anything.

Prue: We've heard that one before.

Mylie: No, honestly, I'm- (A car drives past and splashes water onto them. They gasp. Mylie's legs change into a mermaid tail. She falls to the ground. Prue and Phoebe rush over to her.) We need to go.

Phoebe: Well, yeah!

Mylie: The sea hag will track my tail.

Phoebe: Well then, make it go away!

Mylie: I _can't_.

(Prue and Phoebe pull Mylie into the backseat of the car. A gust of wind blows. Prue jumps into the driver's seat and starts the car while Phoebe jumps into the passenger seat. They back out of the parking space, and in front of them, a puddle of water forms into the sea hag.)

Prue: Hang on!

(Prue drives through the sea hag and the sea hag's body explodes into water all over the car. Prue drives out of the car park. The puddle of water forms into the sea hag once again.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, Leo, and Mylie are there. Mylie is sitting on the couch, while Phoebe dries Mylie's legs with a hair dryer. Paige walks into the foyer through the front door and puts her bag and umbrella away.]

Paige: Okay, I just cut work on the day of my big promotion and sped through a rainstorm to get here, what is the 9... (She walks into the living room.) 11?

Cole: Prue found a mermaid.

Prue: Actually, she found me.

Mylie: Hi, I'm Mylie. (She shakes Paige's hand.) You must be Paige. You have a very big underwater fan base.

Paige: You're a mermaid? You guys _actually exist_?

Piper: Uh, excuse me. When you said, uh, sea hag, did you mean like old woman hag, or evil magic hag? Because see, I'm not really in the battle mood today.

Mylie: Uh, she's kinda both.

Piper: Uh-huh.

Paige: Forget that. What's life like under the sea? Does your skin get wrinkly? Does algae pose a personal hygiene problem?

Leo: Okay, guys. Why don't we let her up for a little air?

Mylie: No, it's okay. I don't mind. Actually, there's nothing like being a mermaid. You swim in the open sea all day, explore endless wonders…. It's pure freedom. It _was_ a great life. For the first few hundred years.

Leo: Mermaids are immortal.

Mylie: Yeah, we can spend eternity at sea. Because our hearts are, well, some say are as cold as the water. But sometimes a mermaid gets lonely, and her heart warms, and she wants more.

Phoebe: Is that what happened to you?

Mylie: Mm-hmm. The ocean's floor is littered with bones of mortals who died for love. I had to know why.

Piper: Now these bones, um, could they be bones of mortals that perhaps the sea hag killed?

Paige: _Piper._

Piper: _What?_

Phoebe: So you said you wanted to feel love, is that why you went to see the sea hag?

Mylie: Yes. If a mortal professes his love to a mermaid, she becomes human. The sea hag agreed to give me legs, but if I didn't find love before her deadline, I would have to give her my immortality.

Phoebe: All that for a guy? Boy, did you get taken for a ride.

Paige: _Phoebe._

Phoebe: _What?_

Mylie: But I did find love. I-I mean I think I did. But I might be dead before I get to find out for sure. Craig's getting on a plane to New York soon.

Piper: Oh, no, no, no, this is good. Because all we gotta do is find the fish lover, get him to spill his guts, and then we don't have to face the sea hag.

Paige: _Piper._

Piper: _What?_

Phoebe: If your boyfriend's love can make you human, why don't you just tell him you're a mermaid?

Mylie: You mean, that I'm a genetic freak with a fishtail coated in glandular slime?

Cole: She raises a good point.

Prue: Yeah.

Phoebe: You may be half fish, but you're still a woman, and women, you know they generally know when a man's in love even before he does.

Prue: Okay. We need to discuss how best to vanquish the sea hag.

Piper: No, you said we were gonna deal with Mylie, you didn't say anything about doing _anything_ with the sea hag.

Paige: What is up with you and these demon avoidance issues you suddenly got?

Leo: I think if we can protect Mylie and avoid a run-in with the sea hag, I'm all for that.

Paige: We're talking about the sea hag, the mysterious monster of the deep blue sea, the one who's name strikes fear into the hearts of sailors everywhere.

Cole: Okay. Somebody's been watching way too much discovery channel.

Paige: You're probably right, but she's an interesting evil specimen. She reminds me of this water demon that I read about in the book. She kills in the most _fascinating_ way.

Prue: _Paige._

Paige: What?

Prue: We know how it kills.

Paige: What'd I say?

Piper: It killed mom.

Leo: It's okay. You didn't know.

Piper: Look, I just don't see any sense in going up against a demon like this if we don't have to.

Paige: Okay, maybe we can get Craig to confess his love for Mylie. _But_ if it doesn't work, we're gonna have to come up with a plan B to vanquish the sea hag.

Piper: I know. I will check the Book of Shadows.

Prue: Phoebe and I will stay with Mylie in case the sea hag attacks.

Paige: (to Mylie) I need to what flight he's on and maybe I can stop him from getting on that plane.

(Piper and Leo leave the living room.)

Leo: Are you okay?

Piper: Yeah.

[Scene: The sea hag's cavern. The sea hag is there. The nervous demon fades in, crouched down.]

Demon: Hello? Begging your evil pardon.

Sea Hag: I see you're still alive.

(Necron zaps in.)

Necron: Six months ago, I came to this cavern to feed on you. You talked me out of it. What was it you said?

Sea Hag: I promised you an immortal being to give you permanent and everlasting life.

Necron: Yes, that was it. A mermaid, I believe. Did you capture her for me?

Sea Hag: No, not yet. (An electric ball forms in his hand.) It's not too late. I can cast a new spell, conjure a storm like San Francisco has never seen. Think what you're giving up if you kill me.

(Necron faces the nervous demon.)

Demon: Oh, now this isn't right.

(Electricity shoots into the demon and sucks his life force out of him. The demon turns to dust.)

Necron: I'm so tired of feeding on _lower_ life forms.

Sea Hag: The mermaid won't get away this time.

Necron: She better not, for your sake.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Airport. Boarding gate. Paige orbs into the ladies bathroom and walks out, looking around. Craig is getting his ticket from the counter.]

Ticket Agent: Thank you, Mr. Wilson, have a nice flight.

(Craig walks away from the counter and Paige approaches him.)

Paige: Uh, Craig? Craig Wilson?

Craig: Yeah.

Paige: I have a message for you. Mylie sent me.

Craig: Let me guess. She sent me a singing telegram. No, no, a strip-a-gram, that's more Mylie's style. Shocking and unexpected.

Paige: I'm a friend of Mylie's. She sent me here because she needs to speak with you.

Craig: Why didn't she come herself?

Paige: That's a good question, there's a good answer, I just can't tell you what it is. But it's good.

Craig: Let me get this straight. You're a friend of Mylie's, I've never met you, I've never even heard of you, and you know more about her than I do. Is that right?

Paige: No, not more about her than you do, just a little secret. Well, a big secret.

Craig: Well, I'm tired of Mylie's secrets, okay. I'm tired of her moving closer to me, and then running away, and I…. I'm just tired.

Paige: There's a really good reason for all of this, and one day, you guys are gonna sit down at a nice seafood dinner and laugh about this. But until then, you _really need_ to _trust_ her.

Craig: Well, right now I need to catch a plane. Excuse me.

(He heads for the gate.)

Paige: Craig, her life is in danger.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, Leo, and Mylie are there watching the weather report on TV. Piper lowers the volume.]

Piper: Now the book says that the sea hag has power over her natural environment, would that be, like, rainstorms?

Mylie: Yeah. Rainstorms, hurricanes-

Piper: _Hurricanes?_

Mylie: Even tidal waves.

Piper: Leo, she said tidal waves. How far do tidal waves travel?

Leo: Excuse us. (They move away from the others.) What has gotten into you?

Piper: I don't know. I just don't feel like myself.

Leo: Well, our job is to keep the innocent calm. Do you think you can do that while I go talk to the Elders and see if they can help us control the sea hag?

Piper: Sure.

(Leo orbs out. The front door opens and Paige and Craig walk in. They walk into the living room.)

Craig: Hey.

Mylie: You came.

Craig: Yeah. Paige told me your life was in danger. What's going on?

Mylie: I really need to know how you feel about me.

Craig: I can't believe we're back on this. What, are you guys in on this joke or what?

Paige: It's no joke. You have to tell her how you feel about her. Her life depends on it.

Craig: What is this? The delusional girls club? Come on. (to Mylie) Tell me what's happening.

Mylie: I can't.

Craig: You can't? You yank me out of a business meeting, your friend ambushed me at the airport, I miss my plane, and you can't tell me why?

Mylie: No.

Piper: Okay, buddy, look. You obviously wouldn't be here if you didn't care, so why don't you just tell her that you love her for crying out loud.

Prue: Piper, relax.

Piper: What? If he does not do this, then we've gotta fight the evil- (Phoebe stops her.) Person.

Craig: You know what? I'm outta here.

(He starts to leave.)

Mylie: Craig, wait. You wanna know what I'm hiding from you? Okay.

(Mylie takes the flowers out of a vase and sits on the couch.)

Prue: Mylie? No, don't!

(Mylie tips the vase of water onto her legs and her legs turn into a mermaid tail.)

Mylie: Please don't be afraid. It's still me.

(Craig backs away, frightened.)

Craig: What are you? Geez.

(He races out the door. A gust of wind blows into the living room and the sea hag materializes out of water.)

Paige: Did you find a vanquishing spell?

(Piper starts to back away.)

Prue: Piper, freeze her.

(Piper tries to freeze the sea hag, but nothing happens. A water ball forms in the sea hag's hands.)

Piper: I can't.

(The sea hag throws the water balls at everyone, and they get surrounded by tunnels of water, except for Piper, who ducks behind the couch, the water ball aimed at her hitting the wall. The sea hag turns to Mylie.)

Mylie: Piper! (Piper stays behind the couch, frightened.) Piper, help me! Piper! Help!

(Piper hears a splash of water and Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole coughing. She comes out from behind the couch. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole, are standing there, soaking wet.)

Paige: What happened to you?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there.]

Phoebe: She took our innocent. How could you let that happen?

Piper: I don't know. I think I had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe or move.

Phoebe: Okay, but she took our innocent.

Leo: Let's give Piper a break, okay.

Piper: No, she's right. I froze up. Mylie's gone and it's my fault.

Leo: No, it's not your fault. It's your hormones. Your maternal instincts are kicking in.

Cole: More like taking over.

Leo: It's natural for a mother to feel protective of her baby.

Prue: But she's been handling demons ever since she got pregnant, we both have. Why the sudden change today?

Piper: I don't know. I just, I don't.

Paige: Let's just focus on finding Mylie. What'd you get on the sea hag?

Piper: There's a vanquishing spell. We'll need the power of four. I-I have it somewhere.

Paige: Okay, what about a location? Did the book say where we could find her?

(Piper shrugs.)

Leo: The Elders say she keeps a cavern on a remote island. She keeps it hidden with charms and spells. The only way to track her is with a mermaid.

Phoebe: Well, unfortunately we're fresh out of those.

Prue: The good news is, is that the sea hag can't steal Mylie's immortality unless she's willing to give it up.

Leo: Which could be any minute.

Paige: True. If she gives up hope, she might wanna die.

Leo: Alright. Cole and I will find Craig. We may need him.

Paige: Try the airport. He was headed to New York.

(Leo orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out.)

Piper: I'll try to locate the sea hag.

Phoebe: Oh, honey. I'm sorry. I might've been pushing too hard. Why don't you let us worry about the sea hag?

Piper: No, 'cause I've got to-

Prue: _Rest_. If not for your sake, then for my niece. All this stress can't be good.

Paige: They're right.

(Piper lays down on the couch.)

[Scene: Sea hag's cavern. The sea hag and Mylie are there. The sea hag is holding the auger shell.]

Sea Hag: I underestimated you. They always come back to me with empty hearts _begging_ me to end their lives. But you, you almost found love.

Mylie: I did find love.

Sea Hag: Maybe he did love you, but I'm afraid that's over, my dear child, now that he knows what you are. (Mylie's eyes fill with tears.) It's time to embrace your fate. (The sea hag shows her the shell. Mylie knocks it out of her hands.) The pain you're feeling won't go away. (She picks up the shell.) As an immortal creature, can you bear to live with it for eternity?

(The sea hag disappears. Mylie starts to cry.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Prue is reading through a spell Phoebe has written. Paige is pacing up and down.]

Prue: This is really good. Adding Eastern thinking to Western wicca. (Paige's phone rings.) It should definitely break through the sea hag's protective charms. Are you gonna answer your phone?

Paige: Uh, no, it's my boss. I've been gone all afternoon.

Prue: Okay, then can we turn it off?

Paige: Do you think it's possible to get promoted and fired on the same day?

Prue: Paige, please, just turn off the phone.

Paige: You know, maybe in our new destiny, this job just isn't meant to be.

Prue: Okay.

(Prue grabs the phone, turns it off, and slams it on the table.)

Paige: Okay, interesting. Prue?

Prue: Mm?

Paige: What is going on?

Prue: Nothing. I just get irritable sometimes. You know, hormones.

Paige: Well, turn that towards the sea hag.

Prue: Okay. Phoebe, let's see if this spell that you wrote works.

Phoebe. Okay. I will go find Piper.

Paige: Oh, Piper. I'm kinda worried about her. She picked maybe the worst time to come up with a massive demon phobia. You think she's gonna be okay to take on the sea hag?

Prue: Well, I think pregnancy is an emotional time and anything can happen.

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: I'll be fine. Okay, let's go. We've got a job to do.

Prue: You sure you're up to it?

Piper: Well, I don't have a choice. It's a power of four spell, right? One, two, three, four.

Prue: Should we wait for Cole and Leo to find Craig before we go?

Piper: No. Mylie needs us now.

(Phoebe hands them each a piece of paper.)

Phoebe: Okay, if the spell works, it should take us right to the sea hag.

Prue/Piper/Phoebe/Paige: "Powers of the witches rise/Find the hag who speaks in lies/Balance chakras, focus chi/Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea."

(Nothing happens, but then suddenly Piper falls to the floor.)

Piper: Whoo!

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige look down to find Piper turned into a mermaid.)

Prue: Oh.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The beach. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige orb in. Piper falls into the water.]

Piper: Hey!

Paige: Sorry, couldn't hold you.

(Piper tries to get up.)

Phoebe: Piper, you can't stand. You don't have legs.

Piper: Okay, well, why me?! (She throws a little tantrum.) Why did I get the tail?! We all said the spell together! The ocean is very cold!

Prue: Okay, forget that. Do you sense the sea hag? Is she close?

Piper: How should I know?!

Phoebe: Well, maybe if you put your head underwater.

Piper: And get my hair wet?

Paige: Piper, you're a mermaid!

Phoebe: You should be able to sense the sea hag. My spell worked, just not the way I envisioned it.

(Piper holds her nose and dives underwater. Cole smoke-fades in and Leo orbs in.)

Leo: We found Craig. He was on a plane on his way to New York.

Cole: Why are we standing in the ocean?

Prue: Piper's a mermaid.

Cole: Oh. Well, that would explain it.

(Piper pokes out of the water.)

Piper: Dive in! The water's great!

Prue: Piper, get back here this instant!

(Piper dives back under and pops back up next to them in a second's flat.)

Piper: The call of the sea is intense. Just like Mylie said it was.

Prue: Well, ignore it. Did you find the sea hag?

Piper: Now that you mention it, there was a stench under the water.

Cole: That could be the sewage treatment plant.

Paige: We'll take our chances. Follow the stench.

Piper: How?

Paige: I don't know. Get in touch with your inner fish. And then when you find the cavern, call for Leo, and we will orb there.

Cole: And I'll follow them.

Piper: Okay.

(She doesn't leave.)

Phoebe: Piper, you okay?

Piper: I'm fine. Everything's under control.

(Piper dives back in the water and swims away.)

Prue: Okay, you guys ready? T-minus sea hag and counting. Phoebe, have you got the power of four spell?

Phoebe: Yeah. Piper gave it to me before we left the manor.

[Scene: The sea hag's cavern. Mylie is sitting there. The sea hag materializes out of water.]

Sea Hag: Are you ready to make your pain go away?

Mylie: Yes.

Sea Hag: Necron will be pleased. (She holds up the auger shell.) It doesn't hurt. I promise. The auger shell brings peace.

(Mylie takes the auger shell and places it on her heart. It glows. Piper arrives in the water nearby.)

[Cut to the beach.]

Leo: She's calling. Let's go.

Paige: Come on, come on, let's go.

(They join hands and orb out. Cole smoke-fades away.)

[Cut to the sea hag's cavern. Leo, Prue, Phoebe, and Paige orb in. Cole smoke=fades in. The sea hag throws water balls at them and they all duck.)

Paige: Enough with the water. Shell!

(The shell orbs into Paige's hand. It reveals a bloody spot on Mylie's chest. The sea hag flicks her arm and seaweed appears tightly around Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole. Paige drops the shell into the water. Piper dives down to get it. Leo grabs a sword and swings it at the sea hag. She disappears and reappears and throws a water ball at Leo. He is surrounded by a tunnel of water. Piper jumps out of the water and throws the auger shell at the sea hag. It attaches itself to her and she screams. She turns into a pile of dust. The tunnel of water disappears from Leo and the others free themselves from the seaweed.)

Piper: Is everyone okay?

Prue: Yeah.

(Leo goes over to Mylie.)

Leo: No. She's dying.

Prue: Can you heal her?

(Leo tries to heal Mylie, but it doesn't work.)

Leo: It's no use. She's not human.

Paige: No, not yet. Get Craig. Hurry.

(Cole smoke-fades out.)

Piper: She should've stayed in the water. She could've avoided all of this.

Paige: Can we stay positive, please?

Commercial Break

[Scene: The sea hag's cavern. Cole smoke-fades in with Craig.]

Craig: Get your hands off me! (He looks around.) What-what just happened? Where am I?

Piper: Somewhere off the North Atlantic would be my gut instinct.

Craig: How….? What...? Who are you people?

Prue/Phoebe/Paige: Witches.

Cole: Dragon, technically.

Leo: Angel.

Piper: Mermaid.

Paige: Don't you mean witch?

(Craig looks at Mylie lying unconscious.)

Leo: I know this is hard to accept, but all that matters is she's dying and you can help her.

Craig: What can I do?

Phoebe: Tell her how you feel. Your love can save her.

Craig: My love? How-How can I love her? Look at her. She's got a-

Phoebe: Really beautiful heart. Now you know what she is, but who she is, you've always known that.

Craig: (to Mylie) I do love you….

(Mylie turns human. Leo quickly takes off his coat and hands it to Craig. Craig covers Mylie's naked body. Leo heals Mylie and she wakes up. She sees Craig and smiles. They kiss.)

Mylie: Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Leo: Okay, let's all get out of here. (Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo walk over to Piper.) Piper, take my hand. I'll orb you back.

Piper: Nope. I'm staying in the ocean.

Paige: Okay, just meet us back at the beach. You swim so fast you'll probably beat us there anyway.

Piper: No, I'm staying in the ocean. I'm not going back.

Paige: I don't understand.

Piper: It's everything that Mylie said it was. It's complete freedom.

Mylie: The call of the sea. It'll turn her heart cold if she lets it.

Leo: Okay, Piper, get out of the water.

(Piper backs away.)

Piper: No.

Leo: Piper, _take_ my hand.

Piper: No.

Prue: Piper, fight it!

Piper: I don't wanna fight it. I just wanna be free.

(Piper swims away.)

Leo: Piper!


	2. A Witch's Tail, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **A Witch's Tail, Part 2**

[Scene: Under the sea. Piper is swimming around the bottom of the ocean. She spots a pretty pink shell and picks it up. She smiles and swims off.]

[Cut to the manor. Living room. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole are sitting on the couch. Leo orbs in. He is soaking wet.]

Prue: Leo, the Persian.

Leo: I found Phoebe.

Prue: You did?

Cole: Well, why didn't bring her?

Leo: She's too fast... and slippery.

Paige: It's official. Phoebe's on the run.

Leo: On the swim, technically.

Prue: Well, what the heck is she swimming from? She's got a husband, a baby on the way, her sisters, her club…. She should be loving life.

Leo: I don't know. But what do we do next?

Phoebe: I don't know. Book of Shadows, library of congress, internet. Anywhere we can to get rid of Piper's tail.

[Scene: The Sea Hag's cavern. Necron zaps in. He walks around.]

Necron: Hag?! I want my eternal life! Or your life! It's your choice!

(He sees a pile of dust on the floor where the Sea Hag was vanquished. He waves his hand above the pile and the dust blows away, revealing the auger shell. He picks it up. Piper swims into the cavern and places a shell onto a pile of shells she's collected. Necron notices her and walks over to her.)

Piper: Who are you?

Necron: You have something I want.

Piper: They're all yours!

(She throws the shells at Necron and dives under the water. Necron throws electricity at Piper and hits her tail. She swims away, bleeding.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige is there on the phone.]

Paige: I am so sorry I am missing work, Mr. Cowan. I-I-it's just my sister. She's had a fishing accident. Well, of course I'm grateful for the promotion, of course I am. And I'm gonna prove to you just _how_ grateful I am as soon as I get there and... Mr. Cowan? (Leo orbs in.) Hello?

(She hangs up.)

Leo: I lost Piper.

Paige: You lost Piper?

Leo: Yeah, somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. I was tracking her and…. She's getting harder to sense. I think the mermaid in her is starting to take over.

Paige: We'll just have to find a way to turn her back. (She sits down.) Look through these books.

(She places a book in front of her.)

Leo: Uh, you've been working on this all night?

Paige: Yeah.

Leo: What have you learned so far?

Paige: I've learned that mermaids are cold blooded, they like shiny baubles, sea chanteys are the only songs they know, and my adoption file is short one document.

Leo: You lost me with that last one.

Paige: Leo, it's my first day as a social worker and I'm already screwing up and failing big time. This kid's adoption is gonna fall apart without me.

Leo: Well, you can't let that happen.

Paige: I'm so glad you agree. I was thinking I can just cast a spell from here and create a file and-

Leo: That's not what I meant. Go to work.

Paige: But what about-?

Leo: But what about _what_? You're just an orb away.

Paige: You sure you can handle this alone?

Leo: I'm not alone. I have Prue and Phoebe.

Paige: Okay.

[Scene: A dock. Piper is sitting on the edge, breathing heavily. She touches the bleeding gash in her tail. She hears voices and dives into the water.]

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is walking across the room with Mr. Cowan following.]

Mr. Cowan: So, uh, how's your sister doing after the fishing accident?

Paige: Uh, we're not sure. We haven't found her yet.

Mr. Cowan: What is she, lost at sea?

Paige: Uh, you could say that.

Mr. Cowan: But-but Paige.

(They stop walking.)

Paige: Look, Mr. Cowan, I may be stubborn at times, and late to work often, and I don't always know when to shut up like right now, but _trust me_ , even if I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me, so if you'll excuse me, I have an adoption to save.

Mr. Cowan: You forgot insolent. You're very insolent.

Paige: You're right. Can I go now?

Mr. Cowan: Don't make me regret giving you this promotion, Paige. (Paige nods. Mr. Cowan hands her a file that he's holding.) Copies of the adoption application and the police clearances. Fax them ASAP. It might sway the agency's decision.

(Mr. Cowan walks away.)

Lunch Lady: Yellowtail? (The lady that delivers the lunches stands beside Paige.) Your usual lunch order?

(Paige pulls a face.)

Paige: Ugh, no fish. Not now, not ever.

[Scene: A fishing boat. Three fishermen pull a large net full of fish out of the water. They tip it into a large wooden box. Piper falls out of the net. The fishermen look at her.]

Fisherman #1: What the hell?

(Piper wakes up and hits a fisherman with her tail.)

Fisherman #2: Watch it!

(Fisherman #1 tries to grab her.)

Piper: Get your filthy meat hooks off me!

Fisherman #3: Check out the mouth on her.

(They laugh.)

Fisherman #1: All I care about is the tail.

Fisherman #3: How much do you think the tabloids would pay to see this?

Fisherman #1: I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life on that boat. Maybe we should be thinking bigger than tabloids here.

Fisherman #3: Bigger?

Fisherman #1: Yeah. We bring her in like this, sure we'll get a small fee, but mostly we'd just get credit for finding her. On the other hand, if we say we found her dead, we could sell the body for a fortune.

(Necron zaps in.)

Necron: Sorry. Her life belongs to me.

(Fisherman #2 grabs a fishing spear and shoots at Necron. It pierces through Necron's neck and sticks in a wall. Necron moves forward and the spear slides out. His neck magically heals. He throws electricity at Fisherman #1 and #2 and they turn into dust. He does the same to Fisherman #3 and he turns into dust. He glides over to Piper.)

Necron: Mermaids are such poor, defenseless creatures. I almost feel pity.

Piper: Pity this! (She hits him with her tail and pulls on a rope. A large heavy hook hits Necron and knocks him over.) Leo! I'm ready to go home now!

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: I'm glad you finally came to your senses.

(Necron gets up and Leo orbs out with Piper.)

Necron: No! (He holds out his arm and two ravens appear on a beam.) Go. Find the mermaid.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Leo are there on the couch. Leo is dabbing Piper's wound with a cloth.]

Piper: Ouch.

Leo: Sorry, I was a medic, not a vet. Piper, can you talk to me? Why did you run away?

Piper: Leo... I was scared.

Leo: I know.

Piper: No, you don't. I was scared all of the time.

Leo: Piper, you're _pregnant_. Your hormones and adrenaline are running very high. It's okay to be afraid.

Piper: No, it's _not_. I'm supposed to be stronger than ever now that I'm pregnant, for our daughter.

Leo: Look. You need to figure out what's behind your fear and remove it.

Piper: Why do you think I'm a mermaid?

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in, Paige holding a jug of water and a cup.)

Paige: Here's your water.

Piper: Oh. (She slurps it down.) Ugh. Could use a little salt.

Leo: That's about all I can do for you.

Piper: Okay, well, good enough. Will one of you orb me back to the ocean, please? This isn't my home anymore.

Paige: Wait. Isn't there a demon after you?

Prue: Yeah, so what about this demon? Where is it? (She sits on the couch.) What does it look like?

Piper: Tall, dark, and skeletal. Shoots electricity.

Prue: Paige, we need the Book of Shadows. Can you orb it down here?

Paige: Book of Shadows.

(The book orbs into Paige's hands and she hands it to Prue.)

Piper: Okay, um, I told you everything I know. Can I go home now?

Phoebe: You _are_ home. And you're insane if you think that we are going to take you anywhere.

Prue: Relax, Phoebe, everything will be fine.

Piper: But I need my sea friends, and little shiny objects, and to lay on a rock, and comb out my hair. I need water.

(She reaches for the jug. Prue finds Necron in the Book of Shadows.)

Prue: Got him.

(Piper drinks straight from the jug.)

Piper: Yeah, that's him.

Prue: "Necron. A skeletal being that hovers between life and death. Has the power to _incinerate_ any living thing." No wonder he's after Piper. If mermaids are immortal, and he's stuck between life and death, then immortality would place him _squarely_ in the life column.

Piper: Well, he cannot have my immortality. Will someone please get me back to the ocean before I _suffocate_? I need the water!

Paige: You want water? I'll get you some water.

[Time lapse. Bathroom. Paige puts Piper in the bath.]

Piper: You are holding me hostage!

Paige: Yep, looks like it.

Piper: Look, I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea!

Phoebe: Well, the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do.

(Piper flicks water at Phoebe and Paige.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue puts an ingredient in a pot and it explodes, blowing everything in the room to pieces. Prue is knocked backwards.]

Prue: Oops.

(Phoebe and Paige run in.)

Paige: _What_ is going on?

Phoebe: Are you okay?

Prue: Minor setback. It's fine.

(Paige grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out some small fires.)

Paige: Minor setback? The room is on fire! You're supposed to be figuring out a way to vanquish Necron, not yourself.

Prue: Oh, come on, we weren't using any of this junk anyway. Where's the fish girl?

Phoebe: She's downstairs cooling off in the tub.

Phoebe: What are you mixing up here anyway?

Prue: Oh, a little burdock root, and uh, some eye of newt.

Phoebe: _What_? You're never, ever supposed to mix those two things together. That is a volatile combination.

Prue: Well, Necron's a serious threat, we need a serious potion. Did you know in the book there's a witches be warned on skeletal beings? The last two that vanquished him, actually the only two that vanquished him, died in the process.

Paige: Great, so the rate you're going you'll be number three. You know, you oughta be more careful.

Prue: Hey, a good plan violently executed this week is better than a perfect plan executed next week. That's Patton.

Phoebe: Why are you quoting Patton?

Prue: So I figure if I just double the burdock root-

(Prue bends down to pick something up.)

Paige: _Ay_ , no touch. I don't want you _or_ my unborn nephew and niece around that.

(Prue sighs. The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: You shouldn't be inhaling all this smoke when you're pregnant anyway.

(Prue goes to answer the door.)

Prue: Ah, you're such worry warts!

(Cole and Leo walks in.)

Cole: What happened?

Prue: We were just getting ready to kick some demon ass. That's what we do, right? (She hits Cole on the butt. The doorbell rings again.) I'll get it. It's probably my interview.

(Prue goes downstairs.)

Paige: Well, send them away!

(Cole walks over to Phoebe and Paige.)

Phoebe: Don't look at us. She's your wife.

[Cut to the foyer. Prue, Nancy O'Dell, and a camera crew are there.]

Nancy: Are you sure that you want to do the interview right here?

Prue: Yeah. I want fame. Might as well grab it. Carpe diem. People will think I'm _bold_ and _daring_. Fire away.

(Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo walk down the hallway.]

Paige: What is going on?

Prue: Shh. I'm doing a TV interview.

Phoebe: In the foyer? Why not do it in the-?

(Prue waves her off.)

Prue: Okay. Ask one more question.

Nancy: Um, well, so back to your advice to lovers. It's so real, so heartfelt, especially lately. Is there a lucky guy in your life that you get your inspiration from?

Prue: Yes, there is. (She motions to Cole.) That's my husband, in fact. Cole Turner.

Paige: Okay. I'm sorry. We're really going to have to wrap this up.

Nancy: But we're not finished yet.

Paige: I think you are.

Nancy: Oh. We'll reschedule. I'll have my people call your people, okay?

Prue: Okay. Thanks.

Nancy: Alright. Bye-bye.

Prue: Bye, Nance!

Nancy: Bye-bye!

(Nancy and her crew leave.)

[Cut to the bathroom. Piper is there. The two ravens fly onto a tree branch outside the window.]

Piper: Prue! Phoebe! Paige!

[Cut to the foyer. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo rush upstairs to the bathroom and see the ravens.]

Phoebe: What the heck is their problem?

(They hear a zapping noise in the hallway.)

Prue: Orb Piper to the attic.

Paige: What about you two?

Prue: Just do it. (Paige orbs Piper out of the bathroom. Prue and Phoebe go out into the hallway. Necron zaps in. Prue blasts him back and he zaps Phoebe, Cole, and Leo in retaliation, knocking them unconscious before disappearing. Prue walks further down the hallway.) Okay, static man. Very impressive.

(Necron zaps in behind her, grabs her, and then zaps back out with her.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Piper is spraying herself with a water sprayer. Phoebe is writing a spell.]

Cole: How long is this spell gonna take?

Phoebe: I don't know. It's tricky. There's a lot of factors involved.

Paige: Okay, why can't we just orb to Necron and try the vanquishing potion that Prue was working on?

Phoebe: Well, because the last two witches that vanquished skeletal beings were vapourised in the process. I think a power of four spell is our best chance of killing Necron and staying alive. Can you sense her?

Leo: Yeah.

Cole: Is she hurt?

Leo: I don't know. But don't worry. He's not going to kill her. He needs her alive if he's gonna get to Piper.

Cole: You know, I'm beginning to wonder if this whole power of four spell is even worth it.

Paige: What's that supposed to mean?

Cole: Well, it's not really a power of four spell. It's more like a power of three and a half spell, considering Piper's... half a witch.

Leo: I don't even know why she is a mermaid, you know. I could've helped her through whatever is wrong.

Paige: Look. We don't have time for this. We have to save Prue. Come on. We have to hurry.

(Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo join hands and Leo orbs out.)

Cole: This better work.

(Cole smoke-fades out.)

[Cut to the beach. Leo orbs in with Piper, Phoebe, and Paige. Cole smoke-fades in.]

[Scene: The cavern. Prue and Necron are there. Prue is tied to a steel rack above the sea water.]

Necron: I think we've given your sisters enough time to worry about you. Now, call for your Whitelighter.

Prue: _Or what_? (The rack sinks down knee deep into the water.) Oh, please, please, somebody help me, the mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.

Necron: Attack!

(Electric eels swim past the rack and electrocute Prue.)

Prue: Is that the best you got?

Necron: Again.

(The eels wrap themselves around the rack and electrocute Prue. She screams. The rack rises out of the water.]

Prue: Okay. I've had enough. Your treatment of me is shocking. Get it? Shocking?

Necron: Do you have a death wish?

Prue: You're not demon enough to kill me. You would've done it already if you were.

Necron: On the contrary. I wasn't hungry until now. But it's just about my feeding time.

(He holds out his hand. Piper comes up from under the water.)

Piper: Let her go! It's me that you want.

(The auger shell appears in his hand.)

Necron: You know what this is.

Piper: Yeah. Auger shell. Sucks eternal life. Look, I will give you my immortality if you let my sister go. (The rack flies across the water and hits the rock wall. Prue's chains come undone and she falls to the ground.) No!

(Piper swims over to Prue.)

Necron: I promise I'll kill her unless you give me what I want _first_.

Piper: Piper, are you okay?

(Prue touches her bleeding stomach.)

Prue: My babies. What did you do?!

(The auger shell disappears and reappears on Piper's heart.)

Necron: Keep your promise, witch.

(Phoebe, Paige, and Leo orb in. Cole smoke-fades in. Cole rushes over to Prue and Leo rushes over to Piper. Necron zaps Cole and Leo and they fly across the room. Phoebe and Paige hide behind a statue.)

Phoebe/Paige: Prue! Piper!

(Necron zaps the statue Phoebe is behind.)

Paige: Shell! (The shell orbs onto Necron's heart. Phoebe and Paige grasp hands and run over to Prue. Phoebe holds Prue's hand.) Prue, take Piper's hand.

(She does so.)

Phoebe: Prepare for a big blast.

Phoebe/Paige: "Tide of evil washed ashore/Bring its darkness evermore/With all our strength we fight this fate/Make this evil obliterate."

(Necron makes a huge explosion and knocks the girls across the room. Piper falls into the water. The rack slides into the water and drags Prue in by her foot. She frantically tries to free her foot, but can't.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Cavern. Prue is still under the water. Piper pokes her head out of the water and sees Phoebe and Paige unconscious nearby.]

Piper: Phoebe, Paige, wake up! (She flicks water at them with her tail.) Wake up!

(Phoebe and Paige gain consciousness and sit up.)

Paige: No wonder those demons carry warning labels.

Phoebe: Tell me about it. Leo, are you okay?

Leo: Yeah, I think so.

(Leo and Cole get up.)

Cole: Where's Prue?

(Piper looks around before going underwater to find her.)

[Cut to Prue and Piper under the water. Piper finds Prue and frantically tries to free her foot, but can't. Patty appears under the water in a bright light.]

Patty: Piper, I know why you've been so afraid. You don't want to leave your baby the way I left you. But spells won't make that fear go away, only faith will. Have faith that your destiny is different than mine. Take my hand, sweetie. Save your sister and her children.

(She holds out her hand. Piper grabs it. Prue's foot is freed from the rack and they are pulled to the top as Patty disappears. Prue coughs.)

Piper: Mom.

Prue: Yeah, she saved us.

(Cole runs over to Prue.)

Cole: Leo, heal her stomach.

(He reaches for her wound but it heals itself.)

Paige: How'd you do that?

Leo: I didn't.

Prue: The twins did.

Piper: What?

(Prue and Cole smile.)

Phoebe: So mom saved you?

Piper: Yeah. She came to us in the water. She helped us understand why I've been so afraid. I don't wanna leave my baby without a mother.

Leo: You have something that she didn't.

Piper: Oh, yeah, what's that?

Leo: Me.

Prue: And you have us too.

(Phoebe and Paige nod. Piper turns back into a human. Leo helps her up and takes off his coat. He wraps his coat around her.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is packing up her desk and putting stuff in a box. Mr. Cowan walks over to her.]

Mr. Cowan: Paige, I know I've been tough on you, but I don't want you to quit. You've got a real gift for helping people.

Paige: Don't worry. I'm gonna keep helping people. I just don't wanna split my focus anymore. Thanks for everything.

(She hugs him.)

[The song "Blame It On the Weatherman" by B*Witched plays during the last scene.]

[Cut to Piper's room. Piper and Leo are sitting on the bed looking at a photo. Leo gets up and walks away. Piper closes a photo album and opens another. She sticks the photo of her and Patty on a page. "Grandma and Mommy" magically appear on the page. Piper smiles and closes the book.]


	3. Happily Ever After

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, favorite, and follow, Boris Yeltsin. They were much appreciated. :)

 **Happily Ever After**

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue and Piper are there. Piper is reading a story from a fairy tales book out loud.]

Piper: "A year after the death of Snow White's mother, the king remarried, but his new bride was in fact a wicked witch. (Phoebe and Paige walk in.) One consumed by jealousy."

Phoebe: What are you two still doing up?

Prue: Not sleeping, as usual.

Paige: You want me to mix you guys up a potion?

Prue: Oh, no thanks.

Piper: No thanks. I don't wanna turn my baby into a guinea pig. I've got enough to worry about.

Paige: Like I'd ever risk turning my future nephew and nieces into rodents, please.

Piper: No, I was speaking figuratively. And it's not a knock at you guys' super witches kick. It's just that I don't want to subject my daughter to anything that could be remotely bad for her, that's all.

Paige: Well, then, maybe you should put away those silly fairy tales.

Piper: _Silly_? You think fairy tales are silly?

Paige: Yeah, they're all about helpless women needing big, strong men to come and rescue them.

Phoebe: Plus, they're filled with evil witches.

Paige: Yeah. Do you really wanna teach your kids that?

Piper: _No_ , I want to teach her values, and that's what fairy tales are best at, you know, good overcomes evil.

Prue. Yeah. It's how Grams taught us.

Paige: Well, my grandmother taught me values just fine without big bad wolves devouring little girls. You want my advice?

Piper: Not really.

(Paige walks over to the Book of Shadows.)

Paige: You should ditch the fiction, and do what all other moms-to-be do, and that is to rely on your natural instincts.

(Paige picks up the Book of Shadows and takes it to Piper. Prue takes it from her to look through it herself.)

Piper: Well, my natural instincts are to _panic_ , and besides, every other mother-to-be doesn't have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.

Prue: Or flaming out.

Paige: Luckily, you two have magical sisters who are gonna help you in any way that they can.

Phoebe: Yeah. So don't worry. You're both gonna be just fine.

(Phoebe and Paige leave the attic.)

Piper: I hope so. Where were we?

Prue: I'm actually going to take Paige's advice. Teaching the twins the BOS now will help them in the future more than fictional fairy tales.

(She leaves the attic as well with the Book of Shadows.)

Piper: Okay. "A year after the death of Snow White's mother, the king remarried. But his new bride was in fact a wicked witch, one consumed by jealousy. Every day she asked the magic mirror the same question."

[Cut to a castle. An old man is cleaning a magic mirror. A lady's face (the wicked witch) appears in the mirror.]

Wicked Witch: Aren't you dead yet?

Old Man: Still so bitter after all these centuries? Some things never change. (He turns to an apprentice, cleaning glass slippers.) Careful, my boy. Those are not just symbols. They're pieces of history.

Apprentice: I understand.

(He puts the slipper on a stand. There is a sign saying "Cinderella" under them.)

Old Man: Never forget the power of every fairy tale emanates from each of these. (The nail holding up the magic mirror starts to come loose.) Their magic continues to shape every child born, even to this day. Which makes the task of preserving and protecting them that much greater. (The magic mirror falls from the wall.) No! The mirror! Don't let it fall!

(The mirror smashes and a white mist floats out of it. The mist forms into the wicked witch.)

Wicked Witch: Thanks so much. I thought I'd never get out of there. (She grabs the old man by the neck.) Now this is the way to begin a story.

(The old man drops to the floor. The wicked witch turns to the apprentice.)

Apprentice: Who are you?

Wicked Witch: A little rusty on your fairy tales, I see. Evil witch, magic mirror, speaks only the truth? Perhaps this will help. "Freedoms lost must be unwitting/Into the glass to do _my_ bidding." (The apprentice is sucked into the mirror. The wicked witch uses her power and the mirror slides back up the wall and into its place.) Now, amuse me. Not that you have any choice. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the most powerful witch of all?

Apprentice: You're much stronger than most witches I see, yet, truth be told, there are _four_ more powerful than thee.

(Images of Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige show in the mirror.)

Wicked Witch: We'll see about that.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper is asleep on a couch. Prue and Phoebe walk in, Prue holding the Book of Shadows.]

Prue: Piper!

(Piper jumps up.)

Piper: Where's the baby?

Phoebe: It's okay. You're okay.

Piper: Ohh, I think I had a nightmare.

(Paige walks in.)

Paige: Yeah, the Brothers Grimm strike again. I wonder how they got their name. Where's Leo?

(She takes the Book of Shadows from Prue.)

Prue: Hey.

Piper: I don't know. I think he's helping one of his charges.

Prue: What are you doing?

Paige: Failing miserably. I can't seem to make this protection potion work.

(She places the Book of Shadows back on its stand.)

Piper: Well, that's because it can't be done.

Paige: Well, according to the book, it can. Your Grams was working on an entry. I saw it before, so that means she was close to figuring one out.

Piper: Well, too bad she's not around. She could help us both out. I just…. I need a little guidance.

Phoebe: What about your friend Wendy? She just had a baby. Ask her.

Piper: Yeah, not one that could heal herself from the womb.

Prue: Yours can too?

Piper: Yeah. I cut my hand earlier and it healed. I just wish I could talk to somebody who's been through this before.

Prue: Uh, I'm going through it too, now.

Piper: Yeah, Prue, I know. But it's your first pregnancy too. You don't know what you're doing any more than I do.

Prue: Yeah. I'm personally just winging it. A lot less stressful.

Piper: Yeah, well, I don't want to wing it.

Prue: Okay, sweetie. Well, we gotta go to work. Come on, Phoebe.

(They leave.)

[Scene: Castle. The wicked witch is there looking at images of Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige in the mirror. The images disappear and the apprentice appears.]

Apprentice: Wanna see more?

Wicked Witch: _No_. I think I've seen enough to know how to kill them.

Apprentice: Powerful though you are, I doubt it can be done. For good magic protects the Charmed Ones.

Wicked Witch: Still, I wonder if it can protect them against such powerful magic as we have here. Certainly worth a try.

Apprentice: But using the props for evil could-

Wicked Witch: Change the meaning of fairy tales? Shift them away from good? So be it. (She opens a large fairy tale book.) Let's begin with Snow White. She was easy prey. Woodsman, come forth. (The picture of a woodsman in the book glows and a real life woodsman appears in the room.) Bring me the heart of the witch whose as white as snow.

(She picks up an axe off a stand and hands it to the Woodsman.)

Woodsman: As you wish.

(He leaves.)

Wicked Witch: Now then….

(Images of The Bay Mirror show. Prue and Phoebe walk in.)

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Prue and Phoebe walk in.]

Prue: I am so very late.

Phoebe: It's okay. I switched your nine o'clock with the two o'clock, I bumped your ten to twelve, and I made your eleven o'clock a lunch, so you can expense it.

Prue: Okay. I have no idea what you said, but it sounds great. Any messages?

Phoebe: Uh. (She checks the machine.) No.

(Phoebe bumps into a guy. She spills her coffee.)

Phoebe: _Oh._

Guy: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Phoebe: That's okay.

(The guy pulls a handkerchief out of his suit pocket and starts to wipe the coffee off of Phoebe.)

Guy: Here, I….

Phoebe: Thanks.

(She takes the handkerchief.)

Guy: I really am terribly sorry. I'd be happy to pay for the dry cleaning.

Phoebe: No, that's not necessary, uh, Mr….

Guy: Prince. Adam Prince.

Phoebe: Hi, Adam. I'm Phoebe.

Prue: And I'm…

Adam: Prue. I-I read your column.

Prue: You do?

Adam: You seem surprised.

Prue: Well, yeah, you're not exactly my target audience. Unless you're a closet housewife pining for love?

Adam: Well, one out of two is not bad.

Prue: So how can I help you?

Adam: I'm trying to decide whether or not to buy the paper.

Prue: Buy what? This paper?

Adam: My family owns several newspapers across the country. TV stations too. And I might be interested in buying this one.

Prue: Fascinating.

Adam: (To Phoebe) Listen. Is this a good time to ask you out? I mean, not on a date, per se. It's just that I'm hosting a charity fundraiser tonight at the St. Regis and I thought maybe if you're interested….

Phoebe: I'm interested, and very, very flattered, but... you're probably right. It's not the best time for me, you know.

Adam: Sure.

Phoebe: Rain check?

Adam: Absolutely.

Phoebe: Okay.

(Adam walks away.)

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Leo are there.]

Piper: You heard me, Leo. I want you to bring Grams back, now.

Leo: Okay. I can't do that. She's _dead_.

Piper: Well, I realize that. Thank you very much, Leo. I'm not asking you to _resurrect_ her. I just need her here for a little while for some advice.

Leo: Then why don't you try conjuring her. You did it once before.

Piper: Yeah, okay, but that was a unique situation, okay. And besides, I already tried. It didn't work. Look, I know this doesn't seem important, but it is to me. I can't do this alone.

Leo: Well, you're not alone. I'm here.

Piper: Yeah, I-I-I know, but it's not your fault, but there's only so much you can do, okay. I'm the one who is carrying the baby and I don't wanna screw it up.

Leo: That's ridiculous.

Piper: No, it's _not_ ridiculous. It is not ridiculous at all, and this is not raging hormones talking, okay. This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out, and when I say now, I mean now!

(Grams suddenly appears in bright lights.)

Grams: _Piper._

Piper: (to Leo) Thank you.

Leo: Uh, don't thank me. I didn't do anything.

Grams: What am I doing here? And, uh, corporeal to boot?

Piper: Well, what do you mean? Didn't you come on your own power?

Grams: Honey, I'm good, but I'm not _that_ good. Well, as long as I'm here. Don't I get a hug?

(Piper and Grams hug.)

Piper: But, wait, I still don't understand. Who summoned you?

Leo: The baby?

Piper: No. You think?

Leo: Maybe you tapped into her powers somehow and made your wish come true.

Grams: Oh, you wished for me? Why?

Piper: Because I need _help_ , I need your advice. I need to know how to get ready for this baby.

Grams: Oh, well, that's _easy_. Now, let's see. Have you been exercising your powers daily?

Piper: Do I need to?

Grams: Well, you know, only if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth?

Piper: Uh….

Grams: Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites? Sweetheart, what did you do?

Leo: We built a nursery in the hall closet.

Grams: _Closet_? Well, no wonder this baby called me. Come on. We'll start in there. We've got plenty of work to do.

(They walk into the foyer. Paige comes down the stairs.)

Paige: Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies.

(She laughs.)

Grams: Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined.

Paige: And you are?

Grams: Why, I'm your Grams, of course. Oh, come here.

(Grams hugs Paige, who has a funny look on her face.)

Piper: (whispers to Leo) Quick. FInd Cole and go clean up the nursery.

(Leo races off.)

Paige: No offence, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead?

Grams: Oh, I'm over that. Look at you. I mean, you're absolutely gorgeous. You have my mother's eyes. Oh, she was a real looker too. I bet you have plenty of boyfriends, right?

Paige: Actually, not a problem I'm having right now, Mrs. Halliwell.

Grams: Oh, please, call me Grams.

(Suddenly, the Woodsman comes crashing through the conservatory wall. He heads for Grams and Piper pushes her out the way. He swings his axe at Paige and she orbs out just in time. She orbs back in and he smacks her across the face, sending her crashing onto the coffee table. Piper's wound on her arm magically heals itself. The Woodsman turns to attack Piper and Grams and Piper blows him up.)

Piper: What the hell was that?

(Cole and Leo run down the stairs.)

Cole: What's going on?

Leo: Paige.

Piper: Paige?

(Leo and Piper help Paige up.)

[Cut to the castle. The Wicked Witch was watching them through the magic mirror. The apprentice appears back in the mirror.]

Apprentice: Try as you might, fairy tale magic runs out at midnight.

Wicked Witch: There's still plenty of time. (She picks up a red apple.) The Woodsman failed, but I won't. I'll split the witches up and make sure that none of them lives happily ever after.

(She tucks the apple into her coat and walks over to the glass slippers. She picks them up and smokes out.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Grams walk in.]

Paige: I'm telling you, that was a demon. No crazy person off the street is that good with an axe.

(Piper sits down and opens the fairy tale book.)

Cole: No demon attacks with an axe.

Paige: Athame, axe, what's the difference?

(Grams opens the Book of Shadows.)

Grams: Oh, who cares? Let's just see if there's any more where he came from. I mean, I certainly don't want a body if it's gonna get chopped up.

Paige: Well, Piper says you're the super witch. What do you think he was?

Grams: I don't know. Although, there was something about him that looked familiar.

Piper: A little like this maybe?

(She holds up the picture of the Woodsman in the book.)

Grams: Oh, the woodsman, of course. Oh, you recognized him too.

Piper: I read fairy tales to my baby just like you read to me.

Grams: Oh, darling. (She giggles.) Well, I'm glad you're finally doing something.

Cole: Wait, you're saying a fairy tale character came to life and attacked them? _Come on_.

Paige: I actually agree with Cole for once. That just sounds ridiculous.

Grams: Well, why not? They're real. I mean, at least they used to be.

Paige: What?

Grams: Oh, Paige. I can see I have lots to teach you too.

[Cut to the kitchen. The Wicked Witch smokes in, holding a gift. She places it on the table. She hears a noise and gasps. She pulls the red apple out of her coat and places it in the fruit bowl. It glows for a second. She smokes out. Prue and Phoebe walk in through the backdoor and put their purses on the table. Phoebe sees the gift and opens the lid.]

[Cut to the attic.]

Grams: Fairy tales are not all fables, my dear. Some are recountings of ancient battles between good and evil. And they're as much a part of our heritage as anything in the Book of Shadows.

Paige: You expect me to believe that there are giant beanstalks and gingerbread houses that actually existed?

Leo: You used to think the Evil Enchantress was just a fairy tale too, didn't you?

Paige: That was different. That was…

Piper: A past life. Yours.

(Prue and Phoebe walk in, Phoebe carrying the gift.)

Phoebe: Hey, you guys, was anyone here when this got-?

Prue: Grams!

Phoebe: Grams!

Grams: In the flesh. So to speak.

(They all hug.)

Phoebe: Oh, it's so good to see you.

Prue: Wait. What did we just hug? Where'd you get the body from?

Piper: Oh, it's a long story.

Paige: And speaking of stories, a fairy tale just tried to slice our heads off.

Phoebe: A fairy tale?

Leo: The Woodsman from Snow White.

Phoebe: Okay, well, that would explain where these came from. Glass slippers. (She shows them the gift.) Cinderella's, no doubt.

Leo: I think I'd better go check with the Elders.

Piper: I think you better.

Cole: And I'll go check with the Ryu Clan.

(Leo orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out. Phoebe takes off her shoes.)

Prue: What are you doing?

Phoebe: Figuring out what's happening.

Piper: Ay, that's risky. You don't know what could happen.

(Phoebe opens the box and pulls out the slippers.)

Grams: All the more reason to play along, find out who's behind this. We can't just sit around here and wait to be attacked.

Paige: She could get killed. Prue, Piper, a little support here.

Piper: Uh, if Grams thinks it's a good idea, who am I to disagree?

(Phoebe puts the slippers on. A blue light swirls around her from her feet to her head and her clothes change into a ball gown. Phoebe's legs start moving her towards the door.)

Phoebe: Whoa!

Piper: Where are you going?!

Phoebe: Whoa!

Phoebe: Where are you going?!

(Prue, Piper, and Paige follow her.)

Phoebe: I don't know! I can't stop!

(They try to hold her back.)

Paige: Well, get out of them!

Phoebe: I can't! The door. The door.

(She holds onto the door frame.)

Piper: Grams, what do we do?!

Grams: Just let her go! We're never gonna be able to get to the bottom of this if you don't.

(They let Phoebe go and she walks downstairs.)

Prue: Paige, follow her! Orb her out if she gets in trouble.

Paige: She's already in trouble!

Phoebe: Help!

(Paige follows Phoebe.)

Grams: I'm gonna have to help you get ready to be a mother later. Right now we've got to deal with evil witches.

Piper: Right.

(She heads for the Book of Shadows.)

Grams: Oh, uh, not that book. (She picks up the fairy tale book.) This one.

[Scene: St. Regis. Hallway. Adam, wearing a black tuxedo, walks down talking on his mobile phone.]

Adam: Listen, I am _very_ interested in making an offer, but I am on my way to a charity event right now. (He walks into an elevator.) Can we talk first thing in the morning? Great. Thank you. (He hangs up. The Wicked Witch smokes in and gives Adam a fright.) What the hell? (The Wicked Witch grabs his face and kisses him. His face glows then turns normal.) How can I serve you, my Queen?

Wicked Witch: Just be a charming prince. Meet Cinderella at the ball. But be certain that she's in the carriage at midnight. Otherwise, you won't have a happy ending either.

[Scene: The street. Phoebe and Paige walk across without stopping. People in cars slam on their breaks and honk their horns.]

Phoebe: Hey! I'm walking here!

Car Driver: Get out of the street!

Paige: Don't you have any way of controlling those things?

Phoebe: They didn't exactly come with an instruction manual, Paige.

(She walks onto the sidewalk.)

Paige: Argh, god. (Phoebe stops. Paige bumps into her.) They stopped.

Phoebe: Yeah, but why did they stop? (A horse and carriage pulls up in front of them.) Well, whoever it is has got style, I'll give them that much.

Paige: Okay, this is getting too weird. We're getting outta here.

Phoebe: Um, excuse me, sir. Who sent you? (No answer.) Hello? I asked you a question.

(The carriage door magically opens.)

Paige: Okay, whatever happens, you are _not_ getting into that.

(Phoebe's legs move towards the carriage.)

Phoebe: Whoa!

Paige: Phoebe, no!

(Phoebe gets in the carriage. Paige tries to follow, but a force blocks her and knocks her to the ground.)

Phoebe: Looks like whoever wants Cinderella to go to the ball alone, just like in the story.

(The carriage moves.)

Paige: Hold on! (She stands up.) I'll orb you out!

Phoebe: No! Go back to the manor!

Paige: But... what about you?!

Phoebe: Look, I'll call for Leo if I'm in danger, okay?!

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Grams are there.]

Paige: She's already in danger. We never should have split up. No offence, Mrs. Halliwell.

Grams: Grams. And none taken.

Piper: Yeah, well, if what we heard is true, then Phoebe could be in a lot more danger than we think. We all could.

Leo: If somebody's using fairy tales for evil, it could rewrite them, corrupt them for every future generation.

Paige: How? How can you rewrite them? They're already in print.

Leo: But every copy is a manifestation of an original, an original that was entrusted to the Keeper of the fairy tales, long ago for protection. The Elders think something has happened to him, that somebody took over the fortress from the inside.

Cole: As does the Clan. An evil witch, to be exact.

Paige: Why don't we just orb to this fortress and kick her butt?

Leo: Because nobody knows where it is. It's location has been kept secret, even from the Elders.

Paige: Well, where was _their_ infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?

Piper: The point is we have no way of finding her.

Prue: She's a witch. Can't we just scry for her?

Piper: Oh, right.

Prue: Then after you find her, we'll lure her back here to us, and we vanquish her with a potion.

Phoebe: What potion?

Grams: Oh, one that works wonders on evil witches. Come. I'll show you. Prue, you too. It doesn't take two to scry, but an extra hand in the kitchen we'll make things go faster.

Paige: Errr.

Grams: Uh, maybe we could also work on your protection potion, if we have time.

(Grams picks up the Book of Shadows. Paige nods and they leave the attic.)

Leo: You alright?

Piper: Shush. I need to concentrate.

(She scrys for the witch.)

[Cut to the castle. The Wicked Witch is watching Piper through the magic mirror. The image fades out and the apprentice shows up instead.]

Apprentice: She'll find you, and by midnight too.

Wicked Witch: I want her to find me, (she cuts a piece of her hair off with scissors) part of me anyway.

(She puts the hair into a red cloak.)

Apprentice: Hair in a cloak? That's not in the Little Red Riding Hood tale.

Wicked Witch: No, but luring them away from Grandmother's house is. So is the big bad wolf.

Commercial Break

[Scene: St. Regis. The charity night is taking place. Men and women are waltzing in the center of the room. Adam is chatting with some people. He looks around and then looks at his watch. Phoebe walks in.]

Phoebe: Excuse me, pardon me, comin' through.

(Her feet stop and Adam goes over to her.)

Adam: Phoebe, you came. I'm so glad.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, I didn't really have much of a choice.

Adam: You look fabulous.

Phoebe: Thanks.

Adam: Listen, why don't we get a drink?

Phoebe: Okay.

(They walk away.)

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Paige, and Grams are there making a potion. Grams is cutting up some mandrake root.]

Grams: You must take care to cut the mandrake root to expose the meat. Otherwise, it doesn't do any good. And then you simply roll them in mustard seed, but not too heavily, and then, (she throws it into a pot and the potion explodes) goodbye evil witch.

Paige: Wow, I can't believe you did that without looking at the book once.

Prue: Well, that's Grams for you.

Grams: Yeah, honey, I wrote the book. All the good potions anyway. (to Paige) Oh, would you be a dear and get us some vials?

Paige: Oh, yeah, sure.

(Paige goes over to a cupboard and pulls out three vials. The apple in the fruit bowl glows for a second. Paige notices and stares at it.)

Grams: Paige, the vials.

Paige: Um, sorry.

Grams: (to Paige) You know, it's a good thing you quit your job. You catch on quickly and you have a real _gift_ for the craft.

Paige: How'd you know I quit my job? How'd you know I even _had_ a job?

Grams: Oh, I peek. I mean, you know, sometimes. Oh, but _never_ during a private moment.

Paige: Thanks, I guess.

Grams: I mean, what choice do I have?

Paige: Okay, no offence, Mrs. Halliwell-

Grams: Grams.

Paige: Okay, that's my point. I already had a Grams. One I really, really loved, and yes, technically we're related and you're my grandmother too. I guess it just feels a little odd because I don't know you.

Prue: Paige.

Grams: No, it's alright, Prue. I understand, Paige, and I wouldn't dream of trying to replace someone as special to you as that. But isn't it possible that maybe there might be a little room left in your heart for me too, someday?

Paige: Well, at least I can see where I get my stubbornness from. (Grams chuckles. Prue smiles.) Oh. We'll need vials for Piper and Phoebe too.

(Paige goes to the cupboard and the apple catches her attention again. She moves closer to it.)

[Cut to the woods. It's dark. Piper, Cole, and Leo are walking along a trail.]

Leo: Grams? You don't need Grams to do the scrying. What's gotten into you?

Piper: I don't know. I suddenly feel like I can't make any decisions at all. I feel like I'm ten years old again around her.

Cole: Hey, what's this?

(They find the red cloak hanging over a branch in a tree. Cole pulls it down.)

Piper: Oh, let me guess. Little Red Riding Hood's? Wait, we're off the beaten path, aren't we? Oh, no. Grams.

Cole: And Prue.

[Cut back to the manor. Kitchen. Grams is stirring the potion. Paige picks up the apple and takes a bite. Her hair turns long and black and her clothes change into a white robe.]

Grams: Paige….

(Paige falls to the floor.)

Prue: Paige!

(A wolf growls at Grams and Prue at the kitchen doorway. It runs towards them and leaps for them. They scream.)

Grams: No!

(We see the shadow on the wall of the wolf leaping above them. The wolf devours them from head to toe. A shadow then turns into Grams and stands up. We see Grams and she picks her teeth. She looks down at Paige. Leo and Piper orb in. Piper's holding the cloak.)

Piper: What happened?

Grams: Prue's disappeared and I'm afraid she's... dead.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Grams are there. Leo is trying to heal Paige. Piper is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Grams is pacing through the kitchen, acting rather strange.]

Piper: I know there's something in here somewhere about poison. Leo? (Leo looks at her.) No, we are not giving up. This is a stinkin' fairy tale. If Snow White can come back to life, then Paige can too. Right, Grams?

(Grams scratches her head as if she has fleas.)

Grams: Uh, well, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

Piper: What are you talking about? You're supposed to be the expert. There has got to be some way.

Leo: What about a kiss?

Piper: A kiss?

Leo: It worked for Snow White. It's worth a shot.

(Grams sniffs Piper and Piper gives her a look. Grams moves back.)

Grams: A kiss. Yes, by all means. (She grabs Piper's arm and pulls her.) Come. Let's find her boyfriend.

Cole: She doesn't _have_ a boyfriend.

Piper: Cole!

(Grams' stomach rumbles loudly.)

Grams: My stomach is really upset.

Piper: Wait, I got a spell. "Hear our call/For those who fall/Urge her to awaken/From this toxic taken."

(Leo feels Paige's pulse.)

Leo: Nothing.

Piper: Grams, what do we do?

(Grams shakes her head.)

Leo: Focus on vanquishing the evil witch in hopes that it reverses the dark magic. It's our only hope without Prue and Paige.

Piper: (to Grams) Did you finish the vanquishing potion?

Grams: Um, no, unfortunately. Ugh, bad batch. (She picks up the pot of potion and tips it down the sink. The doorbell rings.) Oh, Cole, Leo, would you be a lamb and see who that is?

(Cole and Leo leave the kitchen. Grams sneers at Piper behind her back. Grams moves away when Leo speaks.)

Leo: (from foyer) Honey?! Honey, you might wanna come look at this!

(Piper leaves the kitchen.)

[Cut to the foyer. Leo and Cole are at the door. Piper walks in.]

Piper: What? What is it?

(She notices seven dwarves standing on the porch.)

Head Dwarf: Someone here eat a poison apple?

[Scene: St. Regis. Phoebe and Adam are dancing. Phoebe sees Leo across the room. He points.]

Adam: You know, it's almost midnight. What do you say we get out of here?

Phoebe: Uh, hold that thought.

(Phoebe goes over to Leo. Adam starts to follow, but Cole stops him.)

Cole: You. I don't know what happened to you, but I do know evil when I see it. And you're it.

Adam: I don't know what you're talking about.

Cole: No, of course you don't.

[Cut to Phoebe and Leo nearby.]

Phoebe: She's... dead? What do you mean she's dead?

Leo: Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.

Phoebe: _The dwarves?_

Leo: Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendants of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.

Phoebe: Snow White and the Little People.

Leo: Look, the point is that they preserve the dead, it's what they do. At least it'll buy us time until we can vanquish the evil witch who's behind all of this. Piper needs you back home to try and save Paige.

Phoebe: Okay.

[Cut to the manor. Living room. Paige is lying in a glass case. The dwarves are standing around it, some cleaning the glass.]

Head Dwarf: When's her prince getting here?

Piper: She doesn't have a prince.

Head Dwarf: No prince. Then who's gonna kiss her?

Dwarf #2: I'll do it.

Dwarf #3: In your dreams, stinky. I'll do it.

Dwarf #2: I told you not to call me that.

Head Dwarf: People! A little professional decorum here, please. (to Piper) Forgive them. It's been a while.

Piper: Mm-hm.

(Piper walks over to the stairs and picks up the Woodsman's axe.)

Grams: Uh, um, sweetheart! (She goes over to Piper. She gets nervous when she sees the axe.) What are you doing with that?

Piper: Well, I'm not gonna sit around and wait for the wolf to attack.

Grams: Wolf? What wolf?

Piper: From Little Red Riding Hood. This cloak is meant for me.

(She points to the cloak hanging over the rail.)

Grams: Oh, you don't believe that silly old story, do you?

Piper: Grams, you're the one that says fairy tales are based in truth.

Grams: Well, yes, but that one was made up to scare little kids. I mean, after all, a little girl gets eaten in the end. What a downer.

Piper: No, the Woodsman comes and cuts open the wolf's stomach and frees her and the grandmother.

Grams: Well, that's not the popular version.

Piper: Well, it's in our version.

Grams: Really? Show me.

(Piper goes upstairs carrying the axe. Grams grabs the cloak and follows.)

Dwarf #2: You think she knows that's a wolf?

Head Dwarf: Not our business.

[Cut to the St. Regis. Phoebe and Leo rush into a hallway. They turn a corner where there are no people.]

Phoebe: Okay, let's orb.

(Adam walks around the corner.)

Adam: Phoebe. Where you going? Who is this guy?

Phoebe: This is my brother-in-law. Something has happened and I gotta get home. I'm really sorry, Adam.

Adam: Then let me give you a ride.

(Cole shows up.)

Cole: Don't go anywhere with this guy.

(Adam takes Phoebe's hand.)

Adam: Come on.

Cole: Phoebe, wait.

(Adam and Phoebe walk away.)

Leo: Cole. what's going on?

Cole: Leo, he's evil.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Grams are there. Piper is looking at the fairy tale book.]

Piper: So, Red Riding Hood comes into the house and finds the wolf dressed as her grandmother. As if she wouldn't see through that.

Grams: Skip down.

Piper: Okay, let's see. She says, "Grandmother, what big ears you have."

Grams: The better to hear you with, my dear.

(Grams sneaks behind Piper.)

Piper: And then, uh, "what big eyes you have."

Grams: The better to see you with, my dear.

Piper: Yeah, yeah. And then, "what big teeth you have."

Grams: The better to eat you with, my dear!

(Piper turns to Grams and screams.)

[Cut to outside St. Regis. Phoebe and Adam walk outside. Cole and Leo follow. The clock is striking midnight. Leo grabs his stomach in pain.]

Leo: Piper!

(Leo orbs out.)

Cole: Leo?

(Phoebe and Adam stand on the sidewalk.)

Phoebe: What are we doing out here?

(The horse and carriage comes around the corner. Phoebe tries to run, but Adam grabs onto her hand. She loses a glass slipper while struggling. The carriage pulls up in front of them and the door magically opens. Adam forces Phoebe into the carriage and shuts the door. The horse and carriage turn into a pumpkin.)

[Cut to the castle. The Wicked Witch is watching through the mirror.]

Wicked Witch: The end.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Outside the St. Regis. Adam picks up the glass slipper. He walks over to the pumpkin and picks it up. He raises it above his head. Cole runs over.]

Cole: Put it down! (Adam turns around with the pumpkin still raised.) Gently.

Adam: I can't. The witch'll kill me.

Cole: You don't wanna hurt her.

(Adam throws the pumpkin and Cole freezes it. He walks over and picks it up. He unfreezes Adam and punches him in the face.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Leo and the wolf are there. The wolf is growling viciously at Leo. Leo is holding the axe.]

Leo: Where's my wife?! (The wolf barks.) Where's my wife?! (The wolf spots the fairy tale book and jumps for it.) No!

(Suddenly, the wolf is blown into a million pieces and Prue, Piper, and Grams fall out of the wolf. They land hard on the ground. Leo drops the axe and rushes over to them.) Prue. Piper. (They get up.) Are you okay?

Prue: Yeah.

Piper: Yeah, I think so.

Leo: How did you….?

Grams: They blew him up from the inside. (She laughs.) Although it took them long enough.

Piper: Ah, back off, Grams. I just saved your ass.

Grams: Ha!

Prue: She's back.

(Cole appears holding the pumpkin.)

Cole: Your sister. Told you that guy was evil, Leo.

Leo: He turned her into a pumpkin?

Piper: Oh, my.

Grams: What are we going to do now?

Prue: Well, we do what we were gonna do in the first place. We find the witch who did this and vanquish her.

Cole: Do you know how to find her?

Piper: No.

Leo: Wait a minute. I think I do. The wolf was trying to get into the book of fairy tales. Perhaps it's a portal of some sort. Although I don't know how we access it.

Piper: Well, _we_ can't. But maybe Little Red Riding Hood can. (She picks up the cloak.) I knew I was gonna have to put on this stupid thing sooner or later.

(She puts it on and takes Prue's hand.)

Grams: Don't forget the potions. (Grams hands them a vial of potion each.) Go on, show her who's the most powerful witches of all.

(They all smile. Piper touches the book and she and Prue are sucked into it.)

[Cut to the castle. The Wicked Witch seems a little worried.]

Wicked Witch: Why won't you answer my question? Why won't you tell me what I want to hear?

Apprentice: You know as well as I, that I _cannot_ tell a lie.

Wicked Witch: Damn it. Well then, if I'm not the most powerful witch in the land, who _is_?

(Prue and Piper appear.)

Prue: Take a wild guess.

Wicked Witch: You two? That's not possible. The wolf ate you. I saw it.

Piper: Yeah, well, we didn't agree with him. (She and Prue take out their potion vials.) See if this agrees with you.

(Prue and Piper throw the potions at the Wicked Witch.)

Wicked Witch: No, I'm… melting! I'm melting! I'm melting!

(The Wicked Witch melts and the apprentice is freed from the mirror.)

Apprentice: You saved me.

Prue: Are you the Keeper?

Apprentice: No, his Apprentice. Or... (He looks at the Keeper's body on the floor.) At least I was.

Piper: Oh, no. Wait. If he didn't come back to life, does that mean our sisters won't either?

Apprentice: No, no, they were victims of fairy tale magic, so when you saved the fairy tales, you saved them too. (He looks over at the slipper stand.) A glass slipper's missing. Must mean that story hasn't found a happy ending yet.

Piper: Well, I guess this makes you the new Keeper.

(She hands him the cloak.)

Apprentice: I guess so.

Piper: Any idea how we get the heck out of here?

(He thinks and gets an idea. He walks over and picks up a pair of sparkly red shoes like in the Wizard Of Oz.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Grams are there.]

Paige: Alright, can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?

Grams: You were dead, dear, but bright side, at least now we have something in common.

Head Dwarf: You know, you really ought to get yourself a prince, in case this ever happens again.

Paige: Uh, who are you?

Head Dwarf: We'll send you the bill. Let's go, men!

Dwarf #2: Come on, guys, let's go.

(The dwarves leave.)

Cole: So the witch is vanquished. So where's-

(A swirl of light appears and Prue and Piper appear, Piper wearing the red shoes. The shoes vanish a second later.)

Cole: Prue./Leo: Piper.

Prue: Is everybody okay?

Grams: Well, thanks to you two, they are. Well, I suppose that means it's time for me to go. (to Leo) Mind giving me a lift?

Piper: Well, why do you have to go at all?

Grams: Because I don't belong here anymore. (She puts her arm around Piper.) See, you thought you needed me, but I was only here to remind you that you don't. Not even for her.

Phoebe: Okay, but what about me? I feel like I didn't get to spend any time with you.

(She puts her arms around Piper and Grams. Prue joins in on the hug.)

Grams: That's okay. I don't stay dead long.

Phoebe: Good point.

Grams: (to Paige) Well, do I at least get a hug goodbye?

Paige: It was great to finally meet you. (She hugs Grams.) Grams.

Grams: Be safe, my darlings.

(Leo and Grams orb out. Paige heads for the stairs.)

Piper: Where are you going?

Paige: I need to catch up on my fairy tales.

(Paige goes upstairs.)

Piper: Uh, I guess I'm gonna catch up on some sleep.

Phoebe: Me too.

(Piper and Phoebe go upstairs.)

Prue: Ooh, me three. (to Cole) You coming?

Cole: Yeah.

(Prue and Cole go upstairs.)

[Scene: St Regis. Everyone has gone. Adam picks up the glass slipper. Phoebe walks over to Adam. Adam puts the slipper on a chair and they walk off. The slipper disappears.)


	4. Siren Song

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **Siren Song**

[Scene: An apartment. A man and a woman are on the bed. The woman is humming a song. She strokes his chest and then his face. She gasps.]

Woman: Oh!

Man: Don't stop.

Woman: But it's time. Can't you feel it? Your wife is almost here.

Man: Oh, my wife. Melissa.

Woman: _Yes_. Didn't I mention? (A door opens and closes from outside.) I always like to let the wives watch their men die.

Melissa: David?

(She walks in.)

Woman: Now. (She kisses David passionately and hums a song. Smoke rises from their lips and turns into flames. David falls back on the bed, dead.) Wow. Oh, your husband was so much fun. It's time to snap out of it and feel the pain.

(She throws her against a table and it smashes.)

Melissa: David?

Woman: Oh, he can't hear you. (She waves her hand in front of the curtain and it bursts into flames.) Not anymore.

Melissa: Oh, god.

(She races over to David but she stops her.)

Woman: Ah-a-a-a. You see, I was burned for my sins. Only fair you should burn too.

(Melissa coughs from the smoke. The woman smokes out.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Paige are there making a potion. Piper walks in slowly, holding her stomach.]

Piper: Phoebe? (Piper hiccups and a fizzy bubble floats out of her mouth.) Paige?

Paige: Yeah, just a second.

(Piper hiccups another fizzy bubble. Piper picks up a pan and drops it on the table. Phoebe gets a fright and drops something in the pot. The potion explodes.)

Paige: Ugh! Are you trying to kill us?

Piper: No, I'm trying to get a little attention around here, which these days seems to require a small explosion.

Phoebe: Well, excuse us for trying to focus.

Piper: Focus? You two have been on some weird witchcraft mission for a while now. Now, I miss my sisters, and I _cannot stand_ the constant _reek_ of your potions.

Paige: Well, since when do your nasal passages take precedence over our potions?

Piper: Since I got pregnant and my senses went into overdrive. But that's alright, you know, you've been busy, maybe you haven't noticed.

Paige: Look, I gave up a promising career so that I could focus on the craft, and no offense, Piper, but I've still got a lot to learn. Which means I can't just sit around the house chit-chatting.

Piper: Paige, I don't wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you look like my husband with boobs.

(Piper hiccups a fizzy bubble. She sighs.)

Phoebe: Uh, what the hell was that?

Piper: That was the latest in a series of wacky tricks my growing baby is playing on my body. You know, because the constant nausea and the torturous breast pain was not enough.

Paige: Was that orbs?

Phoebe: Is that normal?

Piper: This is what I'd like to know. You're half Whitelighter like the baby, did you ever…

Paige: Burp white light? No.

(Prue comes in.)

Prue: Try burping fire instead. That was not fun when it happened to me. I had a sore throat for days afterwards. What else is happening to you?

Piper: What's happening is I think my baby is trying to turn me into some kind of pacifist.

Paige: Huh. What does that mean your kids were trying to turn you into, Prue?

Prue: Maybe a dragon like their daddy.

Piper: Sisters. Can we focus on my _current_ problem, please?

Prue: Yeah, honey. What does Leo say about this?

Piper: Well, mostly Leo says "Sorry, honey, I gotta go". (They hear the TV on and they walk into the living room. Leo's there watching TV.) Oh, good, you're home. You would not believe what's happening with my-

Leo: Did you see this?

Piper: You came home to watch TV?

Leo: No. Look.

(The news is showing replays of Cole saving Melissa.)

Piper: Is that Cole?

Prue: He has been on a saving people kick lately. He helped Darryl arrest a guy a while ago too.

Paige: You must be thrilled.

Leo: Well, she should be. The Elders said the woman he saved, Melissa, is a future Whitelighter, and if he hadn't saved her, she would never get the chance to do the good that would earn her her wings.

Piper: Well, speaking of Whitelighters, I dreamt an animated musical last night. Is that normal?

Leo: Normal?

Piper: Yeah, in case you haven't noticed, which I know you haven't, my body, my thoughts, my dreams, have all gone wonky.

Leo: Well, I'm sure that it's just normal pregnancy stuff. I mean, we can talk about this later if you want to.

Prue: Oh, I think you should talk about it now.

Leo: Okay, well, I think this attack on Melissa was demonic, and the Elders want me to watch after her until she's safe.

Piper: Fine. Go.

(Tears well up in her eyes.)

Leo: Oh, not the crying thing.

Piper: Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I do not understand, and the only person who does understand them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the crying thing!

(She hiccups another fizzy bubble.)

Paige: Okay. Is that normal?

Leo: I'm sure that it's just that all this arguing has got the baby upset.

Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy.

Leo: Okay, honey, look, I'm sure that it's nothing to worry about. If Prue was fine when she burped fire, I'm sure that you're fine burping orbs. Right now I need to watch after Melissa and you need to figure out who's after her. I'm sorry.

(Piper looks away. Leo kisses her head and orbs out.)

Paige: You want me to orb his butt back here for you?

Piper: No, he's right. Innocents come first. And besides, the smell of his aftershave was making me wanna vomit a little.

(She heads for the door.)

Phoebe: Where are you going?

Piper: To Darryl. To see if the police found anything at the crime scene that might help.

Prue: I'll go with you.

(She follows after Piper.)

Paige: Okay, not to sound too simplistic, but if she's a Whitelighter-to-be, doesn't that mean we're after a Darklighter?

Piper: No, Darklighters use poison arrows. They don't usually set fires.

Phoebe: Well, why would a demon wanna kill her anyway?

Piper: I don't know, but the sooner we find out, the sooner I'll probably be able to finish a conversation with my husband.

[Scene: A club. The woman from before is sitting at the bar. She smiles at a man sitting at the bar a couple of stools down.]

Woman: Shouldn't you be home with your wife?

Man: Probably.

(She moves to the stool next to him.)

Woman: Rough day?

Man: Rough month.

Woman: You know what might make you feel better? A little music. (She starts humming a song. She strokes his face. The news comes on a TV nearby.) What? She's alive?

Man: I'm sorry, what?

Woman: You have no idea how lucky you just got.

(She leaves.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, Paige, and a Darklighter are there. The Darklighter is in a crystal trap. Prue and Piper walk in.]

Prue: Phoebe! Paige!

Phoebe: In the attic!

Piper: Okay, so the good news is it's not a... Darklighter.

Darklighter: That's what I've been telling her.

(Paige throws a crystal at the trap and shocks him.)

Paige: Shut up!

Darklighter: I told you, I don't know anything!

(She touches the trap with a crystal and shocks him. He doubles over in pain.)

Piper: What are you guys doing?!

(They walk away from the trap.)

Paige: Relax, Piper, we summoned him into a trap so he can tell us which one of his _lovely_ friends is trying to kill Melissa.

Piper: I'm sorry, did you say relax? You brought a Darklighter into our home and you want me to relax?

Phoebe: Don't worry. The Book of Shadows is safe downstairs.

(The Darklighter tries to disable the trap but zaps himself.)

Piper: I'm not worried about the book. Paige, you have Whitelighter genes, which means this guy could kill you, not to mention my husband and my unborn child.

(The Darklighter disables the trap and escapes.)

Paige: It's not like he's in a power position or anything. (The Darklighter's crossbow appears and he shoots for Piper and Paige. They move out of the way.) Okay, I was wrong, blow him up!

(Piper tries to blow him up but fireworks appear above him.)

Piper: What the hell?

(Prue blows him up. He is vanquished.)

Piper: See?! This is why we do not summon Darklighters to the house!

Phoebe: Noted. Now what the hell is going on with your powers, lady?

Piper: I don't know. I think my half-Whitelighter baby thought that fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.

Prue: Okay. We need to teach your also half- _witch_ baby the joys of maiming and killing demons.

Piper: Leo!

Phoebe: What, are you gonna tell on us now?

Piper: _No_. We need help, especially if my baby's gonna be messing with my powers.

Prue: Melissa's husband's lungs were incinerated before the apartment burned.

Piper: Leo!

Prue: And Darryl said three other men died the same way recently. So the fact that Melissa is a future Whitelighter might be just a coincidence.

Piper: For god's sakes, Leo! (Her mobile phone rings. She answers it.) Hello?

Leo: Hey, what's up?

Piper: What's up? Now you don't even come home when I call?

Leo: Well, I haven't had a chance to get in to heal Melissa. She's in really bad shape, but I think

the doctor's about to come out any minute.

[Cut to Leo at the hospital.]

Piper: Yeah, okay, but we're in pretty bad shape here too. We've got some fire-breathing demon to deal with.

(A nurse walks up to Leo.)

Nurse: Uh, sir, that phone is for staff use only.

Leo: Okay, just one second. (to Piper) Now's my chance, I have to go.

[Cut to the attic.]

Piper: No, no, no, you don't understand. My powers are on the fritz and I have no idea how to... (Leo hangs up.) control them.

[Cut to the hospital. Leo walks into Melissa's room. The woman smokes in.]

Leo: Hey!

(He holds out his hand and the woman sees his wedding ring. She starts humming a song and moves closer to Leo.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic.]

Prue: Maybe he got disconnected.

Piper: _Oh, no_ , he hung up on me. Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later. Let's just get to the book…. (She hears the woman's humming.) Leo.

Prue: What?

Piper: It's so beautiful.

Paige: What is? Hello, anybody home?

Piper: Leo.

[Cut to the hospital. The woman is kissing Leo. Smoke is rising from their lips. Paige orbs in with Prue, Piper, and Phoebe.]

Piper: Hey!

(She grabs an IV stand and hits the woman over her back. She is knocked to the floor. Leo coughs.)

Paige: Orb her out, Leo!

(Leo orbs out with Melissa. The woman gets up.)

Piper: Kiss this, bitch. (Piper tries to blow her up, but colourful leaves fall from above her.) _Oh, bad baby._

(The woman pushes Piper out the window. Phoebe throws a pole at the Siren and it goes right through her stomach. Paige orbs out. The Siren smokes out.)

[Cut to outside. Piper is falling from the room. Paige orbs in and grabs her. They fall into a dumpster.]

Piper: I hit her with _flowers_?

Paige: You're welcome.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo and Melissa are there. Melissa is lying on the couch while Leo heals her. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige orb in and Piper freezes Melissa.]

Piper: Well, at least that power still works.

Prue: Cole!

(Cole smoke-fades in and she pulls him aside to fill him in.)

Leo: Are you alright? What happened?

Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?

(Leo sighs.)

Phoebe: Well, I'll just go get the book.

Paige: I'll go with you.

(They leave.)

Leo: Honey.

Piper: No, don't you honey me. Leo, our pacifist offspring just turned my best offensive power into _flowers_. Which got me blown out a window.

(Leo goes over to her.)

Leo: Wh….? Are you alright? Did she heal you?

Piper: Oh, is that what you think? Because I'm self-healing now that you don't need to be around?

Leo: No, I don't think that at all. Look, let's just focus on what's going on with your powers.

Piper: No, I'm sick and tired of focusing on everything but us. I feel like I'm going through this whole pregnancy thing by myself and I do not like it.

Leo: Well, what am I supposed to do? I have a job.

Piper: Yeah, you have a wife too.

(Phoebe and Paige walk in, Paige holding the book.)

Paige: I think I found the demon. (Prue and Cole walk back over.) Are we interrupting something?

Piper: _Yes_. What does the book say?

Paige: Well, as a mortal, the Siren fell in love with a married man, but when they were caught, the man was held blameless.

Piper: Typical.

Paige: The village women cheered as they burned her to death, and her rage turned her into a Siren, a vengeful demon who seduces married men with her song, then destroys the couple with the very flame that consumed her.

Piper: _Lovely._

Phoebe: Nothing we can't handle with a good potion.

Leo: I wouldn't be so sure. You didn't feel her power.

Piper: Looked to me like you felt a little bit more than her power.

Leo: Yeah, right, like I really wanted to.

Piper: Yeah, well, if you were home instead-

Leo: What? What am I supposed to do? Abandon my charges? Clip my wings?

Piper: I expect you to care, and notice, and ask what's going on with me. I expect you to make me a priority and not just when demons are involved.

(Orbing light appears out of Piper and Leo's backs.)

Cole: What is that?

Prue: Uh, Piper, Leo?

Leo: Look, it's not like I'm out golfing or screwing around. I'm working, and my work is very important.

Piper: I'm not saying that it isn't.

Leo: Then what are you saying?

Phoebe: You guys?

Piper: Forget it. You don't understand.

Leo: I don't understand? _You_ don't understand.

Piper: Well, I understand that your charges are more important than your family.

Leo: You have no idea what I go through every day.

Piper: Yeah, well, you have no clue what I go through every day.

(The two orbing lights hit Piper and Leo and knock them to the floor.)

Paige: Ooh, that can't have been good.

Leo: What happened?

(Piper and Leo get up.)

Paige: Well, we _tried_ to tell you guys. Orbs were swirling and-

(Melissa unfreezes. She gets up, frightened.)

Melissa: Where-where am I?

Leo: Freeze her again.

(Piper tries to freeze her, but she orbs out and back in instead.)

Piper: Whoa. (Melissa gasps.) What just happened there?

(Melissa gets scared and heads for the door.)

Leo: Melissa, wait!

(He reaches out for her and blows up the glass on the door.)

Melissa: Oh my god!

Piper: Hey! That's my power!

(Melissa opens the door and runs away.)

[Scene: The Siren's place. The Siren and a demon are there. The Siren still has the pole stuck in her stomach. The demon is making a black paste.]

Demon: Hold on. Almost there.

(He pulls out the pole.)

Siren: Was it the Charmed Ones?

(He smells the pole.)

Demon: Smells that way. (He spreads some paste on her wound.) You should leave before the witches find you.

Siren: I _want_ them to find me. Save me from having to sing for their husbands.

Demon: So _eager_ for _vengeance_. You foolish girl. You barely got away the first time.

Siren: I wasn't ready for them. This time I will be.

Demon: But how can you hope to fight such powerful witches?

Siren: They may be powerful, but they are no different than any other woman when it comes to love.

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Paige is in the foyer pacing up and down with the Book of Shadows.]

Leo: I need to go after Melissa.

Phoebe: And what? Blow her up?

Leo: Damn it. (to Piper's stomach) Give daddy his powers back now!

Prue: Don't blame my niece. She magically swapped your powers because the two of you were not communicating.

Piper: We were communicating. We were just communicating loudly.

Phoebe: Well, think what you want, I think my niece is a genius. She did exactly what any good marriage counsellor would've done.

Leo: A good marriage counsellor would've swapped our powers?

Phoebe: No. She would've made you walk a mile in each other's shoes.

Piper: Ugh.

Paige: Abracadabra!

(The broken glass on the door magically gets repaired.)

Phoebe: Nice job!

Prue: You did all that with abracadabra?

Paige: Nah. I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that. Come on. We need to go make the Siren's potion before she starts singing again.

Leo: Uh, shouldn't we concentrate on swapping our powers back?

Paige: Come on now, Leo, you know how that works. You two are only gonna get your powers back once you've learned your lessons.

Piper: Ugh. I hate that. It's just so very after school special.

[Time lapse. Everyone's in the kitchen. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are making the potion. Piper is standing there patting her head.]

Piper: Okay, uh, what's with all the chatter in my head?

Leo: It's probably one of my charges. Does anyone sound panicked?

Piper: How do you differentiate? Wait, do you hear these voices all the time?

Leo: Pretty much.

Prue: Okay, can we just focus on the Siren? Power swap or not, if she came after you once, you're still vulnerable.

Piper: Hey, you're married too. She might come after you.

Prue: If she's stupid enough to come after me, it'll be her swan song.

(Leo burps and a fizzy bubble floats out of his mouth.)

Cole: Whoa. What was _that_?

Piper: Hey, how did you do that?

Leo: I don't know, but I'm feeling really nauseous.

Piper: Oh, god. And I'm not. Wait, how….? Why….? Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?

Prue: Because magic has a sick sense of humour. Just enjoy it.

Leo: Are your boobs always this sore?

(Piper laughs.)

Piper: _Panic_! Somebody's panicking!

Leo: Who is it?

Piper: Uh, I don't know. It's close. I think it might be Melissa.

Leo: Is the Siren after her?

Piper: No. She seems more overwhelmed than scared.

Leo: Well, yeah, everything she's been through. I have to go to her.

Phoebe: You're not going anywhere. She's going.

Piper: Me? Why?

Phoebe: Well, because you have Leo's powers now. That means you're the Whitelighter.

Piper: No, no, no, no, but that doesn't mean I know what to do.

Phoebe: I think that's the point. Walk a mile in each other's shoes.

Piper: Ugh. Ahh!

(She holds her head.)

Leo: Alright, you have to hurry. Paige will show you how to orb.

Piper: Come on, come on, she's giving me a migraine.

(She grabs Paige's arm. Paige orbs out with Piper. Prue and Phoebe put some stuff in a pot.)

Phoebe: (to Leo) So you ready to kick some demon ass... sis?

(Prue laughs and Cole snickers.)

[Cut to Melissa's burnt apartment. Melissa's there. Piper and Paige orb in.]

Paige: Okay, we're here. Now what?

Piper: I don't know. I mean, she's afraid of us. I don't wanna make her more upset.

Paige: Well, let's just cast a spell that'll help her deal with what she's been through today.

Piper: Call me crazy, but somehow I don't think witchcraft is the solution here.

Paige: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Piper: You know, Paige, there is another part of you. Your first father was a Whitelighter.

Paige: Yeah, he also has blue eyes. Doesn't mean that I do.

(They stand on something and Melissa spins around.)

Melissa: Who are you? Why won't you leave me alone?

Piper: Melissa, we're just trying to help you, and get you some clothes.

Melissa: Get away from me! Just leave me alone!

(Piper sighs.)

Piper: Whoa. Another charge is in trouble. Oh, big trouble. You go after her. I've gotta go.

Paige: What? No, you can't expect me to- (Piper orbs out.) I'm not a Whitelighter, I'm a witch! Ugh!

[Cut to an alley in France. Piper orbs in. A woman is hiding behind some boxes. A rooster is walking around. The woman sees Piper and runs over to her.]

Woman: (in French) Where is Leo?

Piper: What?

Woman: (in French) Please, you have to help. They're after me.

Piper: (in French) Calm down. I'll protect you. (in English) Whoa, was that French?

Woman: (in French) They're coming!

(Two men with guns run around the corner.)

Piper: Let's go!

(The men shoot.)

[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Leo blows up the glass on the kitchen cupboard.]

Prue: Nice shot.

Leo: I was aiming for the plant. These powers are useless. They're completely out of control.

Phoebe: Well, that's because _you're_ a little out of control. You just need to relax.

Leo: _Relax_? I'm sore all over, I'm without my powers, and I'm about to have to fight a demon. My own aftershave is making me sick. How's Piper do this?

Cole: Well, she too sometimes gets a little cranky.

Leo: The Elders are gonna kill me. If anything happens to my charges, they're gonna clip my wings and- (He hiccups a fizzy bubble.) Oh, this is ridiculous. Piper! Piper! Why do they call it morning sickness if it lasts all day?

(Piper orbs in holding the rooster.)

Cole: What the hell? A rooster?

(Prue, Phoebe, and Cole laugh.)

Piper: Long story. (She puts the rooster down.) Since when do you speak French?

Leo: Whitelighters speak whatever language their charges are speaking in.

Piper: Uh-huh. We've been together four years and I don't know this?

Leo: Well-

Phoebe: Hey, where's Paige? Because this potion's almost ready.

Piper: _She_ is with Melissa, and she's not real happy about it either. Whoa. I gotta go. Somebody's calling.

Leo: Okay, Piper, wait. I need help with your powers, and... with your nausea.

Piper: Uh, well, honey, I'm sorry, but somebody is really in trouble.

(She starts to orb out.)

Leo: But I'm really in trouble.

Piper: Try saltines.

(She orbs out completely.)

Phoebe: Okay, (she walks over to Leo) here are your crackers.

Prue: Cole, can you try and find the Siren? The potion won't work on her unless we can find her.

Cole: Sure.

(Cole smoke-fades away.)

[Scene: The Siren's place. Cole is there. He pushes the demon up against the wall.]

Cole: Where is the Siren?

(He grabs the demon around his throat. Cole hears the Siren's singing. He lets the demon go.)

Demon: I'm sure you two will want to be alone.

(The demon disappears. Cole walks over to the Siren. She strokes his hair and he leans in for a kiss.)

Siren: Uh-uh. Patience. Right now I need to sing for your witch.

(She starts humming a song.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Phoebe, and Leo are there. Paige orbs in.)

Paige: What's going on? Is it all over?

Prue: No, you're just in time. We have a potion and Cole is looking for the Siren now.

Paige: Okay. Let's get to it.

Leo: Wait, where's Melissa?

Paige: Melissa…. Well, she got herself arrested. I know, I know, I was trying to talk to her, and then I was just running after her, and she just kept _running_ , and then she ran into the middle of the street and she caused a big giant traffic accident.

Leo: Paige!

Paige: Well, you know, she'll be safe now... in jail.

Leo: Paige, you were supposed to be taking care of her. Look, don't you get it? This could be the final straw. The beginning of a downward spiral from which she may never recover. (Prue, Phoebe, and Paige watch him in awe.) I'm sorry. (He walks into the living room and sits on the couch. He picks up a pillow and hugs it. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.) I don't know what's wrong with me.

Phoebe: Dude, it's the crying thing.

Prue: It's the hormones.

Leo: Really? I just thought that was an excuse.

Prue: Welcome to our world.

(Piper orbs in.)

Piper: What happened to Melissa?

Paige: Ooh, word travels fast.

Piper: I feel like she's in trouble, but I'm getting so many damn signals, I can't find her. (Prue hears the Siren's song.) Wasn't she supposed to be the one charge I didn't have to worry about?

Prue: Cole….

Paige: I'm sorry, Piper. I tried.

Piper: Yeah, well, while you were trying, I evaded assassins, I prevented two crimes of passion, in Portuguese no less, and delivered a baby. I think the least that I could ask for in return is a little help from my family.

Paige: Well, I told you I wasn't any good at this Whitelighter thing.

Leo: But it's in you, it's half of who you are.

Paige: Obviously the latent half.

Phoebe: No, Paige, it's the half that made you become a social worker in the first place.

Piper: But it's like when you quit your job, you quit half your personality.

Paige: But my job is being a full-time witch, and I intend to be good at it, and I don't think there's a problem with me concentrating on magic.

Leo: Well, there is when you're in such a hurry to get back here for a vanquish that you leave an innocent alone and in pain.

Phoebe: Paige, it's our compassion, not our powers, that separates us from the bad guys. It's the part of you you can never afford to lose.

Piper: And it's that part of you that Melissa needs now.

Paige: I guess I'd better get back to her.

(Paige orbs out.)

Leo: You know, you're a pretty good Whitelighter.

Piper: Well, I learn from the best.

[Scene: A police station. A room. Melissa is there. Paige walks in and sits down.]

Melissa: How'd you get them to let you in here?

Paige: I have a friend who's a police officer and he knows I'm not here to hurt you. Look, I know you don't know me, and after everything you've been through today, I know you have no reason to trust me.

Melissa: Who are you? What are you? What do you want from me?

Paige: My name is Paige Matthews, and I'm a witch and a sort of part guardian angel. I know it's a lot to process, and _really_ hard to believe, but I really do just want to help you.

Melissa: I feel like I'm going crazy.

Paige: Yeah, I think after what you've been through today anybody would. My friend, he's, um, working on getting you out of here.

Melissa: I don't care. I don't care if I ever get outta here.

Paige: Melissa. I'm so sorry about your husband.

Melissa: I just can't believe that he's gone.

Paige: Yeah.

[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Leo's there. Piper and Phoebe come down the stairs.]

Phoebe: Prue's not anywhere.

Piper: What if the Siren has Prue and Cole?

Leo: Can you sense her?

Piper: I've been trying, but there's all this chaos in my brain. I keep hearing voices, and there's all this pain, and I can't isolate anything.

Leo: I know it's hard, but you have to try. Breathe. Concentrate.

(Piper sighs.)

[Cut to the Siren's place. Cole and the Siren are there on the bed. The Siren is humming a song.]

Siren: Oh, she's almost here. It's too bad. I was actually having fun with you.

(Prue walks in. The Siren kisses Cole and smoke rises from their mouths. Cole falls back unconscious.)

Prue: Cole.

Siren: He was cute. But this is still my favourite part.

(She uses her power and slams Prue against a wall. Prue throws the potion at the Siren but it disintegrates in midair. The Siren turns to Cole, who's sitting on the bed.)

Siren: You're alive? That's not possible.

Prue: Cole, that was the vanquishing potion.

Cole: I know. (He walks over to the Siren.) I want her for myself.

(She starts to smoke out but he grabs her.)

Prue: Do me a favour. Make it hurt.

(Cole kisses the Siren.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, and Leo are there. Piper's sitting on the couch with her eyes closed.]

Leo: Piper, you have to focus. Take a deep breath, and imagine white lights flowing around you, flowing through you.

Piper: If I breathe anymore, I'm gonna pass out.

Leo: Damn it, Piper. I hear those voices, I feel that pain all the time. How do you think I do it? How do you think I separate myself?

Piper: _I don't know._

Leo: By coming home to you. I've been walking around in your life all day and I honestly don't know how you handle it, but the way I handle mine is by coming home to you. It's your love that keeps me whole, and sane, and balanced, and I need you to allow me to do the same thing for you right now. So look into my eyes, and breathe.

Prue's Voice: Piper?!

Piper: Oh god. Prue.

[Cut to the Siren's place. Cole grabs Prue by the neck and holds her down.]

Prue: Cole, please. Leo! Piper!

Siren: I think he'll come in handy with your sisters.

(Piper, Phoebe, and Leo orb in.)

Piper: Leo, it's all you. (Leo tries to blow up the Siren, but blows up a vase instead. It knocks the Siren backwards. Piper and Phoebe race over and try to get Cole off of Prue. He knocks them across the room and Phoebe goes unconscious.) Leo, come on now, focus! (Piper jumps on Cole's back. Leo tries to blow up the Siren but misses.) Hurry!

(Prue falls unconscious. Leo blows up the Siren. Piper gets off Cole and Cole lets go of Prue. He moves away.)

Piper: Prue, wake up. Come on, come on, wake up. Prue.

(Phoebe wakes up.)

Phoebe: Prue!

(She runs over.)

Cole: Oh-Oh, no.

Leo: Heal her.

Piper: What?

Leo: You can do it.

(Piper goes to heal Prue, but she heals by herself due to her unborn children. Prue wakes up.)

Piper: Hey, how you doing?

(Prue sits up and looks at Cole.)

Cole: Prue…. I didn't mean to. (Prue runs over to him and hugs him. He holds her.) I'm sorry.

Prue: It's okay. It wasn't you.

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there watching the rooster.]

Piper: I'm a nag.

Leo: No, you're not.

Piper: Yeah, I am, and that's why we don't have our powers back yet, because I'm a nag and I never learn.

Leo: Piper, I'm the reason why we don't have our powers back. I've been an insensitive lout and I clearly haven't gotten-

Piper: Leo, your work is very important.

(The white lights appear behind Piper and Leo. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.)

Leo: Not more important than my family.

Prue: Uh, guys?

Leo: I mean, you're pregnant, and you need me, and I should've understood that instead of-

Piper: But I could've been a little more patient.

Phoebe: Guys?

Piper/Leo: _What?_

(The white lights hit Piper and Leo and knock them to the floor.)

Paige: We just thought you might wanna take cover.

(They stand up.)

Leo: Hey, I'm not nauseous.

Piper: Hey, I am! Wait, that's not good news.

Leo: What about your powers?

(She throws a bagel and blows it up.)

Piper: Very nice.

Prue: No more floral arrangements.

Piper: Yeah, I guess I got in touch with my inner Whitelighter.

Paige: Yeah, helping Melissa helped me too. It's good to know I have it in me.

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige leave the kitchen. Piper and Leo smile at each other.)

Leo: What?

Piper: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? (Translated to: Want to sleep with me?)

Leo: Ooh, mais oui. (Translated to: Ooh, yes, yes.)

(Piper giggles and they leave the kitchen.)


	5. Witches in Tights

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Witches in Tights**

[Scene: A club. It is packed with men and women dancing and having a good time. Piper walks through the crowd and catches Leo dancing.]

Piper: What are you doing?

Leo: DJ's really good, huh?

Piper: Yeah, too bad she's not really good at P4.

Leo: Right, sorry.

Piper: Focus. We are here on business, not pleasure.

Leo: Okay. I know, I know. But don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?

Piper: No, I don't. This club has become the hottest thing in town and I'd like to know what they're doing that I am not.

Leo: Well, P4's still doing great.

Piper: Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.

Leo: Okay, well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.

Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers _and_ babies now. It's been in all the papers.

Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?

(Piper spots two people making out on a couch.)

Piper: Ugh. Oh, for god's sakes, people, get a room.

(They stop kissing. It's Paige.)

Paige: Piper.

(She stands up.)

Piper: _Paige_? What are you doing here?

Paige: Well, you know, just hanging out.

Piper: You couldn't hang out at our club?

Guy: What, and miss this DJ? Come on.

Paige: Uh, this is my other sister, Piper, and her husband Leo. This is Dave.

Leo: Nice to meet you.

(Leo and Dave shake hands.)

Dave: Yeah, you too, mate. Thanks.

Piper: I didn't know there was a Dave.

Paige: Oh, we've only been hanging out for like three weeks.

Piper: _Weeks?_

(Prue, Phoebe, and Cole come up to Paige, and Phoebe hands Paige a drink.)

Phoebe: Here you go. (She spots Piper.) Oh, _hi_ , Piper.

(Prue spots Piper too.)

Prue: Hey, hey. Wow, you're up late. What are you doing here?

Piper: Right back at ya.

Cole: Dave, how about I buy you a drink?

Prue: Yeah.

Dave: I've got one, thanks.

Cole: That's not gonna be enough. You coming, Leo?

Leo: Yep.

(Cole, Leo, and Dave walk away.)

Piper: (to Prue and Phoebe) Thought you said you were working tonight?

(Prue and Phoebe look sheepish.)

Piper: I don't know what bugs me more. The fact that you guys are _here_ , or that you're here without me.

Paige: Well, we just didn't think it would be good for the baby. You know, all the noise and the people.

Piper: Prue's pregnant too, and I notice you have no problem with _her_ being here.

Prue: Okay, so you would've wanted to come?

Piper: No. But that is beside the point.

Paige: You're a very confusing woman.

Piper: It's alright. Hey, it's no big deal. You guys, I'll see you at home.

(She walks away.)

Prue: Oh, Piper.

Paige: Still think this is a good idea?

Prue: Well, you know Piper. She's like me. She won't slow down unless someone slows her down.

Phoebe: I don't want to do anything to add to her stress.

Prue: Yeah. She's had a harder time than me being pregnant.

[Scene: Outside a building. It's dark. A boy is there drawing on a notepad. A demon fades in.]

Demon: You seem stressed.

Boy: Arnon, you scared me.

Arnon: What are you doing out here?

Boy: Door's locked, so I thought I'd practice drawing while I waited.

Arnon: Good.

Boy: Not really. I don't know. I just can't seem to make it work. I've done everything you've said, tried to focus, and-

Arnon: Then you're not trying hard enough. You have a special gift, Kevin, a _very_ special gift. If you're to master it, you have to believe in it fully. You draw to see it better, but it'll never be real, not unless you make it real in your mind's eye. Make it real, Kevin. Make it come to life.

(Kevin completes his drawing and stares at it. A tiger appears nearby.)

Kevin: Oh my god, it worked! (The tiger growls.) Okay, how do we make it go away?

(Arnon rips the page out of the book and tears it in half. The tiger disappears.)

Arnon: Now, it's time to make that hero of yours real too, to take care of your little problem. And then, take care of mine.

Opening Credits

[Scene: A dark alley. Kevin turns a corner and a guy walks up to him.]

Guy: What are you doing here, fool?

Kevin: I'm just trying to get home, Kaz.

Kaz: Listen! (He pushes Kevin. Two other guys stand behind Kevin.) We've had this conversation. This is where I do my business. Alright? And I don't like getting bothered.

(Kevin looks at the guys behind him.)

Guy #2: Turn around.

Kaz: It's gonna cost you.

(He grabs Kevin's bag.)

Kevin: Hey!

(He pulls out his drawing book and looks at a drawing.)

Kaz: What is this? Is this me? Getting my ass kicked by you? (He hits Kevin across the face and Kevin falls to the ground. Kaz throws the book at Kevin.) Catch ya next time, little man.

(They walk away. The wind blows the book open. Kevin smiles at a drawing of a superhero.)

[Cut to an office. Kaz and a guy are there. The place is trashed. Kaz picks up a bag of stuff.]

Kaz: Alright, that's enough. Let's get outta here. (They start to leave and they see a superhero standing near the door. He is covered in black leather and wearing a black mask across his eyes.) What is this, Halloween? Who the hell are you, fool?

Superhero: I'm the Aggressor.

Kaz: The Aggressor? Whoever you are, you just made a serious mistake.

(The guy gets out a knife and attacks the Aggressor. The Aggressor moves behind the guy in the blink of an eye.)

Aggressor: Behind you.

(He grabs the guy and throws him across the room. Kaz gets out a gun and shoots at the Aggressor. The Aggressor deflects the bullets with his hand and they hit Kaz. The Aggressor leaves in the blink of an eye.)

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue and Piper are there making huge sandwiches. Paige walks in through the backdoor.]

Paige: Morning.

Prue/Piper: Morning.

Piper: Did you just get home?

Paige: Yeah. (She notices their sandwiches.) Oh my god. Pickles and hot fudge sauce and mustard? Are you guys seriously eating those?

Piper: That was the plan. Prue's has about five pounds of meat on it too.

Prue: The twins are clearly going to be carnivores. Cole says it's a demon thing. Explains his past diet.

Piper: Wait a minute. You didn't come home all night?

Paige: No, Mom. Why?

Piper: I must be going nuts, 'cause I could've sworn I saw you when I walked past your room.

Paige: Was it about 2:30? Was I half naked?

Piper: Paige, what's going on?

Paige: Nothing. I don't wanna bother you.

(She sits at the table.)

Piper: You're not bothering me. Why does everybody think they're bothering me all of a sudden? No one treats Prue like this. I'm not bothered. What's the matter?

Paige: Well, I was sort of messing around with Dave and-

(Phoebe pokes her head into the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Messing around?

Paige: Yeah. _Having sex_.

(Phoebe comes into the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Ooh. Dish.

Paige: See, this is why I don't want to talk to you guys about this. It's weird talking to pregnant ladies about sex anyway.

Piper: Well, uh, Paige, how do you think we got pregnant?

Paige: Err, I don't wanna know that either. Anyway, so we were doing, you know, and I was about to, you know, and suddenly I orbed out upstairs.

Prue: Oh my god.

Piper: You didn't.

Phoebe: Did he notice?

Paige: No, thank god. I orbed back in before the lights came back on. Talk about embarrassing.

Piper: Forget embarrassing. Paige, you could've had some serious explaining to do.

Paige: Well, I didn't plan on orbing out, Piper. It wasn't exactly my particular goal at the moment.

Piper: Okay, so uh, why do you think this is happening?

Phoebe: Is he not getting the job done?

Paige: No, he's getting the job done fine. I think I like him, a lot, and…. I mean, other than Glen, he's been the first guy I've been with since I found out I was a witch, and I think I'm so busy protecting this big old secret of ours and... I can't really let my guard down. How'd you guys do it?

Prue: Married an ex-demon./Piper: Married an angel.

(They hear a crash and Leo groaning in another room.)

Piper: Leo?

[Cut to the conservatory. Leo and an Elder are on the floor. It looks like Leo orbed onto a coffee table. They get up as Cole runs downstairs.]

Cole: What happened?

Leo: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Are you alright?

Elder: Been orbing long, have we?

Leo: Hey, I'm a little nervous.

(Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.)

Piper: Leo, what happened? We heard a crash.

Elder: He missed.

Piper: Uh, who's the critic?

Leo: This is Ramus. He's an Elder.

Paige: An Elder? Really?

Prue: I thought you told us he wasn't coming til tonight?

Piper: Told _us_? Nobody told me anything. Leo?

Leo: Well, we didn't want you to worry about demonic threats until it was absolutely necessary.

Piper: What threats?

Ramus: Well, I suppose this will have to do.

(He walks across the room.)

Piper: Okay, uh, what is everyone up to?

Phoebe: It was Prue's idea.

(Prue gives her a look.)

Leo: Uh, we were just trying to make things a little easier, that's all. Relieve some stress.

Piper: Well, stop it, 'cause it's pissing me off. I'm pregnant, not _terminal_. So what-what is he doing here?

Leo: Uh, Ramus is retiring. He came down to pass on his powers to a new Elder.

Piper: So….

Leo: _So_ , there isn't a demon alive who wouldn't love to have his powers. So the Elders want you to protect him in case there's an attack.

Piper: Why couldn't he just orb out?

Ramus: Because my powers are mental, young lady, not physical. You'd think a charge of yours would know something as basic as that.

(Ramus walks around the room.)

Paige: Nothing wrong with his hearing.

Piper: No, just his attitude.

Leo: Piper.

Piper: What?

Leo: A little respect.

Piper: Ugh, for crying out loud. So who is this new Elder and when does he get here?

Ramus: We don't know who he is. All I know is that the transfer must take place during tonight's equinox, or else I will lose my powers forever.

Piper: So we're just supposed to sit around here and wait?

Ramus: Yes. Unfortunately.

[Scene: An abandoned building. There are parts of aeroplanes scattered around the place. Kevin walks in.]

Kevin: Arnon?!

(Arnon fades in on a chair.)

Arnon: I was getting worried about you, Kevin.

Kevin: Arnon, you scared me.

Arnon: Sorry. Where's the Aggressor?

Kevin: He's-he's gone. I ripped up the drawing.

Arnon: You what?

Kevin: He killed a guy. Arnon, he killed Kaz.

Arnon: Isn't that why you wanted me to help you create your superhero in the first place?

Kevin: No, no, not to kill. I never wanted that.

Arnon: He was a bad guy, wasn't he? Just like Ramus is.

Kevin: I'm not drawing him again. Arnon, I'm sorry.

Arnon: We had a deal. I help you, you help me, remember? Now, I _need_ the Aggressor to take out Ramus. To rid him of his powers.

Kevin: Why can't you just take him out yourself?

Arnon: I told you. I only have the ability to _sense_ great powers, not possess them. That's how I found you, that's how I'll find Ramus. Now, help me do the right thing, Kevin. Bring your superhero back to life, before somebody else loses theirs.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Dave's apartment. Paige and Dave are lying in bed.]

Dave: Did you?

Paige: No.

Dave: Didn't think so.

Paige: It's not you, Dave. Trust me. It's me.

Dave: You keep saying that, Paige, but what does that mean?

Paige: It's complicated.

Dave: Well, you're in luck. 'Cause I happen to specialize in complicated. Come on, talk to me. You won't scare me away.

Paige: Promise?

Dave: Mm-hm.

Paige: It's just that I'm... really different than other girls.

Dave: I know. That's what I like about you.

Paige: No, I mean, _really_ different, more than you could possibly imagine.

Dave: Okay.

Paige: So you're alright with that?

Dave: Alright with what?

Paige: Forget it.

Dave: Forget _what_?

Paige: Look, I'm not a freak. It's not like I have a tail or something.

Dave: Paige, I don't know what you're talking about.

Paige: Just forget I said anything.

Dave: But you didn't say anything.

Paige: You know, I think I got closer that time. You wanna try again?

(They kiss.)

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Ramus is meditating in mid-air. He has a blue light surrounding him.]

Piper: Leo?! (Piper walks in.) Leo! (Ramus falls to the floor.) What are you doing?

Ramus: Would you mind? My meditation requires peace and quiet.

Piper: Well, then you're in the wrong house, pal. Have you seen my husband?

Ramus: He's upstairs.

Piper: Okay, could you tell him that I'll be at P4. He can watch over you until Prue and Phoebe get back from work.

Ramus: I'll tell him no such thing. It is _your_ job to protect me, not _his_. _Those are the rules_.

Piper: Hm. Little history lesson. I'm not a big fan of your rules. In fact, I take pride in breaking them.

Ramus: I know. You've been a real pain over the years.

Piper: Oh, you mean marrying Leo? Yes, I know you Elders were dead set against that.

Ramus: Not all of us. Some of us foresaw the special baby you'd be carrying.

Piper: Still, that doesn't…. What do you mean special?

Ramus: We foresaw Prue's too. We were much more worried about those two.

(Piper gives him a look. Prue and Phoebe walk in.)

Prue: Why are you calling for Leo?

Piper: Wait. What do you mean?

Ramus: You'll see. Oh.

Prue: What's the matter?

Ramus: Someone's coming... for me.

(The Aggressor appears in a blink of an eye.)

Aggressor: Ramus.

Ramus: Hurry, freeze him.

(Piper freezes him but he fights through it. He heads for Ramus and Phoebe pushes him out of the way.)

Phoebe: Paige!

(Paige orbs in, half naked.)

Paige: Damn it. I was so close.

Aggressor: I don't wanna hurt you. I just want him.

Prue: Yeah, well, forget about it.

(Prue tries to blow him up, but it doesn't work. He grabs her and throws her across the room. Phoebe goes to kick him and he grabs her leg and pushes her across the room. She lands beside Prue. Cole and Leo run down the stairs.)

Leo: Ramus!

(He dives on Ramus and orbs out with him. The Aggressor leaves in a blink of an eye.)

Phoebe: Who was that masked man?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole walk in. Paige is now wearing a dressing gown.]

Piper: Okay, we should look under…. Actually I have no idea what to look under.

Phoebe: Well, he had a great big giant A on his chest. How about A?

Paige: I'm telling you, you're not gonna find him in the Book of Shadows. At a comic book convention, maybe.

(Prue starts flipping through the Book of Shadows.)

Prue: He could still be a demon.

Cole: Prue, he was in tights.

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: Uh, Ramus is safe for now, but he can't stay up there for long, or else he will miss the equinox.

Paige: Oh, can't he just wait for the next one?

Leo: No, he-he can't. Otherwise, he'll miss his chance to pass on his powers to his successor. Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?

(Paige covers herself with her gown.)

Paige: I was dealing with some personal problems.

Leo: Well, I'm your Whitelighter, so if you ever wanna talk-

Piper/Phoebe/Paige: No!

Prue: Can we please just concentrate on the comic book guy?

Phoebe: Well, comic books wouldn't be a bad place to start. Remember the demon of illusion?

Paige: No.

Leo: He was before you. He _literally_ hid in movies.

Phoebe: So this guy could be hiding in comics, or coming out of them somehow.

Prue: So we need to check comic book stores?

Piper: Oh, that's gonna take forever. (to Paige) Okay, come on, let's go get you into something _less_ comfortable.

(Piper and Paige leave the attic.)

[Scene: An abandoned building. Arnon and Kevin are there. Kevin's neck is glowing. He is in pain.]

Arnon: How could the Aggressor fail? You told me you drew him invincible. The equinox comes around once in a lifetime. I don't plan on spending the rest of that lifetime _sensing_ power. I want power. Ramus's power.

Kevin: I... tried.

Arnon: Not hard enough. (Arnon releases the light on Kevin's neck. Kevin coughs.) You'll draw a new Aggressor. Stronger. One that can handle the witches when Ramus returns.

Kevin: What if I turn the Aggressor onto you?

Arnon: I'd kill you before you could try. And then I'd kill the rest of the people in your life who still care about you. I may not have much power, but I have enough to do that. Now, draw.

(Arnon walks away. Kevin draws Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige as superheroes.)

[Cut to a comic book store. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige walk outside.]

Prue: Well, we have a few more stores to check out. Maybe we'll still find something.

Paige: Yeah, more lonely superheroes who have to hide their true identities. Which does not bode well for my love life.

Piper: Paige, let me ask you a question. Are you gonna marry Dave?

Paige: No. I just met him.

Piper: Well, then relax, and worry about it when you've gotta worry about it. (Suddenly, Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige change into superheroes. Prue is wearing a purple and black halter top and black leather pants, purple and black arm bands, and a black mask. Piper is wearing a silver and black top and silver and black long pants and a black mask. Phoebe is wearing a tight red and black top and tight red and black shorts, black knee-high boots, and a black mask. Paige is wearing a pink and black top and a short black skirt, black knee-high boots, and a black mask. They jump onto a rooftop in a blink of an eye.) Oo-kay, what just happened here?

Paige: Uh, see? I was kinda hoping you could tell me.

Woman's Voice: Help! Somebody help me!

[Cut to a car park. A man is pulling a woman out of the car by her hair. He throws her to the ground. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige arrive. The man points a gun at the woman.]

Woman: Please don't shoot!

Piper: Hey! (The man shoots at Piper and Piper catches the bullet.) Not exactly what I had in mind, but it'll do.

(The man starts to run away but Prue runs in front of him in a blink of an eye.)

Prue: Hi, how's it going?

(Prue throws the man into a dumpster. Phoebe and Paige go up to the woman.)

Paige: Are you alright?

Woman: Who are you people? Where did you come from?

(Phoebe and Paige help her up.)

Phoebe: Well, that's a mighty good question, lady.

[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige zip in.]

Phoebe: Ah, head rush.

Paige: Let's do it again.

Piper: No. What if somebody sees us?

Prue: Sees us? We're blurs. Besides, who cares?

Piper: Yeah, okay, but how did we get like this? (She takes off her mask.) Oh.

Prue: What?

Piper: I don't know, but it's like the masks are clouding our judgement, making us feel like we're invincible. (Prue takes off her mask.) Yeah, see?

Prue: Yeah, unfortunately.

(Phoebe and Paige take their masks off.)

Phoebe: Suddenly I don't feel so good about this.

Paige: I don't like it. I'm putting it back on.

(She puts her mask back on.)

Piper: No, Paige, we need to think clearly so we can figure out who did this-

(The Aggressor zips in and knocks Phoebe across the room. Piper rushes over to her.)

Piper: Phoebe!

(The Aggressor tries to hit Prue and Paige, but they dodge really quickly. He ends up putting his fist through the wall. Prue punches him in the face. Paige kicks him and he lands in the foyer. He gets back up and heads for Piper. Phoebe gets up and punches him several times in the stomach, then throws him into the conservatory. He lands on a table and gets a piece of wood stuck through his chest. The girls run in.)

Aggressor: Thank you.

(The Aggressor changes into Kevin.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Leo is crouched beside Kevin.]

Prue: What are you waiting for?

Leo: How do we know if we heal him he's not gonna try and kill you guys again?

Piper: Leo, he's a kid.

Phoebe: Plus, killers don't usually _thank_ you for killing them.

Leo: He thanked you?

Paige: Just hurry up.

(Leo heals Kevin. Kevin wakes up.)

Kevin: What happened?

Cole: _Before_ or _after_ your alter ego tried to kill them?

Leo: Come on.

(Leo helps Kevin up.)

Phoebe: What's your name?

Kevin: Kevin.

Piper: Well, Kevin, you have some explaining to do. Are you responsible for these outfits?

(Kevin nods.)

Kevin: I was hoping you'd be able to stop the Aggressor.

Cole: The Aggressor? Don't you mean you?

Kevin: Yeah.

Prue: We were gonna kill you. We almost did.

Leo: Is that what you wanted?

Kevin: I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to hurt anyone else. And then after our first battle, I thought maybe if I drew you with more powers-

Piper: Hang on a second, Mister. What do you mean you _drew_ us?

Kevin: I've always been able to imagine things and then make them come to life through my drawings. Like you guys. The Protectors. I never told anybody about what I could do. I knew it would freak people out. Hey, it freaked _me_ out at first.

Leo: Thought projection. A very rare power. Means he's a witch too.

Phoebe: Why'd you make yourself a superhero?

Kevin: Because I got tired getting beaten up all the time. And Arnon came along and said he'd teach me to focus my power.

Prue: Arnon. Who's that?

Kevin: Somebody I wish I never met. He used me to get to Ramus. Said that he was a bad guy, that we had to stop him. But all Arnon wanted were his powers.

(The Elders call Leo.)

Leo: The Elders. They want me to bring Ramus back down.

Piper: No, you can't. Not until we figure out a way to stop Arnon.

Leo: Well, I don't have a choice. The equinox is starting.

Prue: He'll kill Ramus.

Paige: He can't. Not without the Aggressor.

Phoebe: We can't know that for sure.

Piper: You have to wait until we find him.

Phoebe: Yeah, but how?

Kevin: I know how. Arnon doesn't know the Aggressor failed yet. So all you have to do is follow me back to his hideout.

Paige: No, that is too dangerous.

Kevin: I won't be in danger. Not with you guys there. With all your superpowers and your super hearing, you'll easily be able to over power him, trust me. After all, I drew you, didn't I?

Piper: Okay, but you have to do exactly what we say.

Kevin: Promise.

[Scene: Outside Arnon's hideout. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Kevin peek around the corner.]

Piper: Is this it?

Kevin: Yeah. Through that door.

Prue: Do you hear anything inside?

Paige: Rats, dripping water, cockroaches, might as well be my old apartment. Don't hear any Arnon though.

[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Leo orbs in with Ramus. Cole is there pacing.]

Ramus: Well, at least you didn't break anything this time.

Leo: Actually, I think we'd be safer upstairs.

Ramus: No, here is fine.

Cole: With all the doors, if anybody attacks-

Ramus: Anybody who attacks doesn't need doors. Relax. (Ramus sits down.) There's nothing either of us can do to change what's meant to be.

Cole: What is that supposed to mean?

Leo: What aren't you telling us?

Ramus: Actually, quite a bit. (He chuckles.) Look, Leo, you know as well as I do that there is a reason for everything, which means that there is a reason for here, for now.

Leo: Well, how the hell am I supposed to protect you if I don't know what the hell is going on? Sorry.

Ramus: No, no, I like that. You could stand to be a little tougher sometimes. You know, just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again. (Cole and Leo sit down.) My fate is sealed. Win or lose. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Which means that there is nothing more any of us can do to change that. There is, however, perhaps something I can do for you.

Leo: What do you mean?

Ramus: I am an Elder, and I can foresee the future, enough of it anyway to give you a glimpse. _If_ you're interested.

Leo: Isn't that against the rules?

Ramus: I'm retiring. What do I care? You can ask me _one_ question and one question only.

(Leo thinks for a moment and exchanges a glance with Cole.)

Leo: Will, uh, will the babies be healthy?

Ramus: Yes, very healthy. And more powerful than you can even imagine.

[Cut to outside Arnon's hideout.]

Prue: Okay, listen. You're gonna go in there and summon him, okay, but when he comes, call for us, and we'll get you out of there in a flash.

Paige: The slightest peep, I'll hear it.

Kevin: Okay.

Piper: You don't have to do this, you know.

Kevin: No. I want to.

(Kevin heads for the door. An aeroplane flies above and Paige covers her ears.)

Phoebe: Are you okay?

Paige: Ugh.

(Kevin walks inside the building.)

[Cut to inside the building.]

Kevin: Arnon?! Arnon?! Arnon, it's me, K-

(Arnon comes up behind Kevin and puts his hand on his shoulder.)

Arnon: You betrayed me. (He holds up the drawing of superhero Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige.) Now that I know you can draw powers for others, you can draw some for me.

[Cut to outside.]

Paige: Stupid planes. All I hear is ringing in my ears.

Piper: Okay, forget it. We've gotta get him out of there.

(They zip inside.)

[Cut to inside the building. Kevin is unconscious on the floor.]

Piper: Kevin, wake up. Come on.

(Paige picks up a drawing of another superhero.)

Paige: What is this?

Prue: Another Aggressor?

(The Aggressor zips in.)

Aggressor: That's right.

(He rips the drawing of the superhero Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige in half and the girls return to normal.)

Phoebe: Uh-oh.

(The Aggressor throws them through a wooden wall.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Outside Arnon's hideout. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are on the ground.]

Phoebe: Ouch.

Paige: Everybody still alive?

Piper: I'm not sure yet.

Prue: Oh, no complaining. You're the one that didn't want to get pampered, remember?

Piper: I take it back, I take it back.

(They get up.)

Paige: At least you two have children that can heal you.

Piper: Yeah, open wounds, but apparently not aches and pains.

(Kevin walks out.)

Kevin: Oh, god. Oh, god. I'm so sorry about this.

Paige: It's okay. It's not your fault.

Kevin: I didn't have a choice. Arnon threatened to kill me if I didn't.

Piper: It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're fine.

Kevin: For now. Until he needs me to draw him even more powers.

Paige: He won't need anymore powers if he gets to Ramus before we do.

Phoebe: Okay, so how do we stop him? We're not superheroes anymore.

Kevin: I can make you superheroes again.

Prue: No, that'll take too long. He'll have Ramus by then.

Paige: So how do we stop him?

Prue: As super witches.

Kevin: But you couldn't stop my superhero as witches, how are you gonna stop Arnon's?

Prue: Okay, so we'll rip up his drawing and turn him back into the wimpy demon he is.

Kevin: You can't. He took the drawing with him.

[Cut to the manor. Cole, Leo, and Ramus are there. Leo is pacing.]

Ramus: Will you just relax? You're making me nervous.

Leo: Okay, well, something isn't right. I can sense it.

Ramus: Leo, I've told you. You've already done your job. Now it's time to let your charges do theirs.

Leo: Well, I just don't understand what's taking so long. They should be home by now.

Cole: They will be.

Ramus: They're just gonna be too late.

Leo: You know what? I-I'm getting you outta here.

Ramus: Mm. Oh. I'm afraid this is gonna hurt.

(The Aggressor barges through the front door. Cole stands up. The Aggressor zips in front of Cole and Leo and punches them, causing them to fly back.)

Aggressor: (to Ramus) Looks like getting your powers will be even easier than I thought.

Ramus: Enjoy it while it lasts.

(White lights flow out of Ramus and into the Aggressor's body. Ramus vanishes. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Kevin orb in.)

Aggressor: You're too late, Ramus is dead.

Prue: Cole./Piper: Leo.

(They go over to them.)

Phoebe: Paige, now.

Paige: Boot!

(The Aggressor's boot orbs into Paige's hand. The Aggressor falls to the floor.)

Kevin: Left! I meant left boot!

Paige: Oh, for goodness sakes. Left boot!

(The other boot orbs into Paige's hand and she pulls the drawing out of it. She tears it up and The Aggressor turns back into Arnon. He stands up.)

Phoebe: Yeah, don't you just hate it when that happens?

Paige: Fortunately, since you have Ramus's power, you should be able to foresee what's gonna happen next.

(Prue walks over to Arnon.)

Prue: It's gonna hurt, isn't it?

(Prue blows up Arnon and Ramus's powers leave him.)

Paige: What the hell is that?

(The powers enter Kevin's body.)

Kevin: What-what just happened?

Piper: Looks like Ramus was able to pass his power onto the new Elder after all.

Paige: An Elder? He's only thirteen.

Leo: Elders are like kings. They can be any age.

Kevin: I-I don't understand. What does this mean?

Leo: Well, for one thing, it means that nobody's gonna be pushing you around anymore.

[Scene: P4. Paige and Dave are walking through the crowd. They approach Prue and Cole, and Piper and Leo who are sitting on a couch, kissing.]

Paige: Ooh, looks like someone needs to get a room.

Piper: Cute, very cute.

Leo: How's it going, Dave?

Dave: Never better, mate, never better.

Prue: Oh, really? How about you guys go get us girls some drinks.

Dave: Sparkling or still?

Paige: Sparkling, of course.

(Cole and Leo stand up.)

Dave: (to Piper) Oh, by the way, congrats on the club. It's great, and the DJ is wicked.

Piper: Thanks.

(Cole, Leo, and Dave walk away. Paige sits down beside Piper.)

Paige: See, it's nice to know you've still got it in you.

Piper: Yeah, although I'm beginning to realize that being number one in town just isn't as important as it used to be. And neither is fighting demons for that matter.

Paige: What, you didn't like being a superhero?

Piper: Oh, no, are you kidding? It was awesome. I mean, being a witch is still awesome. It's just that there's a new number one in town.

Prue: Good for you.

Piper: Yeah. (to Paige) And apparently good for you. Since you worked through your issues with Dave, I gather.

Paige: Yes, I did, thank god. I was just about to join a convent.

Piper: Mm-hm. Must have been the pink leather broke you down.

Paige: Don't laugh, but I think it might've been. Something about leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. I guess that'll free any girl up.

Piper: Yeah, and let your guard down.

Paige: Yeah, I'm gonna take your advice and just, you know, relax. If he's Mister Right, I'll tell him I fly around on broomsticks.


	6. The Eyes Have It

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for adding this story to your favorites, Flashstormplayer. It was much appreciated. :)

 **The Eyes Have It**

[Scene: A fortune-telling shop. Madame Teresa is there. She is packing her clothes in a suitcase. She's on the phone at the same time.]

Woman: (on phone) Teresa. Teresa, wait, I'm losing you. Say that again.

Madame Teresa: Orin, the gypsy hunter. He's coming for me.

Woman: (on phone) Teresa, that's impossible. We blinded him decades ago. Only gypsy magic can lift his curse.

Madame Teresa: I'm telling you, it had to be him, Lydia. I had a vision.

Lydia: Alright. Where are you? I'll come.

Madame Teresa: No, you must leave town. If he's hunting Shuvanis, he could be after _you_ next.

(The gypsy hunter fades in behind Madame Teresa.)

Gypsy Hunter: Expecting me, were you?

(Madame Teresa spins around.)

Lydia: Teresa? Teresa? (Madame Teresa drops the phone.) Teresa!

Madame Teresa: Orin?

Gypsy Hunter: You've heard of my father. He'll be very pleased.

Madame Teresa: What do you want?

Gypsy Hunter: His revenge, and of course... (He holds out his hands and two red beams of light flow out of them and into Madame Teresa's eyes. She screams.) your eyes.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Cole and Leo are there. Cole is having breakfast and Leo is reading the back of a "The Joys of Home Birthing" videotape. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige walk in. Piper is holding a yoga mat.]

Paige: Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor.

(Prue heads for the coffee pot and Paige heads for the fridge.)

Piper: It wasn't the instructor. It was all of those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like, "Look, it's Jasper's first photo, and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says 'Jasper's first photo'!"

Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to make you relax?

Piper: Ugh, how am I supposed to relax when I can't even go to a doctor like a normal person?

Leo: Honey, I thought we agreed that a magical pregnancy was too risky, especially with a baby that heals itself.

Piper: Okay, yeah, but she's not healing my nauseousness, and every other woman in that class says that it's supposed to go away after the first trimester.

Prue: Yeah, well, that's definitely a lie. Trust me.

Leo: Yeah, according to this book, every pregnancy is different.

Piper: What book?

Leo: Uh, this one. (He shows her.) "The Joys of Home Birthing". (Piper's eyes widen.) It also comes with this video. I thought maybe we could watch it together. It might make you feel better about what's in store. You want to join us, Prue, Cole?

Prue: Cole will watch it for me because I have to work.

Cole: What? No way.

Prue: Cole, we should probably know about this stuff too. Especially since we have, you know, twice the buns in the oven.

Cole: I guess I'll be there, Leo.

(Leo laughs.)

Paige: That sounds good. I'll make some popcorn.

Leo: Uh, since when are prenatal yoga and home birthing videos your idea of a good time?

Paige: Since I became a friendless loser with no life.

Piper: You have tons of friends.

Paige: They're all employed, and I'm a demon fighter, and can't tell anyone about it, so I basically just come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.

Piper: No, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.

(Prue pours some coffee.)

Prue: God, I am so overwhelmed with work, Besides my column and my personal appearances, my boss has me giving advice on a radio show. My work schedule's been really hectic. (Her phone rings.) Oh, look. Work. Gotta go.

[Scene: Orin's place. Orin and the gypsy hunter are there. Orin is wearing black goggles. The gypsy hunter places a pair of human eyes on a tray.]

Gypsy Hunter: I have a good feeling about these eyes, Father.

Orin: I was glad to see the Shuvani didn't put up much of a fight.

Gypsy Hunter: You saw that far? Your mind's eye grows stronger.

Orin: I've had a long time to develop it. (A rat runs across a table and Orin vanquishes it.) But it's no replacement for what those gypsies stole from me.

Gypsy Hunter: If these eyes work, you'll have your revenge and much more. (The gypsy hunter takes the tray to Orin. Orin takes the pair of eyes and places them into his eye sockets. They burn his eye sockets and he groans in pain.) Maybe we should stop trying.

Orin: No! The eyes I seek are _worth_ this pain. Our Shuvani friend is near. I can see her.

[Scene: Hospital. A ward room. A female doctor is standing beside a man lying in a bed.]

Doctor: It's a very standard surgery. We do it all the time. You're gonna be just fine, I promise. (Lydia walks in the room. She speaks in Romanian to the doctor.) Excuse me. (She takes Lydia across the room.) Aunt Lydia, what are you doing here? (Lydia speaks in Romanian.) No, in English. I don't speak the language anymore.

Lydia: I am in danger, Ava. I am afraid you are too. Orin is back and he is seeking revenge on Shuvanis.

Ava: Orin?

Lydia: The gypsy hunter. You've heard the stories.

Ava: Ugh. Aunt Lydia, we've had this conversation. I'm not interested in the stories.

Lydia: Ava, Madame Teresa was murdered.

Ava: _What?_

Lydia: I was talking to her on the phone when it happened. She had a vision of Orin coming for her, which means he'll be seeking revenge on all Shuvanis, _including you_.

Ava: I'm not a Shuvani, I am a _doctor_.

Lydia: Ava, you cannot change what you were born to be. And Orin won't care that you've rejected your heritage. He'll sense you anyway.

Ava: Aunt Lydia, I'm sorry about Teresa. I know she meant a lot to you and mom. I'll come to the funeral, I'll pay my respects, but I'm not gonna run from a fictional demon. I've gotta get back to work.

(She starts to walk away.)

Lydia: Ava, we have to trust the gypsy magic.

Ava: Why? Because it did such a great job saving mom?

Lydia: Your mother couldn't be helped, Shavi. By the time she was sick it was too late.

Ava: You don't know that. If she had gotten chemo instead of relying on herbs and spells-

Lydia: Your mother believed in herbs and spells, and so should you.

Ava: Yeah? Well, if gypsy magic really worked, then I'd be able to see her, right, in the afterlife, talk to her? Like she promised me?

Lydia: Ava….

Ava: I'm sorry. I don't have time for this. Your friend was murdered. Turn to the police, not superstition.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Leo, and Cole are sitting on the couch watching the birthing video.]

Piper: Okay, see, I need an epidural just to _watch_ this.

Leo: Okay. Let's fast forward to the part where the parents get to meet the baby.

Cole: Please.

(Leo fast forwards the tape with the remote control.)

Guy on TV: At this point, the birthing partner will coach the mother's breathing.

(The woman giving birth screams in agony. Piper snatches the remote off of Leo.)

Piper: Okay, give that to me.

(She mutes the TV.)

Cole: (no longer looking) Look, just tell me when the baby is out and all wiped off.

Piper: Seriously though, I need a sterile hospital, magical baby or not, and medical people. Lots of professional medical people.

(Paige walks in.)

Paige: Oh, gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?

Piper: No, it's "The Joys Of Home Birthing".

Cole: Strangely, I'm not feeling the joy.

Paige: Well, I'm sorry to cut your entertainment short, but we are on demon duty now. Darryl called about a string of gypsy killings, all of them with their eyes gouged out.

Piper: Ugh.

Leo: Now that video doesn't seem so gruesome.

Piper: Ha! Speak for yourself.

Paige: Darryl said that the last murder was a woman named Teresa, and if he's after gypsies, we should stop by Teresa's funeral. He told us where it is, so maybe Phoebe can get some sort of premonition that will help us find the demon.

Piper: Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends.

Paige: You're mean. I'll call Prue and Phoebe and tell them to meet us there.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Prue's office. Her office phone rings and she picks it up.]

Prue: Prue Halliwell.

Paige: Hey, Prue, it's me. Darryl called about a string of gypsy murders where the women all had their eyes gouged out. Had to be demonic. We need you to meet us at the funeral of the last victim, Teresa. I already texted your cell the address.

(Elise interrupts.)

Elise: They _loved_ you over at Hotline. They want you to guest host for the rest of the week.

Prue: (to Elise) I can't.

Elise: Sorry, but I already booked you.

Paige: Can't _what_?

Prue: (to Elise) I'm swamped.

Paige: Swamped? But Prue, we have to find this demon and stop him.

Elise: Price of success, kiddo.

(Elise leaves.)

Paige: _Prue, hello?_

Prue: I will meet you at the funeral, okay. (She hangs up. She leaves her office.) Elise! Elise, wait. Is it possible that we can postpone the radio show? Because I barely have time to write my column, let alone all of the other stuff that I have to do.

Elise: "Dear Prue, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular, and the money is pretty damn good. What should I do?"

Prue: Stop whining?

Elise: _Damn_ , you _are_ good.

[Scene: Teresa's funeral. Lydia is saying the eulogy in Romanian. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are standing nearby.]

Paige: Well, I don't know what she's saying, but the symbolism's beautiful.

Phoebe: It is, it's really beautiful. (Food and other items have been placed around Teresa's coffin. Someone adds to the pile.) Uh, don't you guys think Teresa looks a little crowded?

Paige: I think that's the gypsy custom, to send their people off in the next life with things they might need.

Piper: Okay, well, I need a _cracker_ in this lifetime. Would it be bad if I grabbed that box of saltines?

Prue: Probably. But I'll right there with you if I can have half.

Lydia: May I join the choir invisible of those immortal dead. Who live again in minds made better by their presence.

(Prue's phone rings.)

Paige: Prue, enough with the work.

(Prue stops the phone from ringing. The eulogy ends. A violinist starts playing.)

Piper: (to Phoebe) Well, go on. You're not gonna get a premonition standing here. Put a little shoulder into it.

Phoebe: Okay. (Piper gives her a nudge and Phoebe walks through the crowd.) Hi, uh, excuse me, uh, pardon me, hi.

[Cut to Lydia talking to Ava.]

Lydia: Are you staying for the Pomona? I made stew.

Ava: Aren't you worried about the gypsy hunter?

Lydia: He won't attack at a crowd, which means you'll be safer here too.

Ava: Please stop. I have no interest in staying, Aunt Lydia. This isn't my life. Please accept that. I have to get back to work.

(Ava walks away.)

Lydia: Ava. Ava, wait. (Lydia starts to follow Ava. Phoebe bumps into Lydia and has a premonition of the gypsy hunter stealing Lydia's eyes.) I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine.

(Lydia nods and walks away. Prue, Piper, and Paige walk up to Phoebe.)

Prue: Did you get anything? What'd you see?

Phoebe: I saw candles and lanterns and Teresa in her coffin.

Piper: Okay, well, you don't need a premonition for that.

Paige: Anything else?

Phoebe: That woman, her eyes.

Prue: Right.

(They follow Lydia.)

[Cut to Lydia running through rows of wood stacked into piles.]

Lydia: Ava?! Ava!

Voice: Nice funeral. (The voice echoes.) Very touching. (The voice echoes.) Will there be any Shuvanis left to throw you yours?

(The gypsy hunter appears behind her. She spins around.)

Lydia: Waffediyok!

(Her eyes turn green and green light shoots out of them, hitting the ground. A dust storm forms around the gypsy hunter and he groans and covers his face. He shoots a red beam of light at Lydia and knocks her to the ground. The dust storm settles.)

Gypsy Hunter: You're the one.

(Two red beams of light shoot out of both his hands and into Lydia's eyes. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige run around the corner.)

Prue: Hey! (Prue tries to blow him up, but instead sends him flying onto a pile of wood.) He was supposed to blow up. Why did he not blow up?

(They hear Lydia groaning and they run over to her. The gypsy hunter stands on top of the wood pile looking down at them.)

Paige: Uh, not good. We've gotta get outta here.

(The gypsy hunter shoots the red beams of light at them and Paige orbs them out just in time.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Lydia are there. Lydia is lying on the couch while Leo heals her eyes.]

Lydia: Thank you. I have to go.

(Lydia gets up.)

Piper: Wait, you don't have to be afraid.

Lydia: I'm not afraid of you. We come from sister traditions, witches and gypsies. I appreciate everything you've done, but I have to go.

Paige: But there's a demon after you.

Lydia: I'm not the only one he's after.

(She heads for the door.)

Prue: Wait. Clearly you have powers, but we face demons all the time. Will you please at least tell us what you know?

Phoebe: Maybe we're supposed to help.

(Lydia stops.)

Lydia: Perhaps. Years ago, my tribe put a curse on a gypsy hunter named Orin, blinding him so he no longer had the power to spot our people.

Piper: The demon we saw wasn't blind.

Lydia: Right. That was Orin's son, Cree. I think he's killing Shuvanis in the name of his father.

Prue: Shuvanis?

Paige: Yeah, that's their form of a high priestess.

(Prue's phone rings. She ignores it.)

Lydia: My niece, Ava. She's a Shuvani too, only she's rejected her magic, which is leaving her defenseless.

Leo: Well, can't you curse Cree like you did his father?

Lydia: There aren't enough Shuvanis left to pool our power, and because Ava chooses not to believe anymore, she won't listen to me.

Paige: Maybe we can help. You know, sometimes it's easier to hear the truth from a stranger than it is to hear it from family.

Lydia: Her name is Ava Nicolae. She's a doctor at San Francisco Memorial.

Piper: OB/GYN, by any chance?

Lydia: No. She's a surgeon.

Piper: Ugh, close enough. I'll go.

Phoebe: Why you?

Piper: Because I am done with this nauseousness, and I can fight off Cree if he attacks, so either you're orbing, or I'm driving. Do you want to come, Prue?

Prue: Sure.

Cole: I'll go with you. Beats sitting around here.

(Piper grabs her coat. Leo orbs out with her. Cole smoke-fades out with Prue.)

Paige: Okay, Phoebe, we have a book to check and a vanquishing potion to make.

Phoebe: Alright.

[Scene: Orin's place. Orin is there. Cree walks up behind him.]

Orin: Are you injured?

Cree: No. Did you see everything?

Orin: I saw enough.

Cree: If only I would've been prepared for her, I wouldn't have-

Orin: The search is over! She has the power, that's what matters. Next time you'll be more prepared, the way I taught you.

Cree: But how will I get to her? She's protected by witches now.

Orin: They can't protect her heart. I can see it yearns for a wayward child, her niece. Find her. The Shuvani will follow.

[Scene: Hospital. Maternity ward. Piper is watching a nurse hand new parents their newborn baby. Prue, Cole, and Leo walk around the corner, and Leo puts his arm around Piper.]

Piper: They even teach them to swaddle.

Cole: Shouldn't we be looking for Ava?

(They turn to leave and Piper holds her stomach.)

Piper: Ooh, I need to find some _help_. Leo, I do not feel well. (She sits down.) And I don't think this is normal. I need a doctor, a _real_ doctor.

Leo: Well, what happens when they check the security camera footage to find out why the sonogram machine blew up like it did with Prue's baby?

Prue/Cole: Hey.

Leo: Well, it did.

Voice: I'll get those right away for you, Dr. Nicolae.

Ava: Thanks, Bill.

(Ava walks around the corner and past Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo.)

Cole: Ava? (Ava looks at them. Piper stands up.) Wait.

Ava: Do I know you?

Cole: Uh, no, you don't, but we kind of know you.

Piper: We're friends of your Aunt Lydia.

Ava: Is something wrong?

Prue: Yeah, there kinda is. See, there's this, uh, gypsy hunter-

Ava: Oh, please. I-I don't mean to be rude. You guys look like normal people. My Aunt Lydia, she's just very superstitious, and she shouldn't be sending you here to-

Leo: She's afraid for you. People are dying.

Ava: Look around you. That's why I'm here. I save lives using medicine, not magic.

Prue: But magic is a part of who you are.

Ava: No, relying on magic is what killed my mom.

Piper: Oh.

Prue: Uh, Ava, I know what it's like to lose your mom. Believe me, I do. But still, you can't deny who you are.

(A voice comes over the intercom.)

Voice: Dr. Nicolae, Dr. Nicolae, to the emergency room, stat.

Ava: I've gotta go.

(She walks off.)

Piper: Wh….?

Cole: _Great_. Now what do we do?

Prue: We try again.

(Piper covers her mouth and holds her stomach.)

Leo: Are you okay?

Piper: _No_ , I am _not_. Doctor, any doctor, now.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe, Paige, and Lydia are there making a potion.]

Lydia: Alright. Add ice to thicken. I'd say we're done.

Paige: I wouldn't have thought to add turmeric to anything but Indian food.

Lydia: It's nice to finally have someone to share my magic with.

Phoebe: Ava will come around. Sometimes it takes longer for people to embrace their magic. Right, Paige?

(Paige pulls a face.)

Lydia: I hope you're right. She's the last of our line. If she doesn't carry on the tradition, it dies with me.

Paige: Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen.

Lydia: Let me show you two something.

(She walks over to the sink and puts some tea in a cup.)

Phoebe: Is now really the time for chamomile tea?

Lydia: We're not gonna drink it. (She fills the cup with water.) We're gonna swirl it. Come.

(Phoebe and Paige stand beside her.)

Paige: Wait, you read tea leaves? That is so amazing.

(Lydia swirls the water in the cup before tipping the water into the sink. She hands the cup to Paige.)

Lydia: Here, read mine.

Paige: Okay.

Lydia: What do you see?

Paige: I see... an X…. And that looks kind of like a lightning bolt.

(Lydia takes the cup off Paige and looks in it.)

Lydia: Ava. (She walks over to the table.) I can't put you in anymore danger.

(She throws something in the potion and it explodes. Smoke fills the room and Lydia leaves through the backdoor. Phoebe looks in the cup.)

Paige: Lydia! Well, that's an interesting disappearing act. I'll have to ask her how she does that. What are you doing?

Phoebe: I'm trying to see what Lydia saw.

Paige: Uh, yeah. You can't read tea leaves.

Phoebe: No, but I get premonitions. Okay, come on, please let me see something. (She receives a premonition.) I saw Cree. He's after Ava.

Paige: Where? When?

Phoebe: I don't know, but, uh, I saw cars, and a parking lot. Maybe-maybe it's the hospital?

Paige: The hospital? Why can't Prue, Piper, and Leo stop him?

[Cut to the hospital. A room. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo are there. A male doctor is drawing blood from Piper's arm.]

Doctor: I wouldn't worry too much. Some women are nauseous through their whole pregnancy. It's perfectly normal.

Piper: Yeah, I just... First time mom. Wanted to make sure.

Leo: Um, I'm getting paged. (The doctor gives him a look.) It's, uh, it's on vibrate.

(He pats his pocket.)

Doctor: Don't you want to see who it is?

Leo: Well, it's her sisters. They're the only ones with the number, so….

Cole: We should hurry up.

Piper: Mm-hm.

Doctor: Almost done. (He pulls the needle out and turns to get a band-aid. Piper magically heals and the doctor turns back.) Oh.

Piper: Fast healer.

Leo: Thanks.

(He grabs Piper's hand.)

Piper: Yeah.

(They rush out of the room.)

[Cut to outside. Car park. Phoebe and Paige are waiting there. Piper and Leo orb in. Prue and Cole smoke-fade in.]

Paige: Where's Ava?

Piper: She's in surgery.

Cole: What are you guys doing here?

Paige: We're trying to find Lydia. She ran out on us.

Phoebe: She's after Cree.

(They hear a scream and run in the direction of it.)

[Cut to Lydia and Cree. Lydia gets up off the floor.]

Cree: Surprised to see me again?

Lydia: Hardly.

(Lydia's eyes turn green and they shoot green beams of light at Cree. It doesn't harm him.)

Cree: This time I was ready for you.

(Lydia pulls out the vial of potion, but before she can throw it, red beams of light shoot out of Cree's eyes and into Lydia's. She screams and drops the potion. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo arrive.)

Paige: Lydia!

(Cree turns to them. Lydia drops to the ground. Phoebe throws the potion at Cree and vanquishes him. They run over to Lydia. Leo tries to her her but can't. He looks at the girls.)

[Cut to an emergency room. Ava and some nurses are there trying to revive a patient with a fibrillator.]

Nurse: No response.

Ava: Clear.

Nurse: Clear.

(Ava uses the paddles on the patient.)

Ava: Give me two hundred jules.

Nurse: Two hundred charged.

Ava: Clear.

(Ava is about to put the paddles on the patient but jumps when she sees Lydia lying there instead.)

Lydia: Ava.

Nurse: Pressure's dropping.

Lydia: Waffediyok, Ava.

Ava: Aunt Lydia?

Lydia: (She says something in Romanian.) Waffediyok.

(Ava moves back in shock.)

Nurse: Dr. Nicolae? Are you alright?

(The patient is back on the table and Lydia is gone.)

Nurse #2: No ventricular rhythm. She's flat. Let's call the code.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Hospital. Corridor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are waiting there. Ava is standing near reception. A covered body is wheeled down the corridor. Ava looks at Prue and Piper, who look back sympathetically.]

Ava: No. (She rushes to the body.) Aunt Lydia? (She starts to cry.) Oh my god.

(They wheel the body off. Prue and Piper rush over to Ava.)

Piper: Come on. Sit down.

(They all walk around the corner and Ava sits down on a chair. Piper hands her a tissue.)

Ava: I saw…. She came to me. Mulo.

Paige: Mulo?

Ava: The living dead. I never believed in it before.

Phoebe: It's okay. Just tell us what happened.

Ava: It was a code blue. My patient, she died... and then it was Aunt Lydia. Nobody else saw. I thought I was going crazy.

Prue: I am so sorry.

Ava: No, it's my fault. She tried to warn me this morning. I didn't believe her.

Piper: No, it's not your fault.

Prue: You had your reasons to be sceptical.

Paige: Was she trying to tell you something?

Ava: I don't know. I don't remember much. I do know a Mulo is a bad omen. It means that something horrible is about to happen.

Paige: Well, it shouldn't. We vanquished Cree.

Cole: What about Orin?

Ava: It has to be him. I mean, that's what she was trying to tell me. She was trying to warn me again. My Romanian's weak, but I think she was saying something about him trying to take her power away.

Leo: Well, how can he take her power now that she's….?

Ava: I don't know. I wish I knew what Waffediyok meant. She kept saying that.

Phoebe: We need more vanquishing potion. I'm gonna go back to the house and try to remember what she used. (to Leo) Can you take me home?

Leo: Sure.

(Phoebe and Leo leave around the corner.)

Cole: What should we do now?

Ava: Teresa would know.

[Scene: Teresa's apartment. Prue, Piper, Paige, Cole, and Ava are there. Ava drapes a black veil over a photo of Madame Teresa and Lydia.]

Ava: Gypsy custom. Covering the photos of the dead.

Paige: Looks like you're remembering more and more of those customs.

Ava: Nobody knew more about them than Teresa. She was like the holy woman of the tribe. She always made sure that traditions were passed down from mother to daughter. My mom tried to pass them down to me, but I wouldn't listen.

(Paige finds an antique chest in a cupboard and pulls it out.)

Paige: Look at this. It's so beautiful.

Ava: Let me see that. (She walks over to Paige.) This was my mother's. (She takes the chest and sits down on the couch with it.) I can't believe Teresa kept it.

Piper: Yeah, well, maybe she was just saving it for a special kind of day.

(Ava smiles.)

Ava: My mother called it her treasure chest. It's where she kept precious things.

(She opens the box and pulls out a photo.)

Prue: Is that you and your mum?

(Ava nods. She starts to cry.)

Ava: She made us matching dresses for Christmas. She worked so hard to finish them in time.

Paige: I know it's hard. My mom died ten years ago and there's still a lot of boxes that I can't open.

(Ava pulls out a book and opens it.)

Ava: Um, these are recipes and herbal remedies, gypsy spells.

Paige: Mm-hm. Maybe it's not too late to learn after all.

(Paige pulls out a necklace.)

Paige: Look at this. It looks like Lydia's locket.

Ava: That's our family talisman, the evil eye.

Cole: Your family symbol is evil?

Ava: Only to those who would wish us harm. Many feared the evil eye, but our family was said to be protected by it. The folklore said that the keeper of the eye could use it to magnify or channel her powers.

Paige: I don't think this is folklore. Look at this inscription.

(Paige shows Ava the back of the necklace.)

Ava: Waffediyok. That's the evil eye.

Cole: Lydia must have been the keeper.

Prue: I think she conjured up that dust storm. This must have been what Cree was after.

Piper: So he wasn't taking Shuvanis' eyes just out of revenge. He wanted the evil eye.

Ava: And Orin still wants it.

[Scene: Morgue. Orin is there. Lydia's body is lying on a slab, her eyes gouged out. Orin places her eyes in his eye sockets and walks over to a mirror.]

Orin: I'll have my revenge, son. But not before I give you yours.

(An attendant walks in the room.)

Attendant: Who are you? What are you doing in here?

Orin: Testing my new powers.

(Orin's eyes turn green and shoots out green beams of light at the attendant, burning a hole in his chest.)

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Leo are there. Phoebe is making the potion. Leo is on the phone.]

Leo: Okay, Piper, just be careful. (He hangs up.) They're going to the morgue.

(Phoebe throws in some turmeric and the potion explodes.)

Phoebe: Done. Can you pass me the ice?

Leo: Sure.

(He hands her a container of ice. Piper, Paige and Ava orb in. Prue and Cole smoke-fade in.)

Piper: We were too late. Orin got the evil eye.

Phoebe: The evil eye?

Paige: Yeah, Lydia's eyes have the power.

Ava: That's what she was trying to tell me.

(Ava holds out the necklace.)

Paige: Well, I hope you have that potion ready, 'cause we're gonna need it big time.

(Phoebe takes the necklace and gasps. She moves backward.)

Prue: Phoebe, are you okay?

(Phoebe reaches out.)

Phoebe: Premonition. Major premonition. I'm in the future.

(Piper moves towards Phoebe but Leo stops her.)

Leo: Let her go.

(In Phoebe's premonition, Prue and Piper are looking at the Book of Shadows. Orin appears and Prue throws the potion at him. Orin catches the potion and destroys it. Orin shoots a green beam of light at Prue and burns a hole in her chest before doing the same to Piper. Cole and Leo lunge for Orin, but he knocks both of them out easily. Orin stares at Phoebe and shoots the beam of light at her. The premonition ends and Phoebe falls back with a burnt hole in her chest. She looks at her wound and then drops to the floor. Leo runs over to her and starts healing her. Phoebe wakes up.)

Leo: It's okay, it's okay.

(Phoebe sits up.)

Piper: What happened?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Ava are there.]

Phoebe: It's been so long since my powers advanced. And boy did they advance.

Leo: To the point where it almost got you killed.

Piper: I don't get it. How can you be at risk in the present when you're witnessing a future event?

Phoebe: All I know is it felt like I was in two places at once, almost as if I astral projected into my future self.

Paige: Okay, it's really great that your powers have advanced, and we'll talk about that later, right after we make sure there _is_ a later.

Ava: Now that Orin has the evil eye, I'd say our best chances of survival is to run and hide.

Leo: You said the vanquishing potion had no effect?

Phoebe: He didn't even flinch.

Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?

Phoebe: Well, the premonitions may have changed, but the reason behind getting them hasn't. I mean, they show us the future, so that we can change the outcome.

Ava: But how?

[Time lapse. Attic. Everyone walks in.]

Piper: Isn't it a bit suicidal to be walking into the room Phoebe saw us die in?

Prue: Yes, except for we have something Phoebe's premonition didn't. We have Ava.

Ava: How am I supposed to make a difference?

Paige: Well, in the premonition witchcraft alone wasn't enough to vanquish Orin, but we think witchcraft _plus_ gypsy magic will be.

Ava: But I don't know any gypsy magic.

Phoebe: Well, you have it inside you. You were born with it. Why else would you have received your aunt's warning?

Ava: Even if you're right, I can't defeat Orin on my own.

Cole: Maybe you won't need to. Have her call upon her ancestors. Have her vanquish Orin like all of you vanquished me.

(Paige turns to a spell in the Book Of Shadows.)

Paige: Here. Just substitute those names for those of your gypsy family members.

Ava: Um, okay. Here goes. "Nicolae gypsies stand strong beside me..."

(Orin appears behind them. Prue turns around and throws the potion at him. He catches the potion and destroys it.)

Prue: Keep saying the spell.

Ava: "Marina, Teresa, Lydia..."

(Orin shoots a green beam of light at Prue and burns a hole through her chest.)

Piper/Phoebe/Paige/Ava: "Nicolae gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space" (Cole runs over to Orin, and Orin grabs Cole and twists his neck. He throws him across the room.) "Nicolae gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space. Nicolae gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space." (Nicolae spirits fly around them.) "Nicolae gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space."

(Orin shoots green beams of light at the girls, but the spirits shield them. The beams of light are reflected back at Orin and it vanquishes him. The spirits disappear.)

Piper/Phoebe: Prue.

(Piper, Phoebe, and Leo race over to Prue. The twins heal her and she gets up. Ava starts to cry.)

Paige: You did it.

Ava: My mother. She was here. I felt her.

[Scene: A gypsy encampment. People are waiting outside a small building, including Prue and Piper. The door opens and Ava walks out with her stethoscope around her neck.]

Ava: Who's next?

Piper: We are! (A pregnant woman beside Piper gives her a look.) Well, not really, but we'll make it super quick. (They go to Ava.) Hey, how you doing?

Ava: Fine. Hectic. I can only make it here after my hospital shift.

Prue: Hectic is good, just as long as it's not _too_ hectic.

Ava: Well, I think I have my priorities in order. And helping out gypsies who don't have health care is definitely one of them.

Piper: Good for you.

(Phoebe and Paige walk out holding charts.)

Paige: Ava, did Mrs. Vasila get her tetanus shot?

Piper: _Phoebe, Paige?_

Phoebe: Hey!/Paige: Hey, guys!

Prue: What are you doing?

Phoebe: Oh, you know, just pitching in, helping out.

Paige: Did we ever mention that we...

Prue/Piper: Have no life. Yeah.

Ava: Phoebe and Paige have been great. Quick studies too.

Paige: You should see all the folk remedies the gypsies have. Some of them are even better than western medicine.

Piper: Really? Any of them help with my nauseousness?

Phoebe: Well, it's funny you should ask.

(Phoebe and Paige pull Prue and Piper towards the door.)

Prue: W….?

Piper: Where are you going?

Paige: You don't want to be late for your appointment, now do you?

Piper: What appointment?

Phoebe: Your appointment with Ava. Meet your new doctor.

Piper: O-O-Oh….

(She laughs.)

Paige: She's also gonna teach us how to be your midwives.

Piper: _Midwives_? No. See, 'cause I'm not having this thing naturally. (Phoebe makes breathing noises. Piper tries to cover her mouth.) No. I need lots and lots of western medicine.

Prue: Well, I actually prefer this route. Less chance of doctors being electrocuted.

(Phoebe, Paige, and Ava laugh.)

Ava: Piper….

Piper: No offense.

Ava: Piper, you know, I trusted you to carry on my heritage, now you trust me to carry on yours.

(Ava takes Prue and Piper to the door. Piper points at her sisters and laughs. They go inside and Ava closes the door. The Waffediyok symbol has been painted on the door.)


	7. A Witch In Time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Due to changes to the storyline, I was forced to just remove 5x07, "Sympathy for the Demon."

Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

In the picture Bacarra shows Cole, Phoenix is played by Cody Fern, Persephone is played by Adelaide Kane, and Pagan is played by Nick Jonas.

 **A Witch In Time**

[Scene: Manor. Front porch. Phoebe and Miles are there.]

Phoebe: So, here we are.

Miles: Front porch.

Phoebe: Yeah. Where all good dates end.

Miles: What about great dates?

Phoebe: Oh, no, great dates never end on the front porch.

Miles: So that only leaves one question. Was this a good date or a great date?

Phoebe: I'll tell you in a second.

(They lean in for a kiss but are interrupted by Piper and Leo carrying groceries to the door.)

Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady coming through with groceries! Here we go, people!

(Piper goes inside.)

Phoebe: What's wrong with Piper?

Leo: Uh, they gave us paper instead of plastic.

(Leo goes inside.)

[Cut to inside. Foyer.]

Leo: What was that about?

Piper: Oh, tell me about it. I practically needed a crowbar to pry them apart.

Leo: I meant with you.

Piper: Me? Phoebe's the one with the puppy love eyes. Doesn't that bother you?

Leo: No, it-it doesn't. Should it?

Piper: Yes. Miles is not her type.

Leo: Okay. I don't think so. I think he's a nice guy.

Piper: He just got divorced.

Leo: So?

Piper: He's wearing cologne.

Leo: Oh, and that's a bad thing?

Piper: And he's a computer programmer? He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common.

(They walk into the parlor.)

Leo: You're right. We-we should just vanquish him.

Piper: All I'm saying is she needs to slow down or she's gonna get hurt.

(Paige and her date pop their heads up from the couch where they were busy making out.)

Paige: Hey. Little quiet here?

Piper: What is this? A brothel?

Paige's Date: You didn't mention that. I'm a little short on cash.

(They lay back on the couch. Phoebe and Miles walk in through the front door and go upstairs.)

Piper: Oh, no. They're going upstairs. Should I stop them?

Paige: No. Only if you wanna make a total ass of yourself. But that's up to you.

Piper: Oh, shush. (to Leo) I'm telling you. With this miss-match relationship, she's gonna get hurt big time.

Leo: Okay, well, you're gonna get hurt big time if you go upstairs and try to get in between of whatever's going on.

[Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe and Miles stumble in, kissing. They rip off their clothes and make their way to the bed.]

Miles: Are you sure you're ready?

Phoebe: Mm-hm.

Miles: You know we don't have to.

Phoebe: I know.

Miles: I mean, we could just-

Phoebe: Why?

Miles: I'm so glad you feel that way. (They lay on the bed and kiss. Phoebe receives a premonition. In the premonition, Miles gets caught in a police shootout and is shot dead. The premonition ends.) Where'd you go? You okay?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Cole and Leo are there having breakfast. Prue, Piper, and Paige walk in.]

Prue: So how come we've never met your couch buddy before?

Paige: He's more than a couch buddy. His name is Max, and I think he might actually have some potential.

Piper: Oh? Define potential.

Paige: Okay, I will. He is wickedly smart, perversely funny, and has just the right touch of weird style for me.

(Phoebe and Miles walk in.)

Phoebe: Hi.

Piper: Oh, look who's coming to breakfast.

Phoebe: Good morning. Everybody, this is Miles.

Piper: Did you guys have a nice night? And morning?

Miles: Actually, yes.

Piper: Well, at least he's honest.

Phoebe: (to Miles) Oh, why don't you take something for the road? (Miles takes a muffin.) And don't forget about our lunch date.

Miles: Uh, do you want to meet at the bistro or at my work.

Phoebe: Oh, definitely at work. And then we'll just walk there.

Miles: Okay. Don't worry. I'll let myself out.

(They quickly kiss and then kiss again this time longer. Prue, Piper, Paige, and Leo feel awkward, though Cole just watches until Prue slaps his arm.)

Phoebe: Okay. Go.

Miles: Nice meeting you.

(Miles leaves. Phoebe sits at the table.)

Phoebe: Okay, something _really_ freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.

Piper: You guys are already getting freaky?

Phoebe: No. I had a premonition. He got caught up in a police shootout and he died.

Paige: Shootout? That's so wild west. And besides, don't you normally have premonitions about the evil nasty people?

Phoebe: Yeah, usually, but not always.

Leo: Your powers are growing. It doesn't surprise me that you're able to detect natural threats as easily.

Phoebe: Natural or supernatural, it doesn't really matter. I would appreciate if one of you could come to lunch with me to back me up. Because if something happened to Miles, I just…. I would be devastated.

Piper: Uh, Phoebe. Well, this sorta sounds like Miles is an innocent we may be supposed to protect. You're not supposed to fall in love with the innocents. Besides, you've only known him three weeks.

Phoebe: Okay, I think that's a little insensitive. Miles makes me feel…. He just makes me feel, and it's really beautiful. So, could you please just be happy for me?

Paige: Aw, toots, I'm happy for you. And if you want, I've got a lunch date, but I'll cancel to go with you.

Prue: Actually, I think you'll have a better chance of protecting Miles with Piper's freezing power.

[Scene: Outside a building. Piper and Phoebe pull up in front of it.]

Phoebe: We should have brought Paige. At least she could orb.

Piper: Hey, it wasn't my fault we got stuck behind an accident.

Phoebe: Okay. (She looks at her watch) 1:15. I'll run in. You try the cell phone. I hope he's still here.

(Phoebe gets out of the car and runs towards the building. Piper tries the cell phone, but can't get through. A truck pulls up beside Piper's car, blocking her in.)

Piper: Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're blocking me in.

Driver: You parked in a loading zone, lady.

Piper: I am not parked. I am sitting here with the engine running. If you just move up I'll get out of your way.

Driver: Too late. I already stepped outside of my vehicle.

Piper: Well, get your butt back inside your vehicle and move it. I need to get out.

Driver: Don't worry. I'll be back in a minute.

Piper: I don't think you understand. This is an emergency.

Driver: Not mine.

(Phoebe runs back over to the car.)

Phoebe: He's gone. (They hear sirens.) Oh, no.

Piper: This idiot is blocking me in.

Phoebe: It's only two blocks. Let's run. (Piper gets out of the car and they run down the street. They stop.) Okay, this is the street. Right or left?

Piper: You're asking me?

Phoebe: What do we do? I don't remember.

Piper: Pick one. Left.

Phoebe: Okay.

(They run left.)

[Cut to a walkway. Miles is walking down towards the bistro. A teenager runs down the walkway and stops when two police cars block the exits. Cops gets out of the car and point their guns. Miles is stuck in the middle.]

Cop #1: Get down on the ground!

Cop #2: SFPD! Drop your weapon! Do it now!

(Piper and Phoebe arrive.)

Phoebe: Piper!

(The teenager shoots and Piper freezes the bullets in mid-air.)

Piper: Hurry. Move fast.

(Phoebe goes over to Miles and plucks the bullets out of the air.)

Phoebe: Okay. Ow. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot. (She runs over to the teenager and takes the gun out of his hand and puts it on the ground. She runs back over to Miles and stands behind him.) Unfreeze it.

Piper: How are you gonna explain-?

Phoebe: I don't know. I'll figure something out. And thanks. I owe you one.

(Piper unfreezes them all and Phoebe dives on Miles, pushing him out of the way.)

Teenager: Okay, okay! I give up!

Cop #2: Down on the ground! Get down on the ground!

(The cops cuff the teenager. Piper goes around the corner out of sight from Miles.)

Miles: Where'd you come from?

Phoebe: I wanted to surprise you for lunch. Surprise!

Miles: You saved my life.

Phoebe: Oh, it was nothing.

Miles: It was my life.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Miles: I should be dead right now.

Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not. That's good.

Miles: You saved my life.

Phoebe: I think we've been over that part.

Miles: Did I thank you?

Phoebe: No, but you can tonight. What do you say to a candlelit dinner? I'll kick my sisters out of the house.

(They kiss and Phoebe gets a premonition. In the premonition, Miles is sitting at the dining room table and suddenly a knife is thrown into his chest and kills him. The premonition ends and Phoebe gasps.)

Miles: Are you okay?

Phoebe: No, I'm not actually.

Miles: Come on. Let's go get some coffee.

(They leave. The brick wall swirls and a man walks out of the wall.)

Man: "Consilio."

(A hedge moves across to block the portal and the man blinks away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Cole is sitting down eating takeout. The warlock blinks in.]

Cole: Who the hell are you?

Warlock: Name's Bacarra. I was sent here from the future.

Cole: Well, can't say I've heard that one before.

Bacarra: Allow me to offer proof. (He pulls out a picture out of his pocket and shows it Cole, who takes it. It shows Cole, an older Prue, and three unknown people, two male and one female.) Those three with you and Prue? Those are your kids.

Cole: We're only having two.

Bacarra: You'll eventually have a third.

(Cole pushes Bacarra against the wall.)

Cole: What are you doing here?

Bacarra: Your kids sent me with a message. Phoebe's in danger.

(Cole lets go of Bacarra.)

Cole: What kind of danger?

Bacarra: She saved a man's life today. Problem is, he was destined to die. Somehow she got a premonition she wasn't supposed to get.

Cole: Angel of Death never gives up a claim.

Bacarra: Of course not. And that's why death keeps coming for this mortal. But your sister-in-law falls in love with him. For the next six months, she tries to save him, over and over, until she loses her own life in the process. Your kids sent me back in time to tell you to kill this man. Said you'd be more likely to do so than the Charmed Ones or the Whitelighter, due to your past.

Cole: I can't kill an innocent. I won't.

Bacarra: He's not an innocent. He's _meant_ to die. You'd only be giving Death a-a helping hand.

Cole: Who are you? (Cole sits back down.) Why would my kids send a warlock with a message this important?

Bacarra: They had no choice. If they left their thrones, it wouldn't be there when they got back. Their rivals would steal it.

Cole: What rivals? What throne?

Bacarra: In the future, when they grow up, they're gonna rule the Underworld. I'm one of their advisors. Of course, I advised them against this, but, uh….

Cole: My children won't turn evil. It won't happen.

Bacarra: It does happen.

Cole: If they're evil, why would they care about saving Phoebe?

Bacarra: Because they believe her death throws off the balance between good and evil. They're big on preserving that for whatever reason. Look, if it's any consolation, it's not just them. Piper's kid too. They unite demons and warlocks to lift the Underworld to its greatest power in history. They're the future of evil, man. (Cole gets up and breathes fire at Bacarra. Bacarra blinks out of the room and blinks back in behind Cole.) They said you'd react that way. Well, I guess it's up to me to get the job done. Wish me luck.

(He blinks out.)

[Scene: Manor. Living room. There are dozens of bunches of red roses all over the room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo are there. Phoebe is looking through the Book of Shadows.]

Piper: A dozen, dozen roses. How many roses is that?

Prue: A hundred and forty-four.

Paige: What do you think he's trying to say?

Phoebe: Okay, so based on what I saw, a demon attacks tonight with an athame, so if we wanna figure out a vanquish, we have to find out what it is.

Prue: Well, what do your premonitions have in common? How do they fit together?

Phoebe: Well, they don't necessarily have to fit together.

Leo: Based on my experience, one's a premonition, _two_ is a pattern.

Phoebe: Or just really bad luck. Miles stumbled into a police shootout today and a demonic shootout tonight.

Piper: So you think the demon is after us?

Phoebe: Wouldn't be the first time.

Paige: I don't know. I think there's something after Miles.

Phoebe: Okay, well, we can explore that theory later.

Piper: Honey, why are you trying to minimize this?

Phoebe: Well, why is everyone else trying to make a bigger deal out of it than it is?

Prue: Probably because we're following our instincts

Piper: And not our hormones.

Phoebe: Ouch.

Leo: Until we know for sure, I think we should take steps to protect Miles.

Phoebe: Okay, well, I'm already all over Miles. I mean, with, you know, the protection stuff. I even cancelled our dinner for tonight.

Prue: You think that's such a good idea? If something's after him, our best chance to find out _what_ is if you go through with your plans.

Paige: She's right. We can surround him with the family for protection.

Phoebe: You mean like a family dinner?

Piper: Mm-hm.

(Phoebe laughs.)

Phoebe: Really?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: Are you cooking?

Piper: Probably.

Phoebe: Then I better get ready.

[Time lapse. Foyer. Phoebe is dressed for dinner. She opens the door and Miles stands there holding a bunch of flowers.]

Phoebe: Yay! More flowers!

Miles: I know, (they kiss) lacks originality, but they're a lot easier to carry than what I really wanted to give you.

(They head for the dining room.)

Phoebe: Oh yeah? What was that?

Miles: Beachfront property. (They kiss.) Hey, you saved my life. Uh, you know, we can always eat later. I'm not really that hungry... for dinner. (Piper clears her throat. Miles sees Prue, Piper, Paige, and Leo sitting around the dining room table.) What happened to the candles and the romance?

Phoebe: Well, um, unfortunately our plans have changed. I just really wanted you to get to know my family. I hope you don't mind.

Paige: Phoebe's said so much about you, we just wanted to get to know you a little better.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah.

Piper: Although, probably not as much as we just did.

Phoebe: Okay, okay, let's eat. (Phoebe guides him to the table. Phoebe hands the flowers to Piper.) More flowers.

Piper: Yay, more flowers.

(Phoebe sits at the other side of table. Piper puts the flowers down and sits.)

[Time lapse. Dining room. Everyone is finishing dinner.]

Miles: You should have seen Phoebe dive out of nowhere. She-she could have easily been killed.

Phoebe: I would do it all again.

Piper: Yeah, that's Phoebe. Friend to all. Would risk her life to save a stray dog.

(There's an awkward silence.)

Prue: So she's says that you have a cabin in Tahoe?

Miles: Near heavenly.

Phoebe: He's gonna take me there next weekend.

Paige: Ohh.

Leo: So you're a big skier?

Phoebe: He used to ski competitively. You should see the pictures he has up on his wall.

(Cole comes downstairs and into the dining room. He motions for Prue to follow him into the kitchen.)

Prue: Excuse me. (She gets up and goes into the kitchen.) What took you so long to get ready? Dinner's almost over now.

Cole: Is Phoebe okay?

Prue: She's fine. Why?

Cole: Listen to me. I got a visit from a warlock earlier and he is after her guy.

Prue: Why didn't you tell us this earlier? (She notices that Cole is upset.) Cole, what is it?

Cole: (pause) It's nothing.

Prue: Cole.

Cole: Prue, please just trust me. It's nothing because I won't _let it_ be anything.

Prue: …. Okay. I trust you. And we'll handle the warlock. Together.

(They kiss. Piper and Phoebe start clearing the table. They walk in with the dishes and put them on the bench.)

Phoebe: Look, Piper, I know you think that Miles and I have nothing in common, but-

Cole: Later for that. Look, there's a warlock after Miles. I'll explain how I know that later, but you need to get back in there.

Piper: Here. Take these.

(She picks up a tray of desserts.)

Phoebe: Uh-oh.

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Miles was killed while we were serving dessert. (Phoebe runs into the dining room. Bacarra blinks in holding a knife.) Look out!

(Bacarra throws the knife and Phoebe dives over the table, pushing Miles out the way. The knife hits a chest of drawers. Piper runs in and tries to freeze him.)

Piper: He won't freeze.

Paige: Blow him up!

(Prue and Piper try to blow him up.)

Bacarra: "Murus Adigo."

(Bacarra flicks his arm and a blue light hits Prue and Piper, knocking them backwards.)

Cole: Prue!/Leo: Piper!

(They rush to their side.)

Phoebe: Paige, the athame!

Paige: Athame!

(The athame orbs into Paige's hand, but before she can throw it, Bacarra causes the chandelier above the table to fall. He blinks out.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Prue is flipping through the Book of Shadows.]

Prue: This warlock is not in here anywhere.

Piper: Miles is still out cold.

Leo: You sure you don't want me to heal him?

Piper: No. He's just got a bump on the head. He'll be okay.

Leo: Okay, well he's lucky to be alive. That was one powerful guy that attacked him.

Paige: How can a warlock that strong not be in the book?

Leo: I wanna check with the Elders, see what they know about our innocent. Clearly he was the target of the attack tonight.

Piper: Hurry back.

(Leo orbs out.)

Paige: You could've told us he was a Jedi Master warlock.

Cole: I didn't know.

Piper: Well, what _do_ you know?

Cole: His name is Bacarra. He claims to be from the future. He came to tell me that Phoebe dies in six months from trying to save her boyfriend from the Angel of Death.

Piper: Oh, no, we're screwed.

Paige: No, it's not all bad. Now that we know it's after Miles, we can vanquish it.

Prue: No, you can't fight Death. If it's Miles' time to go, there's nothing we can do.

Cole: Bacarra told me I could save Phoebe's life by taking out this Miles. I refused.

Paige: That must be why he attacked at the manor, to do the job himself. But, wait a second, why is a warlock helping you in the future?

Cole: He's not. He said that he was sent back to protect the balance between good and evil.

Prue: Sent by who?

Cole: He didn't say. Just keep your guard up. Bacarra knows things that we don't. And do whatever you can with Phoebe. She needs to let Miles die. It's the only way to save her life.

[Cut to the living room. Phoebe is sitting on the couch beside Miles, dabbing his forehead with a towel. Miles wakes up.]

Phoebe: Hi.

Miles: Hey.

Phoebe: How you doing?

Miles: Okay, I think. What happened?

Phoebe: What do you think happened?

Miles: I don't know. I-I remember you jumping over the table, and then... I don't know.

Phoebe: What happened was mouldy plaster and a really heavy chandelier.

(He looks over at the broken chandelier on the dining room table.)

Miles: Are you trying to tell me you saved my life again?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Miles: Okay. I'm having a really bad day here.

Phoebe: Or a really good day depending on how you look at it. You escaped disaster _twice_. That's two more times than most people can say in a lifetime.

Miles: I'm starting to think you should stay by my side until my luck changes.

Phoebe: Maybe you're right.

(Phoebe leans over and kisses Miles and receives a premonition. In the premonition, Miles leans against a railing on a balcony. The railing comes loose and Miles falls to the ground.)

Miles: Your kisses kill me.

Phoebe: Right back atcha.

(Phoebe looks over at Prue, Piper, and Paige, who are watching from the kitchen.)

[Scene: An apartment. A younger Bacarra bursts through the door, wielding an athame.]

Young Bacarra: Come out, witch! (He looks around.) I know you're here.

(The older Bacarra blinks in.)

Bacarra: Calm down. You're embarrassing me.

Young Bacarra: Who are you?

Bacarra: You. I remember being here. Let's see now, the witch you're looking for has the power of... invisibility, right? "Aspectus Invisus."

(The witch becomes visible.)

Young Bacarra: How'd you do that?

(The witch tries to run away but Bacarra grabs her.)

Bacarra: "Sopio." (The witch falls asleep. He lays her on the floor.) I'm not here to hurt you. I need you. We're taking over the Underworld.

Young Bacarra: What did you just say?

Bacarra: You heard me. I came from the future on a different mission. But this is a much better plan. (He spots a potion cupboard.) Ah.

(He walks over to it.)

Young Bacarra: Look, even if you are me, we can't-

Bacarra: I am, and we can. Do you know what I just did? I faced all four Charmed Ones. I was only expecting one, but... there they were. And here I am, still alive.

Young Bacarra: Yeah, so?

Bacarra: _So_ with my knowledge in magic, I realize we can take them out. Of course we'll need to steal their Book of Shadows first, but, uh….

Young Bacarra: That's crazy. Evil can't touch that book.

Bacarra: Sure it can. With a little blood from their line and a spell from the future.

Young Bacarra: What spell?

Bacarra: To cloak ourselves in goodness. And don't worry, it wears off.

Young Bacarra: The Book of Shadows. If we got that, we-we'd be reveled as lords.

Bacarra: Now that's the spirit. Let's get to work on this spell.

[Scene: Miles' apartment. Phoebe and Miles are there sitting on the lounge, drinking wine.]

Miles: Why are you so nervous? I'm the one with all the bad luck.

Phoebe: I know. I just think I'm still a little tense.

Miles: When I'm feeling tense, that's where I go to relax.

(He points at the balcony.)

Phoebe: That old, rusty balcony?

(She laughs.)

Miles: Yeah. I sit out there, I look at the stars. What do you say?

Phoebe: No. Are you kidding me? I'm keeping you away from high places and sharp objects and loose wiring. You're restricted, mister, to a soft mattress and fluffy pillows.

[Cut to the hallway. Prue, Piper, Paige, Cole, and Leo walk out of the elevator and head for Miles' apartment.]

Leo: So the Elders won't confirm or deny that Death wants Miles, so I basically took that as confirmation.

Prue: Still, why would Phoebe get premonitions off a guy that she's not meant to save?

Leo: Miles just isn't any guy. I mean, they have an intense connection. Physically and emotionally.

Cole: So, what, you think their love connection opened up some sort of psychic connection?

Piper: Either that or her damn the world attitude.

Paige: Okay, guys, we can take it from here.

(Cole smoke-fades out and Leo orbs out. Paige knocks on Miles' door and he answers it.)

Miles: Hey.

Paige: Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt. Is Phoebe here?

Prue: It's kind of a family emergency.

Miles: Yeah, okay, sure.

(Miles moves away from the door and Phoebe walks out. She closes the door behind her.)

Phoebe: Hey. What's the emergency?

Paige: Um, we have a strong reason to believe that it's, um, it might sort of be Miles' time to die.

Piper: Yeah.

[Cut inside Miles' apartment. Miles walks out onto the balcony and leans on the railing. A bolt comes loose from the railing.]

[Cut to the hallway.]

Prue: Cole said the warlock was sent back from the future because you're gonna die trying to save Miles from the Angel of Death.

Phoebe: So you want me to let this guy that I really care about die because a warlock says so?

Prue: Phoebe, you know as well as I do that you can't stop Death.

Piper: And it's not just the warlock saying it, Leo thinks that, you know, it might also be Miles' time to die.

Phoebe: Leo thinks? He thinks? That's the best you got? That's the air tight case you came here to present to me?

Piper: Phoebe, we are just trying to save you from a hell of a lot of heartbreak.

Phoebe: I know, sweetie, and I appreciate it, and I love you all for it, but... I am really happy. Miles makes me really happy and I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to try to protect him.

Prue: But you can't. You've gotta let him go. He's gotta move on. You know the Angel of Death-

Phoebe: Okay, enough about the Angel of Death. A warlock wants Miles. You saw him and I saw him. So now let's vanquish him. Come on. (She pushes them towards the elevator.) Please, come on.

Prue: Be careful.

Phoebe: Go, go, go.

Piper: We're going.

(Prue, Piper, and Paige leave.)

[Cut to the balcony. The railing gives way, and Miles falls from the balcony, but he manages to grab onto the railing post.]

Miles: Whoa! Help! Somebody help me! I need help! Phoebe!

(Phoebe rushes into the room.)

Phoebe: Miles?!

(She runs onto the balcony.)

Miles: Phoebe, help me!

Phoebe: Miles!

(She grabs onto his arm and tries to pull him up.)

Miles: Pull me up!

Phoebe: Hang on!

(Phoebe pulls him back up onto the balcony. They hug each other tightly. He pulls away, frightened.)

Miles: Stay away from me.

Phoebe: What? Why?

Miles: Something's wrong with me, or-or-or-or after me. You're gonna get hurt.

Phoebe: No, it's-it's-

Miles: I'm _serious_ , Phoebe! You have to go.

Phoebe: Okay, look, Miles, whatever you're going through, whatever is… whatever is happening to you right now, we're gonna get through this. Together.

Miles: I'm-I'm scared.

Phoebe: I know.

(They hug.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, and Paige walk in.]

Piper: Phoebe is never gonna let Miles die voluntarily.

Paige: Well, I can't say I blame her.

Prue: Me neither, but we've gotta do something fast before she really falls in love with that guy.

(Bacarra blinks in.)

Paige: Ah!

Piper: Then there's our other problem.

Paige: Ah, blow him up!

Piper: And get knocked on our ass again?

(Bacarra throws an athame at Piper and she freezes it in mid-air.)

Bacarra: "Glacies Imber."

(He wiggles his fingers. The athame unfreezes and hits Piper in her shoulder. She is knocked into some boxes. Prue and Paige rush to her side.)

Prue: Piper.

Paige: Piper.

(Younger Bacarra blinks in, holding a vile of potion. Paige pulls the athame out of Piper's shoulder.)

Paige: There's two of them.

Young Bacarra: "Teleportato."

(The athame disappears from Paige's hand and reappears in Young Bacarra's hand. He drips a drop of blood from the athame into the vile. Piper's shoulder heals and she sits up.)

Piper: What's he doing?

(Young Bacarra drinks the potion and walks over to the Book of Shadows. It glows for a second and he picks it up.)

Bacarra: Don't worry. We'll take good care of the book.

(The two Bacarras blink out.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there.]

Piper: I don't know how he did it. He just took it. He drank some weird potion with my blood in it.

Prue: Maybe it's some weird future magic.

Leo: It's impossible. One warlock does not have the power to steal the Book of Shadows.

Piper: No, there was two of them, but they were the same guy. They tag-teamed us.

Paige: Who cares how they did it, you guys. They stole the Book of Shadows. It's gone and I'm not entirely sure what could be worse.

Piper: We could be dead.

Paige: Yeah, well, we're gonna be soon without it.

Prue: It's okay. We're gonna get the book back. We just need to stay calm and stay together.

[Scene: Miles' apartment. Phoebe and Miles are in bed. Miles is asleep and Phoebe lays there awake. She looks over at Miles and then gets out and goes into the living room. She paces. Phoebe's phone rings. She answers it.]

Phoebe: Hey.

Paige: Hey, Phoebe. Demon attacked. We need you. Meet me out front of Miles' apartment. I'll orb you out.

Phoebe: Well, I can't leave Miles alone.

Paige: No, a warlock stole the Book of Shadows, Phoebe. He's not just after Miles, he's after us.

Phoebe: Oh my god. Okay, uh, I'll wake Miles up and bring him with me.

Paige: Cole is going over there to watch over him.

Miles: (from bedroom) Phoebe? Phoebe, where are you?

(Miles walks out of the bedroom.)

Paige: Hello? What's going on?

Miles: Did I hear you talking to someone?

Phoebe: (on phone) Uh, meet me outside. (She hangs up.) I have to go. There's a family emergency.

Miles: Is everything okay?

Phoebe: Yeah, I hope so. I'm taking a really big risk here.

Miles: I don't know. What if my life needs saving while you're gone?

Phoebe: I think you'll be safe tonight.

[Scene: An apartment. The two Bacarras are there. Bacarra is mixing together a potion. The younger Bacarra is flipping through the Book of Shadows.]

Young Bacarra: I knew their magic was good, but I had no idea.

Bacarra: Careful with that.

Young Bacarra: There's a vanquishing spell in here for every demon we've ever met. Nobody's gonna challenge us.

Bacarra: Only one spell in there matters to us now.

Young Bacarra: To disempower a witch.

Bacarra: I'm almost done mixing the ingredients that will infuse the magic.

Young Bacarra: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, it says here you need a fresh human heart.

Bacarra: Not a problem.

(Bacarra goes over to the witch lying on the floor. He reaches into her chest and pulls her heart out.)

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo are there.]

Phoebe: Do we know how Bacarra even got here?

Leo: The Elders think that he used a time ripple. Whenever something stops a destined event from occurring, it sends a ripple through time. And a powerful warlock like Bacarra could have used it if he knew the place where destiny was cheated.

Piper: Well, that would be where Phoebe and I saved Miles.

Phoebe: Whoa. I can't believe we're still on this. Death isn't after Miles, Bacarra is.

Prue: Yeah, Bacarra didn't pull the trigger in the alley, okay.

Phoebe: But how do we _know_? Maybe mind control is one of his future powers?

Piper: Okay, let's not argue about how he got here. He's here and he's got our _book_.

Paige: Okay, that book holds a centuries' worth of magic that he can use against us. Great.

Piper: Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone _defend_ against.

Phoebe: We're dead.

Piper: Again.

Paige: And again.

(Prue sighs.)

Leo: Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights.

Piper: Honey?

Leo: Yeah?

Piper: Zip it.

Leo: Okay. I thought it was worth a shot.

Prue: I actually think Leo's right. I mean, we've been through this before, we can't get scared just because Bacarra has the Book of Shadows.

Paige: In fact, maybe the book has been holding us back. Bacarra knows exactly what we're gonna do because he knows exactly how we're gonna fight.

Prue: Okay, so if we're gonna vanquish him, and we will, we need to change our tactics. We need new potions, new spells, stuff that he's never seen before. Let's go. Break.

(The girls get up and head for the attic.)

Paige: Alright.

Leo: That's what I was trying to say.

[Cut to the attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are there working on spells and potions.]

Prue: Okay, the obscuring fog spell is done. We could use this if we need to fog up the joint for cover. So that makes nine defensive and fourteen offensive spells.

Piper: Okay, we've almost got all the new spells bottled.

(The two Bacarras blink in.)

Bacarras: "Before the passing of this hour/Take away all their powers."

Paige: Huh? What does that mean?

Piper: I don't know but I don't like that smug look on their faces. (She throws a potion at them and nothing happens.) Okay, that didn't go so well.

Phoebe: Okay, how about this? "We call upon Medusa's bones/Turn their flesh into stone." No. Okay, blow up something.

(Prue tries to blow them up, as does Piper, and nothing happens.)

Paige: I can't orb.

Bacarras: "Incendiares Globus." (Balls of flame form in their hands.)

Piper: Leo!

(Paige quickly grabs an athame and the Bacarras throw the balls of flame at her and Prue, turning them into dust. Bacarra throws another ball of flame at Phoebe, turning her into dust. Leo orbs in.)

Leo: Oh my god.

Bacarra: And then there were none.

(Leo dives on Piper as Young Bacarra throws another ball of flame at her. He orbs out with her just in time.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: The walkway where Miles was saved the first time. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is crouched down against a wall bawling her eyes out.]

Piper: Leo, why are we here? Do you realize that I think I just watched my sisters die?

Leo: This is the alley where you saved Miles. Just try and stay calm. We still have a chance.

Piper: A chance? I just saw my sisters get incinerated, Leo. You can't heal _ashes_.

Leo: I don't wanna heal them. I want to set destiny back on track.

(Piper gets up.)

Piper: What? It's already happened. There's nothing we can do.

Leo: Not necessarily. The time ripple Bacarra opened is gonna _stay_ open until he goes back through it and returns to his time.

(Leo touches the brick wall.)

Piper: What are you looking for?

Leo: A hidden door. It's gotta be around here somewhere. If we can find it, we can travel back and rewrite history like Bacarra did. Make it so none of this ever happened.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. The two Bacarras are there.]

Bacarra: The Underworld belongs to us.

Young Bacarra: Which one of us?

Bacarra: Still distrustful. But don't lose that quality. It'll help us go far. Now call the meeting of the demonic leaders and demand your rightful position, don't wait another second.

Young Bacarra: What are you gonna do?

Bacarra: Return to the future where I belong. You can catch up with me in a couple of years.

[Cut to the walkway. Leo and Piper are still looking for the ripple.]

Leo: If we can find the ripple, it should send us back. It's an infinite slipstream through time.

Piper: Well, what if it carries us forward?

Leo: It won't. Bacarra used it to get here, so it'll keep flowing backwards until he enters it to reverse it.

Piper: Okay, so we're going back. What if it takes us too far back?

Leo: Well, we could wind up with tails. What time did Phoebe save Miles yesterday?

Piper: A little after one.

Leo: Okay, well, use your watch.

(Piper continues to touch the wall and comes to a spot where she nearly falls through.)

Piper: Found it.

(Leo moves the hedge out of the way. Bacarra blinks in.)

Bacarra: "Debilito!"

(Leo dives on Bacarra and holds him down.)

Leo: Go! Now!

Bacarra: No!

(Piper walks into the ripple.)

[Cut to in the ripple. Piper watches images of the day rewind backwards, faster and faster. She checks her watch and walks out of the ripple a couple of minutes before Phoebe saves Miles. She runs off.]

[Cut to outside a building. Piper's car pulls up. Phoebe gets out and runs towards the building. The delivery truck pulls up beside Piper's car.]

[Cut to inside the car. Piper puts down her cell phone. Suddenly, future Piper jumps in the car.]

Piper: Whoa, whoa!

Future Piper: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't panic, I'm not a demon, okay. I'm you, obviously, from the future.

Piper: Apparently not very far in the future. I just bought that top.

Future Piper: Listen to me, Miles has got to die. It's his time, it's his destiny, and if Phoebe saves him today she'll be killed by a warlock, along with Prue and Paige.

Piper: Wait a minute, slow down. Why would a warlock-?

Future Piper: Because Phoebe falls in love with Miles and she just keeps saving him until…. Look, don't argue with me, okay. We don't have time for this. Just let Miles die.

Piper: Look, I don't know who you are, or what you are, but how do you-? (Future Piper pinches her on the arm.) Ow! What'd you do that for?!

(Future Piper shows her arm to reveal matching bruises.)

Future Piper: When Phoebe asks left or right, go to the right.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Future Piper: Just remember right, and when this is all over, make sure Phoebe knows this was just meant to be, okay. Oh, and by the way, the next time she falls for a guy, do not stand in her way, okay?

(Future Piper leaves.)

Piper: I'm not standing in her way!

(Phoebe runs back over to the car.)

Phoebe: He's gone. (She hears the sirens.) Oh, no.

Piper: This idiot is blocking me in.

Phoebe: It's only two blocks. Let's run. (Piper gets out of the car and they run down the street. They stop.) Okay, this is the street. Right or left?

Piper: Good question.

Phoebe: What do we do? I don't remember.

Piper: I don't know, Phoebe. I don't know here.

Phoebe: Piper, come on.

Piper: Right, go right. (Phoebe takes off.) Oh, god, forgive me.

(Piper follows Phoebe. Police cars pass them in the opposite direction.)

Phoebe: We're going the wrong way. It's behind us.

(They turn around.)

[Cut to the walkway. Miles is shot in the chest and he drops to the ground, dead. Piper and Phoebe run around the corner. Piper tries to hold Phoebe back, but she can't and she runs over to Miles. Tears well up in Piper's eyes and she looks across the walkway to see future Piper there. Future Piper nods and vanishes.]

[Scene: Manor. Phoebe's room. Phoebe's there with her headphones on bopping away to the music. Prue, Piper, and Paige walk in holding plates of food.]

Piper: Phoebe, can we….?

(Prue whistles. Phoebe turns off her walkman and removes the headphones.)

Phoebe: Oh, okay, how long have you guys been standing there?

Paige: Long enough to know you've got some serious eighties dance moves. I guess you don't need comfort food.

Piper: Whatcha doing?

Phoebe: A little laundry.

Prue: Mm-hm, yeah, you don't do laundry.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Are you okay?

Phoebe: No. Are those chocolate chip?

Piper: Mm-hm.

(Phoebe takes a cookie off the plate.)

Phoebe: I'm never gonna be okay losing an innocent, you know, and I just…. I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that I wasn't supposed to save him.

Paige: Wasn't Miles a little bit more than just an innocent to you?

Phoebe: I think I wanted him to be, but I just have to concentrate on me right now, you know, and not be afraid that I may never find love.

Piper: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. You will definitely find love.

Phoebe: You think?

Piper: Actually, I know. And I, for one, can guarantee you that when it does happen for you, I will not be holding you back. At all.

Phoebe: Thanks... I think.

Prue: Piper, is there something you know that we don't know?

Piper: Well, let's just say I had a little premonition of my own.

(Piper leaves the room.)

Phoebe: Hey!

Prue: Hey!

Paige: Piper, hey!

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige follow Piper.)


	8. Sam, I Am

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Sam, I Am**

[Scene: P4. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are watching a band play. Paige is sitting on a couch nearby and a cute guy walks over and kisses her on the cheek.]

Guy: You're mad. I'm late, I know.

Paige: Oh, god, no, not at all, don't worry about it, honey.

Guy: Good, 'cause I'd hate to spend the weekend in Big Sur arguing.

Paige: What?

Guy: You and me, driving down the coast. Radio on, top down. All you have to do is say yes.

Paige: That sounds really great, but….

Guy: But that's not a yes.

Paige: It's just that this isn't really going to work.

Guy: Okay, we could reschedule.

Paige: Not the weekend, _us_. I'm really sorry.

Guy: Yeah, me too.

(He leaves.)

[Cut to Prue, Piper, and Phoebe watching from across the room.]

Prue: Oh.

Piper: Uh, there he goes. I really thought that one was a keeper.

Phoebe: Why, because he was cute, and funny, and oh, yeah, don't let me forget, deliciously yummy?

Prue: That's the second guy in a row she's dumped.

Phoebe: Uh, third, but who's counting. So you think she has commitment issues? Or you think she's just too picky?

Piper: I don't know. I'd love to speculate, but we've gotta go.

Phoebe: Piper, if you haven't noticed, the Flaming Lips are playing at your club. My-my favourite group.

Piper: I know, and that's why you're not going to scare them when you go backstage, okay.

Phoebe: Okay.

Piper: Come on, Prue. We've gotta go home, because we've gotta interview magical nannies tomorrow, and we gotta prepare.

Phoebe: Wait, _magical_ nannies? You mean like Mary Poppins?

Piper: Oh, one can only hope, but no.

Prue: Leo has arranged for us to meet supernatural _creatures_ that have childcare experience.

Phoebe: Creatures?

Piper: It's not like we can call a service and ask for a nanny to watch over our little _Charmed Ones_ while we go off and slay slimy demons.

Phoebe: Yeah, that's a good point.

Piper: Okay, we'll see you.

(They get up.)

Prue: Bye.

Phoebe: I just…. Can I-?

(Prue and Piper leave. Paige walks over to Phoebe and sits down beside her.)

Paige: Breaking up is such a downer.

Phoebe: Yeah, honey, well, practice makes perfect. Well, you know, I mean, if it's not right, it's not right. Why wasn't it right?

Paige: I don't know. I could just kinda tell it wasn't really going anywhere, so I thought I'm gonna cut this one off at the pass before it gets messy and he likes me too much.

Phoebe: Okay. If you say so.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Paige are there. Piper is cleaning. Paige spills crumbs over the counter while eating some cake.]

Piper: Hey! Lady! I'm trying to make a good impression here! Put it down, put it down, put it down!

(Paige drops the cake in its packet and Piper moves it over to the sink.)

Paige: On the nannies?

Piper: Yeah. I want the best and the best don't work for slobs.

Paige: We're not slobs!

Piper: Oh, yeah? How come I spent all night cleaning potions stains off of the ceiling?

Paige: That's gespacio, not potion.

Piper: Well, you know what? Blenders have lids.

Paige: Piper, you need to relax, okay?

Piper: I will relax when Prue, Leo, and Cole get here. We haven't had a chance to prepare.

Paige: What's to prepare? You're a Charmed One. Your reputation precedes you.

Piper: Oh, you mean how evil barges in here all hours of the day and night hell bent on killing us? Not exactly an ideal working environment. (Prue and Cole walk in just as Leo orbs in beside Piper.) Oh, finally. I was afraid that the Elders drummed up one of their last minute it can't wait assignments. (Leo gives her a look.) Can it wait?

Leo: No, it can't wait. But the assignment's not for me, it's for Paige. You're getting your first charge.

Paige: Are you serious?

Leo: Well, the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humour.

Paige: That is so great! I am now Paige Matthews, Whitelighter-Witch. I'm a hyphenate.

Piper: Wait a minute, since when are you psyched about Whitelighter duty?

Paige: Well, it is half of who I am. Who's my charge gonna be? Is it a Whitelighter-to-be? A philanthropist? A doctor?

Leo: Not exactly.

Paige: Oh, wait, don't tell me. It's a young girl, a witch. She's just coming into her powers. Oh my god, I can totally relate to that.

Piper: You _ramble_ when you're excited.

Paige: Sorry.

Leo: All I can tell you about your charge is that he is a good man who's lost his way.

Piper: And why is that all you can tell her?

Leo: Because the Elders want Paige to figure the rest out for herself.

Piper: Yeah, see, you're being vague.

Leo: Your charge's name is Samuel.

(Prue and Piper exchange a look.)

Paige: Samuel. Good, strong, biblical name. Okay. Where do I find him?

Leo: The Elders aren't sure, but they think that you should be able to sense his location.

Prue: So wait a minute, if the Elders have lost track of him, why did they suddenly think Paige can find him?

Leo: Well, the Elders have complete faith in Paige's ability, so do I. All we have to do is trust that they know what they're doing.

Cole: How are you supposed to trust people that don't answer your questions?

Paige: Okay, enough. I don't want anybody to rain on my Whitelighter parade.

Commercial Break

[Scene: An alley. Paige and Leo are there. Paige steps over a large puddle.]

Paige: If this is where I'm supposed to find my charge, you might've told me not to wear my Jimmy Choos.

Leo: Jimmy who?

Paige: My shoes. Ugh, men. So I'm guessing my wealthy philanthropist theory was wrong.

Leo: I told you. He's a lost soul in need of saving.

Paige: Yeah, this definitely looks like a place where lost souls would hang out. Probably also some rats, some roaches, and... human waste. Ugh. At least my cover will work.

Leo: Cover?

Paige: Social worker. Well, I have to tell Samuel something.

Leo: Well, in this case, I don't think you're gonna need a cover.

Paige: In this case?

Leo: Well, every case is different.

Paige: Piper's right, you _are_ being evasive. (Paige suddenly senses her charge.) I feel something. I think he's close.

Leo: You're sensing him?

Paige: No, it's more like a… a magnetic pull.

(They walk further down the alley and reach the back of a tavern. The door opens and a drunk Samuel is thrown out, landing at Paige's feet.)

Bartender: And stay out!

Leo: Good luck.

Paige: Where are you going?

Leo: Nanny interviews.

(Leo orbs out. Samuel coughs and vomits on Paige's shoes. She pulls a face.)

Paige: Aww, great. This is just great.

[Time lapse. Samuel's apartment. Paige helps Samuel in, trying her best to keep him on his feet.]

Samuel: You're strong, for a girl.

(He sits on the bed.)

Paige: Thanks, I think. Well, here we are. Home sweet home.

Samuel: It's a dump.

Paige: _No_! It's... shabby chic.

Samuel: It's a shabby _dump_!

Paige: Well, how about some coffee?

Samuel: How about you leave me alone?

Paige: Maybe you just wanna talk. You know, I am a really good listener.

Samuel: What part of alone don't you understand?!

Paige: Okay, maybe some other time. But if you need help of any variety, just call this number and I'll be there, okay? (She pulls out a pad and a pen and writes her number down.) I'll be right there to help you.

Samuel: I can't believe the Elders finally tracked me down, with a novice no less.

Paige: Wait a second. You _know_?

Samuel: A little advice, you need to work up a cover. Didn't you read the Whitelighter manual?

Paige: There's a manual?

Samuel: I can't believe the Elders sent a newbie out after me.

Paige: Well, I can't believe the Elders saddled me with a cranky old drunk as my first charge.

(He stumbles off the bed and laughs.)

Samuel: You've got spunk. I like that. Now... go away.

Paige: No, I will _not_ go away. I may be new at this, but I was sent here to guide and protect you, and that is exactly what I am going to do, like it or not.(A Darklighter black orbs in and points his crossbow at Samuel.) No! (Paige pushes the Darklighter to the floor. The Darklighter gets back up and points the crossbow at Sam. Sam backs up against a cupboard.) Duck!

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Cole, Leo, and a really short elven woman with pointy ears and green eyes are there.]

Elf: Sorry. I don't cook.

Piper: Cooking. That's a no. Okay, got it.

(Piper marks something off on her clipboard.)

Elf: And only light house cleaning.

Leo: Oh, that's okay, because Piper's a neat freak.

Elf: If you don't mind, I have a few questions of my own.

(A quill and some parchment magically appear in the elf's hand.)

Prue: Oh, of course you do. Well, yeah, please.

Elf: Am I expected to protect the baby from the incessant demon attacks?

Piper: I'd say incessant is a bit of an overstatement.

Elf: You _are_ Charmed Ones, correct?

Prue: Yes.

Piper: Uh, but that won't affect your job here.

Cole: Won't it?

Piper: No, Cole, it won't. He's such a pessimist. Demons, you see, demons rarely attack us in the house, so….

(Suddenly, Paige orbs in with Samuel.)

Paige: Darklighter! Incoming!

(The elf woman gives Piper a look.)

Piper: This is highly unusual.

(The Darklighter black orbs into the room and shoots his crossbow at Samuel. An arrow hits him in the shoulder.)

Paige: Samuel!

(Piper tries to blow the Darklighter up, but only blows up his arm. He screams in pain. Phoebe walks in and panics when she sees what's going on. The Darklighter black orbs away.)

Phoebe: Wh….?

Elf: Consider my application withdrawn.

(The elf grabs her purse and fades away.)

Piper: _Damn it._

(They rush over to Samuel.)

Leo: (to Paige) Don't touch it. It's poisonous to you too.

Phoebe: (to Prue and Piper, whispering) Is that who I think it is?

Prue: (whispers) Mom's Whitelighter.

Piper: (whispers) And Paige's _father_.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Samuel are there. Phoebe leans Samuel against the chair.]

Phoebe: It's okay, you're gonna be okay.

Paige: This can't be happening. I can't be _losing_ my _first_ charge.

Prue: You're not. Everyone with Whitelighter blood, back up.

(Piper, Paige, and Leo take a step back.)

Paige: Leo, I can't believe you didn't tell me he was a Whitelighter.

Leo: Paige, just try and stay calm.

Paige: _Calm_? The Elders sent me to protect someone without telling me who he was.

Piper: I'd say _that's_ a bit of an understatement.

Paige: Is there something else I should know?

(Prue telekinetically removes the arrow and Samuel screams.)

Prue: Okay. (Prue uses the twins' powers to burn the arrow to ash. Leo goes over to Samuel and heals his wound.) Paige, go get the Book of Shadows.

Paige: Why? We know it was a Darklighter.

Piper: No, there was something different about that guy. You just go get the book.

Paige: Fine.

(Paige leaves.)

Leo: You alright?

Samuel: I'm still alive, aren't I?

Piper: Long time no see.

(He looks at Prue, Piper, and Phoebe.)

Samuel: Prue, Piper, Phoebe, how you been?

Prue: Last time we saw you, you were riding into the afterlife with our mother. What happened?

Samuel: They made me a Whitelighter again. And I screwed up, again. I guess I never got over, um...

Piper: Losing your daughter? Yeah, that's the one.

Samuel: I've gotta get outta here.

(He gets up.)

Leo: Don't. She's your Whitelighter for a reason. The Elders are trying to help you.

Samuel: By reuniting me with the child they forced me to _give up_?

Piper: You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?

Leo: I was sworn to secrecy.

Piper: Ugh.

Samuel: It _doesn't_ _matter_.

(Samuel walks into the parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo follow.)

Phoebe: No, hey, wait a minute. Aren't you forgetting someone? Like that girl upstairs that's trying to save your life?

Samuel: She's better off without me.

Phoebe: This isn't right.

Samuel: I'll tell you what's not right. The Elders setting me up.

Leo: You forced them to. When you stopped using your powers, you fell off the radar. The only way to find you was through a blood relative.

Samuel: I never wanted to be _found_. Least of all by _her_.

Prue: Don't you think she at least deserves to know the truth?

Samuel: The truth? That her birth father, the _Whitelighter_ , is a two-timing loser and a _drunk_? She doesn't need to know that.

(Samuel orbs out. Paige comes down the stairs with the book.)

Paige: Where's Samuel?

Prue: He, uh, he orbed out.

Paige: What? You just let him?

Cole: We couldn't stop him.

Prue: Did you find anything in the book?

Paige: _No._

(She slams down the book.)

Leo: Well, we're pretty sure that he's a tracker.

Cole: They're stronger and more powerful than the Darklighters you've dealt with, and they go after fallen Darklighters, especially those who are a step away from losing their wings.

Paige: Okay, if you knew all that, why did I have to go get the book?

Leo: Because your sisters didn't know that.

Phoebe: Yeah, sorry.

Prue: So we're gonna need a vanquishing potion.

Piper: Well, why don't you three get started on that, and Leo and I will go find Sam.

Paige: Wait a second. He's my charge. I'm gonna go look for him.

Leo: Well, he's been orbing a lot longer than you have. You might lose him. I have a better chance of finding him than you do.

Piper: Mm-hm, so, here, we're gonna go. We're going.

(Leo orbs out with Piper.)

[Scene: Samuel's apartment. Piper and Leo are waiting there. Samuel orbs in.]

Piper: Thought you'd lost us, did you?

Leo: We knew you'd be back sooner or later.

Samuel: What is with you people? Can't you take a hint?

Leo: We need to talk.

Samuel: I don't wanna talk. I wanna be left alone. Why else do you think I've been orbing all over creation?

Piper: Well, chickening out comes to mind.

Leo: Sam, I know it hurts.

Samuel: Oh, you know? How? How can you?

Leo: I-I know loss.

Samuel: Hubris of a Whitelighter. Thinking we know everything just because of who we are. Well, that is _crap_.

Piper: Now you got a point there. So why don't you _help us_ understand?

Samuel: You want to understand, do you? Well, you hold that precious little baby of yours in your arms, and you love her more than you ever loved anything in the world, and then you give her to _someone else_ to _raise_ and _grow up with_.

Piper: You and Mom did that to protect Paige.

Samuel: It didn't work, did it? As soon as she found out who she was, a witch, a Charmed…. (He starts to cry.) It was just a matter of time until I lost her again. And I couldn't handle that. Look, uh, it doesn't matter. Just leave, please. Pretend you never found me.

Leo: It _does_ matter, Sam. That Darklighter is not gonna stop until he kills you.

Samuel: Maybe that's my destiny. You ever think of that?

Leo: Look, come on, that is a cop out, and you know it.

Piper: You really think the Elders brought you and Paige together so she could watch you die?

Samuel: Look at you, of all people, defending the Elders.

Piper: Hey, they may not be on my Christmas list, but that doesn't mean they don't usually have a good reason for doing the things that they do.

Samuel: Like telling you you couldn't marry Leo?

Piper: I said usually. Look, if you don't want our help, that's fine. But maybe this isn't about you, maybe this is about helping Paige.

Samuel: Helping Paige with what?

Piper: Knowing where she comes from, for starters.

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole are there. Phoebe is making a potion.]

Paige: So you don't know him at all?

Phoebe: You know, we run into a lot of people in our line or work.

Paige: Hey, once again, not an answer.

Phoebe: Can you pass me the cardamom please?

(Paige does so. Phoebe sprinkles some in the potion and starts humming.)

Paige: Okay, I'm just gonna take a guess now. Let's see, maybe the Elders gave him to me because he's a lost cause they couldn't pawn off on anyone else.

Phoebe: Toadflax.

(Paige hands her the toadflax.)

Paige: Just tell me if I'm hot or cold.

Prue: Okay, maybe the Elders thought you would actually learn something from working with him.

Paige: Like what? How to _give up_?

Cole: No, I think you pretty much got that down.

Prue: Cole.

Paige: Okay. What is that supposed to mean?

Cole: You do tend to be pretty quick to judge people.

Paige: Like you, you mean? You deserve it.

Prue: And Trevor.

Paige: Okay. Trevor is an orange, my charge would be an apple, I fail to see the connection.

Phoebe: Okay, take my word for it. You need to give Samuel another chance. It's important, for you both.

Paige: Okay, enough with the cryptic. Tell me what you know and _please_ don't change the subject.

Prue: Okay, you really wanna know?

Paige: Yeah.

Prue: Sam was mom's Whitelighter.

Paige: That would make him...

Prue: Your biological father.

Phoebe: Honey, are you okay?

Paige: Great. I'm just great. I just don't quite see _why_ the big secret. Why couldn't anybody tell me?

(Samuel walks in.)

Samuel: I should've told you. I'm sorry. I was hoping we could talk.

Phoebe: Go ahead, honey.

Prue: We'll finish the potion.

Paige: Yeah, we can talk.

Phoebe: We're here for you if you need us.

(Prue nods. Paige leaves the kitchen.)

[Cut to the conservatory. Paige and Samuel walk in.]

Samuel: You hate me, don't you?

Paige: Why should I? You're a stranger to me.

Samuel: That's a perfectly fair statement.

Paige: Spoken like a true Whitelighter.

Samuel: But not a father.

Paige: I had a father. One who made me proud to be his daughter. And it's not you.

Samuel: I haven't made you very proud, have I?

Paige: No offence, but I don't know you. And I actually haven't spent a lot of time over the years _thinking_ about you.

Samuel: Well, maybe you should. After all, I'm the one who gave you up at birth. That has to have caused you some pain.

[Cut to the kitchen. Piper and Leo orb in.]

Phoebe: Hey, nice job, you guys.

Leo: What do you mean?

Phoebe: Sam's in there talking to Paige.

Leo: What?

Piper: That's impossible. Sam refused to come back.

[Cut to the conservatory.]

Samuel: You can pretend _all you want_ that it hasn't affected you, but we both know better than that.

Paige: How would you know? Who the hell do you think you are anyway?

(Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo run in.)

Paige: Paige.

Leo: That's not Sam.

Paige: What are you talking about?

Samuel: She's talking about this.

(Samuel morphs into the Darklighter.)

Paige: You son of a bitch.

Darklighter: Wait. It gets better, alright.

(The Darklighter summons his crossbow and points it at them.)

Paige: Uh-oh.

(He shoots his crossbow and the arrow splits into three. An arrow hits Paige in the stomach, another hitting Leo's arm, and when the third hits Piper's stomach, a blue force field appears and the arrow crumples to the ground. Paige and Leo fall to the floor.)

Darklighter: Ooh.

(The Darklighter dark orbs out.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. The arrows have been removed from Paige and Leo. Leo is lying on the floor with his head propped up on a pillow. Piper is kneeling beside him tying a cloth around his arm. Paige is lying on a chair while Phoebe dabs her wound with a towel. Paige groans.]

Paige: You can't stop the bleeding, can you?

Phoebe: Shh. Just try and rest. (Prue and Piper walk over to Phoebe and Paige.) How's Leo doing?

Piper: He's been better.

Prue: We've gotta find Sam. He's our only chance.

Paige: Then I'm screwed.

Prue: Don't think like that.

Paige: Why? Sam bails, that's what he does. This time won't be any different.

Piper: It's different because now you're the one that's hurt. So you gotta find him, and we will go get him and bring him back here, and Cole will stay with you and Leo.

(Paige closes her eyes.)

[Scene: Alley behind the tavern. Samuel is asleep on some rubbish with an empty alcohol bottle in his hand. The Darklighter dark orbs in and points his crossbow at Samuel. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe appear behind the Darklighter.]

Prue: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

(The Darklighter spins around to face them.)

Darklighter: What are you doing here?

Piper: Protecting him from you.

(Ronan points his crossbow at them, but before he can shoot, Phoebe throws a potion at him, vanquishing him.)

Piper: Sam! (They run over to him.) Sam, Sam, wake up.

(She shakes him. He wakes up.)

Samuel: No. Leave me alone.

Piper: Listen to me. Paige and Leo need you. The Darklighter shot them. You need to heal them.

(Piper helps him to his feet.)

Samuel: I don't know. It's been so long.

Prue: Well, there's no one else. You have to do it.

Phoebe: Look, if you think you've screwed up in the past, now would be a good time to start making amends.

[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Paige is shaking. Cole covers her with a blanket.]

Paige: (surprised) Thank you.

Cole: Just hang on.

(Sam orbs in with Prue, Piper, and Phoebe. He sees Paige and rushes to her side. He holds his hands above Paige, but nothing happens.)

Sam: Oh, god, no.

Prue: What's the problem?

Samuel: I can't.

Phoebe: What? Try again.

Samuel: It's no use. This is my punishment.

Piper: No, you will not sit there and drown in self-pity while Paige and my husband die.

Samuel: Don't you think I wanna save them? For god's sake, this is my daughter.

Phoebe: You can't heal her because you gave up.

Samuel: Everything I touch, I hurt. All I wanted was a life for her free from magic and demons.

Phoebe: All the pain and anger that you've been hanging on to for so many years, you've got to let it go. It's time to let it go.

Samuel: Paige, I am so sorry.

Paige: It's okay.

(Paige touches Sam and a blue orbing light surrounds him. The light vanishes to reveal a clean-shaven Sam.)

Samuel: What happened?

Phoebe: I think you just healed yourself.

Prue: Now Paige.

(He holds his hands above Paige and heals her.)

Paige: Thank you.

Piper: Okay. Thanks later. Leo now.

(Sam walks over to Leo and heals him. Leo sits up.)

Leo: Piper, are you okay? The baby?

Piper: Oh, she's fine. I don't think we have to worry about her at all. I'll explain later.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Paige and Sam are sitting on the couches.]

Samuel: Paige, I want you to know... that giving you up... was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Your mother too. If we could've done it over, we… we wouldn't have done it. But we weren't supposed to be together. A baby…. We were afraid the Elders would find out.

Paige: It's okay. I understand. I really…. I do.

Samuel: It still has to have hurt you.

Paige: I used to think that you did not matter to me at all, and if I never met you, my life would be perfectly fine. I guess, uh, the Elders knew better after all. When you gave me up, you made a choice that gave me the most amazing gift. See, I got to have these tremendous parents and we… we loved each other _fiercely_. And now I have this whole new life with my sisters.

Samuel: What about everything that goes with it?

Paige: I choose to be a witch. I could've walked away, but I didn't. And now I'm a Whitelighter to boot.

Samuel: That's my girl.

[Cut to the kitchen. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole are there. Leo orbs in.]

Piper: Any luck?

Leo: That little elf? Got a big mouth. All the nannies cancelled their interviews.

Piper: Oh, great. Well, if magical nannies won't work for us, and regular ones are out of the question, then what are we gonna do?

Leo: Well, it's a good thing we have a few months.

Piper: Ugh.

Leo: We'll figure it out.

Prue: I'm not worried, personally.

(Piper gives her a look as Cole chuckles. Paige walks in.)

Phoebe: Hey. How'd it go?

Paige: Good. Difficult, but good.

Leo: He's a good man. It'll be good for you guys to get to know each other.

Paige: Yeah, I think I'm a little burnt out on the whole emotional roller coaster thing right now. Maybe I deserve a nice drive down the coast. I think I'll call Trevor.

Piper: Oh, that guy, yeah, that guy you just dumped.

Paige: Well, maybe I'll rethink that whole dumping perfectly nice guys before I give them a chance thing. I guess meeting Sam made me realize I kinda still have some abandonment issues I might wanna work through.


	9. Y Tu Mummy Tambien

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :) To answer your question, it's just as I said. The reason it took longer to get out 5x01 and 5x02 after 4x22 is because I was writing all of the Season 5 scripts in advance, which are all now already written, which means all I have to do is proofread each chapter before posting them. It helps that I'm not in school or employed, so I just work on the fic non-stop, aside from cleaning/eating/sleeping.

 **Y Tu Mummy Tambien**

[Scene: An apartment. A man rushes in carrying a woman. He lays her on the couch.]

Man: Crystal. Where's the crystal?

Woman: It's over there.

Man: Where?

Woman: In the cabinet.

(The man rushes over to a cabinet and searches through it. He finds a crystal and a map.)

Man: Got it. (The woman sighs and closes her eyes.) Isis. (He rushes to her side.) Isis! Don't die on me, not yet. Not until we can find you another body. Call upon the witch within. Use her powers.

Isis: I don't have the strength.

Man: Find the strength. It's the only way.

Isis: Okay. (She scrys for a witch with the crystal and the map.) I found one.

Man: Good. Can you tell? Is she powerful enough to hold your spirit?

Isis: I don't know.

(She dies.)

Man: Until we meet again, my love. (He hears the sirens of police cars and three pull up outside. Four policemen get out.) Like moths to a flame.

[Cut to outside.]

Darryl: Remember, nobody's taken him yet, so watch your backs, and follow my lead. Any questions? Let's go.

(They run up the stairs.)

[Cut to the apartment.]

Man: "Saqqara tiet ushebti."

(Isis is mummified. A large brooch in the shape of a beetle appears on the mummy's chest. The man turns to sand. The police barge in through the door.]

Darryl: Clear! Freeze!

(They check all the rooms.)

Policeman: Clear in the bathroom. Clear in the bedroom.

(Darryl walks over to the pile of sand and picks up a handful.)

Policeman #2: Everything's locked from the inside. How'd he get out of here?

Darryl: You don't wanna know.

Opening Credits

[Scene: A maternity clothes shop. Phoebe and Paige are waiting outside changing rooms.]

Paige: Okay, my hair is turning white out here. Come out already.

Piper's Voice: No.

Paige: Come on, it can't be that bad.

(Prue and Piper, with their pregnant stomachs now showing, part the curtains and walk out of changing rooms wearing maternity clothes. Prue puts her hands on her hips and Piper crosses her arms.)

Phoebe: Aww, it's _cute_.

Prue: We don't wanna be cute. (She stands in front of a mirror.) I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

Paige: Oh, your pants weren't even buttoning anymore. Come on.

Piper: Well, we could've gone up a size, or two. We don't need to resort to maternity clothes.

Prue: Everything is just so bright and cheery and _ruffley_. This thing makes me look like a-

Saleswoman: _Adorable_! (The saleswoman comes over to them.) Absolutely _adorable_. I think it's you.

Piper: Hmm, I guess you don't know us very well, do you?

Paige: Piper.

Prue: Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? You know, something for the mom-to-bes who kick some ass upon occasion? You know, something in _black_ , or _grey_?

Saleswoman: I'll check. Aw, _motherhood_.

(She pats their stomachs and walks away.)

Piper: Okay, explain to me the touching thing.

Prue: Yeah, why are our stomachs suddenly public property and perfect strangers are always touching us?

Piper: It's weird space invasion. (Paige rubs her neck.) Are you listening?

Paige: No, I'm not.

Phoebe: Neither am I. What's the matter with your neck?

Paige: It's this cramp. I've had it for a couple of days now.

Phoebe: Well, why don't you get a massage?

(Prue and Piper look through a rack of clothes.)

Paige: Oh, yeah, I'll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife.

(Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.)

Phoebe: No.

(Piper puts the dress back.)

Piper: Well, A, I don't need midwives, because I'm delivering with a _doctor_ , not _sisters_.

Prue: Well, that's just you, Piper.

Piper: And B, you need to start taking care of yourself, because you've actually been working harder than when you were working.

(Prue's phone rings. She answers it.)

Prue: Hello? Oh, hey, Darryl. You're at our house?

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Darryl are there. Prue and Piper are fidgeting with the maternity outfits they're still wearing and Phoebe is busy painting her toenails. Darryl hands Prue a sketch of the man in the first scene.]

Darryl: Five murders, five cities. But this is the first one in San Francisco. We were hot on his tail following a tip and then he just vanished.

Paige: That's creepy. He's killing his victims and then mummifying them. What gives?

Darryl: That's why I came here. I was hoping you could tell me.

Piper: Well, just because it's creepy, doesn't mean it's demonic. I mean, there's plenty of human wackos out there.

(Prue and Piper continue to fidget with their outfits.)

Phoebe: Stop fidgeting, will you? You look fine.

Prue: We look ridiculous.

Paige: You look _fine_.

Phoebe: You look _so_ cute.

Darryl: If you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a preg-

(He reaches to touch their stomachs and they stop him.)

Prue: Do it and you pull back a bloody stub.

Phoebe: They're a little sensitive right now.

Darryl: I can see that.

(Phoebe finishes her toenails and stands up.)

Darryl: Look, I think that the victim may have been a witch. So if she was, maybe they all were, which means you need to watch your backs. In each case, there's been a pile of sand found by the mummy. My guess is it's got something to do with how he escapes.

(Prue looks at a picture of the mummy.)

Prue: What's with the bug on the chest?

Piper: I'll have Leo ask the Elders about that.

Prue: Then I'll have Cole check with Ryu Clan. Okay, let's go to the crime scene. Who's driving?

Darryl: Whoa, who says you're going to the crime scene?

Phoebe: Is that a problem?

Darryl: Only for my reputation. Look, it's taken me a long time to lose the freaky deaky rap, and no offence, but I don't need it back right now.

Paige: Freaky deaky rap?

Darryl: You know what I mean.

Phoebe: Why can't you just tell them that we're psychics like you usually do?

Darryl: I can't risk it. I'm up for promotion, and if I get passed over this time, there's not gonna be a next time.

Paige: Alright, what do you want us to do?

Darryl: The right thing as usual. Come on, follow me. (They head for the door. Darryl stops and points at Prue and Piper.) No, not you two. You're pregnant.

Piper: So?

Prue: We're also invincible and self healing.

Darryl: You gonna tell the other inspectors that? Look, I'm sorry, but not even pregnant _cops_ are allowed at crime scenes because of the forensic chemicals.

Phoebe: Okay, well, we'll go. You two stay here and look in the Book of Shadows for mummies.

Paige: Mummies.

(She touches their stomachs. Prue slaps her hand aside.)

Piper: Nah.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Coroner's Examination Room. A coroner is there, examining the mummy, which is lying on a table.]

Coroner: The linen wrapping, though curiously airtight, appears to be of a thread count more consistent with a hand weave. After I cut into it, forensics should test and date the sample. Alright. Let's see what's inside.

(He picks up a hand saw and touches the mummy. A protective shield surrounds the mummy and electrocutes the coroner, sending him flying across the room. The man from the first scene walks into the room and over to the mummy.)

Man: Nobody messes with you, do they, my love? Sorry for leaving you back there, but I needed to check on your next body. I think you're going to like it.

(He touches the mummy and they both turn into sand.)

[Scene: Apartment hallway. A police officer stands at the doorway. Phoebe, Paige, and Darryl head for the apartment.]

Darryl: They're with me.

Police Officer: Hold it, Inspector. They've gotta sign in.

Darryl: Right, sorry.

Phoebe: Phoebe Halliwell.

Paige: Uh, Paige Matthews.

Police Officer: Field of expertise?

Phoebe: We're psychics.

(The officer gives Darryl a look.)

Darryl: You got a problem with that, officer?

Officer: No, sir. (He chuckles and mumbles to himself.) Psychics.

Phoebe: Your girlfriend's cheating on you, by the way.

(Phoebe, Paige, and Darryl walk into the apartment.)

Darryl: Look, forensics has been all through here, so you can touch anything you want. Just, uh, make it quick, okay? (His pager beeps.) I'll be back.

(Darryl leaves. Phoebe and Paige start to look around the apartment.)

Phoebe: Yeah, she was definitely a witch. Look at all this stuff. (Phoebe picks something up and tries to get a premonition. She spots a map on the floor.) Look, a map. (She then sees a crystal.) Oh, she was definitely...

Paige: Scrying?

Phoebe: Yeah, but the question is, for what?

Paige: Steal it.

Phoebe: I'm sorry?

Paige: I think I know a way of figuring this out at home.

Phoebe: Paige, that's evidence. I can't steal evidence.

Paige: Crystal.

(The crystal orbs into Paige's hand. Darryl walks in and Paige quickly hides the crystal behind her back.)

Darryl: Did you get anything?

Paige: No, god, not a thing. But we'll see you later.

(They rush out of the apartment.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue and Piper are standing in front of a mirror fidgeting with their maternity clothes. Prue starts to walk away, then stops, and stands back in front of the mirror. They poke out their stomachs.]

Leo: I think you look beautiful, Piper.

(They spin around to see Cole and Leo there watching them. Cole goes over to Prue and puts his arms around her.)

Cole: And you are always beautiful.

(They kiss.)

Piper: How long have you two been standing there?

Leo: A minute or two.

Piper: Well, that's just not fair.

Cole: We were mesmerized.

Piper: Oh, please.

Leo: No, we were, Piper. (He walks over to her.) I think you look absolutely stunning and I can't believe that you don't think you do.

Cole: Or you. Your pride is one of the things I fell in love with.

Prue: No, it's not that.

Piper: It's just…. It's like suddenly we're wearing these big fat neon sign that says, 'Look out, everybody, they're pregnant, be careful', and everybody's treating us so differently. We're still _us_. There's just a whole lot more of us going on.

(Phoebe and Paige walk in.)

Paige: Hey, guys. Did you find anything?

Prue: Yeah, the demon, maybe. (She walks over to the Book of Shadows.) His name is Jeric, and apparently he's been at this for quite some time, only back then the killings were isolated to the Middle East. Cairo, Istanbul, Tripoli….

Cole: Actually, he goes all the way back to Ancient Egypt, but they didn't have the power to vanquish him then, so they just mummified him instead.

Phoebe: So how did Jeric get de-mummified?

Cole: Oh, uh, some evil witch cast a spell which released him, and then they fell in love, and she got killed by his enemies. Flayed alive, if memory serves. Poor guy's been wracked with guilt. He's been trying to find a replacement body ever since.

Phoebe: Oh, that'd almost be romantic if he hadn't killed so many witches

Paige: Wait. So what's he doing here?

Cole: Probably the same thing he's been doing. Trying to find the perfect body for his lover, Isis. He keeps trying to find a body to host her spirit, but the bodies keep dying.

Paige: No, you mean the witches keep dying.

Leo: Right, well, two spirits can't occupy the same body. The invading spirit overloads it.

Cole: That's why he's been trying to find a witch with enough magic for Isis to use to dispossess the host body.

Piper: Of course.

Phoebe: Are you telling me she's going to evict someone from their own body? That's rude.

Leo: Basically, yeah.

Paige: Okay, so what do mummies have to do with any of this?

Cole: Well, he mummifies the corpse to trap Isis' spirit to keep her from moving on until he can find a new body.

Paige: That must be what she's scrying for. (Paige walks over to a map and scrys with the crystal.) "Scrying secrets come to me/Drop again so I might see."

Phoebe: See what?

(The crystal drops onto a spot on the map.)

Piper: Well, that's us.

(Jeric materializes out of sand.)

Jeric: (to Phoebe) Great body. Mind if I borrow it for a while?

Phoebe: Yeah, I do.

Piper: Phoebe, no!

(Phoebe goes to kick Jeric and he grabs her leg. They both turn to sand.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Prue, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Paige is scrying for Phoebe and Leo is trying to sense Phoebe. Piper walks in.]

Piper: Anything?

Leo: No.

Piper: What about you?

Paige: Nothing.

Piper: Well, this is just unacceptable, people. We've got all the magic in the world here. There's gotta be a way. We cannot _not_ find Phoebe.

Paige: Unless….

Piper: No, no unless, she is not dead. She is possessed and that is all.

Cole: She's right. Jeric needs her body.

Prue: Well, how long can she last until she burns up?

Cole: I don't know.

Leo: Probably not long.

Piper: All the more reason to find her faster. You keep scrying, you keep sensing.

Cole: It's no use, Piper. Jeric is blocking her signal.

Piper: But you said even if Phoebe was possessed, she would be aware of what's going on.

Leo: But there's nothing that she can do about it. The invading spirit is suppressing hers.

(The phone rings. Prue answers it.)

Prue: Hello?

Darryl: Guess what? The mummy's missing.

Prue: _What_? Hold on. I'm gonna put you on speaker phone. Say that again.

(She turns on the speaker phone.)

Darryl: The mummy's missing, the coroner's dead, and I'm screwed.

Piper: Why is the mummy missing?

Paige: How are you screwed?

Darryl: Because they're blaming me for losing him in the first place, which means if I don't find him….

Paige: Bye-bye promotion.

Darryl: It _pales_ in comparison to a killer demon being on the loose, I know. But, you know, it still matters to me and my family.

Prue: Yes, well, speaking of family, we've got a few problems of our own here.

Darryl: What's wrong?

Prue: Uh, I'll catch you up later.

(Prue hangs up the phone.)

Paige: Prue.

Prue: I'm sorry, but we need to concentrate on Phoebe.

Paige: Okay, well, we can't leave Darryl high and dry after everything he's done for this family. There's gotta be something we can do.

Piper: Well, short of helping him arrest the demon, I'm not sure what we can really do.

Leo: Well, I have an idea, but I have to break some rules.

Paige: So I think you should break a few rules then. We owe him.

Piper: You're right. You go do what you gotta do, and we're gonna do what _we_ have to do.

[Scene: Egypt. A pyramid. Jeric walks in carrying an unconscious Phoebe. He places her on a table. Close by is another table where the mummy lays. He gets a bug amulet from the mummy table and takes it over to Phoebe, which he places on her chest. Jeric stands between the two tables and outstretches his arms.]

Jeric: "Khet mastaba hotep ka."

(A beam of light shoots out of the mummy and into Phoebe. Phoebe wakes up and gasps. Jeric goes over to her.]

Jeric: Easy, not so fast. (He smiles.) Welcome back, my love.

(He kisses her.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Jeric is sitting on a chair eating a bunch of grapes. Phoebe/Isis, wearing a two-piece jewelled outfit, dances into the room and over to Jeric. She dances in the spot in front of Jeric.]

Jeric: Glad to see you're feeling so alive.

Phoebe/Isis: It's this body. I've never felt so much power before, passion, desire.

Jeric: Maybe I should leave you two alone.

Phoebe/Isis: No. Just because the witch is in me, doesn't mean there's not still room for you too.

Jeric: Tempting. But I suggest you try to rid yourself of her first. You come up with a spell?

(She dances around him.)

Phoebe/Isis: The witch's knowledge was very useful.

Jeric: Then by all means, reward her. Send her spirit into the afterlife. (He stands up and gets a piece of paper.) Hopefully she'll have enough power to make it work.

(He hands her the paper.)

Phoebe/Isis: "Together no more through time/Expel her soul, leave only mine."

(She burns the paper in the candle.)

Jeric: Well?

Phoebe/Isis: I can still hear her thoughts.

Jeric: Then you have to try again.

(Phoebe/Isis starts to sweat and shake.)

Jeric: Oh, no. It can't be. The others lasted longer.

Phoebe/Isis: Maybe the more powerful the witch, the quicker the burnout. But I bet the Power of Four could fix that permanently.

Jeric: The Power of Four. That might work. I'll get it for you. How do you feel about redheads?

[Scene: A dock. Leo is waiting there. Darryl pulls up in his car and gets out.]

Darryl: Leo, what are you doing here?

Leo: I'm here to help you.

Darryl: Well, Leo, I don't have time for this. Somebody called me and said the killer was here.

Leo: I know. I made the call. I figured it'd look good for you if you caught the guy.

Darryl: You did? Where is he? (Leo morphs into Jeric.) What are you doing? You can't-

Jeric/Leo: Go on. Arrest me.

(Darryl starts to freak out. Sirens are heard down the street.)

Darryl: Leo, I…. We are…. We are not going to do this.

Leo: Come on, before the other cops get here.

Darryl: I am not going to arrest you. (Jeric/Leo punches him in the face.) What'd you do that for?

Jeric/Leo: I'd hit me back if I were you.

Darryl: I am not going to do this.

(The police car pulls up. Jeric/Leo lunges at Darryl and Darryl pushes Jeric/Leo against a wall.)

Darryl: What are you doing?

Jeric/Leo: Helping you out.

(Darryl grabs his arms and handcuffs him.)

Darryl: This is really, really not a good thing.

Jeric/Leo: Ow.

(Two police officers walk over.)

Police Officer: Way to go, Inspector. Good job.

Darryl: Thanks.

(They take Jeric/Leo to the police car.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Paige, and Cole are there sitting in front of a map. Prue is scrying.]

Piper: I'm telling you, it's not going to work. We've already tried it. As have I and the baby.

Prue: Yeah, well, my babies and I haven't. And I have two babies, not just one, which means makeshift Power of Three.

(The crystal starts circling out of control above the map.)

Prue: Whoa.

Piper: What's happening?

Prue: I don't know.

(The crystal flings itself across the room and lands on a globe. Prue, Piper, and Paige race over to the globe and notice the crystal has landed on Egypt.)

Paige: I guess our map wasn't big enough?

Piper: _Egypt_? Phoebe is in _Egypt_?

Paige: On the bright side, we'll get to see the pyramids.

Prue: Quips later, orbing now.

Paige: You know, this happened a little too easily.

Piper: Yeah. What if it's a trap?

Prue: So what if it is? We're unbreakable, Piper.

Paige: Well, I'm not unbreakable.

Prue: You'll be okay. Here, faster, orb us, faster.

Paige: Alright.

(They orb out.)

[Cut to Egypt. A pyramid. Phoebe is lying on a table. Prue, Piper, and Paige orb in.]

Piper: Oh, Phoebe.

Paige: Wait.

Prue: Where's Jeric?

Phoebe: Prue, Piper, Paige.

Paige: She recognizes us. That's something at least.

(They walk over to Phoebe.)

Prue: Let's just orb her home and we'll fix her there.

(Jeric appears across the room.)

Jeric: I knew you'd come for her.

(Jeric waves his arm towards Prue and Piper and a portal opens up underneath them and sucks them in. Paige starts to orb out and Jeric waves his arm again, sending her to the ground.)

[Cut to the manor. Living room. The portal opens up and Prue and Piper fall through it, Prue landing on the couch and Piper landing on the ground.]

Piper: Ouch!

[Cut to the pyramid. Jeric carries Paige over to the table. Jeric walks over to Phoebe/Isis.]

Jeric: Don't fight it, my love. Your new body awaits. (They kiss. Phoebe/Isis takes one last breath and dies.) "Saqqara tiet ushebti." (Phoebe is mummified. Jeric walks over to Paige. He places the beetle amulet on Paige's chest and stands between Paige and the mummy.) "Khet mastaba hotep ka." (A bright light flows out of the mummy and into Paige. Paige wakes up and Jeric goes to her.) Welcome back, my love.

(They kiss.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper is there, pacing up and down the room. Prue sits on the couch, being held by Cole.]

Piper: Leo! Leo, come on, we need you!

(Jeric/Leo orbs in wearing an orange prison outfit. Piper gasps and blows him up. Jeric/Leo reconstitutes from orbs.)

Jeric/Leo: What'd you do that for?!

Piper: _Leo_? Is that you?

(Leo looks down and realizes he's still morphed as Jeric.)

Leo: Oh, (he morphs back into himself) sorry, I, uh, forgot.

(He chuckles.)

Piper: You _forgot_? What are you doing? And _what_ are you wearing?

Leo: This? They gave it to me in jail when they arrested me. Well, not me, obviously. Jeric, or so they think. I just figured it would help Darryl get a promotion.

Piper: I can't handle this right now.

Leo: What? I told you I was gonna have to break a few rules.

Piper: No, no, no, you don't understand. This is the _least_ of our problems, which oughta give you an idea how bad our problems actually are.

Leo: Come on, it can't be that bad.

Piper: Jeric tricked us into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.

Leo: _What?_ What are you gonna do?

Prue: Well, you're gonna orb us back there so we can kick some demon ass.

Piper: The one thing I don't understand is why Jeric sent us back here. I mean, he could've sent us to the far reaches of the universe, or worse, but he didn't.

Leo: Jeric sent you back? From where?

Prue: The only thing I can think of is that he needs us for something.

Piper: But _what_?

Cole: Well, whatever it is, going back there, wherever _there_ is, it'd be exactly what he wants you to do.

Prue: Yeah, okay, but we're not gonna leave our sisters in Egypt with a demonic pervert.

Leo: Well, Jeric must need Paige for a reason. Otherwise why go through the trouble to get her?

Piper: So what are we supposed to do?

Cole: You both are gonna do what you do best. You're gonna go on the offensive.

Leo: Summon Jeric before he summons you two.

(Prue and Piper leave the room.)

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Paige/Isis is lying on the table on her stomach, being massaged by Jeric.]

Paige/Isis: Ohh, right there. That's _perfect_.

Jeric: Yes, you're rather tense.

Paige/Isis: It's not me, it's this witch. She's overworked this body and she doesn't deserve it.

Jeric: Well, you'll have to finish the Power of Four spell if you expect to take it from her.

Paige/Isis: I will, in a bit.

Jeric: You can't put it off any longer. This witch is as powerful as the last and she'll burn out just as quickly.

Paige/Isis: Just a minute more.

Jeric: Sorry. I think you're relaxed enough.

Paige/Isis: I don't. But then again, I always have been such a bad girl.

Jeric: We can be bad later. Playtime's over, Isis.

Paige/Isis: Fine. What about the other two witches? I doubt they'll read the spell willingly.

Jeric: Leave it to me.

Paige/Isis: It's done. The rhyme's a tad childish, but it should work.

Jeric: Great. All we need now is-

(Suddenly, Jeric disappears in a swirl of lights.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue and Piper are there waiting. Jeric appears in a swirl of lights.]

Jeric: Well, I guess I should've seen this coming.

Prue: We want our sisters back now.

Jeric: Or what? You've got nothing, witches. If you vanquish me, your mummified sister will stay wrapped up forever.

Prue: Doesn't mean we can't torture you.

.

(Piper uses her power and sparks fly off him.)

Jeric: Okay. If that's the way you want to play it. (He throws energy balls at them and their protective shields, Prue's a red fire shield and Piper's a blue orb shield, splits the energy balls into four, making them hit objects across the room.) Ahh, impressive.

Prue: Wait.

(Prue blows him up and sends him flying across the room.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, and Jeric are still fighting each other. Cole and Leo rush in.]

Leo: Hey! What are you guys doing?! This is just pointless!

Jeric: The man's got a point. The sooner we stop this, the sooner you can save one of your sisters.

Piper: What do you mean _one_?

Jeric: I mean that you're gonna have to choose between them, and if you don't, they'll both die.

Piper: You're delusional if you think we're gonna choose between our sisters.

Jeric: Am I? Isis is the only one who knows how to revive Phoebe and she's not gonna do that unless _you_ cast a spell to eject Paige's spirit from her body.

Prue: We won't do that. Paige would die.

Jeric: Fine. Then eject Isis' spirit instead. But, of course, you'd be saving Paige and killing Phoebe, because without Isis, there's no way to revive her.

Leo: What about you? You mummify. Can't you de-mummify?

Jeric: I traps spirits, I don't bring bodies back to life. That's Isis' job. So, of course, as you can see, _you two_ have to make a choice.

Prue: You sick bastard.

Piper: We can't choose and we _won't_.

Jeric: Then they'll both die.

Cole: Then Isis would die too. You can't want that.

Jeric: Well, that is why I am banking on them choosing to save Phoebe. I mean, according to Isis, the other one is, like, your what, half-sister? You didn't grow up with her or anything. You've only known her for like a year and a half, right? So compared to Phoebe, she's like, a stranger.

Piper: She's still our sister and we will find another way.

Jeric: There is no other way, and if you waste time looking for one, they'll both die.

Prue: How can you be so evil?

Jeric: It's a gift.

Prue: Get out. Get out now.

(He turns into sand.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue and Piper are sitting on the couch, looking at a picture of them, Phoebe, and Paige. Cole and Leo come down the stairs.]

Cole: There's nothing in the book that'll help, or from the Clan.

Leo: Or from the Elders.

(Cole sits down beside Prue and Leo sits down beside Piper.)

Piper: I can't do this.

Leo: You can't let them both die either.

Piper: I know that.

Prue: How can we be so powerful and so helpless at the same time?

Cole: Prue, the one thing you have never been is helpless.

Leo: And Piper, your strength isn't in your invincibility, it's within you. And believe it or not, you are strong enough to do this.

Piper: To do what? Kill one of my sisters?

Leo: Or not. Maybe there's another way. I don't know what it is, but whatever it is the solution is within you, within Prue. Look, I know this isn't fair, but like it or not, this is the way that it is.

Cole: Look, you are going to have to go to Jeric soon if you hope to save even _one_ of your sisters.

(Prue and Piper start to cry.)

Piper: How are supposed to decide?

Leo: Listen to you hearts. What do they tell you?

Prue: Mine is telling me that we have to choose.

[Scene: Egypt. Pyramid. Jeric is at Paige/Isis' side, stroking her hair. Cole smoke-fades in with Prue. Leo orbs in with Piper. Prue and Piper walk over to the tables.)

Jeric: Who are you gonna save?

(Prue and Piper exchange a look.)

Piper: Phoebe.

Prue: You do realize once this is over, we will vanquish you.

Jeric: You do realize when this is over, I will vanquish you. But _enough_. Isis is running out of time. The spell.

(He holds out a piece of paper.)

Prue: We've got one of our own, thanks.

Jeric: Ahh. Got something up your sleeve, do you?

Piper: I wish. Paige, I know you can hear me, and I know you understand, but we can't lose Phoebe.

Paige/Isis: Just do it.

Prue/Piper: "Two worn souls now burn inside/Where only one can reside/We call upon the Power of Four/To save the body and set Paige free."

(A spirit rises out of Paige's body and vanishes. Paige sits up.)

Jeric: Isis. (He rushes over to her and helps her off the table.) Did it work?

Paige: Yes, it did. And I know just how to celebrate.

(She knees him in the groin and he doubles over in pain. Prue sends Jeric flying across the room. Paige goes over to the mummy.)

Paige: "Dromos wabet khufu nemes akh."

(The mummy wrappings glow and vanish. Phoebe gasps and sits up.)

Jeric: Isis?

Prue: We figured if Isis knew the spell to free Phoebe than Paige would know it as well.

Paige: You really can't mess with sisters.

(Prue blows Jeric up.)

Piper: Well, at least they're together now.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Paige are there with moisturizing masks on their faces and their hair done up in curlers. Prue and Piper walk in carrying shopping bags. Piper gasps when she sees Phoebe and Paige.]

Paige: What?

Piper: Oh my god. You two could scare the hair off a cat. No demon _dare_ drop by here.

Phoebe: We're just playing hooky.

Prue: Uh-huh. Well, Paige, you _can't_ play hooky, 'cause see, you're unemployed.

Paige: I resent that. I consider my witchly duties to be a full-time job, thank you very much.

Phoebe: We're having a day of beauty. I'm showing Paige how to pamper herself.

Piper: You're beauteous.

Paige: I'm getting quite good at it. I like it. It's free.

Piper: Mm-hmm. Well, I'm glad, it's about time.

Paige: It is, isn't it? I've been so long overdue, I'm so put upon. Really.

Piper: Wow, turn a girl into an Egyptian princess for a day and look what happens. By the way, Lieutenant Morris called to say thank you.

Paige: Oh, he got his promotion. That's so great.

Prue/Phoebe: Yay.

Piper: Yeah, apparently he got credit for the arrest, despite Leo's little jailbreak.

Paige: Whatcha got there?

Piper: Maternity clothes.

Prue: As if you didn't know already.

Paige: You caved.

Piper: Yes, the time has come. We've come to the conclusion that if you've got it, then you must flaunt it.

(They lift the bottom of their tops to show their round stomachs.)

Phoebe: That's my nephew and nieces in those bellies!

Paige: They're mine too.

Phoebe: Hi, babies! (Prue and Piper strike poses.) It's your favourite Aunt Phoebe!


	10. House Call

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Due to changes to the storyline, I was forced to just remove 5x11, "The Importance of Being Phoebe", and 5x12, "Centennial Charmed."

Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **House Call**

[Scene: Manor. Paige's room. Paige is there lying on her bed, talking on the phone.]

Paige: Hey, it's so good to talk to you. I was getting worried about you. You've been gone for _far_ too long, Glen.

Glen: _Yeah_ , I'm sorry. I-I should've called and let you know that I was alright. I guess I, uh, ended up staying a little longer than I thought.

Paige: That's okay. You'll just have to take me to dinner tomorrow night to make it up to me.

Glen: Dinner…. I-I can't tomorrow night, Paige. I got plans.

Paige: Oh.

Glen: I still wanna meet you though. I mean, I really wanna see you.

(Paige flips through a photo album with pictures of her and Glen inside.)

Paige: Good, 'cause, um, there's actually something I really want to talk to you about.

Glen: Really? Sounds mysterious. That's actually great, because there's something that I really wanna talk to you about too.

Paige: Great. Then it's a date. (The room creeks and Paige ignores it.) Uh, so I'll see you at 11:00.

Glen: 11:00 is good. 11:00 is great. (The phone cradle starts to slide across the side table by itself.) Usual place at the lake?

Paige: (to the moving phone) Damn it! No!

Glen: Or we can meet wherever.

(The phone floats into the air.)

Paige: Stop it, I said.

Glen: Stop what?

Paige: Uh, _nothing_. I'll just, um, yeah, see you tomorrow. It'll be great.

(Paige pulls the phone out of the wall and sighs.)

[Cut to the hallway. Prue and Piper are in the nursery. Leo reaches over to Piper's side of the bed and wakes when he feels she's not there.]

Piper: I am so sick of this.

Prue: Tell me about it.

Leo: Piper?!

(He comes out of Piper's room and comes into the nursery.)

Piper: Hm?!

(Cole comes out of Prue's room and walks over to them.)

Cole: What are all of you doing?

(Prue and Piper pick up packets of diapers.)

Piper: We're putting the diapers back where they belong, that is what we're doing.

(They put the diapers on a shelf.)

Leo: But it's 2 in the morning.

Cole: And people are trying to sleep.

Prue: Yeah, well, apparently our little ghosts and goblins are not sleeping, so how can we? I wish they would just _attack_ us rather than _move_ stuff around.

(She picks up another pile of diapers from under the crib, placing them on a shelf.)

Leo: I told you, they're not ghosts, they're-they're _pests_. Residual energy left over from all the demons you've vanquished here. Besides, the Elders said they would dissipate over time.

Piper: Yeah, okay, well, they're not dissipating. It's getting worse. They're, like, organizing, and they're making it impossible for us to keep the baby things in order.

Leo: I know.

Cole: But it's 2 in the morning.

(Cackling and groans are heard. Prue and Piper look at the shelf and the diapers are missing. They look down to see that the diapers have returned to being under the crib.)

Prue: Ohh.

Piper: I'm telling you, Leo, they're trying to drive me crazy. (They hear a cowbell clang and Phoebe chanting in a very loud voice.) What was that?

(Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo go out into the hallway. Paige walks into the hallway from her room. Phoebe walks down the stairs chanting, ringing the cowbell and waving an incense stick.)

Paige: What the hell is going on?

Phoebe: Hi.

Paige: Phoebe, what are you _doing_?

Phoebe: I am cleansing the house.

(She continues chanting.)

Cole: At 2:00 in the morning?

Phoebe: Shh!

(Everyone listens for a moment and then Phoebe continues chanting. She walks down the stairs to the first floor.)

Paige: Phoebe! Phoebe!

(They all follow.)

[Cut to downstairs.]

Paige: Phoebe, hold it!

Phoebe: What, what, what?!

Piper: You're polluting the place. What is that crap?

Phoebe: The strongest purification in the Book of Shadows.

Paige: You think that's gonna help?

Phoebe: It better, because look at my hair. I woke up, and it was in a ponytail. I did not put it in a ponytail. This house needs some serious feng shui-ing.

Piper: Oh, give me that!

(She grabs the burning incense and cowbell off of Phoebe.)

Leo: I'm telling you guys, it's all harmless. It's gonna go away by itself.

(A vase of flowers rises off a table and floats past them. Then the chandelier shakes and doors open and close. The vase drops and smashes on the floor. A white ghost-like mist floats in and grabs Phoebe, pulling her up above the stairs.)

Piper: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Help!

Paige: Blow it up!

(Piper tries to blow it up and blows up part of the ceiling instead.)

Phoebe: Whoa! (Piper tries again and blows up another part of the ceiling.) Do something!

Paige: Electricity! Poltergeists don't like electricity!

(Prue blows up the ceiling light and the sparks electrocute the poltergeist. It lets go of Phoebe and she falls onto the stairs.)

Phoebe: Oh.

Piper: You were saying?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Paige's bedroom. Paige is there putting on some makeup. She then does her hair and tries to choose an outfit. She finds one she likes and puts it on.]

[Cut to the downstairs hallway. Piper and Leo are cleaning up the blown up ceiling plaster, and Prue, Phoebe, and Cole are in the dining room flipping through the Book of Shadows.]

Phoebe: Why are you so sure that it _wasn't_ a poltergeist? I mean, it definitely didn't like getting zapped, that's for sure.

Leo: I know, but poltergeists are spirits. This was more like a, uh, manifestation.

Prue: A manifestation of what?

Leo: Well, every bit of evil that's been through here. It seems to be coalescing into some sort of being.

Piper: Gee, you think?

Leo: I know. I'm sorry. I underestimated it. It's just, I've never heard of it getting this bad before, that's all.

Piper: Well, you're forgiven, now how do we get rid of it?

Leo: I don't know.

Phoebe: Don't worry, I will find a way. Where there's a ying there's a yang.

Piper: Okay, I have no idea what that means, but I do know that I cannot raise a child in this environment, people.

Prue: Piper, we're not due for another couple of months.

Piper: Exactly. I am running out of time.

(Paige comes down the stairs.)

Paige: Good morning! How do you like my outfit?

Piper: You look like you're not gonna help clean up.

Paige: You have got that right. I'm gonna go meet Glen. And besides, isn't everything just gonna get messed up again anyway?

Piper: Bite your tongue.

Phoebe: A little dressed up for Glen. Looks more like you're going on a date.

Paige: Maybe I am.

Phoebe: Excuse me? Did I just hear correctly? You and Glen together again?

Paige: I hope so. I kinda wanna talk to him about that.

Phoebe: Really? Fascinating.

Prue: Haven't you and Glen dated many times before?

Paige: Yeah, kinda been hanging out on and off since high school, you know.

Prue: I see.

Piper: So you think maybe this time it might work out?

Paige: I hope so. Especially 'cause lately, I'll be out on a date, and then I just wind up thinking about him.

Phoebe: Proof of love.

Leo: At least he knows you're a witch. You won't have to hide anything.

Paige: That is a very good point.

Phoebe: Alright, Sally, go meet Harry. Good luck.

Paige: Thank you. If you need me, you know I'm just an orb away. Just holler.

(Part of the ceiling falls on top of Piper.)

Piper: Would now be a bad time?

Cole: You know, I might have an idea.

[Time lapse. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are in the kitchen making a potion. The potion explodes.]

Leo: A witch doctor, Cole?

Cole: Okay, liverwort and a pinch of dragon root.

Paige: Dragon root.

Phoebe: Okay.

(Paige throws some dragon root in the pot.)

Paige: Got it.

Leo: Wait. Shouldn't we be talking about this?

Prue: What is there to talk about, Leo? The Book of Shadows confirmed that Cole's idea could work.

Cole: They do expel evil spirits.

Leo: Still, that doesn't mean they're good. How do you think Cole even knows about witch doctors? From his demon days. Witch doctors are kind of a wild card. That's why the Elders don't want us working with them.

Cole: Leo is right.

Piper: Well, sometimes we don't wanna work with the Elders, so we're even. (Prue, Phoebe, and Paige giggle.) Besides, do you have a better idea?

Leo: No.

Piper: Okay, then.

Phoebe: Get the snakeskin ready, and after I read the spell, then you throw it in. "Free us from the ties that bind/Of evil magic intertwined/We call upon the one who cures/He who's to the dark inured."

Paige: You ready?

(She throws in the snakeskin and the potion explodes. Magical lights rise out of the potion and a man in a black suit appears nearby.)

Witch Doctor: How may I be of service?

Paige: Are you a witch doctor?

Witch Doctor: Let me guess. You were expecting someone with a bone through the nose and a shrunken head necklace, perhaps?

Phoebe: Yeah, actually, yeah, yeah.

(He sighs.)

Witch Doctor: You know, you make this huge effort to change with the times, it's always the stereotypes that persist. Now, where's the evil?

(He looks under the kitchen table and so do the girls.)

Piper: Uh, here, there, everywhere.

(He pulls a voodoo doll out of his pocket and holds it out in front of him.)

Witch Doctor: Ever vanquished a demon in this house by any chance?

(Phoebe chuckles.)

Phoebe: Oh, only about a hundred.

Paige: Give or take.

Prue: Another hundred.

Witch Doctor: Explains all the evil energy I'm sensing. This is going to take some time.

Piper: Yeah, well, can you do it?

Witch Doctor: Absolutely. May I?

Paige: Go for it.

(The witch doctor leaves the kitchen.)

Leo: I'm gonna keep an eye on him.

Cole: I'll help Leo

Paige: Alright. I'm gonna go see Glen.

Prue: Phoebe and I have to go to work.

Piper: Um, but…. (Prue, Phoebe, and Paige leave.) Uh... Well, hey, don't worry about me. I'll just clean this all up by myself.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Prue walks out of her office holding a newspaper. She storms over to Elise with Phoebe trying to stop her.]

Prue: Did you see what that turkey did?

Elise: Good morning, Prue. How are you?

Prue: It's a full page ad. Spencer Ricks is challenging me with this-this chauvinistic crap. Listen to this. "Ask Prue says every woman needs to find her own inner goddess", right? Spencer Ricks says, "That's fine as long as she cooks and cleans". Can you believe that?

Elise: He's just trying to drum up publicity by being controversial.

Prue: Yeah, well, that's not gonna work. Is it?

Elise: It's working so far. The daily readership is up because of his advice column and we're a little down.

Prue: Well, what are we gonna do? I mean, we can't just ignore this.

Elise: We're not. As a matter of fact, the other editors and I have decided to fight fire with fire, if that is, you two are open to it.

(Prue and Phoebe exchange a look.)

Prue: Absolutely. (Phoebe nods.) Whatever it takes to vanquish the competition, I'm all…. You know, defeat the competit…. I'm just a very competitive person, you know.

Elise: Oh, I've noticed, which is why I think you're gonna like our little plan. We've arranged a photo shoot for Phoebe, today at 3:00, that you're gonna capitalize on with an article afterwards, Prue.

Prue: An article?/Phoebe: A photo shoot?

Elise: 415 is doing an expose on local celebrities. We want you two to be a part of it.

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, Elise.

Prue: Yeah. I mean, I'm not even a reporter. I'm an advice columnist.

Elise: Well, expand your horizons, Prue. And Phoebe, don't worry. It's all gonna be very tasteful, of course. Although I want you to feel free to show off as many of your lovely... assets as you feel comfortable with.

Phoebe: I don't know if I can do that. I mean, why stoop to that, you know? I'm not some playmate.

Elise: Okay. I respect that. Although, Prue, you should know that Spencer Ricks will be in the issue.

Prue: Phoebe, please, please.

Phoebe: (sighs) What time do I have to be there?

(Prue hugs her.)

Prue: Thank you so much. You're the best sister ever.

Phoebe: Yeah, and you better not forget it.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Park. Paige is there standing near a large lake. Glen walks up to her.]

Glen: Paige?

Paige: Hi!

(They hug.)

Glen: I like your hair.

Paige: Thank you.

Glen: Serious hug.

Paige: Yeah, well, I missed you.

Glen: I missed you too. You look really great.

Paige: Thank you. So do you. Um, how was your climb? It was the Matterhorn, right?

Glen: It was awesome. Uh, there was a lot more people there than when we were there though.

Paige: That's too bad.

Glen: So what about you? You kill any demons lately?

Paige: Of course, but I probably shouldn't talk about that here.

Glen: Right, right, sorry. (He laughs.) Sorry. So….

Paige: So….

Glen: Wh-?

.

Paige: Okay, you go first. I insist.

Glen: Okay, well, I'm getting married.

Paige: What?

Glen: Yeah, I wanted you to be the first to know. After my parents, of course, but….

Paige: You're getting married.

Glen: Oh, here she is, here-here she is. Jessica.

(A beautiful blonde woman approaches them.)

Jessica: Sorry I'm so late. I couldn't find parking anywhere. Hi.

Paige: Hi.

Jessica: You must be Paige. Glen's told me so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you.

Paige: It's great to see you.

(She laughs awkwardly.)

Glen: So what did you wanna tell me?

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Cole, Leo, and the Witch Doctor are there. An electrical bolt, flowing out of the Witch Doctor's voodoo doll, has a hold of the evil spirit. The evil spirit screams and is sucked into the voodoo doll. The Witch Doctor sighs in relief and chuckles.]

Leo: I hope you got it.

Witch Doctor: That was a little bitty baby one. The big mamma's still hiding somewhere. But I'll find her, don't you worry. (He walks around the room.) These walls are clogged with evil waste. The worst I've ever seen. Sure these are good witches that live here?

Leo: The best. Although, one of them is going to go very evil on us if we don't get this room cleaned up in a hurry, believe me.

Witch Doctor: Is that a fact?

Leo: Well, not _literally_. All I mean is that you need to finish up here in a hurry, that's all.

Witch Doctor: I understand.

(The Witch Doctor picks up a lipstick and goes to put it in his pocket until Cole and Leo see him.)

Cole: What are you doing?

Leo: Did you just take something?

Witch Doctor: You mean this lipstick? I'm having trouble differentiating between the witches' magic and evil. Personal items help me separate them better. That's if it's alright with you, of course.

Leo: I guess.

Witch Doctor: You don't trust me, do you? Pity. Witch Doctors help rid the world of dark spirits. Now I would think that you'd think that was a good thing.

[Cut to the foyer. Piper is there. Cole, Leo, and the Witch Doctor walk down the stairs.]

Piper: Hey. I heard an explosion. What's going on up there?

Leo: Don't worry. Everything's okay.

Piper: I am a little worried, and I need to know if this is going to work or not.

Witch Doctor: Once I catch big mamma. It'll all be over with.

Piper: Big mamma? Who's big mamma?

Leo: I don't know.

(Paige barges through the front door.)

Paige: He's getting married. That dirty rat.

(The Witch Doctor walks into the living room.)

Piper: Who?

Paige: Glen. He's getting married to some bimbette he met climbing the Matterhorn.

Piper: At Disneyland?

Paige: No. Switzerland. Oh, but me? I'm lucky, because I got an invitation to the wedding.

(She holds up the invitation and rips it in half. She throws it on the floor.)

Piper: Hey, pick that up!

[Cut to the living room. The Witch Doctor is looking at a picture of Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige. He clicks his fingers and the photo magically appears in his hand.]

[Cut to in the foyer.]

Paige: I mean, I was on the phone with him. He had _plenty_ of time to tell me about this, but no, he couldn't mention a single thing. Lucky, lucky me, I didn't say what I really wanted. Ugh, really, I think I would have died.

(A groaning sound is heard.)

Leo: Excuse me.

(Leo goes into the living room. Cole follows him.)

Piper: Uh, so what are you gonna do?

Paige: _Do_?! Well, I'm gonna kill him. (Paige sighs.) No, I'm gonna apologize, because I'm a good girl. I was a little bit _rude_ , especially to _her_. Although, I don't know what he sees in her. She's not his type at all. She's _blonde_!

(Suddenly, Cole and Leo come crashing through the wall. Piper and Paige go over to them. They hear a scream and the Witch Doctor has a hold of "Big Mamma" with an electric bolt. He struggles to suck her in.]

Witch Doctor: That's it! Stand back! (He sucks in "Big Mamma" with his voodoo doll.) Gotcha.

(Paige sees their blown up TV.)

Paige: Oh, I guess I'm not watching the Osbournes tonight.

Piper: (to Leo) Are you okay?

(He groans.)

Leo: Yeah.

(The Witch Doctor spots Paige's car keys nearby. He wiggles his fingers and the keys appear in his hand. Cole and Leo get up.)

Witch Doctor: My work here is complete. Your house has been cleansed.

(He fades away.)

Piper: Hm. Doesn't look very _cleansed_ to me.

(She looks at the destroyed living room.)

[Scene: Witch Doctors' Lodge. Fellow Witch Doctors sit around the room. The Witch Doctor fades into the room.]

Head Witch Doctor: Well?

Witch Doctor: The house has been purged, although how it became infested in the first place is very troublesome.

Head Witch Doctor: Go on.

Witch Doctor: Whoever these witches are, they're magnets for evil. It's drawn to their powers.

Head Witch Doctor: Can they withstand it?

Witch Doctor: Doubtful. They're easily distracted by the pettiness of their lives. Sooner or later, evil _will_ overtake them, and along with it, their powers.

Head Witch Doctor: Then we must eliminate them.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Cole, and Leo are there cleaning up.]

Cole: Ugh. Didn't you just do this?

Leo: Yeah, and I still think you should've made Paige stay and help, Piper.

Piper: Well, apparently she has her own mess to clean up.

Cole: Well, hopefully we don't have to do this again anytime soon.

Piper: Are you kidding me? With exploding demons and trampling sisters, this place is a disaster area always. I have no idea what it's going to be like when the babies come.

Leo: Well, I'm more concerned with the Witch Doctor right now.

Piper: Why? Because he took my lipstick?

Leo: And Paige's keys.

Piper: You don't know that he took those. I mean, she loses her keys daily.

Leo: Well, maybe. All I'm saying is there's something not right with that Witch Doctor, that's all.

Piper: Well, he took care of the things that go bump in the night, so that's all I care about.

(Prue and Phoebe walk in.)

Phoebe: Whoa, what happened in here?

Piper: We've been healed.

Prue: Really? Way to go, Doc.

Phoebe: I gotta go change.

Piper: Why? Where are you going?

Prue: To a photo shoot.

Phoebe: To compromise my integrity.

Prue: We're going to kill the competition.

Piper: Alright then. Whatever that means.

(Prue and Phoebe go upstairs.)

Leo: Hey, uh, picture's missing.

Piper: What?

Leo: The one of you and Prue, Phoebe, Paige? It went right here.

Piper: Maybe it fell out.

Leo: No. It was glued in.

Piper: Come on. Why would he want a picture of us?

Leo: I don't know. I'm not a witch doctor. All I'm saying is he obviously wanted it for something.

Phoebe: (from upstairs) Hey! Who stole my toothbrush?!

(Piper looks at Leo.)

Leo: He probably took something of Prue's too.

Piper: I'll go make the summoning potion.

Leo: I'll go check with the Elders.

Cole: I'll go check with the Clan.

(Leo orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out.)

[Scene: Witch Doctors' Lodge. The Witch Doctor and the Head Witch Doctor are there making a potion.]

Head Witch Doctor: If these witches are as powerful as you say they are, how will you kill them?

Witch Doctor: By attacking them as humans. Women. (He picks up a voodoo doll and wraps Paige's keys around it.) With each likeness, I'll turn their character flaws into obsessions. Obsessions that will consume them. Destroy them.

(He puts the voodoo doll into the pot.)

[Scene: A church. Glen, Jessica, and a priest are there. Paige walks in.]

Paige: Uh, Glen?

Glen: Excuse me.

(Glen walks over to Paige.)

Paige: You're mad.

Glen: No, I'm not mad, Paige. I'm just confused. What happened to you this morning? Why were you so mean to Jess?

Paige: I wasn't mean, necessarily. I was just rude.

Glen: Fine, whatever. Why?

Paige: I guess I felt like you just kind of came along and dropped this huge bombshell on me, and I was... hurt.

Glen: Hurt, why? (She doesn't answer.) Wait, you thought you and I….?

Paige: No. No, I didn't think that at all.

(Jessica comes up to them.)

Jessica: Glen, the minister's waiting.

(Suddenly, Paige's eyes glow, then return to normal.)

Paige: Ugh.

Glen: Are you okay?

Paige: I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologize for not being very friendly earlier. I really am sorry.

Jessica: Well, thank you. Thanks for saying that.

Paige: I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette.

Glen/Jessica: What?

Paige: And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs? Because they are fantastic. I should get the number for a friend of mine.

Glen: Paige, what the hell is wrong with you?

Paige: Me? Well, nothing's wrong with me. I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman.

Jessica: Oh my god.

(Jessica walks away.)

Glen: Wait, Jessica, Jessica. What are you doing?

[Cut to the Witch Doctors' Lodge.]

Witch Doctor: Next.

(He puts another voodoo doll with Piper's lipstick attached to it in the pot.)

[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Piper is making a potion.]

Piper: Liverwort, dragon's root….

(Leo orbs in and Cole smoke-fades in.)

Leo: How close are you to summoning him?

Piper: Uh, a little bit of snake skin and a bad rhyme away. Why?

Leo: Well, the Elders think the Witch Doctor's been stealing your stuff to put a hex on you.

Piper: A hex? For what?

Cole: Well, according to the Clan, he thinks you're evil too.

Leo: Which is why the sooner you summon him, the better. (Piper's eyes glow and then return back to normal. She walks over to the sink.) Piper, what are you doing?

Piper: Cleaning up.

(She starts to wash the dishes.)

Cole: Right now?

Piper: You know, you can never really get a dish sanitary enough, can you? (She throws a plate in the trash.) Dirty. (She throws another.) Dirty. (And another.) Dirty.

Leo: Piper, what is the matter with you?

Piper: What is the matter with me? I don't know. (She looks at the windows.) Are those water spots? (She blows up the window.) Much better.

Leo: Okay, alright, you keep cleaning, and we'll be back with help. Let's go, Cole.

(He orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out. Piper continues to throw plates in the trash.)

[Cut to the Witch Doctors' Lodge.]

Witch Doctor: Last, but not least. Phoebe and Prue.

(He throws the last voodoo dolls into the pot.]

[Scene: Photographic Studio. Phoebe is sitting on a beach chair holding The Bay Mirror newspaper. A photographer is taking photos of her.]

Photographer: This is excellent! Excellent! Good. Excellent. You're a natural at this.

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know about all of that. I'm not even sure why I'm doing all this actually.

Photographer: You're doing this to throw Spencer Ricks out of the water, honey, and we both know it. A little more skin wouldn't hurt.

(Phoebe laughs.)

Phoebe: Oh, no, I can't do that.

Photographer: It's your career. Reload!

(A guy takes his camera. Phoebe's eyes glow and then return to normal. Cole and Leo go over to Phoebe.)

Leo: Phoebe.

Phoebe: Leo, Cole, what are you guys doing here?

Leo: We've gotta get you home. Something's wrong with Piper.

Photographer: Excuse me? Who are you?

Cole: Us?

Leo: We're her brother-in-laws.

Photographer: Well, good for you, but this is a closed set. Buh! As in buh-bye.

Leo: Sorry, but there's kind of a family emergency.

Photographer: (sarcastic) Oh, sorry. I should've realized.

(Phoebe stands up.)

Phoebe: No. It's okay. I'll stay.

(She takes off her dress to reveal a two-piece bathing suit underneath. She leans against a prop tree.)

Photographer: Okay, um, we're shooting. Get the fan going. We're shooting, we're shooting, and we're shoo…. Um, brother-in-law people, can you... disappear? (Cole and Leo walk away, shocked.) Excellent! Beautiful!

[Scene: Church. Jessica walks out of the building with Glen following.]

Jessica: So, what, now you're defending her?

Glen: _No_ , Jess. All I'm trying to say is that's not like Paige.

Jessica: She insults me, humiliates me, and now you're trying to explain it?

Glen: No. She was out of her head. She didn't know what she was saying.

Jessica: Oh my god, don't even try. She knew exactly what she was saying to me, Glen.

Glen: She didn't mean it. I'm telling you. I've known her forever.

Jessica: Well, then fine. Why don't you marry her?

(Jessica walks away. Glen goes back inside. Jessica goes over to her car and gets in. Paige is sitting in the passenger seat.)

Paige: Rough day?

(Jessica gasps.)

Jessica: What are you doing in my car?

Paige: Waiting for you.

(Paige orbs out with Jessica.)

[Cut to a rocky ledge above a fiery pit. Paige orbs in with Jessica.]

Paige: Careful now. You wouldn't want to fall.

Jessica: What happened? Where am I?

Paige: You pissed off a witch, that's what happened.

Jessica: What? (Paige orbs out and leaves Jessica there.) Help! Help!

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue is there making a potion. She throws something in and it sparks.]

Prue: Oh! This is gonna be fun. Okay, feather, feather, where do we keep the feathers, where do we keep the feathers?

(She looks in a cupboard. Piper walks in from the basement carrying plastic covers.)

Piper: Oh my god, you've made a mess!

Prue: Where are the feathers?

Piper: What do you want feathers for?

Prue: A killer potion for Spencer Ricks.

Piper: Oh. Second cabinet, under F. I alphabetized. It's much more orderly.

(Prue looks in the second cupboard.)

Prue: I see it. Perfect. (She pulls out a jar of feathers.) Okay. (She goes back to the potion.) What are those?

Piper: Slipcovers. To keep the furniture clean. Although I've come to the conclusion that we should probably just stand from now on.

Prue: _Whatever_. Okay. (She throws a feather in the pot and the potion makes a small explosion.) Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay.

(Prue fills a vial with the potion.)

Piper: Oh, no you don't, Missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself.

Prue: No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.

(Prue races out of the kitchen.)

Piper: That is not an excuse!

[Scene: Church. A changing room. Leo orbs in and Cole smoke-fades in.]

Leo: Paige?! (Paige pokes her head around a changing screen.) Thank god you're here. We have serious problems.

Paige: Like what?

(Paige comes out from behind the screen wearing a wedding dress.)

Cole: Like-

Leo: Why are you wearing a wedding dress?

Paige: Because I'm going to get married. (Paige morphs into Jessica.) Thanks to my Whitelighter powers.

Leo: Oh, no.

Jessica/Paige: I convinced Glen to move up the ceremony before that crazy ex of his gets in the way again. Clever, huh? (She looks in the mirror.) Hmm, nose job. Should've guessed.

Leo: Paige, you can't do this. This isn't you.

Jessica/Paige: It is now. At least until after the honeymoon and then maybe I'll switch back. (An organ starts to play.) Mm, that's my cue.

Leo: Okay, wait, stop, we can't let you do this.

(Jessica/Paige orbs out and orbs back in behind him.)

Cole: Should've seen that coming.

[Cut to the aisle. Glen is standing at the end of the aisle dressed in a suit, with the Priest beside him. Jessica/Paige starts walking down the aisle. Cole and Leo run after her.]

Leo: Paige, Paige, (he stumbles over her dress.) Paige, Paige.

Jessica/Paige: Watch my train.

Leo: Listen to me, you are under a hex.

Cole: The witch doctor's done this to all of you.

Glen: Hey, hey, hey.

Leo: Look, you can fight a hex. You just have to reach deep down-

Glen: What's your problem, Leo? Get outta here.

Leo: Look, I'm sorry, Glen, but this-this isn't what you think it is.

Glen: Oh, no? So this isn't Paige's, uh, brother-in-laws trying to ruin my wedding?

Jessica/Paige: That's what it looks like to me.

Leo: Paige.

Glen: Did you just call her Paige?

Leo: Look, Glen, you know about this family. You know what sort of wacky things can happen. Can we just go somewhere and talk?

Jessica/Paige/Glen: No.

Jessica/Paige: Sweetie, I'll handle this, okay? Go back to your position. Please. I'll be right there.

(He does so.)

Leo: Paige. Where's Jessica?

Jessica/Paige: Hell if I know.

Leo: What does that mean? What did you do to her? Paige, you better not have hurt an innocent.

Jessica/Paige: Well, she's not that innocent. After all, she tried to steal Glen away from me, didn't she?

(Jessica/Paige continues to walk down the aisle. Cole and Leo exchange a look before running out of the church.)

[Scene: Outside The Daily. Spencer Ricks is there. He walks past a beautiful blonde woman and turns to check her out. Prue and Phoebe walk over to him.]

Phoebe: Well, at least you practice what you preach.

Prue: Spencer Ricks, right?

Spencer: That's right. You fans? Got a pen?

Prue: No, actually, I'm your competition. I decided to come and confront you personally.

Spencer: That's right. Pree Halliwell, as I live and breathe. (to Phoebe) And who are you? You have a nice rack. You ought to show it off a little bit more.

Prue: You know, I don't mind losing readers to a legitimate writer. But some misogynistic pig that's a fraud-!

Spencer: Ow, ow, that hurts. I'm not a fraud. I mean what I write.

Prue: Oh, do you?

Spencer: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, baby. Oh, wait, that's a woman's place, isn't it? So then you wouldn't have anywhere to go, would you?

(He turns his back and starts to walk away. Prue gets the potion out of her bag.)

Prue: You know what? You're a turkey! And turkeys don't write columns! (She throws the potion at Spencer and he turns into a turkey.) But they do make delicious dinners.

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. The couches are covered in plastic. Cole and Leo walk down the stairs.]

Leo: Piper?! Where are you?!

(They walk into the living room. There is cleaning equipment everywhere.)

Cole: What the….? What?

Leo: Piper?! (They hear a noise and go outside. They see Piper standing on a ladder, which is leaning up against the house.) Piper, what are you doing?

Piper: Heads up! (She throws a roof tile on the ground.) I'm replacing this roof! It's filthy! I told you this place was a wreck!

Leo: Look, Piper, we need you to help us find Paige.

Piper: I'm not talking to her until she cleans up her room.

Leo: But it's about Glen's fiancé. I think she's done something to her, something terrible. (Piper comes down the ladder.) We need you to help us find her.

Piper: Busy!

Leo: Piper, you need to snap out of it, okay. This isn't about you guys anymore, it's about an innocent, and if she dies-

(They hear a turkey gobble and look to see Prue and Phoebe getting out of Prue's car, Prue carrying the turkey.)

Prue: A little help here.

(Phoebe helps her carry the turkey.)

Piper: What are you doing with that thing?

Prue: Well, first we're gonna kill it, and then we're gonna stuff it.

Piper: You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house.

Prue: Yes, we are.

Phoebe: Thanksgiving's early this year.

Piper: Do not get any blood in that kitchen.

(Prue and Phoebe go inside.)

Leo: Prue, Phoebe, can we talk to you a minute?

(They start to follow them in and step in muddy puddles. Piper blows them up. Cole reconstitute from flames and Leo reconstitutes from orbs.)

Cole: What'd you do that for?

Piper: Like hell you are bringing those muddy shoes in my house.

Cole: Like hell. Paige said like hell.

Leo: Jessica.

(Leo orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out. Piper looks up at the roof.)

Piper: This is taking far too long.

[Scene: A rocky ledge above a fiery pit. Jessica is sitting there scared out of her mind. Leo orbs in and Cole smoke-fades in. She screams and panics.]

Jessica: Please don't! Please don't. Please don't.

Leo: It's okay. We're here to help you.

Jessica: I don't know how this happened. I don't know who you are.

Cole: There's no time to explain everything.

Leo: Just know that we're here to save you. It's okay. You can trust us.

(She takes Leo's hand and they orb out. Cole smoke-fades out.)

[Cut to the church.]

Glen: I promise to love you, trust you, and honor you with all my heart, Jessica, forever.

Priest: Jessica.

(Cole, Leo, and the real Jessica run in.)

Leo: Wait! Stop the wedding.

Jessica: Glen.

(She goes over to him.)

Glen: What the hell?

Leo: They're twins and he was gonna marry the wrong one.

Priest: Oh.

Leo: Maybe we could just give them a minute.

Priest: Sure. Right.

(The priest walks away, confused.)

Glen: Paige? (Jessica/Paige morphs into Paige.) But why?

(Paige's eyes glow and the hex is removed.)

Paige: Glen, I can explain. (to Leo) What have I done?

Cole: There's no time.

Leo: We need to get home and save your sisters before they destroy themselves.

(Leo and Paige orb out. Cole smoke-fades out.)

[Cut to outside the manor. Piper is there sweeping the footpath. Leo and Paige orb in. Cole smoke-fades in. Paige notices she's still holding the bunch of flowers and throws them into the bush.]

Leo: Piper, I brought Paige so she can help you.

Piper: Oh, that's okay. I don't need any help anymore. It's already done. Except for the sweeping.

Leo: What do you mean?

Cole: I think I know.

(They look up to the house but it's gone. Only a cement slab remains.)

Paige: Piper, what'd you do with the house?

Piper: Well, I thought it would be better to start from scratch.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The footpath. Piper continues to sweep.]

Paige: Piper, you can't just vanquish an entire house. Especially not our house. People are gonna notice.

Piper: Oh, I didn't vanquish it, silly. I cast a vanishing spell. It's like a good dusting, only better. But I am gonna have to do something about these steps.

Paige: (to Leo) Okay, you've gotta figure out a way to fix it, like you fixed me. Get her out of this hex.

Leo: But it's individual. You seeing Glen distraught over Jessica is what shocked you out of the hex.

Paige: Okay, well, you need to figure out a way to shock her out of it.

Leo: I think I know a way. Piper.

Piper: Mm?

Leo: Where's Prue and Phoebe?

Piper: Prue and Phoebe? How should I know?

Leo: Remember they came into the house with a turkey?

Paige: Turkey?

Leo: Piper, when you made the house disappear, you also made Prue and Phoebe disappear.

Piper: No, they didn't….

Leo: Yeah.

Piper: No! I wouldn't…. (Her eyes glow and then return to normal.) Prue! Phoebe! (She runs up the stairs. Paige, Cole, and Leo follow. They walk into the space where the house once was.) Oh my god, what have I done?

Leo: The spell, Piper, you need to reverse it, fast.

Piper: I'm not sure I can.

Paige: Well, then you better make us disappear, because this one's gonna be tough to explain.

Leo: You can do it, Piper, come on.

Piper: Uh, uh. "Let the object of objection return/So that its existence may be reaffirmed."

(The walls and roof magically appear and the house is visible again.)

Paige: Nicely done.

Piper: Is that a wedding dress?

Paige: You just noticed?

(They hear a turkey gobble in the kitchen.)

Leo: Prue and Phoebe.

[Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe has the turkey on the table and Prue is about to chop its head off with a butcher's knife. Cole and Leo run in, Cole grabbing Prue's arms and Leo grabbing Phoebe's arms.]

Cole/Leo: Don't!

(The turkey jumps off the table.)

Prue: Let go of me! I have to kill Spencer!

Paige: You named the turkey Spencer?

Phoebe: That's no turkey. That's Spencer Ricks.

Leo: The other advice columnist?

Piper: Well, they said they were gonna kill the competition.

Paige: Okay, we gotta break the hex.

Leo: Any ideas how?

Piper: Yeah, actually. Take them to the attic and keep them _away_ from that turkey.

Phoebe: Yeah, take us to the turkey.

(Cole smoke-fades out with Prue and Leo orbs out with Phoebe.)

Piper: We're gonna pay a little house call to that Witch Doctor.

[Cut to the Witch Doctors' Lodge. The Witch Doctor and the Head Witch Doctor are there.]

Head Witch Doctor: Success?

Witch Doctor: It's only a matter of time before they destroy themselves.

Paige: Talk about premature jubilation. You gentlemen might wanna see a doctor about that.

Witch Doctor: How did you get here?

Piper: With the powers you apparently didn't want us to have. Good powers, by the way. Very good.

Paige: Powers we might have to use against you.

(Piper goes to blow them up.)

Head Witch Doctor: Wait, don't! If you are truly good, we're on the same side. We felt you couldn't handle all of the evil spirits you attract.

Piper: Well, we attract them for a reason, Doc. So that we can get rid of them. You get rid of us, you'll have more problems than solutions, trust me.

Paige: See, we might be slightly off, but we're off in a good way.

Piper: Now you're gonna reverse the hexes on our other sisters, or they will be your last.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue and Phoebe are walking towards Leo holding butcher knives.]

Leo: Prue. Phoebe. Piper!

(Prue's and Phoebe's eyes glow and the hexes are removed. They notice the butcher knives.)

Prue/Phoebe: Oh, dear.

Leo: Prue, Phoebe, is that you? Are you back?

Prue: Yeah.

Phoebe: What's going on?

Leo: I just…. I think you guys have some... issues, competitive issues.

Phoebe: I don't understand.

(They hear the turkey gobble.)

Prue: Oh, no.

Phoebe: Spencer Ricks?

[Scene: Manor. Paige's room. Paige looks at a photo of her and Glen. She then paces around the room.]

[Scene: Park. Glen is there in front of the lake. Jessica walks up to him.]

Jessica: Hi.

Glen: Hi. You said you wanted to talk?

Jessica: No, I… got the message that you wanted to.

(Paige arrives.)

Paige: Actually, _I_ sent the message. I didn't think you guys would come if you knew I wanted to meet you.

Jessica: Look, I'm outta here.

Paige: Please just stay and hear me out. Look, I know what I did was awful. In my defence, I was under a spell. I know magic and all this is a lot to swallow, Jessica, and I don't blame you guys if you never trust me.

Glen: It's not that we don't trust you.

Jessica: I don't trust her.

Paige: Fair enough. But I will say this. The spell broke because I hurt you and I hurt you because I hurt Jessica. It's pretty obvious that you love her and she loves you. You guys are meant to be together. I get that now. I do. And I know that we're just meant to be friends.

(Paige walks away. Glen and Jessica hug.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: P4. Leo is there wiping down the bar. He knocks a bowl of peanuts onto the floor. Piper and Paige approach the bar.]

Piper: Oh, oh, that's alright, we'll clean it up later.

Paige: Uh, are you feeling okay?

Piper: Very funny.

Leo: You're kidding me. That's not killing you just leaving a mess there?

Piper: No, not at all. Okay, maybe a little, but not a lot. Look, if there's anything I've learned from all this, it's that I gotta learn to deal with messes. Especially with a baby coming, 'cause I hear they come with a lot of messes.

Paige: I've heard some things about that too, yeah.

Leo: Well, that's good that something positive came from the Witch Doctor.

(Prue and Phoebe walk up to them, Phoebe carrying a magazine.)

Phoebe: Yoo-hoo!

Prue: Hi.

Piper: Hey, guys, what's cooking?

Phoebe: Oh, if you're talking about Spencer Ricks, not him.

Prue: We turned him back into the pig that he was and unfortunately he won't remember any of it.

Leo: Glad to see you're not competitive anymore.

Prue: Yeah, no, I don't think I have to worry anymore about him taking my readers.

Paige: And why would that be?

Prue: Well, because, uh….

(Phoebe shows them the cover of the magazine, which has her on the cover.)

Paige: Whoa.

(Paige takes the book.)

Piper: Oh, no.

Phoebe: Oh, yes.

Piper: Why ask Prue when you can see Phoebe?

Phoebe: Talk about ethics, right?

(Paige flips through the book and unfolds another picture of Phoebe.)

Piper: Oh!

(Prue and Phoebe giggle.)

Paige: No retouching. Good times.

Piper: Yes.

Phoebe: Okay, give me that.

Paige: No.

(Paige gives the book to Leo.)

Prue: Run.

Piper: Run.

Paige: Run.

(Leo takes off.)

Phoebe: Leo! (Phoebe runs off after Leo.) Leo!


	11. Sand Francisco Dreamin'

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **Sand Francisco Dreamin'**

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Cole is there confronting three people (his kids that were shown in Chapter 7, "A Witch In Time".]

Cole: Don't do this. You're not evil, damn it.

Man #1: Aren't we?

Woman: We take after our father.

Man #2: But you're in the way.

(They all throw fire from their hands at Cole.)

[Cut to Prue's bedroom. Prue and Cole are asleep in bed. A transparent, glowing elderly man leans over them and sprinkles gold dust on Prue.]

[Flash to the stairway. Prue comes down the stairs, looking around.]

Prue: Cole? (She starts to panic.) Cole, where are you?! (She runs around and searches the house.) Where are you?!

[Cut to Prue's room. Prue and Cole are asleep in bed. Man #3 walks through the wall.]

[Cut to Piper's room. Piper and Leo are asleep in bed. Man #3 appears through the wall and sprinkles gold dust onto Piper and Leo.]

[Flash to the Manor. Parlor. Piper and Leo are there snuggling on the couch in their pajamas. Leo sits up.]

Leo: I think I'm gonna go up to bed.

Piper: Oh, well, do you want some company?

Leo: Well, I'm really tired. I think I just need to get some sleep. (He leans in to give Piper a kiss, but instead kisses her stomach.) Good night, little one.

(Leo gets up and goes upstairs.)

Man: I would be glad to keep you company.

(Piper turns to see a handsome man standing in the living room. She stands up.)

Piper: What are you doing here?

(The man walks over to her.)

Man: I'm, uh, sweeping you off your feet.

Piper: No, I can't.

Man: All I see is you.

(There's a flash of light and Piper is now dressed in a beautiful gown. She's also not pregnant.)

Piper: No, Ryder, please, this isn't right. I'm married.

Ryder: Not in your dreams, you're not.

(He starts kissing her neck.)

[Cut to Piper's Bedroom. Piper and Leo are asleep in bed.]

[Flash to the stairway. Leo is walking down the stairs carrying a newborn baby.]

Leo: I could just hold you forever. (Suddenly, the baby vanishes from his arms. He panics.) What? Where's my baby? (He runs down the stairs and searches the house.) Where are you?

[Cut to Piper's room. Piper and Leo are asleep in bed. Man #3 walks through the wall.]

[Cut to Paige's room. Paige is in bed asleep. Man #3 appears through the wall and sprinkles gold dust onto Paige. Her nose twitches.]

[Flash to P4. A baby shower is taking place. Women are standing around a cradle holding gifts. Paige walks in carrying a toy clown. All the women drop their gifts and leave P4.]

Paige: But wait. You haven't even seen the baby yet.

(The creepy toy clown starts to talk.)

Clown: What'd you expect? They don't care about the kid. Nobody does.

(The clown laughs.)

[Cut to Paige's bedroom. Paige is asleep in bed. Man #3 walks through the wall.]

[Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe is asleep in bed. Man #3 walks in through the wall. He sprinkles gold dust onto Phoebe.]

[Flash to the basement. Phoebe walks down the stairs. She looks around, frightened. Suddenly, a person wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw walks out of the shadows. He starts up the chainsaw and Phoebe screams.]

[Flash to a campground. Phoebe appears there. Man #3 and a demon are there.]

Man #3: No! Please don't!

(The demon zaps Man #3 and he turns into gold dust.)

[Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe gasps and wakes up with a jolt. She notices Man #3 beside her, holding her hand. She pulls it away.]

Man #3: Help me. This is not a dream.

(Man #3 disappears.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. The room is covered in balloons and streamers. Leo is fiddling around with a cabinet door. Paige is standing on top of a ladder reaching up to stick the end of a streamer onto the ceiling. It slips from her hands and falls to the floor. Paige sighs. Phoebe, who is helping her, picks up the streamer and hands it to her.]

Phoebe: You know, Leo, the shower is in two days. The kids aren't gonna be opening cabinets for another year.

Leo: I got a book. "One Thousand Unexpected Dangers for Babies." Easy opening cabinets? Number thirty-two.

(Paige gets off the ladder.)

Paige: Hey, Leo. I've been having this recurring dream lately where I'm at P4, and as soon as I get up to the baby, everybody just disappears.

Leo: Sounds like you and me have baby on the brain. All I can think of lately is just holding her.

Phoebe: Your dreams are better than mine, Paige. I'm still having recurring nightmares about a guy with a chainsaw.

Paige: Is that why you've been paranoid?

Phoebe: Paranoid? That's an exaggeration.

Paige: Phoebe, you and Cole have been a little jumpy lately. Yesterday a balloon exploded and you stormed down here with a vanquishing potion. (She picks up her clown doll.) And Cole almost blew up old Slappy here.

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: Where is the man of my dreams?

(Leo laughs and kisses her on the cheek. He touches her bulging stomach.)

Leo: Speaking of my little one.

(Paige blows up another balloon.)

Piper: Well, alright. Beth Orton is playing at the club. I guess I'll get back to work.

(Piper turns to leave.)

Paige: Hey! You notice anything?

(Prue and Cole walk in.)

Prue: _I've_ noticed that subtlety is not your forte.

Phoebe: You two don't like it?

Piper: Well, I liked it, you know, fifteen streamers and twenty balloons ago.

Paige: Nothing is too good for our future nephew and nieces.

Prue: _Clearly._

Piper: Ooh. (She puts her hand on her stomach.) I am so gonna be a soccer mum. This kid has one mean kick.

Leo: I wanna feel a kick.

(Leo goes over and touches her stomach.)

Piper: Well, honey, unless you're a bladder or a kidney, you're not gonna feel it because she's kicking the inside.

Cole: I feel the twins kick all the time.

Prue: Unfortunately, so do I. Try carrying two, Piper.

Piper: No, thank you.

Leo: I never get to feel her kick.

Piper: Count your blessings.

Phoebe: Back on the dreams topic. Can I talk to you about something, Leo? In private?

Leo: Sure.

(They leave the room.)

[Time lapse. Attic. Phoebe and Leo walk in.]

Leo: What is it? (Phoebe goes over to the Book of Shadows and starts flipping through it.) Phoebe?

Phoebe: What do you know about Tracer Demons?

Leo: Uh, lower-level, mercenaries, able to track magical beings through different dimensions. Why?

Phoebe: Because one was in my dream last night, that's why. I was running away from the chainsaw guy in the basement, and then all of a sudden I was in the woods where I used to camp.

Leo: You were in the past?

Phoebe: No, it was the present. There was this weird creature standing there holding some kind of satchel, and then the demon killed him. I think it was a premonition.

Leo: A premonition during a dream?

Phoebe: Yeah, why not? It's happened before.

Leo: Phoebe, you've probably flipped past this drawing a hundred times, and you said the camp was from your childhood, so chances are-

Phoebe: Leo, I know what a premonition feels like, okay. Besides, when I woke up, the creature was standing in my bedroom begging me to help him.

Leo: You sure that you weren't still dreaming?

Phoebe: He said I wasn't. Then when I found the Tracer Demon in the book, I was sure I wasn't either.

Leo: What would you like me to do?

Phoebe: Go to the Elders. Find out if it really was a premonition, because if it was, I have an innocent to save. I got to go to work with Prue, so call me if you find out anything

(Leo orbs out.)

[Scene: A wasteland. Dead trees are around the place. A small satchel is hanging from one of the trees. The Tracer Demon walks over to another demon.]

Demon: A precious night gone by and you come back empty handed.

Tracer Demon: Yeah, but don't worry, I'll get him.

Demon: Oh, it's not me that has to worry. It's you. You're the only demon that's failed me. Everyone else has found their mark.

Tracer Demon: I'll get him tonight, I promise. I mean, he's easy to find. He watches over the same people, right?

Demon: I'll need proof.

Tracer Demon: Yeah, sure, I'll get it, yeah. Although, just out of curiosity…. (He looks at the satchel hanging from the tree.) What is it you do with that stuff? Dream?

(They both laugh and the demon hits the Tracer Demon, sending him flying.)

Demon: Demons don't dream. But with each one of these I collect, it means more humans won't either. And without dreams, humans can't work through their issues while they sleep. Which means those issues spill out into their waking life, turning them angry, evil.

Tracer Demon: I still don't understand what you get out of it. Not like it's any of my business, of course, but….

Demon: I get respect from the leaders of the Underworld and hopefully rewarded because of it. But if you fail me, I fail them. Understand?

Tracer Demon: Perfectly.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise walks into the main room.]

Elise: Okay, people, let's begin. Bill, nice job on that hostage stand-off piece yesterday.

Bill: Thanks.

Elise: Here's another one for you today. State Bank in North Beach, shots fired, go.

Bill: Wow, that's the third time this week.

(He walks away.)

Elise: Some of you guys are gonna have to double up. (She walks over to a woman.) Uh, angry man ploughs into farmer's market in his car. (She hands her a piece of paper. She moves over to a man.) Angry woman attacks school principal with a knife. (She hands him a piece of paper and moves onto another man.) And in sports, angry coach knocks out umpire with a baseball bat.

Prue: What the hell is going on out there?

Elise: The city's going to pot, that's what's going on. Bad news for the city, good news for circulation.

Prue: It's strange. Even my readers seem angrier. They keep asking for advice on how to deal with their tempers.

Man: Hey, what are you doing?

Woman: That's metro! That makes it my story!

Man: It's mine! She gave it to me!

(They pull on the piece of paper.)

Elise: Hey! Hey! Stop it right now!

Phoebe: Sorry to interrupt, Prue, but Paige is on the phone.

Prue: Good. We need to talk. (The man and woman continue to fight. Prue walks into her office with Phoebe, closes the door, and puts the phone on speaker.) Hey.

Paige: Hey, I can't decide on a place setting. It's either, "Baby in the Clouds", which is a little baby floating on a cloud, or "Cozy Bug", a baby bumblebee on a pink flower.

Prue: Oh, no. Piper's allergic to bees, remember?

[Cut to Paige in her car, in a parking lot.]

Paige: You're right. Thank you so much.

Prue: Wait, is that the only reason you're calling?

(A car pulls up behind Paige and the driver honks the horn.)

Paige: Yeah, why?

Prue: Well, have you been watching the news lately? It just seems that everyone's at each other's throats. I mean, even here. Have you noticed anything weird?

(The driver in the car behind Paige honks the horn again.)

Driver: Back it up, lady!

Paige: You know, now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while driving over here.

Prue: See, I think something's up.

Phoebe: Something evil, maybe.

(The driver beeps the horn again.)

Driver: Come on, lady!

Paige: Lady, it's my spot! Look, everybody is odd in San Francisco, that's why we fit in so well.

(Suddenly, the driver appears at Paige's window.)

Driver: Hey! Move it or lose it, lady! I want this space!

(The lady walks away.)

Paige: Maybe you are right.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper is sitting on the couch, tissue in hand, watching a soap on TV.]

Sienna: (on TV) I never stopped loving you, Ryder. You know that, don't you?

Ryder: (on TV) I just never thought I'd see you again, Sienna. Not after the yacht explosion.

(On TV, Ryder and Sienna kiss. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.)

Phoebe: And he's standing over me, telling me I'm not dreaming.

Paige: Well, _I_ think you're crazy. What, now you think this is connected to your dream?

Phoebe: The premonition in my dream. It would be a really big coincidence if it wasn't, don't you think?

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in front of the TV.)

Piper: Shh! I've been waiting for this for weeks, people. (Prue turns off the TV. Piper gasps.) No, don't do that. They're just getting to the good part.

Prue: Well, rent the video. We have work that we have to do.

(Prue sits down beside Piper.)

Piper: It is not a video, it is a soap.

Phoebe: Leo!

Paige: Phoebe thinks that a demon is causing some anger epidemic.

Piper: Give me that remote. Give it.

(Piper tries to get it off Prue.)

Phoebe: See! See, point positive here. (Leo orbs in.) Hey, anything?

Leo: Based on what the Elders said, I think that your dream premonition is very real, which means so is the Tracer Demon.

Piper: What Tracer Demon?

Phoebe: And what about the creature? Do they know about the creature?

Piper: What creature?

Leo: Well, they think that it's a weird assomnio. If that's the case, you definitely need to save him.

Paige: A weirdo what?

Leo: Weird assomnio. It's the original Latin term for a Sandman.

Phoebe: Wait a minute, like, "Sandman, bring me a dream"?

Leo: One and the same. Only there isn't just _one_ Sandman, there are many of them, like angels. They visit good beings during their sleep, sprinkle them with dream dust so they can dream.

Paige: I can't believe they exist, not that I should be surprised.

(Cole comes in, catching the conversation.)

Cole: But they don't know what we dream about, do they? I mean, that's all confidential, isn't it?

Leo: I don't know. But I _do_ know that they exist on a different plane, which means the only way to find one...

Phoebe: Would be for a Tracer Demon to bring him into our plane.

Leo: And kill him.

Piper: Great.

Prue: I don't get it. I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams?

Piper: Yeah, I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun.

Phoebe: Did you say erotic?

(Leo looks at Piper.)

Piper: Exotic. I said exotic.

Paige: Huh, I don't get exotic dreams, I just get disturbing ones.

Prue: Ditto.

Cole: Same here.

Phoebe: Mine are just scary.

Prue: But that's how you work through stuff, right? In your dreams?

Paige: So?

Prue: So, I think that's why everyone's been crazy. They're not dealing with their subconscious issues while they're dreaming.

Piper: I think I got some issues to work out.

Leo: So you said your premonition took place somewhere where you used to camp?

Phoebe: Yeah, North State Campgrounds.

Paige: Alright, let's go.

(Paige heads for the door.)

Piper: And save our dreams.

(Prue and Piper struggle to get up.)

Paige: Oh, maybe you two should sit this one out.

Piper: Why?

Prue: Don't you need us to vanquish the demon?

Phoebe: No, I'll make a potion. It's just you're not moving as swiftly as you used to and we might have to run.

Prue: But…. (Phoebe, Cole, and Leo leave.) Fine, do it yourself.

(Piper quickly grabs the remote off Prue and turns on the TV. Ryder and Sienna are cuddling in bed.)

Ryder: It's been so long. I never forgot what it feels like to be in your arms.

Piper: Oh, I missed it!

[Scene: North State Campgrounds. Night time. In a tent. A camper is asleep. The Sandman appears beside the camper and sprinkles gold dust on him. The Sandman walks out of the tent. The Tracer Demon is there waiting.]

Tracer Demon: Did you really think I wouldn't come back for you?

(The Tracer Demon waves his hand and brings the Sandman to this plane. He is no longer transparent.)

Sandman: Actually, I was counting on it.

(Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)

Tracer Demon: Witches.

(Phoebe races over to the Sandman. Paige throws a potion at the Tracer Demon. He throws an electric bolt at the potion, destroying it. The force pushes Paige backwards onto the ground. The Tracer Demon throws another electric bolt at Phoebe and the Sandman and Phoebe pushes the Sandman out of the way. He throws another which lands at their feet. As they land on the ground, a lot of dream dust escapes from his satchel and lands on Phoebe. Suddenly, the masked chainsaw man materializes nearby. Phoebe sits up.)

Paige: Who the hell is that?

(The chainsaw man raises his chainsaw. Paige runs over and orbs out with Phoebe and the Sandman.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige, and the Sandman are there. Phoebe is pacing up and down the room. Paige and the Sandman are sitting on the couch. Paige pokes the Sandman in the arm and he looks at her.]

Paige: I'm sorry. I'm just so surprised that you're real.

(Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo walk in carrying cups of coffee.)

Piper: Okay, this should keep our brains going on zero sleep. Do Sandmen even sleep?

Sandman: Only when our charges are all awake.

Piper: Oh, so basically never.

Phoebe: Okay, can we focus here? Because we have a demon to vanquish and a nightmare to deal with.

Paige: And a baby shower to get to. What? I'm just saying.

Leo: Any idea how, uh, Phoebe's nightmare came to life?

Sandman: I don't know. It's never happened before. But then, no one's ever been hit with that much dream dust before either.

Phoebe: So you think since I OD'd on the stuff he just popped out of my head?

Sandman: Out of her unconscious. But now that he's out, he's obviously very real.

Phoebe: Okay, does that mean he's gonna keep trying to kill me?

Sandman: If that's what he tries to do in your dreams, yes.

Phoebe: Great, that's just great. I need to think about this.

(Phoebe leaves the room.)

Piper: So we need to hurry up and find a way to put him back before any of our other dreams spring to life, shall we?

Leo: Dreams like what?

Cole: I agree with Piper.

(Prue gives Cole a look.)

Prue: First, I think we need to stop the Tracer Demon before this whole city turns into one _huge_ nightmare, don't you think?

Sandman: Yes, but there's more than one Tracer you have to worry about. There are others out there killing us.

Cole: Which means there must be an upper-level demon behind them, orchestrating the attacks.

Prue: Okay, so we write a summoning spell and we get the Tracer here, Piper freezes him and we'll force him to talk, we'll vanquish him and his boss…

Piper: And then the Sandman can go back to keeping dreams where they belong.

Paige: Very impressive. And very fast.

(Phoebe walks in.)

Phoebe: Um, what are we supposed to do about my chainsaw killer?

Piper: Oh, don't worry about him.

Prue: Yeah, we'll blow him up before he lays a blade on you. (The doorbell rings.) Who is that?

Paige: Oh, that must be Becca and Wendy with the hors d'oeuvres trays. You're not against parsley, are you?

Leo: Get rid of them.

Paige: No, I will _not_ get rid of them. If I get rid of them, I have to stop the shower, and I am not doing that.

Piper: Alright, alright, easy, easy. Uh, we'll go take care of them, you guys go start the summoning spell. Go, go.

Prue: Help them, please, Cole.

Cole: Sure.

(Phoebe, Cole, Leo, and the Sandman head for the kitchen.)

Paige: Oh, thank you.

Prue: Come on.

[Scene: A wasteland. The demon pushes the Tracer Demon against a tree. He's angry.]

Demon: _Witches_? You lost him to _witches_?

Tracer Demon: If you'll just let me speak….

Demon: Do they know about me?

Tracer Demon: No, I swear. I can get to the Sandman before they ever do.

Demon: I'm listening.

Tracer Demon: One of the witches…. She got hit with too much dream dust.

Demon: So?

(They hear a chainsaw and the demon spins around. They see the chainsaw man standing nearby. The demon gets ready to attack the chainsaw man but the Tracer Demons stops him.)

Tracer Demon: No, wait. Sorry. I assure you he's no threat to us. Only to the witch who dreamed him up. (to the chainsaw man) You got his attention. You can turn that off now. (The chainsaw man turns off the chainsaw.) That right there is her worst nightmare, literally. And since she's scared to death of him, I'm thinking…. (He walks over to the tree with the hanging satchels.) If I could borrow a few of these satchels here, I might be able to make the other witches' dreams come to life too.

Demon: And how is this supposed to help you fulfill your obligation to me?

Tracer Demon: It'll distract them long enough for me to kill my mark and collect my bounty. I'd better take a couple extra just in case.

(He takes five satchels and tucks them in his coat pockets. He turns to leave.)

Demon: Excuse me. This better work. Otherwise, I'm gonna be your worst nightmare.

[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper puts a tray of food down on a chair along with other trays of food.]

Prue: Paige, that's enough. I want them gone.

Paige: Just relax, Prue.

(Becca walks in carrying another tray of food.)

Becca: The trunk is officially empty.

Prue: Great, so we're done.

Becca: No way. There's the whole back seat.

Prue: Oh, you're kidding, right?

Becca: Hey. Paige is the one who sent us around to five different stores.

(Wendy walks in carrying four large blue plastic bags.)

Piper: Oh my god!

Wendy: Okay, don't look in these bags, Piper. You're not supposed to see the door prizes. (Wendy puts the bags down and notices Slappy sitting on top of a cabinet.) Hey, Becca, I thought we nixed the clown idea.

Piper: Oh, no, relax, that's just one of Paige's old toys. Slappy.

Wendy: Oh, good, 'cause clowns are creepy.

Becca: Especially _that one_.

Piper: Don't let Paige hear you say that.

(Becca puts Slappy face down on the cabinet.)

Becca: That's better.

Piper: Okay, well, thanks, guys, you know, thanks for everything.

Prue: You should really go. And we'll call you if we need any more stuff.

Wendy: _Go_? Paige wanted us to do all this before the baby shower.

Piper: Yeah, I know, but we're the ones that are pregnant.

Prue: Yeah, and I think we've reached our limit. In fact, we've gone over it, _way_ over it.

Becca: That's all those crazy hormones talking. Maybe you should lie down and let us take over.

Piper: No, no, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.

Prue: The only thing crazy around here is the shower-mania, especially when we should be focusing on the de...

Piper: Details, details, like what are we gonna wear and stuff.

Becca: Frankly, I'm surprised at your attitude. This is all for you two.

Piper: Oh, I know, and we're thrilled. (Prue nodded.) But right now we just need a little peace and quiet.

Prue: Yeah, you know, pregnant woman's prerogative and all.

(Prue and Piper show them out the door.)

Wendy: If you say so.

Prue: I do.

Piper: Yeah, okay, thanks.

(Prue closes the door and sighs.)

[Cut to the attic. Phoebe, Cole, Leo, and The Sandman are there. Phoebe scrunches up a piece of paper and throws it onto the pile of other scrunched up paper.]

Phoebe: It's just a stupid summoning spell. I don't know why I can't come up with it.

Leo: You need to relax. It'll come to you.

Phoebe: You know, maybe it's because I'm not so sure this is a good idea. I mean, what if I bring the Tracer Demon here and it just makes matters worse? What then? He's surprised us before.

Cole: But that was just luck. He didn't know your dream would come to life.

Phoebe: Well, it did, and unfortunately that's all I can think about.

Leo: Maybe if you can stop and figure out what it means, you won't be afraid of it anymore.

Phoebe: Leo, don't you think if I could do that I would've done it by now? I-I vanquish demons everyday, real ones, so some guy from my dreams should be a piece of cake, even with power tools. So why do I run from him? Do you know why?

Sandman: No. I may be made of dreams, but I don't shape them. Perhaps if you can figure out who was behind the mask. Characters in dreams always symbolize something specific in one's life, a special person, a certain feeling or pain. Unmask that, de-mystify it, and the character goes away.

Phoebe: I don't even know where to begin with that. My life is so great. I don't know why I would start having nightmares now.

Sandman: Only you can answer that, my dear. In your dreams.

[Cut to the kitchen. Prue, Piper, and Paige are carrying the trays of food in.]

Prue: Not to sound unappreciative, but this is kind of overkill.

Paige: No, this is perfect. Nothing is too good for my future nephew and nieces.

Piper: Yeah, okay, but Paige, it's supposed to be a shower, not a coronation.

Paige: Hey. We need to celebrate your children coming into this world.

Piper: Okay, but they're not even gonna be here. (She touches her stomach.) Except for the occasional kidney shot. Which makes me wonder if maybe this is a little bit more about _you_ than them.

(Cole and Leo walk in.)

Leo: Where are your friends?

Piper: Gone but not forgotten.

Leo: Are they coming back?

Paige: Not till the shower.

Prue: Why?

Leo: Well, Phoebe's almost done with the summoning spell, so we need to get ready.

(The Tracer Demon fades into the kitchen.)

Tracer Demon: You mean for me?

(He throws three satchels full of dream dust onto Prue, Piper, and Paige. Cole pushes Prue out of the way, but Piper and Paige fall to the floor, asleep. The Tracer Demon zaps Prue, Cole, and Leo with electric bolts and they crash through the basement door. The Tracer Demon empties a satchel of dream dust onto Leo and tries to throw the last at Prue, but Cole shields her and gets hit with it instead. The Tracer Demon fades away. Piper wakes up and stands up. She's wearing the evening dress from her dream. She's no longer pregnant.)

Piper: Oh, no. Oh.

(Ryder materializes in the room wearing a tuxedo.)

Ryder: My love.

Piper: No. How did you get here? (Ryder moves closer to Piper.) Go away. Shh! (He puts his arms around Piper and she tries to push him away.) No, shoo, go away.

(He kisses her neck and she gasps. Paige wakes up and stands up, rubbing her face.)

Paige: Who are you talking to?

(Suddenly, Slappy the Clown materializes, life-size.)

Slappy: What's the matter? Don't you recognize me, honey? It's _Slappy_.

(He laughs evilly. Piper looks down.)

Piper: Where's my baby?

Leo: Over here.

(Leo struggles to get up. He walks into the kitchen with a very pregnant stomach.)

Slappy: Yuck.

Prue: Oh my god.

Piper: Oh my god.

Paige: Oh my god.

Leo: (sees Ryder) Oh _my_ god.

(Three more people materialize.)

Man #1: Hey, Dad.

(Cole stands up quickly.)

Prue: Oh my god.

(They hear a chainsaw and Phoebe scream.)

Woman: Ooh. That didn't sound good.

[Cut to the attic. Phoebe, the Sandman, and the Chainsaw Man are there. Phoebe is holding a coat rack out in front of her.]

Phoebe: Prue! Piper! Paige!

(The chainsaw man cuts the coat rack in half.)

Sandman: It's no use. You can't fight your own dream.

Phoebe: Wanna bet?

(She stabs the chainsaw man in the chest with the coat rack. He drops his chainsaw and falls to the floor. Phoebe looks at her chest and it's bleeding in the same spot as the chainsaw man. She drops the coat rack and falls to the floor. The Tracer Demon appears in the room.)

Tracer Demon: Would Freud have a field day with this or what?

Piper: (from the hallway) Phoebe, are you alright?!

Tracer Demon: Sweet dreams.

(He zaps the Sandman with an electric bolt and he turns into a pile of gold dust. A satchel falls to the floor. The Tracer Demon picks up the satchel and fades away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and the Chainsaw Man are still on the floor. Piper and Leo race in.]

Piper: Phoebe?! (Piper kneels beside Phoebe and Leo awkwardly does the same. He starts to heal Phoebe.) What's taking so long?

Leo: I don't know.

Piper: He has the same wound?

(Prue, Paige, and Cole run in.)

Paige: What happened?

Piper: We're not sure. Did you cage….?

Prue: Yeah.

Paige: Your guy too.

Leo: About that guy….

Piper: A little less bitching, a little more healing, please.

(Leo heals Phoebe completely... and without knowing, heals the chainsaw man as well. They help Phoebe sit up.)

Leo: Easy, easy, are you okay?

Phoebe: Yeah. (She sees Leo's stomach.) Holy cow. Are _you_ okay?

Piper: We all got hit by the dream dust, Pheebs.

Paige: Hey, where's the Sandman? (They look at the pile of gold dust.) _Oh, no_.

(The chainsaw man sits up and grabs his chainsaw. He stands up and tries to start it. Everyone quickly gets up.)

Leo: How'd he get healed?

Phoebe: Same way I did, I guess.

Piper: Well, let's see if he can heal this.

(She goes to blow him up but Phoebe stops her.)

Phoebe: No, you can't kill him. You kill him, you kill me.

(Paige grabs a box of crystals.)

Paige: Run. He'll follow you. We'll meet you in the conservatory.

Phoebe: Do what?

Prue: She's right. Trust her. Come on.

(Paige, Piper, and Leo orb out. Prue and Cole smoke-fade out. The chainsaw man gets his chainsaw started and chases Phoebe. Phoebe runs out of the attic.)

[Cut to the stairs. Phoebe runs down the stairs with the chainsaw man following. She runs into the conservatory and he follows. Prue, Piper, and Paige quickly place three crystals on the floor, trapping him in a crystal cage. Behind him are Ryder, the clown, and the three others in their crystal cages.]

Man #2: Who's the clown?

Phoebe: Who are any of them?

Prue/Leo: Good question.

Piper/Cole: Don't ask.

Ryder: I'm Piper's dream lover.

(Piper gasps.)

Piper: _No_ , listen, listen, we've never slept together. I mean, in the dream world place.

Paige: Maybe you guys should take this in the other room.

Piper: Good idea.

(Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo go into the living room.)

Slappy: Psst. Paige. Pretty lame, don't you think? All the decorations? The party-goers will _still_ disappear. (He laughs. Paige goes into the living room.) I got her number.

[Cut to the living room. Paige walks in.]

Prue: This is all crazy.

Paige: What are we gonna do?

Phoebe: Well, I made a promise to the Sandman and I'm gonna keep it.

Piper: Okay, so we stick to the original plan. We get the Tracer back here.

Leo: Yeah, that's real smart, Piper. Anything happens to your dream guy out there and you're dead.

Piper: I realize that. And ease up, will you? You're upsetting the baby.

Phoebe: He's right, though.

Prue: Which means the Tracer Demon's gonna come back. So we gotta figure out what to do quickly.

Piper: Any ideas?

Prue: What if we cast a sleeping spell and deal with them in our dreams?

Paige: Come again?

Phoebe: No, she's right. The Sandman said if we de-mystify them and we learn to understand them, then they'll just go away.

Leo: Well, it doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.

Piper: Well, at least he makes me feel _sexy_ and not like some walking _incubator_. Although, I guess that's what _you've_ been dreaming about.

Paige: Hey, guys, maybe not the time.

Prue: No, this is good. The more we know, the better chance we have.

Paige: Well, I don't know what in the hell the clown means.

Prue: Well, it's gotta mean _something_.

Paige: Look, all I know is in my dream, I try to give the clown to the baby, then everybody at the shower just walks away and I'm just left feeling... empty.

Phoebe: Okay, well, you have to find out what that is. You know, follow through with it. Give the baby the clown and see what happens. (to Piper) And _you_ , you need to follow through too, missy. You've created this dream guy to satisfy you, so maybe you should let him.

Leo: _What?_

Phoebe: I'm sorry.

Paige: Relax, dude. Women dream all the time.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Well, Miss Phoebe, who's the killer behind the mask?

Phoebe: I don't know.

Prue: Okay. Well, what about you, Cole? Those are apparently our kids out there.

Cole: (pause) I'm afraid that they'll be evil.

Prue: Okay. Well, you need to deal with that. Because they're gonna be fine.

Leo: What about me?

Piper: Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with and the Tracer, we'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.

Prue: We need you to protect us when we go under in case the Tracer demon attacks. Will you guys work on the sleeping spell?

Paige: All over it.

Phoebe: Okay.

(Prue and Phoebe get up.)

Piper: Where are you going?

Phoebe: To get some dream dust. That's what the Sandman was made of.

(Prue and Phoebe leave the room. Piper looks at Leo and smiles. She rubs his bulging stomach.)

Paige: Come on, sisters, let's go.

(Piper and Paige leave the room.)

[Scene: Wasteland. The demon and the Tracer are there. The Tracer is smoking a cigar.]

Demon: What are you doing here? You got your bounty, didn't you?

Tracer Demon: Yes, I did, but... I've been thinking about your plan to impress the Underworld leaders. I think there's a better way to do that.

Demon: Really?

Tracer Demon: We killing Sandmen is fine, but wouldn't, say, killing the Charmed Ones be more impressive?

Demon: If it could be done, it would be done by now.

Tracer Demon: I know. That's why I didn't show up to take out their Sandman until at least one of them was down. It started me thinking. With their dreams out and about, maybe they're more vulnerable now than they've ever been. Maybe it's time to go for it, really impress the leaders.

Demon: Alright. What do you need from me?

(The Tracer demon zaps the demon with an electric bolt and vanquishes him.)

Tracer Demon: I need you outta my way.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo is there. He sits down on the couch and yawns. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.]

[Flash to Piper's room. Leo walks in the nursery.]

Leo: Please, let me hold you. I just wanna hold you, baby. (He walks over to the crib and picks up the baby.) There. I've got you.

[Flash to the living room. Paige wakes Leo up.]

Paige: Leo, wake up. Snap out of it.

(Leo gets up. Phoebe walks in carrying a bowl of dream dust.)

Phoebe: Okay, just don't use too much. We don't want any problems coming to life.

Paige: Are you sure it's okay to go to sleep with the Tracer Demon still out there?

(Phoebe opens the door to the conservatory.)

Ryder: Piper, I need you. I want you.

Slappy: Come on, Paige, let's party!

(He does a dance.)

Men/Woman: Let us out of here!

(Phoebe closes the door.)

Paige: Let's get this over with.

Leo: Okay. Everybody know what they need to do?

Paige: Yep, I need to find out why I feel so empty.

(Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole sit next to each other on the couch.)

Piper: And I need to give in to my desire and...

Leo: That's enough. Phoebe? Cole?

Phoebe: I need to find the courage to kick my killer's ass.

Cole: And I need to deal with the root of my fear for my kids.

Prue: Ready?

Piper/Phoebe/Paige: "Let we who waken from our sleep/return at once to slumber deep."

(They fall asleep and lay back on the couch. Leo hesitates for a moment, then sprinkles dream dust on Piper, then sprinkles some on Phoebe, Paige, and Cole.)

[Flash to Phoebe's dream. Basement. Phoebe looks around.]

Phoebe: I know you're down here! You always are. (The chainsaw man appears out of the shadows.) I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.

(She runs.)

[Flash to Paige's dream. P4. Women are standing around a bassinet. Paige walks in and everyone leaves.]

Paige: But wait, you haven't even seen the baby yet.

Slappy: But you should. That's why you're here, isn't it? Go ahead. Take a peek.

(Paige slowly moves towards the bassinet. She looks inside and sees a baby wrapped in a blanket with "Paige Matthews" embroidered on it. She picks up the baby.)

[Cut to the living room. Paige wakes up.]

Prue: Paige, you okay?

(Paige gets up and opens the door to the conservatory. Slappy vanishes.)

Paige: The baby in the cradle was me. Nobody was allowed to celebrate my birth because it had to be kept a secret. I guess that's why I was trying to make up for it with my nephew and nieces.

Prue: It'll be different for them.

(Paige nods.)

[Flash to Piper's dream. Living room. Ryder moves closer to Piper.]

Piper: Ryder, please, this isn't right. I'm married.

Ryder: Not in your dreams, you're not. (He kisses her neck and Piper breathes heavily. She pulls away.) Don't be afraid. You know you want to.

(Piper and Ryder kiss passionately. They pull apart and Ryder is now Leo. Piper smiles.)

[Cut to the living room. End of Piper's dream. Piper smiles in her sleep. Prue, Paige, and Leo look in the conservatory and Ryder vanishes.]

Leo: What happened? Where'd he go?

Piper: Nowhere. (Piper walks over to Leo.) He was right here all along. (Piper kisses Leo.) I was dreaming about you, about us. The way we used to be. And I don't want that to change just because we're married and... (she looks at Leo's stomach) having a baby.

Leo: It won't.

(They kiss.)

Paige: Uh, guys?

Piper: Mm?

Paige: Phoebe's not looking so hot.

[Flash to Phoebe's dream. Basement. The chainsaw man is chasing Phoebe. He hits a shelf of stuff with his chainsaw. Phoebe runs up the stairs.]

Phoebe: Come on, Phoebe, you can do this. It's now or never.

(The chainsaw man climbs the stairs and Phoebe kicks him back down. He falls to the ground and multiplies. The other two are holding a butcher's knife and an axe. They stand up. Phoebe screams.)

[Cut to the living room. Phoebe breathes heavily.]

Prue: Phoebe?

Piper: Honey, what's happening?

(They look in the conservatory and the chainsaw man multiplies. They kick the crystals out of the way and the crystal cage disappears. The three of them move closer to Prue, Piper, Paige and Leo.]

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo pushes a table up against the door.]

Paige: Don't let 'em in!

(Prue and Piper lock the other doors.)

Piper: This is not gonna hold long.

Paige: Phoebe, will you deal with your issues already?!

Leo: Yelling at her is not gonna help!

(The axe man chops through one of the doors. Piper screams.)

Piper: Alright, that's enough.

(She goes to blow them up but Prue stops her.)

Prue: Piper, don't. You kill them, you kill Phoebe.

Paige: What the hell are we gonna do?!

(The chainsaw man and the axe man continue to chop their way through the doors.)

[Flash to Phoebe's dream. Kitchen. Phoebe is there. The chainsaw man cuts his way through the door. Phoebe screams. The three of them move towards Phoebe.]

Phoebe: What am I supposed to do to make them go away? Unmask them and he goes away. That's it.

(She kicks the axe man and then removes the mask, revealing herself.)

Phoebe: Oh my god.

[Flash to the living room. The chainsaw man, axe man, and butcher's knife man move in closer. Prue, Piper, Paige, and Leo back away.]

Piper: Phoebe, hurry up!

(The men vanish.)

Leo: Where'd they go?

(Phoebe wakes up. Paige sits down beside her.)

Paige: You did it. You kicked his ass.

Phoebe: No, actually, I didn't. I just unmasked him. Or me, rather.

Prue: You?

Piper: Uh, the killer was _you_?

Phoebe: Yeah. How narcissistic is that?

Paige: That's weird. I thought my clown was strange.

Phoebe: What happened in here?

Leo: Uh, nothing much, we've just been protecting you from, apparently, you.

Piper: Wait a minute. I don't get it.

Paige: Yeah. I'm not following.

Phoebe: Kind of an old issue for me. Self-sabotage.

(Leo groans.)

Leo: Ooh.

Piper: Maybe not all of us.

Leo: She kicked. I felt the baby kick. (Leo's stomach deflates and Piper's inflates.) Now why did that happen?

Piper: Well, you said you wanted to be closer to the baby. So you were, now you're not.

Leo: Yeah, well, right now I wanna be closer to my wife.

(Piper and Leo kiss.)

Phoebe: Eww.

Prue: What about Cole? He's still under. (The three left in the conservatory disappear as Cole wakes up and stands up.) Or not. Cole, what happened?

Cole: I dealt with my issues. Like I said, I'm afraid that they'll turn evil. But that's why they'll have us. To teach them to be good.

(They kiss just as the Tracer demon fades in.)

Tracer Demon: Prepare to die, witches. (Prue and Cole pull apart and turn to the Tracer. The Tracer demon looks around.) Where are your dreams?

Piper: Boy, are you ever late.

(Piper blows him up.)

Prue: Why'd you do that? We needed to find out who he was working for.

Piper: Oh, there's more where he came from. Besides, we're saving dreams. I don't want a lot of cranky women at my baby shower. Unless, you know, having one is gonna bring up some issues for you.

Paige: No, no, I'm fine. You know, I would even be so big as to consider moving it to P4.

Piper: Well, I can't. I've got Beth Orton booked for tonight.

Paige: What better way to celebrate? Just hope we can stay awake long enough to enjoy it.

[Scene: P4. Beth Orton is performing on stage. People are dancing and having a good time in front of the stage. At the back of the room, there are opened presents and a half-eaten cake. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige sleep soundly, Slappy under Paige's arm.]


	12. The Day the Magic Died

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** So, fun fact, I did the math, and due to having to delete three episodes, this has become the 100th episode ironically. So enjoy! This one is dedicated to my readers, and especially my reviewers. And even more especially to you, Boris Yeltsin, as I'm pretty sure at this point that you're my only reviewer these days unfortunately, which I appreciate more than you know. :)

Phoenix is played by Ocean Maturo and Persephone is played by Lily Rose Smith.

 **The Day the Magic Died**

[Scene: Manor. Backyard. Night time. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are sitting on chairs looking up at a green mist in the sky. Paige walks out.]

Piper: It's even brighter than it was an hour ago.

Phoebe: It's like magic and science and fairy tales all rolled up into one.

Paige: Actually, it's ion speeding into the earth's magnetic field, and then they collide with air molecules. Hm. (She sits down on a chair.) Do you guys think it's weird that the Aurora Borealis is happening the night before the Wiccan Festival of Lights?

Piper: I've been so busy planning for the baby, I forgot tomorrow is a Sabbath.

Paige: Yep, it's definitely a time for renewal and growth.

Prue: Uh, please, don't say growth. If this little thing gets any bigger, I'll never be able to snap back.

Phoebe: Hey, was that shivers? I think I detected shivers. Ladies, you should go inside with those shivers.

Prue: Shh, I'm fine.

Piper: I'm feeling fine too.

Phoebe: You didn't look so fine when you were bent over the toilet puking your guts out today.

Piper: Nausea, headaches, all a normal part of pregnancy. Along with gas, heartburn, constant need to pee.

Phoebe: Sounds fun.

Prue: It's really not.

(A goose squawks. They see a white goose in front of them lay a golden egg. It flies into the house. Paige gets up.)

Paige: Uh, another golden goose.

(Paige picks up the golden egg.)

Piper: You would think the magical community could find maybe something else to give to the baby.

Phoebe: Well, that's the hot item this year.

Piper: Clearly.

Paige: Yeah, I could definitely melt this down and make a _fashionable_ ring.

Prue: You are not keeping that.

(Inside, Leo walks past the door.)

Leo: Goosy, goosy, _goosy_.

(Leo dives for the goose and lands on the floor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige laugh. Leo gets up and runs through the house.)

Piper: As much as I am enjoying the spectacle, I think we should really send those things back. Dad is in town tomorrow and he wants to stop by for a visit.

Phoebe: Yeah, he does get very Darin Stevens about our whole magic thing.

Paige: Yeah, we should maybe have Leo ask the Elders what the policy is on magical gift returns. We don't want a curse put on the family or anything.

(Cole and Leo walk outside.)

Piper: Yes, good idea.

(The Elders call Leo.)

Leo: I wonder what the Elders want this late?

Piper: Well, I don't know, but you go find out and keep it down when you come back because I'm gonna head up…. (She stands up and feels dizzy.) Ohh. Or maybe down.

(She faints back onto the chair.)

Prue/Phoebe/Paige: Piper!

(They rush to her side.)

Leo: Piper.

Prue: Leo….

(Leo tries to heal Piper.)

Phoebe: What's going on?

Leo: I don't know. I can't heal her. She won't come to.

Prue: Okay, to the hospital. Come on.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Hospital. A room. Piper is lying in bed with Prue and Phoebe. Paige, Cole, and Leo surround her.]

Phoebe: You scared us.

Piper: Me too. I guess I'm not so invincible after all.

Paige: Yeah, maybe we need to start taking better care of you.

Piper: No, it was my fault. Everybody was telling me to slow down.

Prue: I doubt that was your fault. I'm more pregnant than you are, could go into labor any minute, and I have been going at the same speed as you.

Leo: Yeah, it's _not_ your fault. We're all in uncharted territory. The Elders said that these were special children and anything could happen. Let's not forget that.

(A female doctor walks in carrying a file.)

Doctor: How are you feeling?

Piper: Eh, tired, and weak.

Doctor: I've got your test results here, but I can't find your chart. When are you due?

Piper: Uh, six weeks.

Doctor: And who is your regular doctor?

Piper: Uh... we don't have one.

Prue: We've sorta been seeing alternative medical practitioners.

Doctor: You don't have an OB/GYN?

Paige: We're training to be midwives.

Doctor: I'm open to all forms of healing, but a woman in her third trimester should've had ultrasounds and blood work done by now. A medical doctor could have caught your condition earlier.

Piper: My condition?

Doctor: Toxaemia. It's a form of high blood pressure in pregnant women. Do you deal with unusual stress in your life?

Paige: _Very_ unusual.

Piper: Is it serious?

Doctor: Toxaemia restricts blood flow and food and oxygen to the placenta. It _can_ result in a small baby, premature delivery, or it can lead to other complications, none of which you need to worry about now. Most women respond quickly to the treatment.

Piper: Okay, so give me the treatment.

Doctor: The treatment involves a no salt diet, _no_ stress, and _lots_ of bed rest. Do that and the symptoms should reverse. I'll be back later to check on you.

(The doctor leaves the room.)

Leo: That's probably why I couldn't heal you. High blood pressure isn't just physical, it's a state of mind.

Phoebe: No stress and bed rest. You think you can handle that?

Piper: Yeah, I can handle that. I'll do anything.

Prue: So will we.

[Scene: The woods. A demon sorcerer stands beside a small fire. His apprentice walks up beside him carrying an armload of wood.]

Sorcerer: Oh, I have waited a lifetime for this.

Apprentice: The Aurora Borealis is a rare sight indeed, sir.

(The apprentice throws the wood onto the fire.)

Sorcerer: It's much more than that. Two centuries ago, when I became an apprentice, I devoted my life to sorcery and the black arts. And do you know why?

Apprentice: No, sir.

Sorcerer: In the hope that an ancient prophecy, which my mentor kept hidden, would one day come to pass.

Apprentice: Has it?

Sorcerer: Well, look up. The signs are converging. The future of all magic hangs in the balance. And only _I_ know it.

Apprentice: And now I know it too, sir.

Sorcerer: Oh, yes, you do. That's why you're going to help me by attacking the Charmed Ones tomorrow with fireballs.

Apprentice: _Fireballs_? No, no, no, fireballs are useless against those witches.

Sorcerer: Well, actually, you'll be lucky to have any fireball power at all if things happen the way I expect them to.

Apprentice: It sounds like suicide, sir.

Sorcerer: _Suicide_? _Sacrifice_. It's an opportunity of a lifetime to have power over good forever. This is the kind of mission that turns demons into legends. Your name will go down in infamy.

Apprentice: Really?

Sorcerer: Yes. What's your name again?

Apprentice: Stanley.

Sorcerer: _Stanley._ (He touches Stanley's face.) Stanley, it all starts with you. Attack the witches, go down fighting, secure your legacy.

Stanley: I'll do my best, sir.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Phoebe's there. She places a vase of flowers on the bedside table. She then walks over to a candle and lights it. Paige orbs in holding a bucket of bubbling mud.]

Paige: Greetings from the Dead Sea.

Phoebe: Oh. _Pew_! What'd you eat over there?

Paige: It's not _me_ , it's the sulphur in the mud. It has healing properties. You know, people come from all over the world just to get this stuff.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, we want Piper to feel like she's in a spa, not some sewer.

Paige: I guess you're right. I just wanted the best for her.

Phoebe: I know, sweetie. We're gonna take good care of her, Prue, and the babies. I promise.

Piper: (from downstairs) Hello?!

Phoebe: (excited) There she is.

[Cut to the foyer. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo are there. Phoebe and Paige race down the stairs.]

Phoebe: Welcome home, honey! Or should I say your highness? Because from now on, we are your loyal subjects.

(She gives Piper a big hug.)

Paige: We even turned your bedroom into a royal throne room.

Leo: Let me take you there now, my Queen.

Piper: Alright, knock it off, before I cut your heads off. I don't _want_ any special treatment.

Phoebe: Piper, we love you. Let us love you.

Paige: Yeah. I mean, as your sisters, and your midwives, we feel it's our duty to provide you with solitude, and serenity, and-

(A goose squawks and three golden geese walk into the living room.)

Piper: A gaggle of _geese_.

Leo: I thought you guys were gonna get rid of those?

Paige: You said you were gonna ask the Elders on magical gift return policies.

Piper: Okay, you guys, it's _fine_ , everything is fine. It's not gonna bother me. I'm not gonna let anything bother me, for the sake of my daughter.

Leo: Come on. I'll take you upstairs.

Piper: Wait. Prue, would you mind staying with me?

Prue: I was planning on it. At this stage of my pregnancy, I should probably be on bed rest just as much as you.

Cole: I agree. I thought I was gonna have to talk you into taking it easy.

(Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo go upstairs.)

Phoebe: I thought you said you tied them up.

Paige: I did, but the little _flockers_ got loose.

Phoebe: Okay, we have to do better than this, for Piper. I mean, if we can't keep _geese_ away from her, how are we supposed to protect her from demons?

Paige: Okay. You're right, you're right. We should take turns guarding the manor. You know, who knows what kind of weirdo stuff's gonna show up... (They hear a neighing noise coming from the kitchen.) here. (They walk into the kitchen to find a white unicorn standing there. It has gotten into all the food. Phoebe panics.) Oh my goodness, it's a unicorn.

Phoebe: Yes, it is. In our kitchen. Is that another baby present you think, maybe?

Paige: Yeah, the best one ever.

(Paige goes over and pets the unicorn.)

Phoebe: Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for _babies_.

Paige: Oh, come on now. Our little nephew and nieces will grow into it.

Phoebe: I'm not so sure about that. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn?

(Paige notices a card tied around its neck.)

Paige: Hey, look, there's a card. "From El." (Part of the card is torn.) El? Do we know anybody in Spain?

Phoebe: Paige, I don't care who it's from, okay. It just can't be here now. It's way too much stress for Piper and her baby, okay. So just... orb it out of here.

Paige: I can't. Unicorns are mythical beasts from another world. Where do you propose I orb it to?

Phoebe: I don't care where you orb it to, just get it out of here, okay.

Paige: Fine. I'll orb it somewhere safe and tie it up until we figure it out.

(She touches the unicorn and tries to orb out. She glows in white orbs for a second and then the orbs vanish, leaving Paige still in the kitchen.)

Phoebe: What was that?

Paige: I can't orb it.

Phoebe: Okay, stand back. Uh, "Take this beast, before I end her/Ship her back, return to sender." (Nothing happens.) Wait, why aren't my powers working?

Paige: Uh, apple. (Nothing happens.) Nothing.

Phoebe: Oh, no. (Phoebe tries to levitate, but can't.) I can't levitate, I'm grounded.

(Leo rushes in, panicking.)

Leo: Something's wrong, something's wrong. I can't orb. I was trying to go to the Elders to find out how to get rid of the golden geese and…. Why is there a unicorn in the kitchen?

Paige: Forget the unicorn. Our magic's down too.

Leo: It is?

Phoebe: Okay, well, whatever hit us, we have to assume also hit Prue, Piper, and Cole, okay, and Piper can't find out about this until we know what's going on, because she-

Piper: (upstairs) Hello?! Where is everybody?!

Leo: Why's she out of bed?

Phoebe: I don't know.

Paige: Go put her back.

Phoebe: Go, go. (Leo rushes out of the kitchen.) Alright, Paige, uh, you take the magical farm animals and put them down in the basement. I'm gonna get the book and I'll meet you down there.

(Phoebe rushes out of the kitchen.)

Paige: Alright, you're Spanish. Andale!

(She waves her arms and clicks her fingers. It doesn't move.)

[Cut to the stairway. Piper is coming down the stairs with Prue and Cole attempting to stop her. Leo comes around the corner.]

Leo: Why are you on your feet?

Piper: I was coming down to get some food. A person could _starve_ around here.

(Phoebe runs around the corner.)

Phoebe: Hi! Bye!

(She runs up the stairs.)

Leo: Alright, come on, upstairs. I'll get your food. You're supposed to be on bed rest.

Piper: Okay, well, bed rest doesn't actually _mean_ ….

Leo: Yes, it does. The doctor said stay off your feet and _relax_.

(Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo go upstairs. The unicorn walks down the hallway and Paige runs after it.)

Paige: Here, Mr. Unicorn!

[Cut to Piper's bedroom. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo walk in.]

Piper: _Relax_. Everybody keeps telling me to relax, like it's something you _do_. Like, like switching off a light.

Leo: You need to learn how to do it, Piper, if you're gonna get your blood pressure under control.

Piper: My blood pressure would not be a problem if we had been seeing a doctor like we were supposed _to_.

Leo: I knew that was coming. Come on, sit down.

(He helps her to the bed but she pushes him away.)

Piper: Don't treat me like a baby factory. I can sit myself down. (She sits on the bed. Prue gets in beside her.) All these fears about a magical baby, and don't let the doctors find out, and we'll buy a birthing ball, and Phoebe and Paige will be midwives. And you know what? We were _wrong_.

Leo: How can you say that?

Piper: Because somehow in the middle of all this we forgot the most important thing of all. What's best for the _baby_.

Leo: Well, that's not fair. A lot of people decide to have babies at home.

Prue: Yeah. Like me. And I'm fine.

Piper: Uh-huh, maybe so, but I'm not you. And this baby is not even out of the womb yet and I

m already screwing up as a mother.

Leo: You haven't screwed up.

Piper: Yes, I did, Leo, I did. I have a disease that is threatening our baby and I could've avoided it if I had just trusted my instincts.

Leo: Well, what are your instincts telling you now?

Piper: To have this baby in a hospital.

Leo: Okay. I'll make arrangements today.

Piper: Oh, really? And what happens when she's delivered in swaddling orbs?

Leo: We'll deal with it _then_. From now on, I want you to feel safe and secure, okay. (He kisses her forehead and leans back, knocking over a side table and all the stuff on it.) No magic! No magic! No magic! It's just too much stress on your body.

Piper: Like that mess on the floor's not gonna stress me out?

Leo: Well, I'll clean it up.

(The phone rings. Piper answers it.)

Piper: Hello? Uh, sure. (to Leo) It's one of your charges. Since when do they use the telephone?

Leo: Since I've been ignoring them to spend more time with my lovely wife. (He takes the phone.) Excuse me. Hello?

[Cut to the basement. Paige is there with the unicorn and the golden geese. Paige ties up the unicorn.]

Paige: There you go. (She walks over to the geese.) Come on, come on. (She steps backwards and stands on a golden egg. It smashes all over the floor.) Aw, _yuck_.

(Phoebe comes down the stairs carrying the Book of Shadows.)

Phoebe: Okay, okay, look at this. Check this out. (She flips open the book. The pages are blank.) The whole book has been erased.

Paige: How's that possible?

Phoebe: I don't know, and without the book, I don't even know how to find out. It's like someone's taken the magic and erased it from our entire family.

Paige: I think it's bigger than that.

(They look at the squished egg on the floor.)

Phoebe: Oh, is that from one of our golden geese?

Paige: Yeah, I don't think we're gonna be able to return them now.

Phoebe: What is going on?

Paige: You know, this all started when El mystery mare arrived. Maybe she's a Trojan unicorn sent to suck away our magic.

Phoebe: No, I doubt it. Unicorns are the essence of _good_ magic. If anything, they should _enhance_ our powers, not steal them. What about the sky last night?

Paige: What, the northern lights on the eve of a Sabbath? Yeah, it could be a mystical sign, but don't those normally come in threes? Where's the third?

Phoebe: Have you been experiencing uncontrollable emotional mood swings in the last week?

Paige: Am I that transparent?

Phoebe: No, but read your horoscope. Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn are all in Gemini. That only happens once every three hundred years.

Paige: Holy Hannah. It's like the universe is practically _screaming_ at us to get our attention.

Phoebe: Yeah, but what is it trying to say?

Paige: I don't know. But I've got a lot of research books in the attic. I'm gonna go up there and check it out.

Phoebe: Okay, I'll meet you up there. I'm gonna try to figure out a way to wrangle the geese.

Paige: Good luck.

(Paige goes up the stairs.)

[Cut to the stairway. Stanley is sneaking up the stairs. Paige comes around the corner.]

Paige: Hey! Who the hell are you?

Stanley: They call me... Stanley. (A fireball forms in his hand and then vanishes.) I was afraid of that.

Paige: At least it's a level playing field.

(Stanley runs down the stairs and attacks Paige.)

[Cut to Piper's room. Prue and Piper are watching TV. Cole and Leo are cleaning up the mess on the floor.]

Tabitha: (on TV) Tonight, Tabitha is going to get her revenge on all of harmony.

(Tabitha cackles.)

Prue: Hm. Like that spell would've worked.

(They hear a thump coming from downstairs.)

Piper: What was that?

Leo: What?

(They hear another thump.)

Piper: _That._

Leo: Oh, that. That's probably the girls trying to run down the geese. Yeah, tricky birds, you know. Listen, I'll go help out. You, uh, relax.

(He turns up the volume on the TV and smiles at Piper. He leaves the room. Prue gives Cole a look.)

Cole: On it.

(Cole follows after Leo.)

[Cut to downstairs. Paige and Stanley are fighting. Stanley knocks Paige to the floor. He grabs a marble tabletop from nearby and holds it above his head. Phoebe runs in holding a knife.]

Phoebe: Hey!

(She throws the knife at Stanley and hits him in his chest.)

Stanley: My name will haunt you to your grave.

(He falls backwards, dead. Phoebe helps Paige up.)

Phoebe: What was his name again?

Paige: I don't remember.

(Green slime pours out of Stanley's chest. Cole and Leo come down the stairs.)

Leo: What's with the leftovers?

Paige: Well, his magic ran out, just like ours.

Cole: You two don't have magic?

Leo: Neither do I. We would have told you and Prue, but we don't want Piper to know. It could stress her out. Do you have your magic?

(Cole tries to do something.)

Cole: Uh, no.

Phoebe: Okay, so, we have no powers, demons have no powers. _What_ is going on here?

Leo: I don't know. I just got a call from a charge and her powers are down too. So I unplugged the phone just in case we get any more calls. I don't want Piper to panic.

Paige: Oh, well, it's official. Magic's down everywhere.

(The unicorn neighs and walks into the dining room.)

Phoebe: I thought you tied her up.

Paige: I _did_. She eats through _everything_.

(The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: _Oh, god_. What time is it? That's probably Dad.

Leo: I'll get the unicorn.

Cole: I got the body. Paige, the closet. Get the door for me.

(Paige opens the closet door as Cole picks up Stanley's body and stuffs him inside of it. Paige closes the door.)

Victor: (from outside) Hello?! Anybody home?! Hello?!

(Leo takes the unicorn into the kitchen.)

Piper: (from upstairs) Can somebody get that?!

(Phoebe and Paige go into the foyer and open the door. Victor and a woman are standing there.)

Victor: Phoebe, I'd like you to meet Doris.

Phoebe: Doris?

Victor: My new wife and your new stepmother.

Doris: Hi.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Victor, and Doris head toward the stairway.]

Phoebe: How are you _married_?

Paige: We didn't even know you were dating.

Phoebe: Or that you date at all for that matter, Dad.

Victor: Well, it happened pretty fast.

Doris: Yes. We met on the singles cruise.

Phoebe: Oh, that trip to Mexico. That was a singles cruise?

Victor: I'm a man of many mysteries.

Phoebe: Clearly.

Victor: Where's Prue and Piper? I wanna share the good news.

(He heads for the stairs but Paige stops him.)

Paige: Oh, god, no, that's okay. She's upstairs resting. We found out last night that she has a blood pressure condition.

Victor: She's okay?

Paige: Oh, yeah, she's fine. Don't worry.

Phoebe: At least don't let her see you worry, anyway.

Doris: Poor thing. Young women today are under so many pressures. Is she eating enough garlic? Because it dilates the blood vessels, you know.

(She hands her coat and purse to Victor.)

Phoebe: Oh, well, we'll have to fix some of that up.

(Victor heads for the closet but Cole grabs the coat and purse off him.)

Cole: Oh, let me take that for you, Mr. Bennett. (Cole goes over to the closet, opens it, and quickly throws the coat and purse on top of the dead demon. He quickly closes the door and turns around.) We're all outta hangers.

(Prue and Piper come down the stairs.)

Prue/Piper: Hey, Dad!

Victor: Hey, Prue, Piper! (He goes over and gives them both a hug.) Oh, I heard the news. You shouldn't be on your feet.

Phoebe: Dad's got some news of his own. Gently though, Dad. We don't want them to drop those calves right there on the stairs.

Victor: Prue, Piper, I want you to meet Doris, my new bride.

(Prue and Piper's eyes widen.)

Phoebe: Yeah.

(Doris walks over to Prue and Piper. They fake smile.)

Doris: Hello, Prue, Piper.

Prue: Hi.

Piper: Hi, uh, Doris. W-w-welcome to the family, I guess.

Victor: I know it's kinda sudden, but sometimes when life drops a peach at your feet, you've gotta stop and make some cobbler.

(The closet door opens and Stanley's leg falls out. Just as that happens, Victor leans in and kisses Doris, so they don't notice. Cole quickly pushes Stanley's leg back in the closet and slams the door.)

Paige: That is always my motto. Isn't that funny?

Phoebe: Uh, uh, apparently they met on a singles cruise. Did you know dad goes on singles cruises?

Doris: Oh, it was like in the movies. Our eyes met across the buffet bar. Your dad's so handsome and, well, I told him, don't eat the rolls, you know, too much processed flour. (Stanley's green blood escapes from under the closet door.) Anyway, we stayed up all night long talking, (Cole drags the rug along the floor with his foot and covers the blood.) and by the morning, we just knew.

Victor: Mmm, she _devastates_ me.

(Leo walks in.)

Leo: Okay, I put away the uni... (He sees everyone.) cycle.

Piper: What unicycle?

Leo: It's a baby gift. Hey, Victor.

Victor: Leo.

Doris: Hello. I'm Doris. (She shakes his hand.) I'm your new mother-in-law.

Leo: Oh, hi. I guess I missed a lot, didn't I?

Phoebe: Okay, now that we've all met, maybe the two lucky newlyweds should check into the hotel, because it's really crazy here, and then we'll call you-

Doris: Oh-oh, no. We're not going anywhere.

Prue/Piper: You're not?

Doris: No. I used to volunteer at the hospital. We can stay and help take care of you two.

(Prue and Piper put on fake smiles.)

Piper: You _can_?

Doris: I look forward to some real mother-daughter bonding.

Piper: You do, huh?

(The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: Oh.

Paige: Well, you know, now that we've figured out you're staying here, let's get Piper off her feet, shall we?

Leo: Come on, upstairs.

Victor: Come on.

(Prue, Piper, Cole, Leo, Victor, and Doris go upstairs. The doorbell rings again. Phoebe and Paige go and open the door. The sorcerer is standing there.)

Paige: Can I help you?

Sorcerer: To save magic? I hope so.

[Time lapse. Backyard. The sorcerer is waiting there. Phoebe and Paige walk out.]

Paige: Okay, sorcerers don't just drop by our house. What makes you think we're not going to vanquish you?

Sorcerer: Because you can't. Didn't you get my message? My apprentice was supposed to drop by this morning.

Phoebe: Oh, that guy? He's _dead_ in our closet. But he didn't give us a message.

Sorcerer: Because he _was_ the message. To demonstrate the dire nature of our situation.

Paige: So you're saying demons don't have power either.

Sorcerer: Down to the last imp. There's fear and panic everywhere. Demons stuck in the underworld with no way up. Others stuck topside with no way down.

Phoebe: Oh, poor little evil creatures.

Sorcerer: Well, I see your flowers haven't died yet. They will. With no gnomes or garden nymphs to spin their delicate magic.

Paige: Don't go getting all enchanted on us.

Sorcerer: Oh, don't worry, I _hate good magic_ , fairy tales, wishes on stars, and children who believe in Santa Claus. Mortals don't know it exists, but magic infuses all their hopes and dreams.

Paige: Stand back. I think he's gonna break out in song.

Sorcerer: Oh, hardly. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to watch it all _ripped_ from the world.

Phoebe: So why not just sit back and watch the show? Why come to us?

Sorcerer: Because I want my power back. Magic must be saved, and it's up to us.

Paige: Us? _We're_ us, you're _them_. We don't help thems. Sorry.

Sorcerer: You can't fix this by yourselves. That's why you invited me here to your backyard. But together, together we can interpret the signs.

Phoebe: (to Paige) You were right about the signs. (to the sorcerer) Okay, so what do you propose that we do?

Sorcerer: A summit between good and evil to discuss the crisis. Of course, there'd be certain rules. No guns, no knives, etc., you know.

Paige: You know, the exit's that way, so if you wanna just…. (whistles)

Sorcerer: We don't have much time. The longer magic is down, the harder it is to restore. (He pulls out a business card which reads "Cronyn, Sorcerer - Evil Magic For All Occasions" and hands it to Phoebe.) My cell phone's on the back in case your sister changes her mind.

Phoebe: Cronyn, huh? Since when do sorcerers have cell phones?

Cronyn: You think that's bad? I got a taxi waiting out front. Call me.

(He heads for the exit. Phoebe laughs.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Paige walk in from the backyard.]

Paige: I _don't_ trust him.

Phoebe: Yeah, but I kinda liked his whole world without magic speech. You know, it was very Capra.

Paige: Pure _crappa_. I don't wanna help evil.

(Cole and Leo walks in.)

Cole: What evil?

Phoebe: A sorcerer wants to arrange peace talks for the whole magic crisis.

Paige: Oh, yeah, and Phoebe's actually considering it.

Phoebe: Well, _of course_ I'm considering it. The future of magic is at stake here, not to mention the future of my nephew and nieces. And what else do we have right now? There's no _powers_ , no _book_ , no _Elders_.

Cole: Phoebe's right.

Leo: Yeah. Without magic, Prue, Piper, and the babies are vulnerable. We can't protect them.

Paige: Okay, _fine_ , but if there's a meeting we're going in heavy, in case it's a trap.

Phoebe: Okay, but, Cronyn said no weapons.

Paige: And you _trust_ him? Leo, I'm gonna need some saltpetre and some cayenne pepper from the kitchen.

Leo: For what?

Paige: A homemade arsenal. Phoebe, would you kindly get an aerosol can? Lady and gentlemen, it's time to lock and load.

[Cut to Piper's room. Doris is unpacking a gift basket.]

Doris: I knew this gift basket would come in handy. And lucky for you, I am always ready for emergencies.

Victor: You should've seen our first date.

Doris: Oh, your father spilled steak sauce all down the front of his shirt.

Victor: And Doris pulls out a bottle of stain remover from her purse.

Doris: Of course I licked it off your chin first.

(Victor and Doris kiss. Prue and Piper turn their heads.)

Piper: Oh, that's so sweet. (Leo walks past her room carrying saltpetre and cayenne pepper.) Hi, honey, what are you doing?

(Leo comes back and stands at the door.)

Leo: Uh, I'm just taking Paige some spices. She's gonna make a homeopathic remedy to help you relax. See ya.

(He leaves.)

Doris: Homeopathic medicine? You're into homeopathic medicine? I knew I was gonna love this family. This is unbelievable. My first husband passed away a couple of years ago. Heart attack. And the first thing I did when we got home from the cruise is put your father on a low fat, high fibre diet.

Victor: And a monthly colonic.

(Prue and Piper turn their heads once again and see Paige walk into the room.)

Doris: Oh, honey, you know what? There's no cheese knife here. Would you mind going downstairs and getting it?

Victor: Absolutely, baby doll.

(Victor kisses Doris and heads for the door. He turns around and smiles, then leaves.)

Doris: Oh. Girls? Um, I just wanted to let you know how I feel about your father. I-I just feel so, so lucky. He's the most special man I've ever met.

Prue: Thank you.

Piper: That's the sweetest thing you could ever say to us.

Doris: Well, it's true. You know. He's so... he's so kind... and he's so sensitive. And, oh, he's the most exciting lover. Oh! I mean, girlfriends, he can go all night. I'm not kidding.

(Doris squeals. Prue and Piper fake a smile.)

[Cut to the attic. Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. Leo is making a candle. Paige puts down the phone. Phoebe walks in with a bottle of hairspray.]

Paige: That was Cronyn. (She picks up a bottle and pours a red liquid into it.) He says, uh, he'll meet us in an hour. He suggested one of his, you know, dark chambers. I suggested Manny's Pizzeria.

Phoebe: Nice, public venue, way to go. What is that?

Paige: This would be a pipe bomb, dear.

Phoebe: _Oh_. What….?

Paige: I was good at chem lab in high school. How's the candle going?

Leo: Fine. It just needs a few minutes to set. Are you sure it's gonna give us smoke?

Paige: Total whiteout, so long as you put six parts of saltpetre in there.

Leo: Okay. We have one flammable spray can, one lotion bottle bomb, a smoking candle, two sharpened nail files, four cayenne pepper spray straws, and assorted rings and bracelets?

(Phoebe shows her hands to reveal her fingers covered in rings.)

Paige: Well, it kinda makes you appreciate your powers, doesn't it?

Phoebe: We don't need no stinkin' powers to kick some demon ass.

Paige: Well, maybe you don't. You're a little bit better with your mono-e-mono stuff. Speaking of, I have some extra gifts for you, my dear.

Phoebe: _Okay._

(They go over to a chest.)

Paige: These were mine and now they will be yours. (She pulls out a chainmail top.) Chainmail top, from my club days. Steel-toed boots, from my mosh pit days. Handcuffs, from last Friday.

(Leo tests the candle and a big cloud of smoke rises from it.)

Phoebe: Hey, do you think we're making a huge mistake by not telling Prue and Piper about this?

Paige: No, absolutely not. I think they need to relax.

Cole: I agree.

Leo: Yeah. They're not just carrying the next generation of Halliwell, they're carrying the next generation of magic.

Phoebe: Then let's go save 'em.

[Cut to Piper's bedroom. Prue and Piper are eating crackers. Doris is sitting on Victor's lap. They are doing a magazine quiz.]

Doris: Okay, the last question is, what is your lover's favourite article of clothing? Hm. Oh, it has to be your grey cardigan. Am I right?

Victor: As always, baby doll.

(They kiss. Prue and Piper lay back in her bed and get under the covers.)

Doris: Okay, that's nineteen out of twenty. That makes our romance rating... jalapeño hot.

(Victor growls and Doris giggles. Prue spots Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo walking past the room.)

Prue: Hey! Somebody get in here.

(Phoebe and Paige leave Cole and Leo. Cole and Leo go into the room.)

Prue: Hi. We may be stuck in bed, but we are not stuck on _stupid_.

Piper: Yeah, we know that something's going on.

Leo: Well, Piper, you wanted a doctor, and she told you to relax, so, relax.

(He chuckles.)

Piper: Mmm, how can I relax when I know that you're hiding something from me? All the strange noises and weird behaviour. Why don't you just tell us what's going on?

Leo: Okay, um…. (to Victor and Doris) I'm sorry, you guys. We need a moment.

Doris: Oh.

Victor: Oh, alright, then.

(They get up and leave the room. Leo closes the door.)

Leo: Okay, uh, well, it's really nothing to worry about.

Cole: Magic has disappeared from the world, and Phoebe and Paige went to have a summit meeting with evil so they could fix it.

(Leo gives Cole a look.)

Leo: See? Nothing to worry about.

Piper: I see. Okay, I am not gonna get upset about this. I am just gonna blow you to pieces.

(She tries to blow him up, but nothing happens.)

Cole: Like I said.

Piper: Oh, no.

Leo: Listen, I-I'm sure it's nothing. Phoebe and Paige will-

Prue: Leo, no. Our water just broke.

[Scene: Manny's Pizzeria. Phoebe and Paige walk into the crowded shop. They look around and spot Cronyn sitting at a table with two other men. They walk over to them.]

Cronyn: This is Merrill, our highest-ranking wizard and personal mentor. Kane, top advisor to the warlocks.

Kane: Check their bags for weapons.

Paige: Like we'd attack in front of civilians. That's why we chose a public place.

Cronyn: You can't be too safe, you know. (Phoebe and Paige hand them their handbags. They look inside.) What's with the candle?

Phoebe: We thought we'd try a wiccan ritual or two to try to bring back magic.

Cronyn: Let's get down to business.

(They hand back the handbags.)

Phoebe: Okay, well, wait a minute, bubs. How do we know you guys aren't packing weapons?

Kane: You mean like this?

(Kane stands up and pulls out a big knife.)

Paige: Hey, now.

(The room falls silent.)

Phoebe: Did it just get very quiet in here?

(Everyone in the room stands up, all holding weapons. They surround Phoebe and Paige.)

Cronyn: You didn't think we'd pass up the opportunity to take out the Charmed Ones, now do you?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manny's Pizzeria. Phoebe crashes through a window and lands behind a table. Paige goes flying through the room, landing on the table and falling to the floor.]

Phoebe: How did you do it? This place must've been crawling with customers.

Cronyn: We paid them to leave. Of course, the owner wanted to stay, but he's browning in the pizza oven.

Paige: What about magic? Who's gonna fix it?

Cronyn: I got that covered. Which is more than I can say for you two.

Phoebe: If you don't think we came prepared for this moment, you are sadly mistaken. (She pulls out the hairspray can and holds it up. The demons move closer. Phoebe sprays the can and holds a lighter under it. The demons duck as the ball of fire heads for them. Paige lights the lotion bottle bomb and throws it at the demons. Phoebe and Paige duck for cover. One demon catches it and it blows up the whole room. The demons groan in pain.) We've gotta fight our way out of this or die trying. You ready?

(Phoebe lights the smoke candle and throws it into the room. Thick smoke fills the room. Cronyn grabs Kane.)

Cronyn: Don't let 'em out alive.

(He heads for the door. Phoebe and Paige run into the room, Paige holding a baseball bat, and start attacking the demons. Cronyn leaves the Pizzeria.)

[Cut to the manor. Piper's room. Prue, Piper, Cole, Leo, and Victor are there. Piper is panicking, but Prue is more calm.]

Piper: What are we doing? Why are we sitting here? We need to go to the hospital, now.

Leo: You need to relax. Your water broke. It's no need to panic.

Piper: No, you are _wrong_. _Prue_ is due. Her going into labor makes sense. My due date is six weeks away. This baby is not ready to come out. Please, take me to the hospital.

Leo: Okay, okay.

(Doris walks in.)

Doris: I just got off the phone with your doctor and she said don't move until she gets here.

Piper: She's coming here?

Doris: She's on her way now.

Victor: There. See? Everything's gonna be okay.

Piper: I need Phoebe and Paige. They've trained so hard for this. They should be here now.

Prue: Piper's right.

Leo: I called Phoebe's cell phone. There was no answer.

Prue/Piper: Ugh.

Victor: Well, can't you just, you know, pop over there and get them in that special way you do?

Leo: Kinda got a problem with that right now.

Prue/Piper: Ooh!

(They hold their stomachs.)

Piper: Oh my god, contraction.

Doris: Okay, okay, just breathe, you two. (Doris does breathing exercise. Prue and Piper copy her.) Prue and Piper need all the love and support we can give them right now. You two need to go and get her sisters.

Piper: Please. (Cole kisses Prue and Leo kisses Piper on her forehead and they leave.) Okay, it's over, okay.

Doris: Now, the doctor said I need to keep you both warm, so I'm gonna change all the sheets and all these wet blankets, alright?

(Doris looks at Victor and he nods. They go out into the hallway.)

Victor: Hey, what if the babies come before the doctor gets here? Do you know what to do?

(She kisses him and smiles.)

Doris: I know exactly what to do.

(Doris pulls out a knife and stabs Victor in the stomach. He falls to the floor.)

[Cut to Piper's room. Prue and Piper have changed into nightgowns. They sit on the bed. Doris walks in carrying a pile of sheets.]

Doris: Alrighty, then.

Prue: Where's Dad?

Doris: Oh, he decided to go with Cole and Leo. Oh, but don't worry, you still have family here.

[Cut to the Pizzeria. Merrill crawls along the floor, wounded. Phoebe stands above him.]

Phoebe: Where's Cronyn?

Merrill: He had business to attend to.

Phoebe: Yeah. I'll bet.

(Phoebe pulls handcuffs out of her handbag and cuffs Merrill to a chair. Paige walks over and holds a knife to his throat.)

Paige: Did Cronyn bring down magic?

Merrill: He doesn't have the power.

Phoebe: No, but you do.

Paige: Of course. You're his mentor.

Phoebe: What happened to magic?

(No answer.)

Paige: Answer the lady's question.

Merrill: Centuries ago, I unearthed a quatrain from the tomb of a wise apothecary. "When three planets burn as one over a sky of dancing light, then magic will rest for a holy day to welcome twice-blessed children."

Paige: Those are the signs that we saw. The Aurora Borealis, the planetary alignment, the wiccan Sabbath.

Phoebe: Wait, back to the twice-blessed children business. What is that?

Paige: Cronyn is not after us….

Phoebe: He's after Prue and Piper's children. Oh my god.

(Phoebe pulls out her cell phone and dials the manor.)

Paige: That's why he led us here to our slaughter, so the Power of Four couldn't find him. _When_ do we get our powers back?

Merrill: When it's _too late_ to use them.

Phoebe: The house line's dead.

Merrill: Magic won't return to the world until the children are born, which should be any minute.

[Cut to the manor. Piper's room. Prue and Piper are in bed, backs to the door. Doris sits down beside her. Cronyn walks into the room.]

Piper: Finally-

(They turn around and see Cronyn.)

Prue: Who are you?

Cronyn: I'm here for your children.

(Prue and Piper look at Doris and she smiles. They start to panic.)

Cronyn: It'd be easier if you'd just relax. (He puts a medical kit on the bed. Prue and Piper get contractions and they groan.) Breathe deeply... and push.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Doris covers Prue and Piper back up with blankets.]

Doris: They're fully effaced and dilated. It won't be long now.

Prue: You can't have them. We won't-

(Prue and Piper scream as they get contractions again.)

[Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige walk in from the backdoor. They hear Prue and Piper scream. Phoebe starts to go to her but Paige stops her.]

Paige: No, no, no, he's not gonna hurt them while they're in labor.

Phoebe: Okay, well, what if Leo's hurt, or Dad?

Paige: There's only one way to save them.

(They head for the basement and Paige grabs a knife on her way past.)

[Cut to the basement. Paige scrapes the knife along the unicorn's horn and catches the dust in a scooper.]

Paige: A unicorn's horn is _pure_ concentrated magic. See, I told you all magic wasn't down.

Phoebe: Okay, how did you know that?

Paige: Because the wizard stole the prophecy from an apothecary, an agent of _good_ magic.

Phoebe: Wait. That would mean that the Elders knew what he wrote. (Phoebe looks at the card around the unicorn's neck.) Look. The card says "From El", that's gotta be for the Elders. They knew magic was going to go down and that we'd be in danger.

Paige: Why didn't they just tell us?

Phoebe: They tried. Leo got a call from the Elders, remember? And then Piper passed out and we had to take her to the hospital.

Paige: And then they sent us this little present. I guess your magic is not affected by what happens on earth.

[Cut to Piper's room. Prue and Piper are breathing heavily. Doris is wiping her forehead. They hear a neigh.]

Cronyn: What was that?

Doris: The witches?

(The unicorn neighs again. Cronyn grabs a knife.)

Cronyn: (to Doris) You stay here.

Piper: Where is our father?

Prue: What did you do to him?

Doris: Shh. Don't worry about such things. Childbirth is painful enough.

Piper: If you do _anything_ to our children, we will kill you. We will hunt you and kill you.

Prue: Even if it means coming back from the dead, and don't think we won't find a way to do that.

Doris: We're not going to hurt your children. We're going to _raise_ them as our own. They're going to be powerful leaders, great forces of evil. You should be proud, _very_ proud.

(Doris turns away and squeezes the cloth into a bowl. Prue reaches over and grabs a vase of flowers off the side table. She smashes it over Doris' head, knocking her unconscious. Prue gets out of bed, pulling Piper with her.)

Prue: Come on, Piper. We gotta get out of here.

[Cut to the basement. Phoebe is pouring the unicorn dust into a satchel. Paige finishes writing a spell.]

Paige: Okay. One vanquishing spell.

(They hear creaking floorboards.)

[Cut to the kitchen. Cronyn is there looking around. He sees the basement door open and heads over to it. He is distracted by a loud thud coming from the stairway. He leaves the kitchen and walks over to the stairway. Prue and Piper are lying there.]

Cronyn: Stupid witches. You could've killed the lot of you.

(Doris runs down the stairs holding the back of her head.)

Doris: Ohh, she caught me off guard.

Cronyn: Just get down here.

(Doris walks to the bottom of the stairs. Cronyn goes up to Piper.)

Piper: Get away from us!

Doris: Her contractions are less than a minute apart.

[Cut to the second floor. Victor regains consciousness.]

[Cut back to the stairway.]

Prue: Oh, god.

Piper: Please not now.

(Phoebe and Paige come around the corner.)

Phoebe: Step aside, bitch!

Paige: Yeah, that's our job.

(Cronyn and Doris hold knives up against Prue's and Piper's necks.)

Cronyn: Move, even breathe, and they're dead.

Piper: Vanquish them, Phoebe.

Cronyn: Your sisters will die.

Prue: It's to save the children.

Paige: Oh my god.

Cronyn: I'm warning you.

Piper: _Kill him._

Phoebe: How can I?

Prue: Do it! Phoebe, if you love us, you will send these crazy assholes straight to hell.

(Victor makes his way down the stairs and pounces on Cronyn, kicking Doris down the stairs. With all his strength, he throws Cronyn over the railing as well. Paige throws a handful of unicorn dust over Cronyn and Doris.)

Paige: Now!

Phoebe: "Beast of legend, myth and lore/Give my words the power to soar/And kill this evil evermore."

(Cronyn and Doris run for the door, but are vanquished before they can get there.)

Paige: Is everybody okay?

Piper: I feel like I'm dying.

[Time lapse. Phoebe races into the living room carrying a doctor's kit.]

Phoebe: Babies coming, babies coming!

(She puts the bag down and covers the living room floor with a sheet. She gets a couple of pillows and places them on the sheet. Phoebe and Paige help Prue and Piper up onto the sheet and they lean back on the pillows.)

Phoebe: Okay, you're both doing great. Yes, you are. Let's see what we have here. (Phoebe and Paige pull up Prue's and Piper's nightgowns.) Oh! I see them.

(Prue and Piper start to cry.)

Piper: You do?

(They all laugh. Cole and Leo run in through the front door.)

Leo: What'd we miss?

Piper: A lot!

(Cole and Leo run over to them.)

Paige: Victor needs help. Here, try this.

(Paige throws Leo the satchel of unicorn dust. Leo goes over to Victor.)

Phoebe: Okay, breathe. Keep breathing, keep breathing.

Paige: It's okay. Don't forget to breathe.

(Leo sprinkles unicorn dust onto Victor's wound and heals him.)

Phoebe: Very good. Okay, relax, relax, you're okay.

Piper: Dad?

Victor: Yeah, honey?

Piper: I'm sorry about your demon wife.

(She cries.)

Victor: Oh, hush. Don't think about that.

(Cole goes over to Prue and Leo goes over to Piper. They put their arms around their wives.)

Cole: I'm right here, sweetie./Leo: I'm right here, baby.

Phoebe: Okay. You okay? You're alright. Okay. You're doing great, you're doing great. Push, okay? Push. (Prue pushes and Phoebe gets out the first of the twins, cutting the umbilical cord and wrapping the baby in a blanket. She uses a suction and clears the baby's mouth. The baby cries.) Here's your boy, Prue. Cole, take him, take him. I gotta get my niece.

(Cole takes him from her and takes him over to Prue to see and she laughs as she see him.)

Prue: It's nice to officially see you, my dear boy.

(Cole smiles.)

Cole: That's our boy.

(Phoebe gets out the girl, cutting the umbilical cord and wrapping her in a blanket. She uses a suction and clears the baby's mouth. The baby cries.)

Phoebe: Here, Cole. Here's your girl.

(Phoebe hands her to Cole and he goes back over to Prue. Prue laughs as she sees her daughter.)

Prue: They're both beautiful.

Cole: Just like their mom. Thank you, Prue.

(Phoebe goes to help Paige with Piper.)

Paige: Alright, Piper. One last push.

Piper: I can't.

Phoebe: You have to. A big one! _Big_ one! Push.

Leo: You can do it.

Piper: I can't.

Phoebe: You can, you can.

Paige: Yes, you can.

Phoebe: Okay, push. (Piper pushes.) Push. Come on, push!

(Piper clenches her fists and pushes. A blue light shines down on them.)

Paige: Oh, I guess magic is coming back.

Phoebe: Here we go, here we go. (Piper cries.) Oh, I see a shoulder. Oh, and another shoulder. And an arm.

(Paige helps the baby out.)

Paige: Oh, and something else, something else. (Paige cuts the umbilical cord. She wraps the baby up, which is glowing in orbing lights. She uses a suction and clears the baby's mouth. The baby cries. Paige hands Piper her baby.) Here you go, mama.

Piper: Oh. Is that what I think it is?

Paige: Uh, if you're referring to Mr. Winkie between the legs, yes. It's a boy.

Leo: I got a boy?

Piper: Hi. Hi, little guy, what are you doing? Look what we did.

Leo: I see.

Paige: It's a miracle.

Piper: Little miracles.

Phoebe: They're all beautiful.

Leo: You are all safe, you are loved, and you are wise.

(Prue and Piper smile.)

Prue: Hi, little ones.

Piper: How ya doing?


	13. Babies' First Demon

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **Babies' First Demon**

[Scene: Manor. Nursery. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and the babies are there. Everyone is looking down at the babies, who are in their bassinet.]

Phoebe: Ooh, I could eat them up! I swear I could, with a little ranch dressing.

Piper: Okay, but let's not, okay?

Phoebe: I can't make that promise.

Leo: Okay, don't listen to your aunties, okay, they're a little kooky. Us guys gotta stick together. Don't we, Peter?

Piper: Peter?

Leo: Peter. I'm just floating it.

Piper: Hmm. Is your name Peter?

Phoebe: For what it's worth, I dated a Peter in high school, and he wasn't very nice.

Paige: Yeah, and you know, for what it's worth, it's kind of the name of the appendage that he has that surprised us all so much. It might get him teased at school.

Leo: Okay, no Peter, but we're running out of Ps.

Paige: I can't believe you never thought of P boy names. I mean, clearly Prue did. And good job on the twins' names, by the way, Prue. Phoenix Langdon Halliwell and Persephone Amethyst Halliwell make them sound so… powerful.

Phoebe: Yes.

Prue: Thank you. Cole helped me picked them out.

(She smiles at him.)

Cole: I always wanted to give my kids mythological names if I ever had them, and I knew Prue would want their names to start with a P, so….

Piper: Well, when I went to the future I had a little girl, and obviously that has changed, as has a lot of things, but, um, I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, Melinda might get him in trouble at school too.

Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, _although_ he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.

Leo: God, I hope not.

Prue: Aren't you excited to see what his powers are? I mean, I definitely got previews during the pregnancy. As have you.

Piper: Yes, and I am both excited and terrified. I mean, after seeing what the kid can do _inside_ the womb, he's no _muggle_.

Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell. Or is it Wyatt?

Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it.

Cole: It's why Prue and I stuck with Halliwell for the twins.

Leo: Yeah, I want what's best for him. That's why I'm gonna say no to Potter.

(The babies start to cry.)

Piper: Oh, somebody's getting very sleepy.

Prue: Come on. Shh.

(Phoebe hugs the bassinet.)

Phoebe: We love you, we love you, babies, so much. Love you, love you, love you. Bye, babies.

(Phoebe and Paige leave the room. Prue and Piper tuck the babies in with a blanket embroidered with the triquetra symbol on it.)

Prue: You're all perfect

Piper: Perfect little creatures.

[Cut to the hallway.]

Paige: It's too bad with all the powers your babies have, sleeping through the night is not one of them.

Piper: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, you guys.

(Phoebe walks into her room.)

Prue: Maybe we can cast some kind of sound-proofing spell around your rooms, so you don't have to deal with-

Paige: No way. It'll interfere with the baby's alarm system.

Prue: Which works how exactly?

Paige: Ah, pretty basic stuff. I just enchanted a few cowry shells.

Cole: Well, it's not going to shock anything, is it?

Paige: In the nursery? I'm not a _total_ idiot. It'll just alert us to the presence of evil, so we can all sleep a little sounder. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go apply some under eye makeup to these dark circles that your sweet babies caused.

(Paige goes into her room and closes the door. Phoebe sneaks out of her room, heading for the nursery.)

Piper: Where are you going?

Phoebe: I'm just gonna go watch him sleep for a little while.

Prue: _Phoebe_. We _must_ go to work.

Leo: Yeah, aren't you supposed to meet the new owner of the paper today?

Prue: Yes.

Phoebe: But it's just so hard to leave him. I mean, shouldn't there be some sort of maternity leave for new aunties?

Piper: Phoebe, the club is not raking in the dough these days, and Paige is unemployed. With the cost of diapers, we kind of need _you and Prue_ to keep your jobs.

Phoebe: You're right, you're right. Let's go, Prue. Just, no Peter, okay? And no Patrick. And I really think you should consider Potter, because it's a great name, okay. Just don't make any decisions until I get back, please.

Piper: Time to go.

Phoebe: And do me a favor and kiss their little toes for me when they wake up.

(Prue and Phoebe leave and Cole goes into Prue's room.)

Leo: When are you going to talk to her?

Piper: Oh, she's just excited.

Leo: Excited. Obsessed.

Piper: Why? Because she wants to watch her nephews and niece sleep?

Leo: No, because yesterday she was giving you and Prue breastfeeding advice, and now she wants maternity leave.

Piper: Well, she knows a lot about breasts. And she's an aunt, that's what they do. It's family, you know.

Leo: Okay. Well, how is mommy doing?

(Leo puts his arms around Piper.)

Piper: Mommy's tired. And happy.

(They kiss.)

Leo: Wanna try and get some sleep?

Piper: Mm-hm.

(They kiss again. Suddenly, an alarm goes off. Paige runs out of her bedroom.)

Paige: The babies.

Piper: What?

(Cole runs out of Prue's bedroom.)

Cole: What's going on?

Paige: The babies.

(Paige runs past all of them and heads for the nursery. Piper, Cole, and Leo follow.)

[Cut to the nursery. Two demons are standing over the bassinet. Paige runs in followed by Piper, Cole, and Leo.]

Paige: Hey!

(A purple force field appears around the bassinet and knocks the demons off their feet. Piper blows up one of the demons. The other demon shimmers out.)

Cole: Son of a….

(The force field vanishes. They walk over to the babies, who are crying.)

Leo: Way to go, little ones.

Cole: Way to use your powers. That was a new color for the force field.

Leo: Well, the twins' was red and our baby's was blue. Maybe they combined their powers. Red and blue would make purple.

(Piper picks up her baby, while Cole checks on the twins.)

Piper: Are you okay? No, you're okay, it's alright, you're okay.

Paige: Did they scare you?

Cole: You're okay. You're okay.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige walk in.]

Piper: It just pisses me off. I can't believe they would come in the house and try to steal the babies.

Paige: Piper, demons aren't exactly known for their moral compass. At least they'll be safe with the Elders and the Ryu Clan until we can figure it out.

(They walk over to the Book of Shadows.)

Piper: But they're just babies. They're small, and little, and innocent-

Paige: It's _okay_. They've got that invincibility thing going on. Hey, do you think that's permanent, or is it like a baby teeth thing?

Piper: I have no idea, but the demons saw the force field. They're gonna try and find a way around it.

Paige: Unless they can get up to Elder-land or wherever the hell the dragons are, they're gonna be fine.

Piper: Well, they can't stay there forever.

Paige: That's what we're here for. No one is gonna steal them. I promise you that.

(Leo orbs in with the baby, just as Cole smoke-fades in with the twins. )

Piper: Leo, Cole?

Leo: They wouldn't keep him.

Cole: And the twins aren't allowed to stay with the Clan.

Piper: What? Why? Did you tell them what's going on?

Cole: I don't know. Something about rules. I stopped listening when they refused to help protect my kids.

Leo: Well, I don't know about the Clan, but the Elders want us to prove to that we can protect him, like your mom and Grams did for you.

(The babies start to cry. Piper takes hers from Leo.)

Piper: Oh, no, it's okay, we don't need them anyway./Cole: It's alright.

(Piper and Cole sit down on the couch. Leo sits beside Piper.)

Leo: Are you okay?

Piper: I'm having some severe separation anxiety issues.

Leo: We can do this, honey.

(Paige turns to a page in the Book of Shadows.)

Paige: Hey, here he is. The Hawker Demon. "A breed of demon known for hawking magical goods at the demonic market."

Piper: Magical _goods_? The babies are magical _goods_? That is _sick_ and _twisted_.

Leo: The question is, who would wanna buy them and why?

[Scene: Demon Marketplace. The place is crowded with funky-looking demons buying weapons, books, ingredients for potions…. At a stall, a gypsy is tied up. Two Parasite Demons with bleached white hair and red eyes are there with the Hawker Demon.]

Parasite Demon #1: We paid you for _babies_ , not a gypsy!

Hawker: And I told you the little brats had a force field protecting them.

Parasite Demon #2: Which is why we want them, you idiot. The shield is what makes those kids perfect batteries.

Parasite Demon #1: Self-sustaining, never-ending sources of magical power. We tap into that power and it will return us to our former strength.

Parasite Demon #2: Or would you have us stay weaklings, Hawker, doomed to feed on the magic of others forever?

Hawker: Look, I am sorry that the witch cursed you, and I'm sorry that you lost all of your powers. That's a tough break. But it's not my fault.

Crone: Hawker!

(A woman with greyish long hair and wearing black clothes approaches them.)

Hawker: Madame, how may I serve you today?

Crone: The eyes of two dozen adult brown bats and a large boar's tongue, please.

Hawker: Right away.

(The Hawker gets the tongue and eyes and wraps them in some paper.)

Parasite Demon #1: We're not finished here. She can wait her turn.

Crone: Bottom feeders. (She looks at a jar of eyes.) What is it that's keeping you alive today, hm? Feed on a troll for breakfast this morning?

Parasite Demon #2: Back off, Crone.

(They glare at each other. The Crone then turns to the Hawker.)

Crone: I sense danger, Hawker. The task these leeches seek you for will bring only death and destruction, and not to our enemies. Turn them away.

Hawker: Your order, madam.

(He holds out the wrapped up tongue and eyes. She hands him some coins and takes it. She walks away.)

Parasite Demon #1: You're not gonna listen to that crazy old wretch, are you?

Hawker: The Crone's wisdom is ancient and renowned. I have already lost one demon on this job. Now, you either take the gypsy, or nothing.

Parasite Demon #2: We'll take the gypsy to tide us over, and we'll double the bounty on the infants.

Parasite Demon #1: Or maybe we'll pay that to another Hawker. In which case the bounty will be on _your_ head.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Main room. Prue, Phoebe, and employees are gathered around the room.]

Elise: I know it's not much of a choice, but there it is. We find ways to make him happy, or we find new jobs.

Prue: Well, he can't be any tougher to please than you, right, Elise?

(They all laugh.)

Elise: One can only hope. All I know is that his name is Jason Dean. He's new money, some kind of dot com millionaire, and he's known for his shaking up the companies that he buys.

Woman: Shaking up as in layoffs?

Elise: Honestly, Kate, you know as much as I do.

Kate: So you don't know if you'll be employed tomorrow either.

Elise: Look, guys, he'll be here soon, and we can get a better read then. In the meantime, I suggest we _all_ get back to work.

Phoebe: Work, schmirk. I got baby pictures here.

Prue: Phoebe.

Phoebe: What? Gather around, people, if you're interested. (Everyone stands around Prue and Phoebe while Phoebe hands out photos of the babies.) You are looking at pure _deliciousness_.

Woman: How are you doing, Prue? How's your sister?

Prue: Healthy as horses.

(A man joins the crowd.)

Man: How old are they?

Prue: Three weeks today.

(Prue and Phoebe look over at the man.)

Phoebe: Hi. Have we met?

Man: Jason Dean.

Prue: Oh, god!

(Elise rushes to him.)

Elise: I'm sorry. Y-y-you're Mr. Dean?

Jason: Jason, please.

Phoebe: Wow, that's-that's some weird stuff, because you're really... young, young.

Jason: Yeah.

Phoebe: Yeah.

(Prue gives Phoebe a look as Phoebe nervously fans her face with the photos.)

Jason: You know what's strange? I always pictured a newspaper bullpen as being a little more, I don't know, bustling.

Prue: Bus-bus-bustle.

(Everyone quickly gets back to work.)

Jason: Oh, hey, no!

(He laughs.)

Elise: I'm Elise Rothman. Let me show you around.

Jason: Honestly, Elise, I didn't mean to insult your team. It's just…. I grew up reading comic books, The Daily Planet... bustled.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, in all fairness, Superman can move faster than a speeding bullet, so he's got a little leg up on the bustling, you know?

Jason: A woman who knows her superheroes. I'm impressed.

Phoebe: I'm-I'm Phoebe.

(She shakes his hand.)

Prue: Prue.

(She shakes his hand.)

Jason: Oh, I know you. I've been doing a lot of homework, a lot of reading. Circulation is down and I plan to bring it up, and from what I've seen, that's gonna start with you.

Prue: Wow, that's really sweet.

Phoebe: I'm sorry about the little picture show, you know.

Elise: Mr. Dean, if you'd like, I could give you a tour.

Jason: Great. Prue. Phoebe. Let's talk soon.

(Elise and Jason walk away. Phoebe continues to fan her face with the photos as she and Prue go into Prue's office.)

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Paige walks in through the door and walks into the parlor where Piper, Cole, Leo, and the babies are. Piper and Leo are looking at the family tree.]

Paige: Well, the neighbours who don't _already_ think we're crazy now _officially_ do. But the house is surrounded by apples and sage.

Piper: Thank you. I know you think it's a waste of time, but….

Paige: Well, you know, if it worked, we would've done it already.

Piper: Every little bit helps.

Paige: Alright. How's your ritual coming?

Piper: It's not.

Paige: What? I thought you were gonna try to call the babies' fairy guards.

Piper: We were, we are, but to perform the ritual properly you have to have a name for all of the babies involved first.

Leo: So we busted out the family tree hoping to find some new ideas.

Paige: Let me see. (She sits beside them.) Okay, right away, I'm gonna say I'm against the name Herbert.

Piper: Yeah, we already vetoed Clarence and Milton as well.

(Paige looks at the bottom of the paper.)

Paige: Not to be too self-centered, but... where am I on the tree?

Leo: Oh, uh….

Piper: Well, we haven't had a chance to update it lately.

Paige: Oh, right.

Leo: Yeah, the baby's not even on there either.

Paige: Well, yeah, that's because he doesn't have a name yet, Leo.

Cole: Paige, mine and the twins aren't on there yet either, and we have names.

Piper: Yeah, Paige, and it's just a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything.

Paige: I know that. Anyway, wiccan rituals and fairy guards notwithstanding, I think it's time we bust out some serious ammo.

Piper: As in….?

Paige: As in a good old fashioned demon hunt. I say we bypass the Hawker and go for the jerk that hired him to steal the children in the first place.

Cole: How?

Paige: Not so sure just yet, _but_ I will say this. Once we find him, we use him to send a message, "If you come after these children, you _will_ die in the cruellest manner possible."

(The children start to cry and Piper and Cole instantly go to the bassinet.)

Piper: Well, I like the message. Um, you know, except….

(Piper picks up the baby and carries him to a change table, Cole doing the same with the twins.)

Paige: Except?

Piper: Except for the part where I have to leave my newborn child to go demon hunting. I'm just... I'm not ready.

Paige: Okay, fine, I can understand that. I'll just, uh…. I'll take Prue and Phoebe.

(Piper and Cole change the babies' diapers.)

Leo: Except that they've got a really big day at work today and we kinda need their money right now.

Paige: I'll go by myself.

Cole: I can go with you, Paige, if Piper and Leo watch the twins.

Leo: No way you guys can go. You don't even know what kind of demon we're up against.

Paige: Fine, but if we don't stop him, the Hawker will come back.

Leo: Alright, then let's get ready for him.

Piper: Exactly. We'll lay a trap for him. Maybe we'll kidnap _him_ and sell him to the highest bidder. (Piper picks up the baby and puts him back in the bassinet, Cole putting the twins back down beside him.) What do you think? That's a good idea.

Leo: Then we can find out who hired him and force him to take us to them.

Paige: No. It sounds risky.

Leo: Well, they have their own force field and your alarm system. It's no more risky than you two going off on your own on some wild goose chase.

Piper: He's right. You should go get the crystals for the trap.

Paige: _Fine._

(Paige goes upstairs. The phone rings. Leo answers it.)

Leo: Hello?

Piper: Shh!

Phoebe: Don't hello us. You know who we're calling to talk to.

(Leo walks into the conservatory.)

Leo: Well, they're resting right now. How'd it go with the new boss?

Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I wanna bear his children, but that's besides the point. Now let me talk to-

Leo: _What_? You have a crush on the _new boss_?

Phoebe: I don't think I like your tone of voice, mister. Now please let me talk to the babies. I don't want them to forget my voice.

Leo: Well, they need their rest. It's-it's been a little hectic around here.

Prue: Hectic? What do you mean, hectic?

Leo: Well, I didn't want to worry you two, but there was an attack. They were after the children.

Prue: _What_?! Why didn't you tell us?

Leo: I did tell you. I-I just told you.

Prue: Okay, well, we're coming home.

Leo: You don't have to. We have it under control. There's nothing to worry about. We'll call you if we need you.

Prue: Leo, these are my kids and my nephew we're talking about, okay? You should've called us. I'll just tell Jason that we have to work from home for the rest of the day.

(She hangs up.)

[Cut to The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Elise and Jason are there.]

Jason: In today's market, image and content are inseparable. We could publish a Pulitzer-Prize winning article, but with our puny circulation, who's gonna notice?

(Prue walks in.)

Prue: Hi. Is this a bad time?

Jason: No, come in, come in. Here, look at this woman. Beautiful, smart, funny. And she can write. With the right exposure, she could kick Dear Abby down into the bush leagues. She's a commodity.

Prue: Thank you, I-I think. Now that I have your attention-

Elise: And we've worked hard to capitalize on her. She has billboards, she's done guest spots on local radio shows.

Jason: What I was wondering was what we could do differently with regard to content.

Elise: Content?

Jason: I was thinking we expand her column. Have her write a series of features road-testing her own advice, or a series on the best singles spots in San Francisco based on her own undercover experience.

Elise: I like it. Prue and I can work this afternoon, put some ideas together, and -

Prue: No, we can't. I'm sorry, but I have to work from home for the rest of the afternoon.

Jason: _Why?_

Prue: Why? Uh, well, because I have newborns at home.

Jason: But he's got a father, right? Is there something here I'm missing?

Prue: No. Look, Elise has never minded me working from home.

Elise: Yes, but Prue, we're talking about expanding your column. I should think you'd want a hand in what that's going to look like.

Prue: Well, of course I do, Elise, but-

Jason: Are we not paying you enough?

Prue: No, that's not it.

Jason: Okay. Sit down with Elise, come up with some new ideas, and while you're at it discuss what you think your new salary should be. We'll meet again late this afternoon. (His cell phone rings and he answers it.) Yeah? Great.

(He leaves the office.)

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper, Cole, and Leo are there looking at their children.]

Piper: Why would somebody want to hurt something so innocent? (Leo points at Paige, who is asleep on the couch. They walk into the conservatory.) Poor Paige. She's getting all the hassles of parenthood with none of the rewards.

Leo: I think a smile from her nephews and niece is all she'll ever want. It's gonna be okay, Piper.

Piper: How?

Cole: Because babies are _resilient_ and they have a little extra of that.

Piper: But even so, I mean, it can't be good for them. Even if they can handle the demons, they must sense the tension, which means at the very best, we end up with neurotic infants.

Leo: Look on the bright side, growing up with your sisters, they were bound to be neurotic anyway.

(They laugh and hug. Suddenly, Paige comes flying into the room as the baby alarm goes off. Piper, Cole, and Leo run into the parlor to see the Hawker and another demon there. The demon has a red beam of light hitting the bassinet, which is causing it to float in mid-air.)

Piper: No!

(Piper dives on the bassinet and pushes it out of the beam's way. They land on the floor. Cole and Leo tackle the two demons.)

Paige: Leo! Cole! (Cole and Leo get out of the way and Paige puts down a crystal near the demons, creating a crystal cage. The demons scream and they are vanquished, leaving only a knife.) I guess I overcharged it.

(Paige picks up the knife. Cole and Leo rush over to Piper and the babies. The babies cry.)

Piper: I got you. You're alright.

Leo: How are they doing, huh?

Cole: Are they alright?

Piper: I think we need a little bit of healing here.

Leo: Well, they look fine to me.

Piper: Not them, me.

(She looks down at her leg and falls back unconscious. Paige, Cole, and Leo look at the broken bone sticking out of Piper's leg. They wince at the sight.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige has propped Piper's head onto her lap. Leo is about to heal Piper's leg.]

Leo: Okay, now, easy, watch her head, alright. Make sure you hold her hands. We don't want her blowing anything up.

(Paige holds Piper's arms.)

Paige: Just do it.

(Leo heals Piper's leg and Piper sits up quickly.)

Piper: Where's the children?

Leo: It's alright, honey. They're okay.

Piper: They knew about the force field. They almost blew them out of the window.

Leo: Yeah, but they didn't, and right now our concern is about you.

Piper: Me? Why? I'm healed.

Leo: Yes, but the fact is that you _needed_ to be healed, that's what I'm talking about.

Piper: Yeah. I guess I'm not so invincible anymore, huh?

Cole: Well, it makes sense since. You got the power from your son and he's not inside you anymore.

Leo: I was just hoping he would've left a little bit behind for mama.

Piper: Well, the theory did occur to me, but I haven't had a chance to test it out.

Leo: This is serious, Piper. You need to learn how to be careful again now that you're vulnerable.

Cole: Prue as well. If you're not invincible anymore, that means that she isn't anymore either.

Piper: Yeah, well, I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of demonville is after the children.

Paige: Um, what do you think about using the athame to scry for the demonic market? I mean, it makes sense that the Hawker demon got it there.

Piper: Yeah?

Paige: We can disguise ourselves as demons, infiltrate the market, and pretend that we know how to get the Charmed Ones' children.

Piper: It's a smart plan. Then we could find out what _sicko_ is in the market to _buy_ them.

Paige: Right. Then we vanquish them, everyone they've ever met, and proceed with our original demon killing, message sending plan.

Piper: It's a very wordy, very good plan.

Leo: Oh, it's a good idea to send the mother of my child into the hornets' nest because you overcharged the trap?

Paige: Oh, gee, one little mistake, man.

Piper: It's okay. She's right. We can go.

Paige: Right. (Paige gets up.) You sure you're okay to do this?

(Piper thinks for a moment.)

Piper: No. I can't go.

Paige: Okay. I'll just go check the Book of Shadows, see if I missed anything. He'll be okay.

(Paige leaves the room.)

Cole: I'm going to go help Paige. You two watch the kids. And I think it's time we called Prue.

(Cole goes after Paige.)

Leo: I called Prue and Phoebe. They said they were on their way home.

Piper: Leo.

Leo: I'll call her again.

(Leo gets up and goes to the phone.)

Piper: You're okay, little ones. We're not gonna let anybody steal you.

[Cut to the nursery. Paige walks in and goes over to the bassinet. She picks up the blanket with the triquetra symbol on it.]

Cole: Paige.

Paige: Don't try and stop me.

Cole: I won't. They're after my kids. And Piper's son is my nephew too, you know. I'm going with you to get these guys.

[Cut to the woods. Paige and Cole are there, Paige wearing a tight short blue dress and a blonde wig, and Cole wearing an all-black suit. Paige is holding the baby blanket.]

Paige: It's okay, Paige, it's okay. I fought fairytales earlier this year. You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.

Cole: Just follow my lead.

(Suddenly, two energy balls fly out of nowhere and hit Paige and Cole in the chest. They fall flat on their faces. Two demon guards literally walk out of two trees.)

Demon Guard #1: Lost?

(Paige and Cole get up.)

Cole: You have a really messed up idea of customer service.

Demon Guard #2: What?

Paige: We're dissatisfied customers. (She pulls a knife out from under the blanket.) I bought this athame here at the market. It's supposed to flame. It doesn't.

Cole: We paid a pretty penny for it too.

Paige: And for what? It almost got us killed trying to steal the Charmed Ones' children. You wanna know what we got for our efforts? A nice little blanket. Mm, sweet.

Cole: Oh, and the Hawker who hired us? He got eighty-sixed, so we didn't even get a pay day.

Demon Guard #1: Who are you?

Cole: We told you. We're dissatisfied customers.

(Cole gives a nod to Paige and she stabs Guard #2 in the stomach and vanquishes him.)

Paige: See? No flame.

(Demon Guard #1 waves his arm and a portal-like door to the market appears between two trees. Paige and Cole walk through into the market. The Demon Guard waves his arm again and closes the portal door.)

[Cut to the market. Paige and Cole walk through the busy street.]

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Prue, Elise, and Jason are there.]

Prue: So we thought I could hit up a couple of clubs around town and try out the pick-up lines that I suggested in my column.

Elise: Then she'll report back on how they work off the page and in the world.

Jason: I love it. It's sexy as hell.

Prue: Okay, great. So why don't I go home and try to work on-

(Jason's phone rings and he answers it.)

Jason: Yeah? Uh-huh…. No…. No, definitely not. Great. (He hangs up. Prue impatiently taps her pen on her book.) Are you okay?

Prue: Yeah. I'm fine. I just…. I have a little blood sugar issue. It's nothing serious, but I have to eat.

Jason: Say no more. You like Chinese? Food, not people.

Prue: I really need to get home.

Jason: Elise, could you excuse us for a moment?

Elise: Sure. I'll just, um... be over here.

(Elise walks past Prue and mouths something to her. She leaves.)

Jason: Is this about your children again?

Prue: Yes, it is actually. They need me right now.

Jason: I'll just… ask again. Are you a single parent?

Prue: No.

Jason: Look, Prue, I think it's really wonderful that you love your kids this much. I really do. But you have a job.

Prue: Yeah, and I think I do it pretty well.

Jason: Yes, you do. Until recently.

Prue: Excuse me?

Jason: I spent some of the afternoon going over your columns from the last few weeks, (he walks past Prue. He walks around Elise's desk and sits down.) and they've become very….

Prue: What?

Jason: Baby-centric. They're all about... diapers and mother's milk. They don't even read like you. They've lost your edge. You're sexy.

Prue: Okay, any writer, any good writer, uses their life experiences in their work.

Jason: That's true.

(There's a knock on the door and Phoebe walks in.)

Phoebe: I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but Prue, Leo is on the phone and it's the third time he's called.

Prue: What? Why didn't you tell me?

(Prue rushes out of the office.)

[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and the babies are there. Leo orbs in with Prue and Phoebe. They rush over to the bassinet.]

Prue: Phoebe, I don't understand why you actually listened when they told you to hold my calls.

Phoebe: Because I have a job too. And I said I was sorry.

Prue: Yeah, well _I_ have kids, and _you_ have nephews and a niece. I would _think_ that would take priority over a _job_.

Phoebe: Again, I am _sorry_ , Prue.

Prue: And you, Leo. Why didn't you just orb for us when she wouldn't put you through?

Leo: Because I didn't want to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary.

Prue: Oh, right. Okay, so there was another kidnap attempt?

Piper: Yes, shh.

(They move away from the bassinet.)

Prue: I can't believe you didn't put him through, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Jason said you were in an important meeting and that you shouldn't be disturbed.

Prue: Unbelievable.

Leo: Hey. Jason. (He looks at Piper.) Jason Halli….?

Prue: Oh, don't even think about it, mister.

Piper: Please tell me you didn't get fired.

Prue: No, I didn... I don't think I did.

(The babies wake up and start to cry. The baby alarm goes off.)

Prue/Phoebe: What the hell is that?

Piper: It's the baby alarm.

Prue: _What?_

(Prue and Phoebe rush over to the children. The alarm stops.)

Phoebe: I know. It's so much excitement.

Prue: What was that alerting us to exactly?

Leo: Demons. There's supposed to be demons in the house.

Prue: Look at that, they're not even crying. You are so brave.

Phoebe: They're like little brave soldiers.

Leo: Maybe the alarm is faulty.

Piper: Paige would know. Where is Paige?

Prue: Where is _Cole_?

[Cut to the attic. Prue, carrying the twins, Piper, carrying her baby, Leo, and Phoebe walk in.]

Piper: Oh my god, they're not here.

Phoebe: Okay, why is that an 'oh my god'?

(Prue and Piper put the babies into the attic's bassinet.)

Leo: The scrying tools are out.

(Piper looks on the table.)

Piper: The hand grenade potion is gone.

Prue: Will some please tell us what's going on here?

(Piper picks up a piece of paper.)

Phoebe: What is that? A spell?

Piper: No, it's a note. "Gone to _market_. Back soon."

Phoebe: Okay, well, that's good news, right? They went to the market. Right?

(Piper sighs.)

[Scene: Demonic Market. Paige and Cole are walking down the busy street with a large demon.]

Demon Saleswoman: Come on, guys, this is top of the line. The power to throw fireballs _twenty yards_. Now let me hear a serious offer.

Large Demon: Now, if you need any powers, there's where to go.

(Paige and Cole laugh.)

Paige: You're such a great tour guide.

(They pass a demon selling tonics.)

Demon Salesman: Looking for that little something extra? You didn't become a demon to just stand on the sidelines. Now, watch and see what my permutonic can do for you.

(He drinks the tonic and becomes a large muscular demon. The crowd is amazed. Paige, Cole, and the large demon stop.)

Large Demon: I think up there's the guys you're looking for. The parasites.

Paige: Oh, parasites? Should I be frightened?

Cole: Nah. They were badass once, but some witch cursed them, took away their powers. Pitiful little bastards. We could take them.

Paige: Oh, really? Then we might just have to. Well, thank you for the tour. I suppose you'll be wanting your payment now.

Large Demon: You know I will.

(He reaches for her.)

(Cole breathes fire at the Large Demon, vanquishing him.)

(Paige and Cole head for a building ahead.)

[Cut to inside the building. The Parasite demons are feeding off a gypsy's powers. Paige and Cole walk in.]

Paige: Excuse me. Anyone here interested in the Charmed Ones' offspring?

Parasite Demon #1: Who are you?

Cole: We're the reason you're not gonna need that food anymore, not after you hear what we have to say.

Parasite Demon #2: The food is dead. You were saying?

Cole: Just that the Hawker who hired us to grab the children screwed up the job and got himself dead.

Paige: He didn't say who hired him, but we heard it was you.

Parasite Demon #2: So what if it was?

Paige: Don't get nervous. We're just here for the bounty.

Cole: The offer still stands, right?

Parasite Demon #1: First, tell us why _you're_ still alive.

Paige: I'll take that as a yes.

(Paige pulls out the grenade potion from behind the baby blanket and throws it at the Parasite Demons. They feed off the power from the explosion and then start to feed off Paige's and Cole's. Paige's blonde wig is blown off her head and she and Cole fall to the floor.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Leo are there. Phoebe is scrying for the demonic market.]

Phoebe: Come on, people, talk to me. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Bingo. We have a location of the market.

Piper: Yes.

Prue: (to Leo) Anything on Paige?

Leo: I can't sense her at all. But that doesn't mean we should panic. Her signal might be blocked by the magic of the marketplace.

Phoebe: Right, there's no reason to panic. I mean, our sister went alone to demonville, she has no idea what or who she's up against, so there's no reason to panic, right?

Prue: And Cole's with her. Someone there could recognize him.

Piper: It was my fault. I should've gone.

Prue: We would have gone had she called us.

Piper: Well, I told her not to bother you 'cause you were trying to impress your new boss.

Prue: I was not trying to impress my boss, thank you.

Piper: You weren't? But this morning….

Prue: Okay, maybe this morning I was trying to impress him, but I'm not, so can we talk about anything _but_ Jason Dean, _please_? Thank you very much.

Leo: Yeah, let's talk about how we're gonna find Paige.

Phoebe: Oh. Well, we're gonna write a spell that's gonna carry us to the market. Can I have some paper?

(Piper picks up Paige's note and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe gets a premonition. In the premonition, the Parasite Demons are sucking Paige's and Cole's power out of them.)

Prue: Are you okay?

Phoebe: No. It's time to panic.

(The baby alarm goes off.)

Prue/Piper/Leo: Oh my god!

[Scene: Demon Market. Building. Paige and Cole are tied to tables. The Parasite Demons stand beside them.]

Parasite Demon #2: I say we suck them dry, nice and slow.

Parasite Demon #1: Tempting, _but_ ….

Parasite Demon #2: But what? You forget that it was one of her kind that cursed us to this life?

Paige: Please.

Parasite Demon #1: Say we kill her, get revenge on yet another witch. Then what? We're still parasites. _Nothing_ will have changed.

Parasite Demon #2: She'll be dead. That's change.

Parasite Demon #1: But we'll still be bound to this trivial existence. Think about it. She's a Charmed One. Her sisters will sense her if we keep her alive. And then... they will come for her.

Parasite Demon #2: Then when they do, the infants will be left vulnerable.

Cole: No….

Parasite Demon #2: Silence, traitor.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue is holding the twins and Piper is holding the other baby. Phoebe walks in.]

Piper: Anything?

Phoebe: Unless they're invisible, there's no demons in this house.

Piper: Then why does the alarm keep going off?

Leo: We'd have to ask Paige.

Phoebe: Oh, we'd better hurry, because from what I saw, she doesn't have a lot of time.

Piper: You want me to leave my baby when the alarm designed to sense evil is going off every ten minutes?

Prue: Believe me, Piper, I don't wanna leave my children either, but the alarm is broken. There is no evil in this house.

Piper: But we've gone up against invisible demons before, you know, demons that morph into lamps, lamps that morph into demons, demons in the walls.

Phoebe: But don't you think if they were here, they'd be attacking the children by now? (The babies gurgle and smile.) Oh, look at them, they're smiling! Oh, you are so brave.

Leo: They're smiling?

Phoebe: Either that or they have gas.

(Leo gets an idea.)

Leo: Prue, Piper, put them down.

Piper: What?

Prue: Why?

Leo: They were crying when the demons attacked.

Piper: _So?_

Leo: So just put them down a minute and come over here. You too, Phoebe.

Prue: Why?

Leo: Trust me.

Piper: Okay. (Prue and Piper put the babies into the bassinet and walk away.) What are we doing?

Leo: Just... wait.

Prue: For _what_?

(The baby alarm goes off. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe race over to the babies.)

Leo: That's what.

Phoebe: I don't get it.

Leo: They're doing it. They're using their powers to set off the alarm.

Piper: Because they figured out when it goes off that we'll come running.

Phoebe: They're just trying to get attention. They're geniuses. Oh, you're _geniuses_!

Piper: Are you trying to give mommy a heart attack? Is that what you're trying to do?

Leo: So I guess it's safe to say you can go help Paige.

Piper: _Right._

Phoebe: Are you gonna be okay?

Piper: Yeah, okay. Grab some potions. Because if I'm going to that market and leaving him here, we're not taking no prisoners.

Leo: Well, just... be careful.

Piper: I will.

Leo: You two, Prue. Piper needed healing before, which means she's not invincible now that she's no longer pregnant. Which means that you're not invincible anymore either.

Prue: Okay.

Piper: It's just... so hard to leave.

Prue: I know, Piper, trust me.

(Phoebe hugs the bassinet.)

Piper: It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.

Leo: Well, just make sure you come back.

Piper: You take care of them.

Prue: Yeah, one hair out of place on the head, issues.

Leo: I will. At the first sign of trouble, I will orb them out.

Piper: Okay. Phoebe, here we go, here we go.

[Scene: Woods. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe arrive. An energy ball comes out of nowhere and flies past them. The Demon Guard literally walks out of a tree.]

Phoebe: Where's the market?

Demon Guard: Who are you?

Piper: We're the mothers. (Prue tries to blow up the demon and he goes flying through the market door. They stand in front of the door, looking in on a crowd of demons.) Which one of you _dirtbags_ put the bounty on our children?

(A demon in the crowd throws a stream of fire towards the girls. Piper blows it up and then Prue blows the demon up.)

[Cut to the building. Screams and explosions are heard. Parasite Demon #1 looks out the window as Prue and Piper make their way through the crowd, blowing up everyone in their way. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe head for the building.]

Parasite Demon #1: They're here.

Parasite Demon #2: It's baby time.

(They fade away.)

[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Leo is there reading a book. The baby alarm goes off and Leo kneels beside the bassinet.]

Leo: It's okay. Your mommies will be home soon.

(The Parasite Demons stand beside Leo and suck out his powers. He falls to the floor. The babies cry.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Market. Building. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe walk in.]

Phoebe: Where are they?

Paige: Prue… Piper.

Piper: I know you are very happy to see us.

Paige: The babies.

Phoebe: They're fine. They're with Leo.

Cole: They're Parasites, they'll absorb Leo's power.

(They untie Paige and Cole.)

Piper: What?

Prue: Can you orb?

Paige: No.

Prue: Cole, can you smoke-fade?

Cole: No, they took our powers away.

(They help Paige and Cole up.)

Prue: We've gotta get to the other side of the gate.

(Piper picks up the baby blanket.)

[Cut to the street. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole walk out of the building and down the street. Piper drops the blanket. The Crone walks over to the blanket and picks it up.]

[Cut to the manor. Parlor. The Parasite Demons are sucking the power out of the children.]

Parasite Demon #1: Do you feel the power?

Parasite Demon #2: It's fantastic. But how will we get him out of here?

Parasite Demon #1: Keep draining the magic. The force field will falter and then they'll be ours.

(Leo wakes up and gets up. He grabs a lamp and smashes it over them. He weakly kneels beside the bassinet. The Parasite Demons continue to suck their powers.)

[Cut to the manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige appear. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe sit Paige and Cole down on the couch.]

Paige: Go.

Cole: Don't let them put their hands on you.

[Cut to the parlor.]

Leo: No!

(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe run down the stairs. Prue blows up Parasite #1. The other one fades away.)

Piper: He got away.

Phoebe: It's okay. Let him go.

Piper: I said no prisoners. (to Leo) Are you okay?

Leo: Yeah.

Prue: Then we're going back.

[Cut to the market. Night. Building. The Crone is there, holding the baby blanket. Parasite Demon #2 appears.]

Crone: You did this to us. I warned you.

Parasite Demon #2: The witches did this, not me.

Crone: The witches are _nothing_ compared to... These children are powerful beyond your understanding. What I have foreseen... is not to be ignored.

Parasite Demon #2: What? What did you see? What are they?

Crone: They are our end. We'll have nothing more to do with these... beings.

Parasite Demon #2: That's easy for you to say. You have powers of your own.

(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe walk in.)

Crone: And I enjoy using them.

(She points her fingers at the Parasite Demon and a funnel of sand surrounds him. He screams out and turns to dust. The Crone turns to Prue, Piper, and Phoebe.)

Prue: Impressive.

Crone: Your sister's and the traitor's powers have been restored.

Prue: Who are you?

Crone: I represent those in power. Rest assured a law will be passed forbidding any further attempts on your children.

Piper: Why?

Prue: What do you stand to gain?

Crone: Nothing. You have proven that the costs of a war will far outweigh the benefits. Consider this our white flag. (She hands them the baby blanket.) Now I suggest you rest well and preserve your energies. From what I've foreseen, you're going to need them.

(The Crone glistens away.)

Phoebe: Way to send a message, warrior moms.

Piper: I don't know about that.

Phoebe: You didn't believe her?

Prue: Piper's right. This had more to do with them than anything we did.

Phoebe: What do you think she foresaw?

Prue: I wish I knew.

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are standing around the bassinet. Phoebe has her head in the bassinet making baby voices.]

Phoebe: Oh, I could eat you. Yes, I could. Yes, I could.

Piper: Pheebs, after the demonic Parasites that did actually kinda wanna eat them, not so cute.

Phoebe: Gotcha. Ooh, I could smush you! Ooh, I could just smush your little faces! Ooh, la, la, la, la.

Piper: Much better.

Paige: Is that his new name? Smush-face Halliwell?

Leo: It's about as good as everything else we've come up with.

Prue: No new ideas, huh?

Piper: Actually….

Leo: Uh, no, you know, we've been so busy with the alarm, and the demon fighting, and the sister saving.

Paige: I'm _sorry_.

Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige. You were brave, and you inspired me to fight, and you made the world a safer place for the children. Which is why I would like to give my baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super protective Aunt Paige.

Prue: I think that's a great idea.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: What do you think?

Leo: Yeah.

Paige: Thanks.

Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name. Wyatt. In honor of his very protective daddy.

Leo: Really? Well, it doesn't start with a P.

Piper: Ah, so we break the tradition.

(Phoebe picks up Wyatt.)

Phoebe: Hey, baby. Happy baby. Why don't we ask him? That's probably your job.

(She hands Wyatt to Piper.)

Piper: Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. Is that your name? What do you think? It's a good one. It's a good one.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Jason is sitting at the desk looking through some books. Prue knocks at the door and walks in.]

Prue: I thought you'd still be here.

Jason: Yeah, well, there's a lot to do.

Prue: Um. I just came by to say that... I'm really sorry.

Jason: Huh. I didn't figure you for the type to apologize easily.

Prue: Yeah, I'm not. I only apologize when I'm wrong. And okay, I wasn't entirely wrong, there was an emergency at home and I did need to leave. And in the future, if you're gonna hold my calls, I hope you tell me.

Jason: This is an apology?

Prue: Yes, because about the other stuff, you were right. I got overwhelmed by the babies and I lost my voice, my perspective.

Jason: That's really-

Prue: And I know you're really busy and you don't need to be listening to some advice columnist's psycho babble, but... um... if I still have a job, I promise you'll see all the changes you're looking for in my column first thing in the morning.

Jason: Great. Can I talk now?

Prue: Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Jason: I am busy, but making this paper work is important to me, and if that means listening to an advice columnist's late night psycho babble, then that's what I'm willing to do.

Prue: That's-

Jason: Still talking.

Prue: Right.

Jason: This paper can't afford to lose you, Prue. You're too valuable, too talented. And if you can admit when you're wrong, then so can I.

Prue: So….

Jason: _So_ , in the future, if I have to hold your calls, I'll let you know.

Prue: Thank you.

Jason: You're welcome. Done talking.

(Prue laughs.)

Prue: Okay.

(She giggles and stands there uncomfortably while he watches her. She points to the door and leaves. He continues to work.)


	14. Lucky Charmed

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **Lucky Charmed**

[Scene: P4. Phoebe is on a date with a guy. A waitress brings Phoebe over a drink.]

Phoebe: Thanks, Susie.

Susie: Sure, honey.

(The waitress walks away.)

Guy: You've never done this before, have you? Online dating, I mean.

Phoebe: Oh, no, I have, I have, a couple of times. It's just…. It's not my favourite way to meet people.

Guy: Really? Why not?

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, it's very impersonal, you know, too planned.

Guy: Well, I have to say I've met quite a few interesting women online.

Phoebe: Really? (She gets a notepad and pen out of her handbag.) Um, more interesting than you tend to meet in person?

Guy: What's this?

Phoebe: Oh, I'm doing an article on internet dating.

Guy: Wait. Your profile said you were looking for romance.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, it did, and I kinda am…. It's just my new boss put me up to this, since my sister couldn't do it as she's married. I didn't really wanna do it. I'm sorry. Are you mad?

Guy: No, no, not at all. I still have high hopes for this evening. (He touches her hand and she gasps as she receives a premonition.) Are you alright?

Phoebe: Uh, yeah, it's just the hiccups. (She fakes a hiccup.) You wait right here.

(Phoebe gets up and walks over to the bar where Prue is sitting and Piper is talking on the phone.)

Piper: (on phone) No, no, no. Pat Benatar cannot cancel on me. I won't be able to replace her by this weekend.

Phoebe: Piper….

Piper: Look, I know I didn't call to confirm, but I was busy creating life, okay? Look, just let me talk to Pat. I know she'd understand, really. Hello? He hung up on me. That little cretin.

Phoebe: My date is a demon.

Prue: Huh? What?

(Prue and Piper look at the guy.)

Piper: That guy? But he's so hot.

Phoebe: Yeah, hot as in flames of hell hot. Look, I had a premonition. He devours his victims, I'm next, freeze the room.

Piper: Ugh, my sister, the demon magnet.

(She freezes the room but the guy doesn't freeze. He looks around.)

Guy: Witches. Damn it.

(Prue blows him up.)

Phoebe: Thank you.

Piper: Mm-hm. (She unfreezes the room.) Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband.

Prue: Oh, another fight?

Piper: Yeah, well, you know, new parents, two career couple, that kind of stuff. We'll figure it out. (She picks up her handbag.) Now, are you two gonna come home with me, or are you gonna try and salvage this evening.

Phoebe: No, I think my luck has run out.

Prue: Phoebe:

Phoebe: Sorry, Prue.

(Prue and Phoebe grab their handbags and follow Piper out.)

[Scene: Outside a cafe. A busker is there playing the guitar and singing.]

Busker: "Greensleeves was my heart of gold / And who but my lady greensleeves / Yeah, who but my lady greensleeves / Alas, my love, you do…." (A man in a suit walks past him.) A little down on my luck, sir. Could you spare some change? (The man ignores him and keeps walking. A leprechaun appears behind a bush.) God bless you. "Greensleeves was all my joy…."

(The leprechaun holds out his hand and a gold nugget sits in it.)

Leprechaun: "Sláinte is táinte." (The nugget glows and a stream of light hits the busker. There's a gust of wind and it slams his guitar case shut. The busker stops singing. The wind blows a sheet of newspaper across the sidewalk, revealing a money note under it. The busker goes over and picks the $50 note up. The leprechaun smiles and leaves down the sidewalk in a blur. Saleel, a demon, stands in the middle of the sidewalk and the leprechaun smacks into him, falling backwards on the ground. The leprechaun gets up.) I'm begging your pardon, sir. I meant no disrespect. I'll just be on me way.

(He steps forward and Saleel grabs him around the neck. The leprechaun drops his walking stick.)

Saleel: You know what I hate most about leprechauns? You're all _cowards_. You don't _deserve_ your gift, and it'll be my pleasure to take it from every last one of you. (Saleel squeezes the leprechaun's neck and he bursts into gold dust and disappears.) (Irish accent) Tough break, paddy. (Saleel picks up the walking stick,) "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat." (A rainbow appears in front of him and he steps into it. The rainbow disappears, taking Saleel with it.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, the twins and Wyatt are there. Piper is heating up baby bottles of milk on the stove. Phoebe is looking in on the children in their bassinet.]

Phoebe: You're just the cutest little wiccan thing I ever did see. Yes, you are.

(Piper pulls a bottle out of the saucepan. Phoebe's pager beeps.)

Piper: Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot! Leo! (Phoebe checks her pager.) Freakin' ever useless Elders. _What_ is taking them so long? (Phoebe giggles.) What? What'd he do? What'd I miss?

Phoebe: Oh, no, it's not Wyatt. It's a poem that this guy, at least I hope it's a guy, just emailed me.

Prue: I thought you didn't like the online dating thing?

Phoebe: Oh, believe me, I don't.

Prue: I'm confused.

Piper: Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat, but then I gotta go.

Phoebe: I cannot schedule in a sisterly chat.

Piper: I'm telling you. You've got four minutes and fifty-five seconds.

(Paige walks in carrying an empty laundry basket.)

Paige: Hi.

Piper: Uh, perfect timing, we were just chatting. Anything you need to talk about?

Paige: No, I'm good.

(Paige walks into the laundry.)

Piper: Good, more time for you. Shoot.

Phoebe: No, I don't need to talk. It's not like I have any desire to go meet this cyrano73. It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do for Prue.

Piper: Speaking of Jason. Didn't he just give you a raise, Prue?

Prue: Yeah, but that was just a bribe, so I wouldn't quit.

Piper: Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that.

Prue: Mm-hm. We gotta go. (She kisses her children and nephew goodbye.) Goodbye, my little ones. Bye, Wyatt. I love you all. Come on, Phoebe.

(Phoebe walks over to the twins and Wyatt. Paige comes out of the laundry holding a tiny sweater.)

Paige: _Oh, no_. Damn it. What happened?

Phoebe: (to Wyatt) Bye, babies. I love you.

Prue: (to Paige) Tell her. You've got three minutes.

Paige: My sweater shrunk.

Piper: Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that.

Paige: That is _not_ the point. The demon blood is _not_ coming out. I can't keep replacing all of my good clothes. I'm running out of my savings.

Piper: Sister, you are preaching to the choir.

Paige: Yeah, well, at least you've got a job. You know, I cannot afford to keep paying for this. Unless... magic reimburses me.

Piper: Hello, personal gain, consequences. Do I need to remind you of the big _boob_ fiasco?

Paige: No, my back _still_ hurts. Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid.

(Paige leaves the kitchen. Piper goes to follow.)

Piper: Paige, wait. What are you... (Leo orbs in front of her.) doing?

Leo: Piper, we've got problems.

Piper: Yeah, I know, you're late, and it's your turn to watch the babies.

Leo: _Not_ marital problems, demonic ones.

[Scene: A Rock Cave. Two demon women are there. A snake is crawling over a rock in the center of the cave.]

Jayda: What's taking him so long?

Janna: _Patience_ , Jayda. He'll be here.

Jayda: Maybe we should try a little target practice (she forms an energy ball in her hand.) while we wait.

(She looks at the snake. Saleel shimmers in.)

Saleel: I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill my pets.

(Jayda extinguishes the energy ball.)

Jayda: Where've you been?

Saleel: Gathering nuggets. (He holds out two gold nuggets.) My last two. Do you want them or not?

Janna: Name your price.

Saleel: No price. All I ask is your allegiance in my bid to take over the underworld. Consider this my grass roots effort at gaining support.

Jayda: What makes you think you can _buy_ our support?

Saleel: Because in exchange, I'll give you everything you've ever dreamed of. Do we have a deal? (Jayda nods.) "Sláinte is táinte."

(A golden stream of light hits Jayda and Janna.)

Janna: But how do we know it worked?

Saleel: Trust me. It's your lucky day.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Prue's Office. Prue and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is chatting with cyrano73 on her phone while Prue works on her column on the computer.]

"Cyrano73: Like the poem?"

"Cinderella29: Cute. Made my day."

"Cyrano73: Want another?"

"Cinderella29: I'm all ears. Or eyes. Whatever."

"Cyrano73: Only in person. Meet me Saturday night?

Phoebe: And there it is. (types and says it) "Cinderella73: Sorry, can't."

Elise: Phoebe. Okay, remember, just the messenger.

Phoebe: What happened?

Elise: Jason had a few... thoughts on your internet dating article. (She hands Phoebe a sheet of paper with red markings all over it.) And he wants the rewrite by tomorrow. I'm sorry.

(Phoebe storms out of the office.)

Prue: Phoebe, be careful!

(Phoebe barges into Jason's office. Jason is there looking at a file.)

Phoebe: There is nothing wrong with this.

(She throws the paper on his desk. Jason doesn't look up.)

Jason: Actually, there is. Didn't you see all the red?

Phoebe: Look, this was yours and Prue's idea. I didn't want to write the article in the first place.

Jason: And that's how it reads.

Phoebe: Okay, well, just because I didn't wanna write it doesn't mean I didn't do my best.

Jason: Is that so? 'Cause it's an article about online dating, yet you somehow devoted four paragraphs to this week's meteor shower.

Phoebe: Well, I think meteor showers are romantic, okay, and quite frankly, a lot less dangerous.

Jason: Look, just because you've had some bad experiences doesn't mean they're all bad. Besides, you're a reporter. You're supposed to be unbiased.

Phoebe: Okay, I am an advice columnist's assistant, and a very biased one, especially when it comes to romance.

Jason: Oh, and you know all about romance, do you?

Phoebe: Well, I know what women like.

Jason: Do you now?

Phoebe: _Yes_ , we like eye contact. Hello? (Jason looks at her.) Yeah. And conversation where you can actually see the other person's lips moving, and long late night walks, and-and candles, and roses….

Jason: And you don't think you can get that over the internet?

Phoebe: No, I don't. I think you could get CDs over the internet, books, a purse maybe, but not a date.

Jason: You got any plans later? You do now. I'm taking you on assignment.

Phoebe: What? Where? Why?

Jason: To prove something to you. Six o'clock sharp. I'll pick you up.

[Scene: A Green Meadow. A dozen or so leprechauns have gathered under large trees.]

Finnegan: There ain't no other option. If we stay, he'll come for us all.

Leprechaun: But abandoning our realm would mean abandoning the world as well. Who'd give out the luck?

Finnegan: That's the bloody world's problem, if you ask me. I'm for savin' our necks.

Leprechaun: There's more than just our necks at stake here.

Liam: Sure, fine. But we're no good to anybody if we're dead, right?

Shamus: What are we? A bunch of cowards? Don't forget, we speak not just for ourselves, but for each of our tribes as well. And I say we stay and fight the demon.

Finnegan: Fight? But we've got no way to fight him. You know that, Shamus.

Shamus: That ain't true. If we all pool our good luck, then we just might luck into a way to get rid of him.

Finnegan: Bollocks! Luck's unwieldy. There's no predictin' what it may do. Who knows, we may end up even enragin' the demon more!

Shamus: We don't have a choice. Our place in the world is at stake here, Finnegan. Our lands are being plundered, and our race may be annihilated by the devil himself. But we are _leprechauns_. Our blood flows green, and our hearts beat gold, and we can cower in the shadows no longer. We must use our luck to find the light. Are ye with me, laddies?!

(The leprechauns cheer.)

All: Aye! Aye! Aye!

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is there. She lays her shrunken sweater on the table and picks up a spell.]

Paige: "Personal loss should not be mine/Restore this sweater and make it fine." (She lights the spell and throws it in a pot. The sweater magically grows into its original size.) Ooh, I can't wait to try this on my credit rating.

(Leo walks in carrying a baby basket with the twins and Wyatt in it.)

Leo: You sure that's a good idea?

Paige: Wyatt, you should tell your daddy to not _spy_ on Auntie Paige.

Leo: We're only here because his mother is worried about you. Should we be?

Paige: _No_. I'm just settling a few debts, is all.

Leo: By using magic? Even the kids know that's breaking the rules.

Paige: Listen, they wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the rules.

Leo: Okay, that was different. You know it.

Paige: How? That is a stupid rule, and so is the one that says I have to take a vow of poverty in order to be a full-time witch. Listen, I'm not trying to get rich quick. I am just making up for my losses.

Leo: Paige, please. Piper and I have enough to deal with right now without the consequences of some spell you cast.

Paige: Well, listen, if you and Piper weren't so busy _sniping_ at each other all the time, maybe you would feel differently.

Leo: We weren't sniping! Nice try, change of subject. Look, Paige, there's more important things going on right now. The Elders say that good has been going through a curious string of bad luck lately and the demons are getting the upper hand. Maybe you could try working on that.

Paige: I have the perfect spell for that. I just wrote it to get out of my own predicament. "To find good luck/Finances have run amok/Creditors I soon must duck..."

Leo: Paige, that's for personal gain.

Paige: "I cast this spell to find good luck/And hope my life will cease to suck."

(Paige is covered in green lights and she disappears.)

Leo: (to Wyatt) Don't tell your mommy about this, okay?

[Cut to the Green Meadow. Paige appears. Shamus pops up from behind a tree, giving Paige a fright.]

Shamus: A _witch_. It's about bloody time help got here. I was beginning to think our luck wasn't working no more.

Paige: Who are you?

Shamus: Shamus Fitzpatrick. At your service, ma'am.

Paige: Uh, what am I doing here? I was just looking for a bit of luck.

Shamus: So were we. Our magic must've intercepted. And none too soon, I might add. We need your help.

Paige: We? Who's we?

Shamus: Why, leprechauns!

Paige: Huh. Leprechauns. Of course. Why would I think there would be anything other than leprechauns needing my help?

(Suddenly, Paige flies over a tree branch and lands hard on the ground. Saleel walks over to Shamus and grabs him around the neck.)

Saleel: Gotcha!

Paige: Leprechaun!

(Shamus orbs out and orbs back in, knocking Paige over.)

Shamus: Ever date a little person?

Paige: We gotta get outta here.

Shamus: Allow me. (He gets up.) "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat." (Saleel runs for them. A rainbow appears in front of Paige and Shamus.) Hold onto your knickers, darlin'.

(They step into the rainbow and the rainbow disappears, taking them with it. Saleel roars in anger.)

[Cut to another part of the meadow. The rainbow appears and drops off Paige and Shamus in front of a pot of gold.]

Paige: Is that….?

Shamus: Me very own.

Paige: _Lucky you._

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and Shamus are there. Paige has the Book of Shadows in her lap. Shamus is holding out a gold nugget.]

Shamus: It's not just gold, it's magic. _Pure luck_ , that's what you're lookin' at. Course, it's just a spark to get them started. The rest is up to the recipient.

Paige: See, leprechauns are like bees. They pollinate the world with luck. Sometimes the seeds don't stick, but other times they grow into full-blown hot streaks. Right?

Shamus: What she said.

(He clicks his fingers and his green hat appears in his hand. He puts it on his head.)

Paige: See? Now can I have some luck? I think I've earned it.

Prue: Be careful. Not all luck is good.

Shamus: She's right. A nugget can go either way. Depending on our intention.

Piper: So you hand out bad luck as well? Wouldn't that make you evil?

(Shamus moves in a blur over to Piper.)

Shamus: Watch your tongue! How'd you like it if I started sayin' witches are evil?

(Leo chuckles.)

Leo: Yeah, leprechauns might be tricksters, but they're definitely not evil. Like it or not, the world needs bad luck. It keeps the natural order in balance.

Shamus: Finally, a man with a solid head on his shoulders. Bad luck helps people just as much as good luck, maybe even more so. Because of adversity, people learn. They grow.

(Phoebe's pager beeps. She looks at it.)

Phoebe: Sorry. It's probably cyrano.

Paige: Huh, and this must be the demon, Saleel.

(Shamus moves over to Paige in a blur.)

Shamus: Yep, that's the wanker, alright.

Paige: Eh, it says here he's just a lower-level reptile demon. We can vanquish him with a potion.

Piper: Great. Let's get rid of him so I can find a band.

Paige: Um, I think finding a band might be easier for you, honey. It says here he's _pretty_ elusive.

Shamus: You're darn right he is. Otherwise, we would've heaped a load of bad luck on him by now. As it is, we never know when he's gonna strike.

Leo: It's probably what the Elders are worried about. Saleel's been stealing the leprechauns' gold nuggets and giving it to other demons.

Shamus: But maybe with a little good luck, your witches can put a stop to that.

Piper: No, we don't need luck. We're gonna do it our way.

Shamus: Your way may not work. (He moves over to Phoebe in a blur.) Are you with us, dear? Or are you writing love notes to your boyfriend? (Piper giggles. The babies' cries are heard through the baby monitor. Shamus moves over to it in a blur. He picks it up.) What is this? A coven or a daycare center?

Cole: I got it.

Prue: Don't forget to sanitize the nipple.

Leo: I'll help him.

(Cole and Leo leave the room.)

Shamus: People, we're running out of time. Do I need to start crying like a baby to get some action around here?

Piper: I'm sorry, but our little ones come before your little ones.

Shamus: Yah, well, without a little luck, my little ones aren't gonna last long, lassie. So let's try it my way. (He holds out the gold nugget.) "Sláinte is táinte."

(A gold stream of light floats into Piper.)

Piper: What happened? What did you just do to me?

Shamus: Why don't you find out for yourself?

(The doorbell rings. Piper gets up and opens it. Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo stand there. Piper gasps.)

Piper: You're Pat Benatar.

Pat: Oh, good, a fan, what a relief. This is my husband, Neil.

Neil: Sorry to bother you. Our car broke down outside and our cell phone is dead.

Pat: Just our luck, right? Listen, can we use your phone? We'd really owe you.

(Piper looks back at Prue, Phoebe, and Paige. Their jaws drop. Shamus walks in and smiles.)

[Scene: The Green Meadow. Liam is hiding out in a hollow tree. He looks around cautiously. He feels the coast is clear and spots some berries hanging from a tree nearby. He moves over to the berries in a blur and reaches up to grab some.]

Saleel: To die for, aren't they?

(Saleel walks over to Liam.)

Liam: Oops, Mr. Demon. Sorry. All yours.

(Saleel grabs Liam around the neck.)

Saleel: There was a witch in your realm. Did you little rodents run to her for help?

Liam: No, I swear. All we did was pool our good luck.

Saleel: Of course. And you must have lucked into a Charmed One. Which means the Power of Four will be coming for me. Well, if leprechaun luck got me into this mess, I'm quite certain it can get me out as well.

Liam: Yes. Let me go, and I'll show you where mine is hid.

Saleel: That's okay. I know how to find it.

(He squeezes Liam's neck and Liam bursts into gold dust. Saleel picks up his shillelagh.)

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Shamus are there. Phoebe is scrying. Shamus pokes at the rainbow mobile hanging above the bassinet.]

Shamus: Who do they think they're fooling? No one's gonna go anywhere on those things.

Paige: Um, it's just something pretty for the baby to look at.

Shamus: Pretty? Ya humans. The minute you see a few colours you get all excited. Rainbows aren't for looking at. If they were, they wouldn't be invisible.

Phoebe: Rainbows _aren't_ invisible. We can see them.

Shamus: Aye, when it rains, maybe. But they're in the skies all the time. It's how we get around. We light them up with our shillelaghs.

Paige: Ahh, is that how you find your pots of gold?

Shamus: And also our realm, our home. What's left of it, anyway.

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: Pat Benatar is in the kitchen on the phone with her manager, rearranging her schedule so she can play at P4. I am so sorry I doubted you.

(Piper leans down and gives Shamus a kiss on the cheek.)

Shamus: Just like a woman. You have to give 'em a gift to get anything in return.

Phoebe: Okay, this is not working. I can't find Saleel.

Paige: Oh, that's just because we need something of his to make it work.

Shamus: What you need is luck and lots of it. Not just the spark I can give ya, but the kind you build from, by taking risks, gettin' yourself on a serious roll.

Paige: Serious roll, huh? I think I know exactly where I can get one of those. Hit me.

(Shamus pulls out a nugget.)

Shamus: "Sláinte is táinte."

(A gold stream of light hits Paige.)

Paige: Alright. Ready to go?

Piper: Go where?

Paige: Come on, sisters.

Piper: Come on where?

(Paige orbs out with Prue and Piper.)

Shamus: Hey! Hey, where's me kiss? Women. Well, how 'bout you, darlin'?

Phoebe: Why not?

(He pulls out another nugget.)

Shamus: "Sláinte is táinte."

(The gold stream of light hits Phoebe. The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: For me? (Shamus smiles. Phoebe gets up and heads for the foyer.) Who's it gonna be? George Clooney? Justin Timberlake?

(Phoebe opens the door and Jason stands there.)

Jason: You ready to go?

(Phoebe closes the door.)

Phoebe: That did not work.

(Shamus walks in.)

Shamus: Bullocks! It always works.

(Jason knocks on the door. Phoebe opens it up.)

Jason: So I take it you don't want to go out.

Phoebe: No, you know, it's funny, I-I can't. Because my cousin came into town and he needs help with his other cousin.

(Shamus steps forward.)

Shamus: Oh, don't make a fuss about me. You two just go out and have a good time now.

Phoebe: But I really have to stay here and help you with your problems.

Jason: You two are cousins?

Phoebe: _Yes_. We are very distant cousins. And it's about to get a lot more distant if you don't let me handle this situation.

Shamus: Well, I would let you handle it, if you weren't handling it all wrong. You need to go take some risks and leave the rest up to luck.

Jason: Look, I don't want to get in between family stuff, but it seems as if your cousin has got it all under control. So let's go.

Shamus: Oh, good idea.

(Shamus pushes Phoebe out the door and he closes it. Pat and Neil walk in the foyer.)

Pat: Where's Piper?

Shamus: Oh, she had to go, but she'll be back.

Neil: Say, how've you been, Shamus? Long time.

Shamus: Don't even try it, Neil. I already hit you with me best shot. That's all ye get.

[Cut to a Casino. Prue, Piper, and Paige are standing at the end of a craps table. The crowd around the table cheers. The croupier pushes piles of chips over to Prue, Piper, and Paige.]

Piper: Paige, there must be $50,000 dollars there.

Paige: Sixty's more like it, but Shamus said to take big risks. Here, we have the craps table, we've got slots, we've got the big wheel thingy. We can't lose.

Piper: Okay, maybe we should think about quitting while we're ahead.

Cowboy: Quittin'? You girls can't quit. We're in the middle of a streak here.

Croupier: Alright, same lucky shooter, same lucky shooter, comin'. High roll.

Paige: Piper, I cannot ignore a cowboy. Besides, I feel something really big is about to happen. We just have to hold on and wait for it. (Paige picks up the dice.) Alright, come on now, baby needs a new pair of shoes, and by baby I do mean me.

(She throws the dice. Everyone cheers.)

Cowboy: Will you marry me? Because that's how much I love you now.

(Paige giggles.)

Prue: Simmer down, buckeroo! Look, we've gotta get back to the _actual_ babies, and we need to be using this winning streak to find Saleel.

Paige: Just one more roll.

Piper: Okay, fine, but we are not betting it all, 'cause we can send the kids to college with this.

Paige: Listen, the bigger risks we take, the more luck we have. Just watch this.

(Paige throws the dice. Everyone groans.)

Croupier: Two-crap deuce. Snake eyes.

Paige: Where did our luck go?

Prue: Snake eyes, that's it. That's what we've been waiting for.

Paige: No, but we lost everything.

Prue: No, we didn't. I just figured out a way to find the demon... (the cowboy gives her a look.) Stration. Demonstration. They know what I mean. Come on.

[Scene: Serendipity Lounge. Couples fill the room, cuddling and kissing. Phoebe and Jason walk in.]

Phoebe: Okay, what are we doing here? Because I really need to get home.

Jason: This shouldn't take very long. But then again, you're pretty stubborn, so maybe it will.

Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute, _I_ am stubborn? I'm stubborn? Then what are you?

Jason: Stubborn, and a control freak. And pretty arrogant sometimes.

Phoebe: You really know how to take the fun out of a fight, now don't you?

Jason: Look around. Tell me what you see.

Phoebe: Why don't you tell me what you want me to see? (He stares at her.) Okay, fine. (She looks around.) I see lots of couples, and they're kissing, and drinking, and dancing. What I _don't_ see is the point. Oh, hey, get a room. Look, this is exactly my point. Love doesn't bloom through modems and hard drives. And no, that is not a euphemism.

Jason: What if I told you all these people met over the internet?

Phoebe: Right. Like you would have any way of knowing that.

Jason: I would if I had, say, started and sold an online dating service a few years ago, maybe established an evening one night a week for people to get together and meet in a safe environment like this.

Phoebe: Wait, so you brought all these couples together?

Jason: They brought themselves together. My company just... made it a little easier for them. It's a complicated world, Phoebe. People have a hard time finding each other in it. And even when they do, they sometimes don't act on their feelings because they're too afraid.

Phoebe: Yeah, tell me about it.

Jason: I admit, online dating isn't perfect. There are people who use it for all the wrong reasons, but... most people are just looking for love, just like the rest of us.

Phoebe: Like the rest of us?

Jason: You need to get started on that rewrite.

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Paige, and Shamus are there. Prue puts a pair of snake eyes on a dish.]

Shamus: Snake eyes? So what? I don't get it.

Prue: Well, Saleel is a reptile demon, so we can use them to scry for him.

(Prue puts the snake eyes into a boiling pot and it makes a small explosion. Phoebe walks in. Prue starts scrying.)

Phoebe: Hey. Did you find the demon?

Paige: Well, the vanquishing potion is done, so we're almost there.

Phoebe: Where's Cole and Leo?

Piper: Passed out with the kids. Poor guys. They're more worn out than Prue and I are.

Shamus: (to Phoebe) So how'd you do? You must have developed quite a streak by now.

Paige: Yeah, did you win the lottery? Ed McMahon show up at your house with a big ol' check?

Phoebe: Actually, no. Nothing happened.

Shamus: _What_? That's impossible. Did you take any risks? Get lucky with that fella?

Piper: What fella?

Phoebe: Ugh, I think he's talking about Jason. And no, I did not get _lucky_. Not that I would want to, anyway.

(The crystal points to a spot on the map.)

Prue: People, we just got lucky.

[Cut to the Rock Cave. It's dark. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Shamus orb in.]

Paige: Ha, maybe it took snake eyes a bit too literally.

Piper: That would be bad luck, right?

(Saleel walks out of the shadows, holding a pot full of gold.)

Saleel: No. This is. "Marbhfháisc ort."

(A shower of gold light hits the girls.)

Shamus: Oh, no. He's soured your luck. Hurry, throw the potion.

(Phoebe is about to throw the potion when a lightning bolt zaps them. They fall down some stone steps.)

Saleel: Now what are the odds of that?

Shamus: Don't worry. I'll fix this. "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat "

(He chants in Irish. Saleel grabs him around neck.)

Saleel: Not so fast, little man. That's my rainbow now.

(He squeezes Shamus and Shamus bursts into gold dust. Saleel steps in the rainbow and it takes him away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, Paige, and Leo walk in.]

Paige: Charmed Ones, my _ass_! We couldn't even save one leprechaun, let alone all of them.

Phoebe: It wasn't for lack of trying, Paige.

Paige: Yeah, well, still, Saleel is a low-level demon. You know, we had luck on our side, we had magic, we should've been…. Aah! (Paige trips on the rug and falls flat on her face.) Ouch.

Leo: Are you alright?

Phoebe: Are you okay?

Paige: _No_ , I am not alright. I was supposed to help Shamus and instead I got him killed.

Phoebe: Paige, we were struck by lightning. We could've never seen that coming.

(Paige stands back up.)

Paige: How am I supposed to help them when even mother nature's against us?

(Prue, Piper, and Cole walk in, Prue carrying Phoenix, Cole carrying Persephone, and Piper carrying Wyatt and talking on the phone.)

Piper: Okay, well, I can't get there right now, so you're gonna have to handle it yourself. Call an electrician. (Paige sits on the couch and the couch bumps the table behind her, knocking over a cup of coffee, which spills on a power cord.) There's a power failure at the club. They've shut down for the night. Do you have any idea how much money we're about to lose?

(The circuit box in the attic sparks, causing light bulbs to explode.)

Phoebe: What the hell is happening?

Paige: Seems like a bad luck streak and it's picking up steam.

Prue: Well, it can't get much worse than being struck by lightning.

Phoebe: No? How about being hit by a meteor?

Piper: Take the kids out of here.

Leo: But-

(She hands Wyatt to Leo, as Prue hands Phoenix to Cole.)

Piper: No. No arguing. You both just go, okay?

Prue: You were the only ones that weren't cursed with the bad luck. They're safe with you.

Leo: Alright, well, I'll take Wyatt to Uncle Elders. He'll be safe there.

Cole: And I'll take the twins to the Clan.

Paige: Didn't they ask you not to do that?

Cole: Yeah, but... screw 'em.

Leo: What he said.

(Leo orbs out and Cole smoke-fades out.)

Piper: Alright, we're gonna have to turn our luck around _fast_.

Prue: Paige, can you use that spell of yours to find more leprechauns?

Paige: _No_ , they pooled their luck just to make it work. I wish we knew how to get this thing to make a rainbow.

Piper: Okay, well, since we can't do that, we're gonna have to turn our luck around the old fashioned way. A little determination, some positive thinking, a little faith.

(Suddenly, the chandelier comes crashing down from the roof.)

Paige: As you were saying?

[Scene: The Rock Cave. Saleel is there, holding another pot of gold. He waves his hand and Jayda and Janna appear.]

Jayda: What are you doing? How dare you summon us?

Saleel: It's time to pay your debt to me. I need you to kill the Charmed Ones. Get them off my back so I can go after more leprechauns.

Jayda: You're _crazy_.

Janna: Wait. Let's hear him out.

Saleel: I've cursed the witches with bad luck, which means they're vulnerable now. They should be easy pickings for you.

Jayda: If that's the case, why don't you take them out yourself?

Saleel: Because they'll be ready for me. But they won't be ready for you. Plus, I can guarantee that luck will be on your side.

[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Piper's potion is on fire. Piper walks out of the laundry carrying a fire extinguisher.]

Piper: I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. (The nozzle falls off the extinguisher.) Aahh! Okay.

(She squeezes the handle and the extinguisher sprays out sideways, missing the pot completely. She presses the handle and swings the extinguisher around, hoping the spray eventually hits the pot. She knocks some plates off the table. The spray hits the pot and puts out the fire. Paige walks in and coughs.)

Paige: Vanquishing potion done?

Piper: Well done.

Paige: What happened?

Piper: Big fire. Did you find anything?

Paige: Yeah, I went rummaging through stuff, and I found our rabbit's foot, wishbone, horseshoe, four-leaf clover, here's some salt for that over the shoulder thing, and, uh, coup de grace, charm bracelet.

Piper: Lucky charms, Paige?

Paige: It ain't the cereal, but it's the best I could do.

Piper: What about….?

(They hear a thump.)

Phoebe: Whoa!

Piper: Prue and Phoebe.

[Cut to the stairway. Phoebe is sitting on the ground. Piper and Paige walk in.]

Phoebe: Ow.

Piper: Oh, what happened?

Phoebe: Owwww.

Piper: Are you okay?

(Prue helps Phoebe up.)

Phoebe: No, my bruises have bruises. I missed a step because I was trying to read my page.

Piper: Walk it off, walk it off.

Paige: Way to go, cyrano73.

Phoebe: "I thought I'd try again. How about Saturday night?" He is asking me out again.

Paige: Well, if you're gonna do it, I would go with Saturday, seeing as how we'll probably be dead by then.

Phoebe: Wait a minute. Maybe I should say yes.

Piper: Oh, Phoebe, this is not the time to be-

Phoebe: Uh, it might exactly be the time. Maybe this was the risk Shamus was talking about.

Paige: Uh, accepting a date with a guy that you click with. That's not necessarily a giant risk.

Phoebe: Well, for me it is.

Prue: How do you know for sure he's not another demon?

Phoebe: I don't know. Therein lies the risk. Okay. Y, E, S. And enter. Oh, yeah, I feel luckier already. (Jayda and Janna smoke in on the stairs.) Or not.

(Prue and Piper turn around and try to blow them up, but blows up part of the railing. The railing falls and hits them on the head, knocking them out. Janna falls down a couple of stairs from the explosion. Janna throws an energy ball at them and Phoebe throws her pager at it, disintegrating it. Jayda throws an energy ball.)

Paige: Energy ball!

(The energy ball orbs into Paige's hand and she throws it at Janna, vanquishing her.)

Jayda: Noooo!

(Jayda smokes out and smokes back in beside Prue and Piper. She smokes back out taking Prue and Piper with her. Phoebe gasps.)

Paige: Prue! Piper!

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Rock Cave. Prue, Piper, Saleel, and Jayda are there. Prue and Piper are tied to a tree, still unconscious.]

Saleel: One witch. Quick quiz. How many should I have?

Jayda: Four.

Saleel: Zero! They should all be dead. I never asked for prisoners.

Jayda: You miscalculated. The others found a way to turn their luck around and Janna died because of it.

Saleel: Am I supposed to care about that?

Jayda: We'll use this witch to lure the others. You still have more gold. We can make ourselves enough good luck to make them _pay_ for what they've done.

Saleel: I have a better idea. (He grabs her around the neck.) I'll just do it myself.

(He squeezes her neck and she bursts into flames, vanquishing her.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Phoebe is there scrying. Paige walks in.]

Phoebe: They're at his lair and still alive, thank god.

Paige: Good. We should call Leo and Cole.

Phoebe: No, we've gotta keep the kids out of danger.

Paige: But Saleel's got luck on his side. We've got nothing.

Phoebe: No, that's not true. I think we've turned the tide.

Paige: How do you figure?

Phoebe: Paige, if we could just turn our luck into a streak, then we can do this.

Paige: Okay, we've got a few charms, and he's got who knows how much gold. It's just not gonna cut it. Unless we combine our own magic with it. (She hands something to Phoebe.) Take that.

(She picks up a salt shaker and throws salt over Phoebe's shoulders.)

Phoebe: What are you doing?

(Paige picks up Shamus's shillelagh.)

Paige: I am gonna help you make this thing work so maybe you can get a vision off of it. You know, maybe you can see Shamus using it.

Phoebe: But I can't always get them on command. Sometimes it's just-

Paige: Yeah, I-I know, luck. Just try.

Phoebe: Okay.

(Phoebe takes the shillelagh and gasps.)

Paige: Come on…

Phoebe: I can see him. I can see him.

Paige: Come on.

Phoebe: "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat."

(A rainbow appears in the room.)

Paige: Far out, lady.

[Scene: The Green Meadow. The remaining leprechauns have gathered together.]

Finnegan: Either we leave right now and try to save what's left of us, or we stay and die like the rest.

Leprechaun: Tell your tribes to take only what they need. We leave at dusk.

(A rainbow appears in front of them and drops off Phoebe and Paige.)

Paige: It worked.

Leprechaun: Witches! What are you doing here?

Paige: We're here because we need your help to save our sister.

Phoebe: And to save you.

Finnegan: Right, sure, just like you saved Shamus. Hurry, laddies.

Paige: No, wait, please, you're stronger than that. Shamus knew it and so do I.

Finnegan: Shamus Fitzpatrick was a fool. And look where it got him.

Leprechauns: Aye!

Paige: He was not a fool. He gave up his life because he believed saving you was worth the ultimate price. Shamus was a hero. He didn't see leprechauns, he saw giants. And he didn't see luck, he saw power. Please, you pooled your luck once before. Do it again. Not for us, but for him. For Shamus.

Phoebe: For Shamus.

Leprechaun: For Shamus!

All: For Shamus! For Shamus! For Shamus! For Shamus! For Shamus!

[Scene: Rock Cave. Prue and Piper are still tied to a tree. They are now awake. A snake crawls along the branch above them.]

Piper: Hi, okay, hi, shoo, go away. See, I don't like snakes, at all. _Go away, shoo_!

(Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)

Prue: What are you guys doing? It's a trap.

Paige: Yeah, we know.

Phoebe: Prue, Piper.

(They rush over to her. Saleel walks in.)

Paige: (to the snake) Go. Go away.

Saleel: The Charmed Ones. It's about time you got here.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, we had to make a little pit stop somewhere over the rainbow.

Saleel: What is that supposed to mean? (A rainbow appears and drops off a leprechaun.) A leprechaun. _Please_.

(Another rainbow appears and drops off three leprechauns. A third rainbow appears and drops off four more leprechauns.)

Leprechaun: Now, laddies!

Leprechauns: "Marbhfháisc ort. Marbhfháisc ort. Marbhfháisc ort. Marbhfháisc ort."

(Streams of glittery gold light hits Saleel. Saleel looks up and sees a large meteor falling from the sky.)

Saleel: Noooo!

(The meteor hits Saleel.)

Paige: Huh, a meteor. That's some real bad luck.

Piper: Still tied up here, people.

(Phoebe and Paige untie Prue and Piper. Paige walks over to a leprechaun and holds out Shamus's shillelagh.)

Paige: Here. I think this belongs to you.

Leprechaun: Actually, darlin', I think Shamus would want you to keep it. For all you've done for us, for saving our kind.

Paige: Ah, you guys kind of did that yourselves, so it was your luck after all.

Leprechaun: Aye. But it was your fighting spirit that sparked it, the same fighting spirit Shamus had.

Paige: I wish I could accept that compliment, but I was just looking to be reimbursed, to tell you the truth. I felt like magic owed me.

Leprechaun: And you still feel that way?

Paige: No. I don't.

Leprechaun: Doesn't matter what brings a person, only what they leave with.

Commercial Break

[Scene: P4. Night. The place is really busy. Piper is at the bar. Leo walks over to her.]

Leo: Hey.

Piper: Leo, what are you doing here? Who's watching the kids?

Leo: Prue and Cole. And Paige is at the house too. I thought maybe you and I could spend some time together alone.

Piper: Oh, sounds great, but it's a little crazy in here.

Leo: I can see that. Pat Benatar definitely brings in a crowd, huh?

Piper: Yeah, at least I'll go out with a bang.

Leo: What do you mean?

Piper: Uh, well, I've been thinking, and I've decided that I want to sell the club. Not because I want to, but I feel like I have to. I mean, being a mother slash Charmed One slash businesswoman is just one slash way too many. Something's gotta give.

Leo: This club is your baby too, Piper. You can't give it up.

Piper: Well, I don't really feel like I have a choice. I mean, I've been stretched pretty thin lately, and I think we're both feeling the strain.

Leo: Yeah, I know. It's why I asked the Elders for paternity leave.

Piper: Huh?

Leo: It's obviously never been done before, but they spent time with Wyatt, and realized how important he is, and decided to break the rules for him.

Piper: Well, that's weird. I mean, what happens to all your other charges? You do have a career too.

Leo: Well, they'll temporarily reassign them. Except for you guys. As for my career, it's not as important to me as we are.

Piper: Honey, I don't think I can let you do this.

Leo: Piper, it's one thing I don't want to argue about, okay?

(They hug.)

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Pat Benatar.

(Everyone cheers. Pat Benatar starts singing.)

[Scene: Serendipity Lounge. Phoebe, all dressed up, walks in. Jason stands behind her.]

Jason: You here on business?

(Phoebe turns around and smiles.)

Phoebe: Actually, no, I'm not. What are you doing here?

Jason: I'm meeting someone.

Phoebe: Really? Weird. Me too.

Jason: I know. You're meeting me.

Phoebe: I don't understand.

Jason: I'm cyrano73. In the flesh, so to speak. (Phoebe starts to walk away.) Wait, Phoebe, let me explain.

Phoebe: Okay, sure, go ahead. Give it your best shot.

Jason: I just knew you'd never go out with me if I asked you straight, right? Right?

Phoebe: Right.

Jason: So I had to find a way to see if you were interested in me without putting any pressure on you. I like you, Phoebe. I liked you the minute I laid eyes on you. And I know you like me, or at least the part of me that brought you here. Otherwise, you wouldn't have come.

Phoebe: Jason, I don't know.

Jason: I'm not asking you to marry me. I just wanna buy you a drink. Come on, what have you got to lose?

Phoebe: Ooh, I don't know, my job, maybe?

Jason: That would never happen. Hey, you want cyrano to disappear? He's-he's gone, I promise. Just say the word.

Phoebe: Martini, dirty.

(He hands her a rose and they smile.)


	15. Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Due to complications, I was forced to skip 5x18, "Cat House." I just didn't see the episode as very accurate, even in canon, and I didn't feel like dealing with it.

Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)

 **Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun**

[Scene: Woods. Night. Three nymphs dance around a small fire while their Satyr plays a song on his pan flute. The nymphs giggle and frolic around their Satyr, then pass a creeper plant, which suddenly blooms. Xavier, a demon, appears.]

Xavier: I guess my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail. (The nymphs gasp and stop dancing.) I told you I'd find you again, Satyr.

Satyr: There's nothing for you here. Leave this place or-

Xavier: Or you'll what? You're gonna play your flute?

(Xavier throws a stream of fire at the Satyr and he burns and disappears.)

Nymphs: No.

(The girls hold each other, frightened. Xavier walks over and picks up the pan flute.)

Miranda: Who are you? What do you want?

Xavier: I want you to show me the eternal spring, that's what. Unless, of course, you want to end up like your poor Satyr here.

Miranda: Only he can tell us when to reveal the spring.

Xavier: Now I'm telling you. Where is it? (The nymphs run away. Xavier throws a stream of fire at them but misses. They run into the trees and vanish.) I will find you!

[Scene: A hotel suite. A dinner party is finishing up and people are leaving. Prue grabs her purse.]

Woman: Congratulations again, Prue.

Prue: Thanks, sweetie. Goodnight.

Woman: See ya.

(Prue rummages around in her purse.)

Prue: Where are you, where are you, where are you?

(She walks over to the couch and sits down. She tips the stuff out of her purse onto the coffee table. Phoebe and Jason walk over to her.)

Phoebe: You lose something?

Prue: Oh, just my brain. And my keys.

Jason: Well, I've got some cabs waiting to take us home downstairs.

Prue: I need to find my keys so nobody has to wake up to let me in. I don't want to wake up the kids.

Jason: Well, why don't you two stay here? I mean it. I got the place for the whole night. Somebody ought to use it.

Phoebe: Oh, that's sweet. Thanks.

Prue: But we can't.

Jason: Sure you can. I insist, columnist of the year. Come on, you deserve it. You both do. Sleep in, have breakfast, get a massage. It's on me. (Phoebe chuckles.) What?

Phoebe: You're just a really nice guy, you know that?

Jason: Yeah, that's just the champagne talking.

Phoebe: No, it's not. (Prue gives her a look.) Okay, maybe it is a little. But, no, you are. Renting this suite, and making sure everyone gets home okay, the speech you made.

Jason: Well, you guys deserve all of the awards, not me. All I did was buy the paper.

Phoebe: I'm glad you did.

Jason: Me too.

Woman: Goodnight, boss.

Jason: Goodnight. (The last people leave. Jason stands up.) Well, I, uh, I better get going.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Jason: Goodnight.

Prue/Phoebe: Goodnight.

(Phoebe pulls Jason away from Prue and into a bedroom. Jason kisses her quickly on the side of her mouth. They look at each other and start kissing passionately.)

Phoebe: I'm not sure we should be doing this.

Jason: Yeah, me neither.

(Jason falls on the bed and Phoebe falls on top of him.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is there cooking something. Paige walks in.]

Paige: Ehh! Gosh, what's that smell? I hope it's not breakfast.

Piper: I'm making an herbal sleep remedy.

Paige: Oh. Remind me never to get insomnia. (The babies giggle and gurgle through the baby monitor. Paige picks the monitor up.) Cute!

Piper: Cute are sleeping babies. Those kids woke up every fifteen minutes last night, and if I don't make something to help them sleep, you are gonna have one cranky mom on your hands.

Paige: _Going_ to have?

Piper: Now, where is the dried dill? I can't find anything around here.

Paige: Oh, it's in that middle cupboard, bottom right. (Piper points to a cupboard. Paige nods.) See, I switched things around. I wanted to separate the herbs that we use for potions from the ones that we use for cooking.

Piper: But we use dill for both.

(Piper opens the cupboard.)

Paige: Well, that's why I put it there, with the herbs and spices that we use for cooking _and_ magic. It's a whole new system, see. (Piper picks up the dill.) Voila, you have your dill.

Piper: Okay, but, uh, what was wrong with the old system? I mean, it worked perfectly well for about five years.

Paige: Nothing was wrong with it, honey, it just didn't work for me. You know, your mind is just a little more linear, that's all.

Piper: Well, you know, I know with the kids and everything lately that you've had to, you know, take on more responsibility for all things wiccan lately, but, um... (Piper looks around) you know, you don't need to shoulder the burden all by yourself anymore.

(Paige opens a drawer.)

Paige: Sweetheart, it's no burden. (Paige pulls out some measuring cups.) That's why I quit my job after all.

(She hands the measuring cups to Piper.)

Piper: Yeah, but still, I mean, it's not fair to you. With Cole _and_ Leo here now, I've got a little bit more time on my hands.

Paige: Oh, well, I don't mind taking the lead.

(Prue and Phoebe walk in through the backdoor carrying their purses, Prue also carrying her award, and Phoebe also carrying her shoes.)

Prue/Phoebe: Morning.

Phoebe: Don't ask.

(Phoebe leaves the kitchen. Piper and Paige follow her, Prue following after a moment.)

[Cut to the bottom of the stairs. Phoebe heads for them. Prue, Piper, and Paige walk in.]

Piper: Hey, somebody's doing the walk of shame.

Paige: Details, details.

Phoebe: I knew I wasn't going to get away with this one.

Piper: Not a chance.

Paige: Spill it, sister.

Phoebe: Ugh, okay. I think I did something _really_ bad.

Prue: She slept with our boss.

Piper: _Jason?_

Phoebe: No, Elise. Yes, of course, Jason!

Paige: Wow. That _is_ bad. (Phoebe gives her a look.) Uh, for future employment's sake. Unless, of course, you know, maybe it'll work out, and you guys will get married, and have kids, and you can own half the newspaper.

Prue/Phoebe: Paige.

Paige: Sorry.

Piper: How did this happen?

Phoebe: It was very fast.

Paige: Ooh, downer.

Phoebe: No, that part wasn't fast, that part was... ooh….

(She makes noises and smiles.)

Piper: So that's _good_ , right?

Phoebe: Yes. No. I don't know. See, I'm very conflicted about this whole thing, because it's not just the fact that he's my boss, it's just I didn't plan on this all happening right now in my life.

Prue: Well, honey, unfortunately, that's when these things usually happen.

Paige: Yeah. Can we go back to the whole (makes a noise) part? (Leo orbs in.) Talk about orbus interruptus.

Leo: Sorry, guys, but I just got an alert from the Elders. What do you know about wood nymphs?

Piper: _Wood nymphs?_

Paige: Yeah, you know, frolicking little tree sprites, protectors of the forest, always in the company of a satyr.

Piper: Yeah, I know what they are, it was a rhetorical question.

Prue: What about 'em?

Leo: Well, I guess a couple have been spotted in the city by mortals and the Elders are worried about exposure.

Paige: Well, that doesn't make any sense, because they don't abandon their forest unless they're flushed out by a demon.

Piper/Paige: I'll get right on it.

Paige: You're tired, honey.

Piper: I am. I'll also be in the attic. (Piper throws a baby bottle to Leo and heads upstairs. Paige orbs out.) Hey, that's cheating!

(She runs up the stairs.)

Prue: We gotta get ready to go to work, Phoebs.

Phoebe: But I don't want to see Jason.

Prue: Well, that's just too bad.

[Scene: City Plaza. A man is sitting on the floor playing his flute. The three nymphs dance around him. A crowd of people have gathered around them.]

Daisy: Why is he still playing this melody?

Miranda: Maybe he doesn't recognise us.

Lily: He must be our new Satyr. Look how many people have gathered to adore him.

(The nymphs giggle.)

Daisy: He's not playing the melody.

(Xavier approaches the crowd and watches the nymphs. The police officers make their way through the crowd.)

Officer #1: Excuse me, pardon me. Alright, girls, you've had your fun, let's go. (The crowd groans.) I know, I know.

Daisy: What should we do?

Miranda: Uh, flee.

(The nymphs run away.)

Officer #1: Hey! Hey, hey!

(The girls run into a nearby garden and vanish. Xavier looks into the garden.)

[Cut to the woods. Day. Xavier's brother, Tull, is there trying to play the pan flute. Xavier fades in.]

Xavier: What are you doing?

Tull: I'm practicing. In case you can't find the nymphs, I thought maybe I could try and lure them to us.

Xavier: How many times have I told you, Tull? Only a Satyr can master that thing. I don't know why you keep trying.

Tull: Well, because Father-

Xavier: (yells) Father's dead, don't you understand?! And we're never gonna get our revenge unless we find that damn spring and become unstoppable!

Tull: I'm just trying to help you find them, Xavier.

Xavier: I already did. They escaped into the city just like I thought they would. But they're out of their element. Lost without nature, confused.

Tull: So how do you know where they are?

Xavier: They found an oasis in the middle of it all. A fountain. One which they'll return to tonight when the moon is full.

Tull: To rejoice in it. Oh, Xavier, can I come? Please, can I join you?

Xavier: No. You aren't strong enough to help. But don't worry, you will be, once you, uh, drink from the spring. Until then, keep practicing.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Main room. Prue and Phoebe come in. Phoebe looks around as they walk towards Prue's office. Jason comes out of his office.]

Jason: Phoebe.

Phoebe: (whispers) Shoot.

Prue: (whispers) Good luck.

Phoebe: (whispers) Prue. (Prue goes into her office and Phoebe turns around.) Hey.

Jason: I didn't even see you come in. (Jason moves closer to her and lowers his voice.) Uh, listen, about last night-

Phoebe: It was a huge mistake, I agree, it should have never happened.

Jason: Actually, that was not what I was going to say.

Phoebe: No?

Jason: I thought it was amazing. I think you're amazing.

Phoebe: Really? See, but that's not the point. The point is you're my boss, and I don't want my professional and personal life to collide.

Jason: Isn't it a little late for that?

Phoebe: No. We can stop this right here and now before it gets any worse.

Jason: Before what gets any worse? Phoebe, we have nothing to be ashamed of. We're two intelligent adults who happen to be attracted to each other. What's so wrong with that?

Reporter: Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Dean, but, uh, it looks like those Godiva girls popped up again.

(They look at the TV and see the nymphs on the news.)

Phoebe: Oh, no.

(Phoebe grimaces and slowly heads towards Prue's office.)

Jason: Anybody know who they are?

Reporter: Not yet, but everybody _wants_ to know.

Jason: Then let's be the first to find out. (Phoebe leaves without being noticed.) Pull Bill and Jean from Metro, and get Francesca online. I don't wanna trail this story. I wanna lead it.

Reporter: Understood. No problem.

(Jason turns around to find Phoebe gone.)

Jason: Phoebe?

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there. Piper is scrying and Paige is writing something on a piece of paper.]

Piper: What exactly are you doing over there? Writing a dissertation?

Paige: No. Actually, since wood nymphs are considered the personification of nature, I am devising a spell using the four elements to try to locate their home.

Piper: Well, what good will that do? The Elders said the nymphs were running loose in the city.

Paige: Yeah, but I'm thinking that if we find out where they lived, you know, we can find out _what_ flushed them out and see what demon's after them.

(The crystal points to a spot on the map. Piper has already marked five other places on the map.)

Piper: Wow, talk about your roundabout methods.

Paige: No, actually, it's like that cliché thinking outside the box. It kind of applies here.

Piper: Well, me, I'm just gonna stick to good old-fashioned scrying to find him.

Paige: Oh! How's that working out for you?

(Piper puts down the crystal.)

Piper: Let's just say it's been a busy day for evil in the city. I wonder if nymphs have any natural enemies? (Piper walks over to the Book of Shadows and notices different colour tabs sticking out of the book.) _What_ are all these?

Paige: Oh, I indexed the Book of Shadows to make our searches more efficient.

Piper: You colour coded the Book of Shadows?

Paige: Mm-hm!

Piper: When?

Paige: Yesterday. Now you see, demons and warlocks will be under red, angels and beings of light under white, and, you know, wood nymphs because they're spirits of nature, will be under green because green represents-

Piper: I know what green represents.

Paige: Great. Then you'll just love it.

Piper: I don't think so.

(The children cry from downstairs.)

Paige: Oh, shouldn't you go to the kids?

Piper: Nice try. Leo and Cole have got them. You're not going to get rid of me that easy.

Paige: I am not trying to get rid of you, alright? I'm just trying to take point because your life is so busy now that I thought I would just try to help a little bit.

Piper: I got your busy right here, lady. (The phone rings. Piper answers it.) Hello?

Phoebe: Hey, it's me and Prue. We're at work. Have you seen the news yet?

Piper: No, we're too busy fighting over the best way to find nymphs.

Phoebe: Okay, well, stop arguing and turn on the TV, because they're all over it.

Piper: What? What do you mean?

Paige: What's she saying?

Prue: Nobody knows who they are yet, but believe me, the demon's not the only one looking for them now.

Piper: Where were they last spotted?

Prue: Uh, downtown, City Plaza. Maybe they'll go back there.

Piper: Well, if they do, there's gonna be a demon waiting for them.

(Piper looks at a place on the map where she's marked.)

[Scene: City Plaza. Fountain. Night. Piper and Paige are there hiding behind two columns.]

Paige: Okay, how much longer before you realize this is not working?

Piper: Hey, Prue and Phoebe were the ones who said they were here, not me.

Paige: No, excuse me. You were the one that said a demon was here waiting, I was the one that said they'd be stupid to come back.

Piper: And you think they're not? Half of San Francisco has spotted them.

(The three nymphs appear in the fountain, giggling and splashing around in the water.)

Paige: Well, at least it looks like they're having fun. (Piper starts to move forward.) Hold it. Shouldn't we see if the demon attacks?

(Xavier fades in nearby.)

Xavier: Ladies.

(He throws a stream of fire at Lily, engulfing her in flames and she disappears.)

Piper: Wait's over.

(Piper and Paige come out from behind the columns. The two nymphs hold each other, frightened.)

Xavier: Last chance. Where's the spring?

(The nymphs see Piper and Paige walking towards them.)

Miranda: Oh, please, please, please help us.

(Xavier turns around and Piper tries to blow him up. She blows his right arm below the elbow off. He groans in pain and falls to the ground.)

Paige: Why didn't he blow up?

Piper: Uh, let's get out of here.

(The two nymphs run over to Piper and Paige.)

Paige: First thing we've agreed on all day.

(Xavier throws a stream of fire towards them but they orb out just in time.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Daisy runs for the backdoor. Piper grabs her around the waist.]

Piper: No, no, no, no! No, no, no!

Daisy: But we need to be outside to find our new Satyr!

Piper: No, no you don't. Not when there's a demon out there, you don't. Paige, a little help, please.

(Miranda opens the conservatory double doors. Paige orbs out and orbs back in in front of her.)

Paige: Sorry, Miss Nymph, you're stuck here.

(Paige closes the doors.)

Miranda: But-but-but you're suffocating us. We're meant to be outdoors.

Daisy: We were born to be wild.

Piper: I hear what you're saying.

Miranda: Nature's a part of us. (She waves her arm and a vine appears on the door.) We're meant to preserve it, to-to nurture it.

Paige: Well, that's really great, honey, but our job is to preserve you, okay?

Piper: Alright, inside, inside, inside.

(Piper pulls Daisy inside.)

Daisy: Whoa!

(Cole and Leo walk in.)

Leo: What's going on down here? Who are they?

Piper: Nymphs, Leo, clearly nymphs.

(The two nymphs giggle and dance around Leo.)

Leo: Oh, hi there. Uh, no wonder the Elders were worried about exposure.

Daisy: Who are the sexy beasts?

Piper: The beasts are married. Now, I don't mean to rain on anybody's parade, but didn't you two just lose a sister? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, grieving?

Daisy: Oh, we don't mourn death, we celebrate it.

Miranda: It's the way of nature. The eternal spring we protect ensures that life is always renewed in the forest.

Paige: So she'll be reborn or something?

Miranda: If not in the plants and trees, then in the wind and rain that brings them sustenance.

Daisy: Isn't that awesome?

Miranda: Still, without her, we may not find our new Satyr. We need three to perform the dance or we may not hear his call.

Piper: I'm a little confused. See if you guys protect the spring, what do you need a Satyr for?

(The nymphs giggle.)

Daisy: Oh, because that's the way it's always been.

Piper: Oh, okay.

Paige: So do you know who the demon is?

Miranda: No, only that he wanted us to bring him to the eternal spring to-to drink from it we assume.

Leo: Which would make him immortal, indestructible.

Piper: We need Prue and Phoebe.

Phoebe's Voice: Hello? Anybody home?

Piper: Ask and you shall receive. (to Cole and Leo) Try and keep an eye on them. (The nymphs giggle and run around the room. Piper and Paige walk into the foyer where Prue and Phoebe are. Phoebe is carrying a vase of flowers.) Hiya, where you been?

Prue: Working. There was a staff meeting.

Phoebe: Avoiding Jason. (Phoebe hands Piper the vase.) Apparently it didn't work.

(Phoebe picks up a vase of flowers off a table and moves them to a side table. Piper puts the other vase in its place.)

Paige: Yeah, uh, well, we found something.

(They hear the nymphs giggle. They look into the conservatory and see them all over Cole and Leo.)

Phoebe: I thought there was three of them?

Piper: Yeah, the demon got one.

Paige: Yeah, but on the plus side, you got some really pretty flowers.

Phoebe: Yeah, see, I don't wanna talk about that.

Prue: Tell us about the demon.

Paige: Well, Piper let him get away.

Piper: Oh, come on, I blew off his hand, didn't I?

Paige: Yes, but the rest of him got away.

Piper: Yeah, well, okay, demons don't always go _poof_ when you want them to, you know?

Phoebe: What the hell is going with the two of you?

Piper: It seems that Paige thinks she's the lead witch all of a sudden, that's what's going on.

Phoebe: Ohh.

Paige: I don't think I'm lead witch, I've just had to be for the last few months. It's all I do.

Piper: Maybe while I was on maternity leave. But you know, it's like sports, you can't lose your starting job due to injury.

Paige: Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.

Piper: It is if you're good at it.

(Cole and Leo bring the two nymphs into the foyer.)

Piper: Where are you two going?

Leo: The babies are crying.

Cole: They are all yours.

Daisy: We need to frolic. We need to find our Satyr.

Paige: Okay, I would like to frolic too, but I actually have work to do.

Miranda: Are you always this tense?

(The nymphs circle the girls.)

Prue: Uh, look, we need to find this demon before this demon finds them. Alright, I'm gonna go check the book.

Paige: I'll go.

Miranda: Wait, let your sisters go.

Piper: Ha-ha, thanks.

Paige: _Why?_

Miranda: You'll see.

Phoebe: Something wrong?

(Daisy waves her hands above the flowers and they instantly bloom.)

Daisy: Not anymore.

(They giggle.)

[Scene: Woods. Night. Xavier and Tull are there. Xavier is lying on the ground while Tull cleans his wound.]

Tull: I will have your revenge, Xavier, I swear it. They will _not_ get away with this.

Xavier: It's not the nymphs you have to worry about, it's the witches. You're not strong enough to stand up to them.

Tull: But I will be once I drink from the spring, and then I'll use the immortal water to heal you.

Xavier: Always a dreamer. You'll never trick them into thinking you're their new Satyr.

Tull: No? Watch me, brother, watch me.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue and Piper are there flipping through the Book of Shadows.]

Piper: Demons and warlocks are red, beings of light are white. Oh, yeah? Well, what's a Bunyip? Because it's not good or evil. So what the hell colour is that? (She turns to the Bunyip page and it has a red and a white tab on it.) Oh, well, that's confusing.

Prue: Everything alright, Piper?

Piper: Yeah, sure, fine, if you call Paige defacing the Book of Shadows, for all intents and purposes, alright. I mean, look at this. This is a _sacred_ book. It looks _ridiculous_.

Prue: Well, look, these things just come right off, see?

(She peels a tab off.)

Piper: That is so not the point.

Prue: It's not?

Piper: No. She's done this a lot lately and it's not just this. The kitchen. The least she could do is discuss it with us beforehand.

Prue: You're right. She should've discussed it with us. But that's not what's making you angry. What are you really feeling?

(They walk over to a couch and sit down.)

Piper: Okay, you know what? You are not a shrink.

.

Prue: I'm just saying that this whole competitive thing you-

Piper: I'm not competitive, _she is_.

Prue: You both are. So am I. So is Phoebe. But you and Paige both need to stop, otherwise we're never gonna be able to help the nymphs reclaim their forest.

Piper: I know, I know. I just can't help but feel like I'm being pushed aside.

Prue: She's not pushing you aside, she's just picking up the slack. And we both need that right now. Maybe you should look at this like an opportunity. Now this is me talking, this isn't a shrink. You're always complaining about how you're not able to have a normal life because of witchcraft and maybe letting Paige take the lead once in a while will allow you to have that.

Piper: That's some good reverse psychology there. I'll think about it.

Prue: Okay. (She quickly hugs Piper and stands up.) Now let's get back to finding the demon in the book.

[Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige are there. Paige is bottling a potion. The two nymphs are nearby giggling and arranging a vase of flowers.]

Phoebe: So how do you know the potion's gonna work? Shouldn't we wait for Prue and Piper to find the demon first?

Paige: She won't. That's why I went ahead and made this garden variety kickass vanquishing potion.

Phoebe: You guys have to stop butting heads. We work best when we work together.

Paige: Well, tell her that, don't tell me that.

Daisy: (to Miranda) Are you sure she's the one?

Miranda: She needs us as much as we need her.

(Phoebe turns around to the nymphs and looks at the vase of beautifully arranged flowers.)

Phoebe: Wow, that looks beautiful. You guys should be florists.

Daisy: We are. Well, that's what we do, in the woods I mean.

Phoebe: Right, of course, sorry.

Miranda: That's alright. Most people don't even know we exist. They take us for granted, they take the forest for granted, as if it will always be there.

Phoebe: That's why we have to help you.

Miranda: Helping us helps you. After all, all of nature's intertwined, forests, flowers…

Miranda/Daisy: Love.

Miranda: It's in the air.

Paige: Ha, not where I'm standing it isn't.

(The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: I'll get it.

Miranda: Good. (The nymphs giggle and dance over to Paige.) You know, Paige, we think that you need to get back to your…

Miranda/Daisy: Wild side!

Paige: Girls, you might just have a point.

Daisy: You're right. She is the one.

(They giggle and dance around her.)

Paige: The one for what?

(They stand on either side of Paige and kiss her cheeks. She instantly changes into a nymph, with really long hair and wearing a green dress.)

Miranda: The one to help us find our new Satyr.

[Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the front door. Jason stands there.]

Jason: Hi.

Phoebe: Jason! Hey, what are you doing here?

Jason: We never got to finish our talk.

Phoebe: Yeah, uh, now's not really a good time though. I'll call ya.

(Jason walks into the foyer.)

Jason: Did you get the flowers I sent you?

Phoebe: I did, I did. They were beautiful. That was very sweet.

Jason: Look, I know this is awkward for you, because of work and all, but I-I think we can work this thing out.

Phoebe: It's a lot more complicated than that. Believe me.

Jason: Phoebe, we have to talk.

Phoebe: I know, and we will soon, I promise.

Jason: Phoebe, what's wrong? Is there something going on here that you're not telling me about?

Phoebe: No, of course not.

(They hear the nymphs giggling from the kitchen.)

Jason: What was that?

Phoebe: Uh, what was what?

(More giggling.)

Jason: What was that?

Phoebe: Oh, that? (The nymphs, including nymph!Paige, frolics into the room and dances around Jason.) Oh my god! Paige!

(They stroke Jason's arms and shoulders.)

Paige: So handsome.

Jason: You found them! Isn't that your sister?

(The three nymphs go outside.)

Phoebe: Yeah. Paige!

Jason: She's one of the Godiva girls?

Phoebe: Uh, no, she is not. (Phoebe goes to the door.) Paige, you get back here right now!

Jason: What's going on here?

Phoebe: Ohh, I don't suppose you could just forget about everything you just saw, right?

Jason: Personally or professionally?

Phoebe: Both?

Jason: Phoebe….

Phoebe: Okay, look, just promise me you won't do anything until we talk, okay? For me.

Jason: Talk? Talk when?

Phoebe: We're gonna talk later. (She pulls him out the door.) Okay, thanks for the flowers. I like your jacket. Okay, bye. (She closes the door.) Prue! Piper! Leo!

[Cut to P4. The band, Louder Milk, is playing on stage. Nymph!Paige and the other two nymphs walk down the stairs.]

Miranda: Uh, we really need to be out looking for our new Satyr, Paige.

Paige: I thought all we had to do was dance to hear his call?

Daisy: It's her first night as a nymph, Miranda. Let's see what she can do.

Miranda: Alright. Why not?

Paige: Follow me, girls.

[Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo are there. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are looking through the Book of Shadows. Leo is trying to sense Paige.]

Leo: I can't sense her. Probably because she's not a witch anymore.

Piper: Mm-hm. No, of course not, because thanks to me, she is now a nymph.

Leo: Thanks to you? What did you do?

Piper: I had to be the one in control.

(Piper slams the book shut.)

Phoebe: Well, thanks to me, the paper's gonna get an exclusive on her, because I slept with Jason.

Piper: Oh, good, so this is all your fault then?

Phoebe: Mm.

Piper: Perfect.

Prue: Let's forget about whose fault this is, okay? Either way, we need to figure out a way to find Paige before the demon does.

Piper: Well, it's not gonna do any good unless we come up with a vanquishing potion.

Phoebe: Uh, Paige already did that.

Piper: She did?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Huh.

(The phone rings. Leo answers it.)

Leo: Hello? (Listens) Oh. Oh. (He hangs up.) I think we found Paige.

[Cut to P4. Paige and the nymphs are up on stage dancing with the band. Piper and Leo walk in.]

Piper: I don't see her.

(Leo looks up on stage.)

Leo: You don't want to.

Piper: Oh, that cat's out of the bag.

Leo: Come on. (They walk over to the stage.) Paige, what are you doing?

Paige: I'm dancing, Leo. Do you want to come dance with me?

Piper: No, Paige, come down here. Before somebody recognizes it's you.

Guy From Audience: Alright, Paige, looking good!

Piper: Ah, so much for that.

Leo: Come on, Paige, we're getting you outta here.

Paige: I can't. I can't leave until I find my Satyr.

Leo: Your Satyr? Get…. (Leo grabs her hand and pulls her off stage.) Talk to her.

Piper: Paige, honey, listen, we _need_ you. We can't save your fellow nymphs without you.

Paige: You don't need me.

Piper: The hell I don't. Paige, listen to me. You are not a nymph, you are a witch, and a damn good one at that. That is your true nature.

(The band manager walks up to them.)

Band Manager: Hey, Piper, you've gotta get those groupies off the stage. They're distracting my band!

Piper: I know, I know, I'm working on it.

(They notice Paige and the nymphs heading for the door.)

Leo: Piper.

Piper: Paige, wait!

Paige: Where are we going?

Daisy: To our new Satyr. Do you hear his call?

[Cut to the fountain. Tull is there playing the pan flute. The nymphs frolic out of the nearby plants and dance around him.]

Tull: Welcome, my little nymphs. Welcome.

(He continues to play the pan flute and they dance around him.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo are there. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole are sitting on the couch with open books all over the floor in front of them.]

Phoebe: I don't know how the hell to find her.

Prue: Well, maybe if we knew why they decided to turn her into a nymph in the first place, that would help.

Cole: That's because they needed a third sister, right?

Piper: Yeah, well, the book also says that only certain types of magical creatures can be turned into a nymph, so what type was she?

Leo: The type that needed a change maybe.

Phoebe: From being a witch? That's ridiculous. Paige loves being a witch.

Piper: Until I came roaring back. And I didn't just push her aside, I actually pushed Paige right out the door.

Phoebe: Oh, are we back to blaming you again?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: Just checking.

Cole: Maybe the nymphs sensed that she was overdue for some fun. She has been working around the clock lately.

Piper: Well, she had plenty of fun at P4 last night.

Phoebe: Ooh, film at eleven.

(They hear the babies crying through the baby monitor.)

Leo: We'll take care of it, Cole, some help, please?

Cole: Of course. (to the girls) You guys stay on it.

Piper: Okay, what haven't we tried?

Phoebe: I think we've pretty much tried everything.

Piper: Right, well, then it's time we start thinking outside the box.

Phoebe: Come again?

Piper: It was Paige's theory and it worked pretty damn well for her. (They get up and walk over to a table.) Paige was working on a spell to locate the nymphs using the four elements of nature.

Prue: Wow, that's a novel concept.

Piper: Yeah, well, I mocked it. But if she's right, it should lead us to where the nymphs live and therefore Paige.

Phoebe: Here's water and fire.

(She picks up a water bottle and some matches. Piper picks up a fan.)

Piper: A little bit of wind.

Prue: Okay, so all we're missing is earth.

(Phoebe's phone rings.)

Piper: I'll go get some dirt from the backyard.

(Phoebe answers her phone.)

Phoebe: Hi. Hello?

Jason: Hey, it's Jason.

Phoebe: Hey. I can't really talk right now.

Jason: It's not about us, Phoebe, it's about your sister.

Phoebe: What about her?

Jason: I'm not the only one who saw her. There was a photographer at your sister's club last night because of the band. I've got pictures.

Phoebe: And what are you gonna do with the pictures?

Jason: Well, if I don't print them, I'll be the only paper in town that doesn't.

Phoebe: You know what? Just print them.

Jason: Phoebe….

Phoebe: You know, if we hadn't slept together you never would have known that she was one of them.

Jason: If we hadn't slept together, I wouldn't have hesitated to print them. Phoebe, will you please tell me what's going on here?

Phoebe: No comment.

(She hangs up.)

[Scene: Woods. The two nymphs giggle behind Tull as they walk through the woods. Paige is following behind them. The two nymphs place a wreath on Tull's head.]

Tull: No, no, I don't want any wreath. (They try to feed him some berries.) No, no berries. I just want the spring.

Miranda: (to Paige) What's the matter? Why aren't you dancing?

Paige: Something doesn't feel right.

Tull: Is this much farther?

Daisy: We're almost there.

Tull: Good.

Paige: How did you know we needed a new Satyr?

Tull: You called me with your little dance, didn't you?

Daisy: Oh, forgive her. She's new.

Tull: Well, then _she_ should be silent, shouldn't she?

Paige: Shouldn't we be worried about the demon that killed the last Satyr?

Tull: I'll take care of him.

Paige: How?

Tull: Enough with your questions, nymph.

(The nymphs stop and stand beside Paige.)

Miranda: It's not our place to question him, we only wish to please.

Paige: But you don't know him.

Miranda: We protect and nourish the forest while caring for our Satyr, that's all we need to know.

Daisy: It's in our nature.

Paige: It's in your nature.

Miranda: It's in our nature. You're one of us now.

Daisy: We're here.

Tull: Where? Where is it? Show it to me.

(They run over to a large rock and place their hands on it. It glows and the place around them spins into a blur. The blur settles and reveals a beautiful garden and spring.)

Paige: It's _so_ beautiful.

(Tull walks over to the spring and laughs.)

[Cut to the woods. Xavier is there. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe appear. Piper clears her throat.]

Xavier: You.

Piper: Hi. No offence but we were looking for some wood nymphs.

Phoebe: Wait, you two know each other?

Piper: Yeah, I was the one that blew off his arm. Wow, that looks like it hurts.

Xavier: It _does_.

Prue: You sure we even need this?

Piper: Well, that depends on how many parts I gotta blow off before he tells us where the nymphs are.

Xavier: You're too late. My brother's found them already.

Phoebe: Oh, your _brother_? Where is he?

Piper: You know, we can just keep doing this, but he's never gonna talk. And then he's just gonna try and fry us, we're gonna have to dive out of the way, get all _dirty_ , and we're just gonna end up vanquishing him anyway.

Prue: So should we just cut to the chase?

Piper: I don't see why not.

(Phoebe is about to throw the potion.)

Xavier: No, wait. I'll tell you.

(He throws a stream of fire at the girls and they dive out of the way. Phoebe throws the potion at Xavier and vanquishes him.)

Piper: _Told you!_

Phoebe: Oh, man. Now how are we gonna find Paige?

(They get up.)

Prue: Well, we can just sit and wait for his brother to come back.

Phoebe: Oh.

(They sit on a log.)

[Cut to the garden and spring. Tull drinks from the spring.]

Paige: I thought no one was supposed to drink from the spring?

Miranda: They're not.

(Tull glows.)

Tull: At last.

Daisy: Satyr? We should leave now.

Tull: Your Satyr is dead, nymph. My name is Tull, brother of Xavier, son of Naides. And I will have our revenge. (The nymphs hold each other, frightened.) That's right, nymphs, be afraid. There are no witches here now to protect you.

Paige: Oh, no? (Nymph!Paige changes back into herself.) Hurry, close the spring!

Tull: No! (He hits Paige across the face and she flies across the garden, landing on a rock. The nymphs run over to the rock and Tull runs over to the spring to fill up a water skin. The garden and spring spin around them in a blur and takes them back to the woods. The nymphs run into the trees and vanish.) No! No!

(He looks at an unconscious Paige and then fades away.)

[Cut to the woods where Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are waiting. Tull fades in.]

Tull: Xavier? Xavier, where are you?

Prue: You're stepping on him.

Tull: What? (Tull looks down to see himself standing on a pile of ash.) No. No.

(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe stand up.)

Prue: Now, you should tell us where our sister is, unless of course you want to join your brother.

(Tull throws a stream of fire at the girls. Piper blows up the stream of fire and the force sends Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Tull backwards.) Throw it!

(Phoebe throws the potion at Tull and makes a small explosion but doesn't harm him.)

Piper: Paige calls that a potion?

(Tull throws another stream of fire.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: The woods. Tull's stream of fire hits a pile of rocks. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe crawl away.]

Phoebe: If we kill him then how are we gonna find Paige?

Piper: What have you witnessed in the last few minutes that leads you to believe we're gonna kill him?

Phoebe: Just try it.

Piper: Hang on.

(Piper stands up and tries to blow up Tull but only makes a small explosion.)

Tull: Your powers have no affect on me. I'm immortal now.

Piper: Arrogant. (Prue stands up and tries twice to blow him up herself. Tull throws a stream of fire at Prue and Piper and they dive behind a rock.) Okay, run. (Prue, Piper, and Phoebe run through the woods.) Paige!

Phoebe: Oh, god, what if she's, uh….?

Piper: Don't go there. Paige!

Prue: You know, maybe we shouldn't be calling for her, maybe we should be...

Piper: _Ah_ , yes. Daisy! Miranda!

Phoebe: Don't be afraid! Don't be afraid! You don't need a Satyr to tell you what to do anymore!

Prue: Come on!

Phoebe: We need you! And helping us helps you, remember?

(Daisy and Miranda appear out of the bushes and grab their hands.)

Miranda: Come with us!

Phoebe: Oh! Here we go.

(They run off. They find Paige lying on the ground, unconscious.)

Phoebe: Paige!

Prue: She's bleeding.

Piper: We have to call for Leo.

(Miranda takes off her necklace.)

Miranda: Here, I think this will help.

(She holds the necklace above Paige's head wound and a drop of water drips onto it, healing it.)

Prue: What is that?

Daisy: Water from the eternal spring. Wood nymphs wear a drop to remind us of what we protect.

(Paige wakes up.)

Piper: Are you alright?

Paige: Yeah, I'll be alright if you tell me you got that bastard.

Tull: (roars) Nooo!

(Paige stands up.)

Paige: Oh, I guess you didn't.

(They see Tull coming down a hill.)

Daisy: He drank from the spring.

Piper: Yeah, we noticed.

Phoebe: You think you can orb us outta here?

Paige: Uh, no.

Prue: Maybe we don't have to. If we can't vanquish him, maybe we can turn him into something else that's also immortal, like a tree.

Miranda: Yes, even when they die, they're reborn into new life and new growth.

Tull: Vengeance will be mine!

Phoebe: Piper, do you have any idea what they're talking about?

Piper: I think so.

Phoebe: Good.

Tull: I will avenge my brother Xavier!

Prue: Uh, "Changing seasons changes all…"

Piper: "Life renews as creation calls..."

Phoebe: "Nothing is immune, everything transmutes…"

Paige: "So take this demon and give him roots."

(Tull slowly turns into a large tree. He roars in pain.)

Phoebe: Ouch, that had to hurt.

Paige: Nice job, sis.

Piper: You're not so bad yourself.

Phoebe: You know, you two make a great one-two punch.

Paige: Yeah, well, who's number one?

Piper: Ah, we'll talk about that later. (to nymphs) Uh, thank you, for your help.

Phoebe: Told you you didn't need a Satyr.

Miranda: Oh, we don't know. We can't imagine protecting the forest without him.

Daisy: It's never been any other way.

Paige: Well, changes are good, for all of us.

[Scene: Manor. Nursery. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo are there watching the babies in their crib.]

Prue: They're so innocent.

Piper: If only they knew what their mommies and aunties did today.

Leo: They turned a very bad man into a very big tree.

Piper: Shh. (They turn off the light and walk out of the nursery.) They're gonna have enough problems growing up around us as it is.

Cole: Are you kidding me? They're lucky to have all of us.

Piper: Yeah, well, lucky or not, they've got us. I so missed not being around Wyatt today.

Prue: Tell me about it. I miss the twins whenever I can't be with them.

(Paige walks over to them.)

Paige: _Hello._

Prue/Piper: Shh!

Paige: Sorry, you guys. I just wanted to let you know that I'm, um, going out.

Piper: _Ah_ , trolling for Satyrs, are we?

Paige: _No_ , not trolling. I'm just gonna go out with one of the guys from the band.

Leo: Oh, really? Don't you think he's gonna be expecting the _wild child_?

Paige: Never know. I just might have to give him a little something, something.

Piper: Paige and I have decided to _share_ the responsibilities of head witch so that I can spend more time with Wyatt and she can…

Paige: Rock on. (Paige holds up her hand with her thumb and middle finger down. Leo chuckles.) Good night, you guys.

Leo: Right, rock on. (He tries to copy the hand sign.) Rock on.

Piper: Don't do that. Give it up, man.

Leo: _What?_

Piper: Give it up.

Leo: I'll show you give it up. (Leo picks up Piper and spins her around. Piper laughs.) You give it up is what I'm saying, right now.

(He carries her into their room, closing it with his foot, and over to the bed and they fall onto it. Prue and Cole exchange a look before running into their room and closing the door.)

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason's Office. Jason is there. Phoebe walks in and looks at a droopy plant near the doorway.]

Phoebe: Your plant could use some water.

Jason: I'll get right on that.

Phoebe: I saw tomorrow's advance copy. I noticed that you're running the article.

Jason: Yes, I am.

Phoebe: And I also noticed that Paige's name wasn't in it.

Jason: No, it isn't.

Phoebe: Thank you.

Jason: You know, it's ironic. (He stands up and walks around his desk.) You were the one who was worried about sleeping with the boss. How it might affect your job. Turns out it affected mine.

Phoebe: How so?

Jason: I didn't buy this paper to bury stories like this one, Phoebe, but that's basically what I just did. I don't know what your sister's involved in, but the truth is I-I…. I care about you too much to cause you any hurt.

(Phoebe moves closer to him.)

Phoebe: That's not very professional of you.

Jason: I know.

Phoebe: Maybe you should fire you.

Jason: Maybe. (They kiss.) I am still a little curious about what you know of these Godiva girls, though. (She kisses him again.) Where they come from. (She kisses him again.) What happened to them. (She kisses him again.) You're not gonna tell me, are you? (She kisses him again.) I didn't think so.

(She puts her arms around him and they kiss. The potted plant near the door suddenly blooms.)


	16. Sense and Sense Ability

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :) To answer your review, Chris is actually one of my favorite characters, so yes, he will be in it, and I have been looking forward to doing S6 because of him. :) The only thing that I will be changing in regards to Chris is the fact that he wasn't treated as if he was as important as Wyatt. In my story, he will be as important. As for Leo, I have no plans to change where the writers took him, at least not until S7&8 anyway, _maybe_. In S6, I plan to be focusing more on something regarding Paige in particular.

 **Sense and Sense Ability**

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige is there singing to the babies in their bassinet.]

Paige: (singing) "Hush little babies, don't you cry. Aunty's gonna buy you a pumpkin pie. And if that pie doesn't taste real good, aunty's gonna buy some other kind of food. (Paige's date, Nate, stands at the doorway to the parlor.) And if that food doesn't fill your tummy-"

(Nate claps lightly.)

Nate: They're lucky babies.

(Paige walks over to him.)

Paige: Sorry, it's the only way I can soothe them nowadays.

Nate: Why would you be sorry?

Paige: Because normally I don't like to embarrass myself until the fifth or sixth date. (They sit down on the couch.) Yeah.

Nate: Humiliate? Why? You've got a great voice. Better than most of the singers I book at the club.

Paige: Oh, you're just being sweet. Not that I mind sweet.

Nate: Well, why don't you like to sing?

Paige: Uh, something called eighth grade. Graduation. I was supposed to sing the school song. Eight hundred people were watching, the band is playing, I get up, but no sound comes out of my mouth. I completely froze. To make matters worse, I ran out and missed my own graduation.

Nate: No.

Paige: Yeah.

Nate: I think eighth grade sort of sucks for everybody.

Paige: Yeah, mine just kinda sucked publicly. (They kiss.) That was nice. I, uh, haven't had that in a while.

Nate: Had what?

Paige: Well, I like talking to you.

Nate: I like talking to you to.

Paige: And I like kissing you.

Nate: Kissing's good.

Paige: And I'm kind of nervous.

Nate: Me too.

Paige: I should get you more wine.

Nate: I'll get it. It's in the kitchen, right?

(Nate kisses Paige quickly and heads for the kitchen. A Kazi demon fades in behind Paige and grabs her head. Thick veins travel through her head and she moans in pain. She orbs out of his grip and orbs back in across the room.)

Paige: Leo, help.

(Leo and Piper orb in wearing evening clothes.)

Piper: What the….?

(The Kazi demon heads for Paige and Piper quickly blows him up. The rug catches alight. Paige rushes over and stomps it out.)

Leo: You okay?

Paige: Get out. Get out. Nate's... (Nate walks into the room carrying a glass of wine.) here.

Leo: Hey, Nate, buddy, how you doing?

Nate: Good, good, I didn't hear you come in.

Piper: Yeah, how about that. Kinda like magic.

(Piper looks at Paige.)

[Scene: The Crone's Lair. It's dark. The only source of light is a dozen of lit candles. A burst of fire appears in the room and the Kazi demon appears on the floor. He roars and looks around.]

Kazi: What?! Where am I?!

(He stands up.)

Crone: You're back from the dead, dear.

Kazi: What? How?

Crone: A simple thank you will suffice.

Kazi: Wait a minute. Who are you?

Crone: Let's not strain your mind with too much information. All I want in exchange for your life is a meeting with your king.

Kazi: My king? He'll _never_ agree to it.

Crone: Or I could put you back where I found you. Tell your king that if he works with me, I'll serve him all four Charmed Ones on a platter.

Kazi: You're after the Charmed Ones?

Crone: No, dear. I'm after their children.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. There are boards with paper pinned to them. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, the twins and Wyatt are there. Prue is talking on her cell phone. Piper is trying to take photos of the children, who are lying on some pillows on the chair.]

Prue: Yes, Jason, I'm meeting with the syndication consultants today. But I've been doing some preliminary research and we've got Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and E. Jean.

Piper: (to the kids) Okay, ready?

(She takes the picture. The children don't smile.)

Prue: But if Atlanta folds, the south will be mine.

Piper: I bore them.

(Piper makes a face at the kids, trying to get them to smile.)

Prue: Yeah, well, I don't care if the south thinks my column is too edgy, okay. I think the south could use a little edge.

(Phoebe notices the burnt spot on the carpet from the Kazi vanquish.)

Phoebe: What is that? What is that?

Piper: Kazi vanquish.

Phoebe: Another one?

Piper: Paige is on it.

Prue: (on phone) Yes, of course I'm excited. Can't you tell that I'm excited?

Piper: Okay, I got one last picture left. You ready? Here we go. Smile, smile, smile, one, two, three. (She takes the picture.) Alright, I give up.

(Cole and Leo walk in carrying baby outfits.)

Leo: Hey, guys, you wanna do the popcorn machine? (They smile and laugh. Piper stands up and Leo sits down in her place.) Oh, yes, they do. (Wyatt laughs.) Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop.

Piper: Yeah, see, now they smile.

Cole: Okay, let's get them ready for the fair, okay?

Piper: I'm telling you, they're not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore, and if they keep growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send them off to college by next week.

Leo: Well, they will in these. Cole and I just got them yesterday.

Piper: Uh-huh.

(Leo starts to unbutton Wyatt's outfit as Cole starts to unbutton the twins' outfits. They start to fuss.)

Piper: Are you hurting them?

Leo: No, they're just hungry.

Piper: Are you sure?

Prue: (on phone) Hang on a sec. (She uses telekinesis to float bottles over to Cole and Leo.) (to Piper) That's their hungry cry.

Cole/Leo: Thanks.

Piper: People, I am a terrible mother. I am _bad_ at this. I don't even recognize my own child's cries.

Cole: It's a subtle difference.

Piper: Okay, well, what about this maternal bond I hear so much about?

(They hear an explosion coming from the attic.)

Prue: (on phone) Jason, I gotta call you back.

Prue/Piper/Phoebe: Paige?!

[Cut to the attic. Paige is there making a potion. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe walk in.]

Piper: Everything okay?

Paige: Better than okay. _I_ am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe: You're making a love potion?

Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion.

Phoebe: So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige: No, so Kazis will be stunned by me.

Prue: You're in love with a Kazi demon?

Paige: Try to stay with me, people. I am making a stun potion so that I can maybe have a date that doesn't end with, "Nate, you gotta leave. I have to clean some demon guts off the ceiling."

Phoebe: Nate. _Much_ cuter than a Kazi demon.

(Paige hands them a vial of potion.)

Paige: The potion you hold in your hand is designed to stun, but not kill, Kazis.

Prue: But I so enjoy killing them.

Paige: Yes, but since the Kazi king creates his demon minions out of his own body...

Prue: If we get the king, then we get the Kazis.

Piper: But we don't know where the king is.

Paige: Yes, but that's why I did the stun potion, so if we capture one of his minions, we can torture him…

Prue: Then the king will feel the pain and come in for the rescue.

Piper: Or the minion will break and spill his guts on the whereabouts of the king.

Phoebe: Mm.

Piper: Aha!

Paige: Okay, the finishing sentence thing, not cute.

Prue: We're just trying to tell you it's a good plan.

Phoebe: An _oldie_ , but a goodie.

(Leo walks in with Wyatt and Cole walks in with the twins.)

Cole: Okay, let's go, guys.

Leo: The fair waits for no witch.

Prue: _Oh, no_ , the fair's today? Phoebe and I have to wor-

Piper: _No_ , you will not finish that sentence. We are going to the _fair_ as a family. You _promised_.

Phoebe: We did promise, Prue.

Prue: I know we did, and I really, really wanna go, but the syndication meeting is this afternoon.

Piper: Do you really wanna miss your kids' first street fair? The kids don't have a lot of firsts left, you know.

Paige: Yeah, he does. He's got his first date, first bad grade, first backfired spell. Many, many firsts.

Prue: I'll bring my cell phone.

Paige: Bring the potions too, just in case.

Phoebe: Got mine.

[Scene: The Crone's Lair. The Crone is there, stirring a large cauldron. The Kazi King fades in and roars.]

Kazi King: How dare you summon me here?! Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?!

Crone: Save your threats. They bore me. Are you interested in the Charmed Ones or not?

Kazi King: What _exactly_ do you propose?

Crone: A partnership, but you'll get all the credit for the kill. The power, the glory you've been seeking, yes?

Kazi King: And what will you get?

Crone: I'll get my hands on the children.

Kazi King: There's a law. Killing those children is punishable by death.

Crone: I know. I _wrote_ the law. And I have no intention of killing them.

Kazi King: Then why?

Crone: I had a vision. A mere _taste_ of the future, of the children, of power like we've never known. But I didn't see enough. I need to know more. (She picks up a monkey totem.) I must lay hands on the children. Which is why I'm going to help you take out the witches.

Kazi King: How?

Crone: With this ancient magic, I can both weaken them and gain their children's trust.

[Scene: Street Fair. The twins are fast asleep in Cole's arms and Wyatt is fast asleep in Leo's arms. Piper videotapes them as they stand in front of a pony.]

Leo: Come on, Wyatt, wake up, come on. Pony. See, pony. Why don't we take them over to see the clown?

Piper: No, clowns are scary, and besides, balloons are a no-no for infants.

Leo: Come on, Piper, put the camera away, you're missing all the fun.

Piper: Taking pictures of them is fun for me. I mean, if you want to talk to someone about missing out, talk to Prue.

(Leo and Cole turn around and see Prue nearby talking on her phone.)

Prue: Hi, Elise. No, I'm not on my way yet. (A mime follows Prue and copies her moves.) I'm at a fair with my family. Well, yeah, of course I'm gonna be at the meeting. (A crowd of people gather around and laugh at Prue and the mime.) I will be there, I will be ready, I will be on. Yeah. I know, I know. (Phoebe and Paige walk over to Prue, Paige holding some cotton candy. Phoebe taps Prue on the shoulder and points to the mime. Prue turns around.) You know what? Let me call you back, let me call you back.

(She hangs up.)

Phoebe: Kinda sad when a mime is making fun of your phone usage.

Paige: Yeah.

Prue: (to the mime) Everyone hates mimes, you do know that, don't you?

(Paige gives the cotton candy to the mime and she, Prue, and Phoebe walk over to Piper, Cole, and Leo. They stand near a booth where a Capuchin monkey is sitting on top of it.)

Prue: Okay, so I have five minutes. Is there a ride I can go on with the twins real quick?

Paige: Okay, that's pathetic.

Cole: Prue, you are pencilling in rides with your kids?

Piper: Yeah. For crying out loud, it's Saturday.

Prue: I know, but I think I'm gonna be working Saturdays from now on. Do you think I'm happy about this?

Phoebe: If you're not happy with it, why are you doing it?

Prue: Who says I'm not happy?

Cole: You just did.

Prue: Oh.

Cole: I blame your very pushy boss.

Prue: National syndication is a huge opportunity, and yes, it was Jason's idea, but I agreed to it. And I am happy. I'm really happy. (Her phone rings.) Ohh. (She answers it.) _Hello_? Yeah, okay. (Suddenly, the monkey sitting on top of the booth jumps onto Prue's shoulder.) Whoa!

(The monkey touches Prue's ear. It then jumps onto Phoebe's shoulder and touches her ear. It then jumps onto Paige's shoulder.)

Paige: Don't like monkeys!

(The monkey touches Paige's mouth. The crowd laughs and giggles at the monkey. It then jumps on Piper's shoulder.)

Prue: (on phone) Let me call you back. Cole, Leo, germs, cover the kids.

(The monkey touches Piper's eyes and jumps off.)

Piper: Alright.

(The babies start to whimper.)

Leo: I don't think the kids liked mister monkey. Did he scare you? He did. He scared you.

Piper: It's okay. Is he hungry?

Prue: No, that's their tired cry.

Leo: Yeah, I think they're just over stimulated.

Cole: Maybe we should go home.

Piper: Alright, you guys are the experts. Um, why don't you orb and smoke-fade, respectively, and I'll go develop this film?

Leo: Okay, we'll walk you to the car.

(Piper rubs her eyes.)

Piper: I think that stupid monkey got dust in my eye.

Prue: Do you hear that ringing?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Paige: I don't hear anything.

(Paige clears her throat. They walk away. The monkey on top of the booth glistens away.)

[Cut to the Crone's Lair. The Crone is there. The monkey glistens in and jumps onto Crone's shoulder.]

Crone: All done? (The monkey makes a noise.) Good boy.

(She feeds the monkey a treat and it jumps down from her shoulder. The Kazi King walks out of the shadows.)

Kazi King: It's time then. I can send my warrior in.

Crone: No. The witches are infected, but the monkey's curse is designed to punish, so it won't take their senses until the moment the witches need them the most.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. A Room. Elise and three other people are sitting at a table. Prue walks in.]

Prue: Hi.

Elise: There you are.

Prue: Yes, I'm so sorry.

Elise: Uh, Prue, this is Mark Roberts with the syndicators.

Prue: Hello.

(Prue shakes his hand.)

Elise: Laura Robbins with marketing.

Laura: Hi.

Prue: How are you?

(Prue shakes his hand.)

Elise: And, uh, Richard Jean, our image consultant.

Prue: Richard. Hi. (Prue shakes his hand and sits down.) I'm so glad you guys could make it. Thank you so much. Jason tells me you're the best at what you do and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Elise: Glad you could make it.

Prue: I'm really sorry. Do you hear that buzzing?

Richard: Well, if I can start. I'd just like to dive in with a congratulations, Prue. I _love_ your column. And I also wanna say I'm not only an image consultant, but I'm a fan as well.

(Prue leans in closer.)

Prue: I'm sorry?

Richard: I said I'm a fan.

Prue: Oh! That's sweet, thank you so much. Thank you.

(She rubs her ear.)

Richard: I think you're beautiful, stylish, and approachable. That's why I don't want to alter your look too much.

Prue: Author a book? Wow! I don't know if I'm ready for that. You know, one step at a time.

Richard: I'm sorry?

Prue: What?

Richard: I'm sorry, sometimes I mumble. I said your look, not your book.

Prue: Oh, right, the hook. Yeah, to be honest with you, she has the answers, it's kind of lame, right? Any ideas?

Richard: Uh, well, I-I mainly do image.

Laura: Actually, I'm the advertising consultant.

(Prue leans in and tries to hear them. Elise touches her shoulder and Prue looks at her.)

Elise: (mouths) Are you okay?

(Prue freaks out and stands up.)

Phoebe: Uh, I-I'm…. I think I'm gonna have to leave because I'm not really feeling too well. (She walks backwards.) So thank you. (Prue runs into a picture sitting on a stand.) Um….

(She leaves.)

Elise: Prue!

(Prue runs into Phoebe outside of the room. She pulls Phoebe aside.)

Prue: Phoebe, I can't hear anything./Phoebe: Prue, I can't hear a thing.

Prue/Phoebe: What?

(They both point at their ears before panicking and rushing out.)

[Scene: Piano Bar. A band is playing. Paige is on a date with Nate.]

Nate: You look beautiful.

Paige: You've already said that.

Nate: Yeah, but you look _crazy_ beautiful, so it bears repeating.

Paige: Okay, now I'm blushing and my lipstick won't match my cheeks.

Nate: Well, since you're already blushing, I have a little bit of a surprise for you. But don't hate me, alright?

Paige: You're not gonna propose, are you?

Nate: No.

Paige: In that case, I like surprises.

Nate: Good.

(Nate clicks his fingers and a man walks over to the microphone on stage.)

Man: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you tonight, to make your happy hour just a little happier. Local girl, Paige Matthews, in her debut.

(Everyone claps.)

Paige: Are you kidding?

Nate: Come on, I thought you liked surprises.

Paige: This is a _bad_ surprise, _bad_.

Nate: Eighth grade was a long time ago, Paige. Come on.

(He holds her hand and takes her up to the stage.)

Paige: Uh, yeah, but that turned out to be the worst day of my life. All my friends laughed at me, Bobby Maynard dumped me.

Nate: You dated a guy named Bobby Maynard?

Paige: That is not the point. (She coughs.) Look, I'm already losing my voice. This-this is the sound of panic.

Nate: Look, Paige, you don't have to sing if you don't want to. You just strike me as the type of girl who likes to face her fears, not run from them.

(Paige gives in and Nate sits back down. Everyone claps. Paige gets up on stage and whispers something to the pianist. She stands in front of the microphone.)

Paige: This one is for, uh, all the Bobby Maynards in the world. (The pianist starts playing.) "Isn't it…."

(She clears her throat and tries again. Nothing comes out. She has lost her voice. She panics and races out of the room.)

Nate: Paige, wait.

[Scene: Piper's car. Piper is driving along the road. Her phone rings and she answers it.]

Piper: Paige? (She hears beeping.) Paige, is that you?

(She hears more beeps. She looks down at the phone and her vision starts to go blurry. She drops the phone. She drives the car into the other lane, nearly crashing into the car beside her. Drivers beep their horns. She blinks several times, but her vision disappears completely. She runs off the road and smashes into a tree.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living Room. Prue and Phoebe are there, Phoebe turning the volume up on the TV. They shake their heads. They can't hear a thing. They give up and Prue turns off the TV. They walk through the house.]

Phoebe: Piper! Paige! If you're here, we need you to come out into the open, and like, flag us down or something, okay?! (Paige walks in behind them. Prue and Phoebe continue to walk through the house and Paige tries to catch up with them and get their attention.) Hello?! Oh, anyone?! Hello!

(Prue and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. Paige throws her bag at a vase and it smashes. Prue and Phoebe don't hear it. Paige orbs out. Paige orbs in, in front of Prue and Phoebe.)

Paige: (mouths) What are you doing?

Prue: (yells) I lost my hearing during the biggest meeting of my life! I can't hear a thing!

(Paige motions to Prue to quieten down.)

Phoebe: What?! We can't hear you! (Paige motions again to quiet down and points to her ear. Phoebe lowers her voice.) Oh, okay, okay. We need your help.

Prue: Magic's got to be behind this.

(Paige scratches her head and side and acts like a monkey.)

Phoebe: What are you doing? Oh, I get it! I get it! Charades! Okay, yeah, yeah.

(Paige acts like a monkey again.)

Prue: You're a monkey. (Paige nods.) Yeah, okay. You're a monkey.

(Paige gets a ferocious look on her face.)

Phoebe: Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Ooh, you're pissed, you're... PMS monkey? (Paige shakes her head.) No, no, of course not. Okay. (Paige makes an invisible ball with her hands and throws it.) Ball?

(She then makes an explosion with her hands.)

Prue: Fireball! (She acts out the monkey again and the fireball.) A demon monkey stole our hearing! (Paige points to her mouth.) And your voice too?

(Paige nods.)

Phoebe: Oh, honey!

(Phoebe and Paige hug. Paige pulls a face.)

[Cut to the conservatory. Leo orbs in with Piper and Wyatt.]

Piper: I don't understand why you can't heal my eyes.

Leo: I don't know. Your vision is just gone.

[Cut to the kitchen. Paige hears Piper and Leo's voices.]

Prue: You hear something?!

(Paige motions talking with her hand.)

Phoebe: You hear puppets?

[Cut to the conservatory. Leo helps Piper sit down.]

Leo: I'll find Prue, Phoebe, and Paige after I put the baby down.

Piper: Where am I?

Leo: In the conservatory. Just try and stay calm and try not to worry.

(Piper sighs.)

[Cut to the kitchen.]

Prue: You hear voices.

Phoebe: Voices, right.

(Paige pulls Prue and Phoebe out of the kitchen.)

[Cut to the conservatory. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.]

Phoebe: Piper!

(Piper gets up and walks straight pass them.)

Piper: I'm so glad you're here! (She stands in front of a map on a stand.) I can't see a thing, and I wrapped my car around a pole, and…

Phoebe: Piper!

Piper: I know it sounds crazy, but I think it has something to do with that mangy monkey.

Prue: Piper!

Piper: Where are you two? (Piper turns around and hits a table.) Ow! Who put that there?!

Phoebe: Oh my god, Piper, you're blind!

(Paige gives Phoebe a look.)

Piper: _Yeah_ , Phoebe, I just said that. Now can we talk about _how_ a monkey could do that?

Phoebe: What did she say?!

Piper: What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything. (Paige writes down "How?" on a notepad and shows it to Prue and Phoebe.) He covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.

Prue: I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes!

Piper: Ugh, are you guys listening to me? That's just what I said. You are acting like you can't even hear me.

Phoebe: Oh, Piper, it's no use! I can't even hear you! The monkey stole my hearing!

Piper: Oh, he got you too? Which means somebody sent that flea-infested primate after us. We've gotta find Paige. (Paige claps.) Why are you clapping? This is not funny.

Phoebe: What's the matter, Paige?!

Piper: Paige? Where's Paige?

(Piper walks across the room and Prue, Phoebe, and Paige grab each of her arms. Leo and Cole walk in.)

Leo: What's going on?

Piper: Huh!

(Prue and Phoebe cover their ears, Piper covers her eyes, and Paige covers her mouth.)

Leo: I see.

Piper: Well, _I don't_. Where is Paige?

Leo: Uh, she just can't talk.

Phoebe: Excuse me! This is either someone's sick, sick joke, or someone's working on a massive evil plan!

Cole: Whatever it is, you guys are in danger without your senses.

(Prue and Phoebe look at everyone, trying to read their lips.)

Leo: Piper, you're the most vulnerable. So I want you to stay next to the kids. Their force field will protect you.

Piper: Okay.

Cole: Paige, a Kazi attack could be deadly right now. Make sure we're stocked up on stun potion.

(Paige leads Piper over to the stairs.)

Piper: Where are we going?

Leo: Prue, Phoebe, check the Book of Shadows, see what you can find out about evil monkeys and demons who control them.

(Phoebe nods her head even though she has no idea what Leo just said.)

Cole: Come on.

(Piper and Paige reach the stairs and Piper falls flat on her face.)

Piper: Oh, _Paige_!

[Scene: The Crone's Lair. The Crone and the Kazi King are there.]

Kazi King: First we wait on a monkey and _now what_? What are we waiting on now?

Crone: You're waiting on _me_. Get used to it. Unlike you, I don't charge in like a wild bull. I prefer to take my time and succeed.

Kazi King: I say enough time has passed.

Crone: Perhaps. First we need to find out if the monkey's magic has taken effect. _If so_ , you can send in your warrior while I make my move for the children.

Kazi King: How do we figure out if the monkey has done his job?

Crone: Common sense.

Kazi King: You dare mock me?

Crone: On occasion, but not at the moment. This totem was created to trap senses, but with my magic, I can borrow what's inside here.

Kazi King: So that's what this is all about? You wanted to steal the Charmed Ones' senses. Why?

Crone: You'd be surprised what you can do with a set of eyes, a pair of ears, a voice. You might even be able to trick infants into believing _you're_ one of the family. Now... let's see those beautiful babies.

(Her eyes glow.)

[Cut to the manor. Nursery. Piper is sitting on the floor, leaning against the bassinet. Wyatt whimpers. Piper stands up, feeling her way around until she faces the bassinet.]

Piper: Okay, little ones, what is it? What is it? Do we need a diaper change? (She checks their diapers.) No, not that. Okay. Um, how about the popcorn machine? That always works, right? Right? Okay, here we go. Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. No popping. Okay, forget the popping. Okay, it's alright. (She hears footsteps.) Hello? Leo?

(Leo walks in.)

Leo: Yeah. Just came to check on you. How'd you know it was me?

Piper: Well, you shuffle your feet. You're a shuffler.

Leo: Looks like your other senses are already taking over for your vision.

Piper: Uh-huh. Not fast enough. Okay, tell me what I'm doing wrong here.

Leo: Uh, well, that's Wyatt, and that fussy noise usually means gas. (Leo picks up Wyatt and hands him to Piper.) Here. Try putting him over your shoulder.

Piper: Okay. (She positions Wyatt over her shoulder.) Alrighty. Here we go. Oh, I know.

Leo: Better?

Piper: No, not better. I don't know all his tricks and noises like you guys do. And at least before I could see him.

Leo: Well, the love is there, the rest will follow. You know, it's just a myth that all mothers instantly bond with their children.

Piper: Well, Prue did, and I'm not worried about all other mothers, I'm worried about this one.

Leo: From where I stand, you look like a pro. He's already calmed down.

Piper: He has? Oh, he has. Okay, good.

Phoebe's Voice: Leo! Bring Piper up here! I think we found something!

Piper: Here, take him. (She hands Wyatt to Leo.) I don't want them left alone for a second while this stuff is going on here, okay?

(Piper makes her way into the hallway and steps on a squeaky toy. She gasps. She bends down and feels around for it. She picks it up and heads for the stairs, passing the Crone on the way. The Crone takes the monkey totem and it glows, letting her hear what is being said in the attic.)

Prue's Voice: The monkey didn't come after us on his own. Someone very powerful is behind all of this.

[Cut to the attic. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole are there. Prue and Phoebe are looking through the Book of Shadows.]

Phoebe: The question is who?

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: Hello? Anybody in here? Give me a sign. (Paige bangs on the table.) Alright, speak and spell. Tell me what you guys know.

(Piper reaches out to feel where she's going and knocks some books onto the floor. Prue and Phoebe look up from the book. Piper makes her way through the room and touches Paige. Paige writes 'News?' on a notepad and holds it up.)

Phoebe: Oh. Okay, listen to this. "Centuries ago, a sorcerer created a monkey to steal his enemies' senses, only the sorcerer mistreated the little fella, so the monkey stole his master's voice and was turned into a wooden totem as punishment."

Piper: So this whole monkey business about, you know, speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil is a real thing?

Phoebe: What?!

Piper: Never mind. Read my lips! Is there anything in here that will get our senses back?

Phoebe: Piper, we can't hear you!

Piper: Ugh. What do we do?

(Paige writes "Kill Monkey" on a notepad and holds it up.)

Prue: Oh, Paige is proposing violence against the monkey!

Cole: Well, I'm inclined to agree, but I really think the monkey is the least of your worries.

Prue: Yeah, I didn't hear what you just said, but if you're wondering who was behind this, we were about to look in the book. (Piper gives her two thumbs up. Prue's cell phone vibrates and she looks at the caller ID.) Oh, no, it's Elise. Piper, you're the only one that can talk to her. Tell her I'm sick. (She hands Piper the phone.) Tell her, tell her….

Piper: I got it, I got it, I got it! Okay. (She answers the phone.) Hello? Hi, Elise. Uh, Prue? Yeah, she's here. She's lying down. (The Kazi demon fades in behind Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole.) Um, I don't know. Inner ear infection maybe? (Paige sees the demon and bangs on the table.) Shh! (on phone) Oh, no, not you, Elise.

Paige: (mouths) Prue! Piper! Phoebe! Cole!

Piper: We've just got workers banging around here all day. (Phoebe sees the Kazi demon dive towards her and she levitates out of the way. He goes crashing into a table.) What is going on over there?!

Paige/Cole: Kazi demon!

Piper: Gotta go!

(Piper hangs up.)

Phoebe: Three o'clock! Six o'clock! Twelve o'clock!

(Paige grabs a potion off the table. Piper blows up the table beside Paige and Cole and sends them flying across the room.)

Piper: Did I get him?!

(Phoebe grabs Piper's arms.)

[Cut to the nursery. Leo is there reading a book. He hears noises coming from the attic.]

Leo: Kids, danger.

(The children's force field surrounds them. Leo gets up and runs out of the room. The Crone walks in.)

[Cut to the attic. The Kazi demon runs across the room. Prue tries to blow up the Kazi. The Kazi jumps over a couch and Prue blows the couch to pieces.]

Piper: What happened?!

(Phoebe walks over to the couch.)

Phoebe: Prue killed Aunt Pearl's couch!

Piper: Did she get the Kazi?

Phoebe: We can't hear you still. (The Kazi demon stands up behind Phoebe and puts his hands on her head. Thick veins run through her face.) Aah!

Piper: Phoebe?! What's happening?! Phoebe?! Talk to me! (Leo runs in and picks the potion off the floor beside Paige. He throws it at the Kazi demon. The Kazi demon lets go of Phoebe and he falls to the floor, stunned.) Phoebe?!

[Cut to the nursery. The children are in their bassinet with their force field surrounding them. The Crone is standing beside the bassinet holding the monkey totem.]

Crone: (singing in Paige's voice): "Hush little babies, don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if that mockingbird won't sing…."

[Cut to the attic. Leo is healing Paige.]

Piper: Is she going to be okay?

Leo: I think so.

(Paige wakes up and sits up. Prue and Phoebe place five crystals around the Kazi demon to create a crystal cage.)

Prue: Crystal cage is ready!

(The Kazi demon gets up and touches the cage. It shocks him. Piper hears singing.)

Piper: Do you hear that?

Leo: I don't hear anything.

Piper: It sounds like singing.

Leo: The kids.

(Cole and Leo race out of the room.)

[Cut to the nursery.]

Crone: (signing in Paige's voice) "And if you let this force field down, you'll still be the best little babies in town."

(The force field disappears. The Crone places her hand on the bassinet. Cole and Leo race in.)

Leo: Piper! Paige!

Cole: Phoenix, Seph, Wyatt, careful.

(The Crone zaps Cole and Leo and they fly across the room. The babies start to cry and make their force field appear.)

Piper: Leo, Cole, what's going on?!

Crone: You'll pay for that.

(The Crone walks over to Cole and Leo and glistens away with them. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige race in. Prue goes to the bassinet.)

Piper: Are the kids okay?!

Prue: They're okay.!

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige look around.)

Prue: Where's Cole and Leo?

Piper: Leo?! Why isn't he answering us?

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Crone's Lair. The Crone and the Kazi King are there. The Crone has the monkey totem up to her ear.]

Kazi King: Where's my warrior?

Crone: Captured.

Kazi King: That's your fault. You said you would weaken them.

Crone: And I did. However, I failed to account for their Whitelighter and the traitor. But don't worry, they won't get in our way again.

(Cole and Leo are trapped in a water tank.)

Kazi King: I say we launch another attack now.

Crone: First I need to know the witches aren't on to me. If they figure out that I want their children, I'll never get my hands on them. Now, _please_ , let me concentrate.

(She holds the monkey totem up to her ear.)

[Cut to the attic. Piper is sitting on the couch holding Wyatt. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige clean up the mess in the attic.]

Piper: There you go. Is that better? Okay. There you go. That's better. It's okay, baby. Daddy'll be home soon.

Phoebe: You did it, Piper! You calmed him down!

Piper: Shh, Phoebe. It's strange after, you know, I lost my vision, I was forced to use my maternal instincts, which is good, 'cause I wasn't really sure I had them. (Paige holds up a notepad with "We'll find Cole and Leo" written on it.) I know.

Prue: I'm getting pretty good at reading lips, I think you just said 'I know'.

Phoebe: She did. What do you know?

Piper: That we'll find Leo.

Prue: Okay, that's weird. How did you know that's what Paige wrote? I mean, you can't see it, and Phoebe and I didn't say it, so how did you….?

Piper: I'm not sure. I guess maybe we're developing some sort of sixth sense. It's what it must be, right?

Phoebe: Well, whatever it is, we gotta use it to help find Cole and Leo.

Prue: (to Paige) Start the interrogation.

(Paige heads over to the Kazi demon. Piper stands up with Wyatt.)

Piper: We will be in the nursery.

Prue: Are you gonna be okay to get down the stairs?

Piper: Oh, yeah. I'm getting the hang of this blind stuff. Besides, I grew up in this house.

(Piper makes her way out of the attic. Paige holds up the notepad in front of the Kazi. It reads "Where's our Whitelighter". The Kazi doesn't answer and Prue throws a tiny crystal at the cage. It shocks the Kazi and he yells out in pain.)

Prue: Wrong answer.

(Prue throws another tiny crystal at the cage and shocks him. The doorbell rings. Paige goes over to the window.)

Phoebe: Is somebody here? (Paige looks out the window and sees Nate waiting on the porch. Paige walks back over to Prue and Phoebe and mouths the word "Nate".) _Nate_ is here? (Paige nods. She shoos Phoebe.) You want me to get rid of him? (Paige nods.) I can't do that, Paige. I mean, first of all, I'm not the best listener right now, and second of all, he's _your_ boyfriend. (Paige puts her hands together and begs. She then pretends to hold a microphone and sings. She then promptly waves her hand in front of her mouth.) You lost your voice when you were singing? With hi….? Wait, how could that be? You were with him at his... (Paige pretends to play the piano.) Piano bar. (Paige nods.) You lost your voice when you were on stage singing, because he wanted you to sing for him. Oh, that is so romantic! And humiliating. Yeah, I see your point. (The doorbell rings again.) Okay, I'll go deal with him, but you owe me one.

(Phoebe leaves the attic.)

[Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door to reveal Nate there holding a bunch of flowers.]

Nate: Oh, hey, Phoebe, is Paige here?

Phoebe: Paige isn't home!

(He turns to look at the driveway.)

Nate: I saw her car in the driveway.

(Phoebe taps him on the shoulder and he faces Phoebe.)

Phoebe: Can you repeat that? Just _slowly_.

Nate: Yeah, I said I saw her car in the driveway.

Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, her car. Uh, see what I meant to say is that she just can't talk right now.

Nate: Right, yeah, that's my fault. I tried to show her off at the club, I mean, she's got such a good singing voice, and I thought maybe I could help her get over her fear, you know. (Phoebe leans in and tries to read his lips.) Why are you looking at my mouth?

Phoebe: Huh?

Nate: I got something in my teeth?

Phoebe: Okay, look, um, I got a little swimmer's ear going on. Yeah, I fell asleep in the tub last night. So I'm not really getting a lot of this, but I did get the part about your teeth, and they're very nice. White.

Nate: I-I just wanna say I'm sorry. If I could just speak to her for a second, maybe I could clear this up.

Phoebe: Not a word. Not a word. (She takes the flowers.) Um, I'll tell her you came by and I'll have her call you, okay?

Nate: Alright.

Phoebe: Goodbye, Nate.

(Phoebe closes the door.)

[Cut to the attic. Phoebe walks in.]

Phoebe: Okay, I would pretty much do anything for my sisters, but making me do that was plain mean, Paige! (Paige holds up the notepad that reads "Kazis are tough to crack".) Yeah, don't try to change the subject, Paige. Here's your flowers from Nate, (Phoebe throws them on the couch) and personally, if you ask me, I think that Nate deserves more. (Paige holds up the notepad and it reads "Where's our Whitelighter?".) Hey, do you ever think that maybe your Kazi buddy here can't read?

Kazi Demon: I tried to tell them that.

Phoebe: He _did_? (Paige writes "Demons lie" on the notepad.) Yeah, but not about literacy. Kazi warriors are base-level demons. Where's our Whitelighter?

Kazi Demon: I don't know.

(Paige points to "Demons lie" on her notepad.)

Phoebe: Yeah, I know. We'll see. Who sent you?

(No answer. Prue goes to throw another tiny crystal.)

Kazi Demon: Wait, wait! Hold on a minute, please. I'll tell you. It was the Crone.

Phoebe: The _Crone_? The Crone sent you?

Kazi Demon: Yeah.

Phoebe: Check the book, see what you can find out about the Crone. (Paige heads over to the book.) What does the Crone want with us?

Kazi Demon: If I tell you that she'll kill me.

(Prue throws a small crystal at the cage. He yells in pain.)

[Cut to the Crone's Lair. The Crone is listening in on their conversation through the monkey totem.]

Kazi King: My warrior's suffering. I can feel his pain. He needs my help.

Crone: He needs a muzzle. He just gave them my name. If he tells the Charmed Ones my plan, I'll never get my hands on those children.

(The Kazi King falls to his knees and groans in pain.)

Kazi King: He wouldn't have a chance to tell them anything if we would just _attack_. They're torturing him again.

Crone: Very well. I'll spare your warrior anymore suffering. Along with you.

(She fires beams of red sparks at the Kazi King and vanquishes him.)

[Cut to the attic. The Kazi demon is vanquished.]

Phoebe: Okay, we didn't do that. Someone else did that. We did not do that.

Prue: Did you find anything in the book?

(Paige points to a page on the Crone.)

Phoebe: Yeah, the Crone, that's what I was afraid of.

Prue: Is there a vanquishing potion for her? (Paige points to the writing on the page.) Good. Okay, let's hit the kitchen. We've gotta be prepared for _anything_. (Paige writes "Piper?" on the notebook.) She's okay. She's with the kids. Their force field will protect her. Come on.

[Cut to the nursery. Piper stands next to the bassinet. The Crone glistens into the room and walks over to Piper.]

Piper: Who's there?

Crone: (Paige's voice) Cole and Leo found the monkey totem and I got my voice back.

Piper: Oh my god, where are they?

Crone: (Paige's voice) In the kitchen with Prue and Phoebe. They're working on a potion to vanquish the Kazi King. Don't worry. I'll take care of the kids.

Piper: (to the kids) Okay. Okay. Be right back. (Piper walks past the Crone.) Whoa. What's that smell? It's like charcoal.

Crone: (Paige's voice) Burnt Kazi flesh. We just vanquished his warrior.

Piper: Oh, that must be it.

(Piper leaves the room. The force field surrounds the kids.)

Crone: (Paige's voice) There, there, now, little ones. Don't be afraid. "Hush little babies, don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there working on a potion. Piper makes her way in.]

Piper: Okay, let's go, people, mama wants to see again.

(Paige taps Prue and Phoebe and points at Piper.)

Phoebe: Piper!

(Piper nearly jumps out of her skin.)

Prue: We think the Crone is behind this so we're making a vanquishing potion so we can get her!

Piper: Phoebe, I am blind, not _deaf_. And Paige said we were going after the Kazi King.

Prue: What did she say?!

Piper: Leo? Cole? Is that you? (Paige walks over and takes Piper's hands. She puts Piper's hands on her head and shoulder.) Paige? But you're supposed to be watching the kids and you said Leo and Cole had come back. (Paige puts Piper's hands on her head and she shakes her head.) Oh my god.

(Piper leaves the kitchen and Paige follows. Paige motions for Prue and Phoebe to follow. Phoebe grabs the potion and follows behind.)

[Cut to the nursery.]

Crone: (Paige's voice) "Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring." You're safe now.

(The force field disappears. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.)

Prue: Hands off, hag.

Crone: (in Paige's voice) Kids, help, we're in danger.

(The force field surrounds the kids and the Crone.)

Piper: What's going on?

Phoebe: Their force field is protecting her.

Prue: If you hurt them, I will kill you!

(The Crone places her hands on all of them, a red light shining around her hands.)

Phoebe: What is she doing to them?

Prue: Paige, can you orb them to you?

(Paige mouths "Kids" and nothing happens.)

Phoebe: She can't.

Prue: Should we, uh….?

Phoebe: I don't know. Try it.

(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe touch Paige.)

Prue/Piper/Phoebe: Kids.

(The kids orb to Paige. She puts her arms protectively around Persephone, while Prue quickly catches Phoenix, and Piper quickly catches Wyatt.)

Crone: I've seen everything. Such power. Such power.

Prue: You wanna see real power, lady?

(Phoebe throws the potion at the Crone. She bursts into flames and is vanquished.)

Piper: I can see! I can see! (to Wyatt) Hi!

Prue: I can hear. (Paige hands Prue Persephone.) Phoebe?

Phoebe: Me too. Paige?

Paige: Can I just say….?

Phoebe: What?

Paige: _Anything_. Damn, it's good to hear me speak.

Phoebe: Okay, so we're all good.

Piper: What about Cole and Leo?

Phoebe: Oh, no, did I kill the hag too soon?

Prue: Oh, if she hurt him, you know I'm gonna have to revive her and kill her again.

Paige: Hurry, see if you can get a premonition off the smudge mark.

(Phoebe goes over and touches the smudge mark on the carpet.)

Piper: (to the kids) It's okay, sweeties.

Prue: Yeah, we'll find your daddies, you know, sooner or later.

(Suddenly, Prue and the twins flame out, and Piper and Wyatt orb out.)

Paige: What just happened? How did they….?

Phoebe: Because my nephews and niece are geniuses. Take after me.

[Cut to the Crone's Lair. Prue and the twins flame in, and Piper and Wyatt orb in. Cole and Leo yell.]

Prue/Piper: Oh, god.

Prue: Piper.

(Piper blows up the tank and Cole and Leo fall out. They cough.)

Piper: Are you okay?

Leo: The Crone.

Prue: Dead.

Leo: And you can see and hear?

Prue/Piper: Yeah.

Piper: It was strange, like when it mattered most, we could almost read each other's minds.

Leo: Yeah, it's always been there.

Piper: We never noticed before.

Leo: Maybe not consciously, but it's always been a part of what's made the power of four so strong.

(Cole and Leo cough.)

Piper: Sorry we couldn't get here sooner.

Leo: It was awful. I couldn't orb.

Cole: And I couldn't smoke-fade.

Piper: But guess who could orb?

Prue: And the twins can flame apparently. I guess they sensed their daddies in need.

Piper: Yeah, they're coming into their powers _really, really_ fast.

Leo: You nervous?

Piper: A little. You know, a lot.

Cole: Well, they're all gonna be fine. We all are.

(Cole smoke-fades out with Prue and the twins, and Leo orbs out with Piper and Wyatt.)

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue's there taking down the posters pinned to the boards. Piper walks in.]

Piper: Hmm, not going so good? National syndication's a _big_ deal.

Prue: Yeah, that's what Jason said when he told me. And Elise and all the other reporters. And I was so busy listening to all of them that I didn't ask myself what _I_ wanted.

Piper: Which would be what?

Prue: To spend time with my family.

Piper: Yay! Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Prue: To ride rides with my kids and to not be one of those annoying cell phone people that the mimes make fun of.

Piper: So what are you gonna tell Jason?

Prue: Mm, I'm gonna tell him exactly what I just told you. And he's not gonna like it.

(Phoebe comes in.)

Phoebe: Well, Prue, as my boyfriend, there are ways that I can bring him around.

Piper: She does have ways.

Prue: Mm-hm.

[Scene: Piano Bar. Paige is standing on stage in front of the microphone.]

Paige: I was supposed to sing a song for Bobby Maynard, but he didn't inspire me much. So, Nate Parks. (Nate, sitting at the bar, turns around.) This one's for you. (The band starts playing.) "Never know how much I love you / Never know how much I care / When you put your arms around me / I get a fever that's so hard to bear / You give me fever / When you kiss me fever when you hold me tight / Fever / In the morning / Fever all through the night / Now you've listened to my story / Here's the point that I have made / Fever / Do you sizzle / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn / What a lovely way to burn."


	17. Necromancing the Stone

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for reviewing, Boris Yeltsin. Regarding it, don't worry about it. You still review pretty regularly, which I appreciate. :)

Just so everyone is aware, I plan to post Chapters 18 and 19 at the same time, so they might take a bit longer to post as I have to proofread both before I post them, but they are both already written.

 **Necromancing the Stone**

[Scene: Nate's Apartment. Bedroom. Paige and Nate are in bed. Nate is asleep. Paige lies awake and touches Nate's tattoo on his shoulder. Nate wakes up.]

Paige: Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.

Nate: It's alright. I'm just glad you're still here.

Paige: You didn't think I would be?

Nate: Well, you're a woman of mystery, Paige.

(Paige touches his tattoo again.)

Paige: The Celtic wheel of being. Four elements, all balanced, all connected to each other.

Nate: How'd you know that? Nobody knows that.

Paige: I just read a lot about different things, sometimes magic things. Do you ever read about magic things?

Nate: I just got it 'cause I thought it'd look cool. I'm joking. I'm kidding. (Paige's cell phone rings. She sits up.) Aw, come on, let the voicemail get it.

(Paige picks up her phone.)

Paige: Oh, it's my sister. (She answers it.) Hello?

Prue: We found a way to vanquish the leader of the creepers.

Paige: Okay, and not a good time.

Prue: Well, sorry, but the potion's already been made and we gotta strike while the iron's hot.

Paige: No can do.

Prue: Look, we take him out, we take out his entire clan, which means there's no demons left out there to threaten the wiccaning.

Paige: Timing _bad_. What part of that don't you understand?

Prue: Okay, fine. If you don't want your nephews and niece to be blessed by their ancestors than you don't mind him falling prey to _evil_.

Paige: Alright, alright.

(Paige hangs up.)

Nate: Is there a problem?

Paige: _Always._

(Paige gets out of bed.)

Nate: What, are you leaving?

(She grabs a shirt.)

Paige: No, I'm, uh, just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Promise.

(Paige goes into the bathroom and closes the door.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are there. Paige orbs in wearing only Nate's shirt.]

Paige: Alright, let's get it over with.

Phoebe: Oh, sorry.

Paige: Yeah, me too. Whattaya got?

(Phoebe goes over to her with a notepad.)

Prue: You two summon, Piper will freeze, I will vanquish.

(Prue picks up a vial of potion.)

Phoebe/Paige: "Demons who dwell in slivers of night/Uncloak your shadows to witch's sight."

(A gust of wind blows through the attic and a very large demon with a creepy face and wearing a black cloak appears behind them.)

Piper: Aahh. (She freezes him and Prue throws the potion at the demon and he bursts into flames and is vanquished.) Ugh.

Prue: _Creepers_ , check.

Paige: We done here?

Phoebe: Yes, sleaze away.

Paige: Yeah, well, at least I get some.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah.

(Paige coughs and orbs out.)

[Cut to Nate's apartment. Nate is standing outside the bathroom door, knocking.]

Nate: Paige?

(Paige opens the door.)

Paige: I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.

Nate: You didn't hear me? (Nate sniffs the air.) It's alright. You don't have to hide in there. I know what you're doing.

Paige: You do?

Nate: Yeah, you smoke.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Nursery. Phoebe and the kids are there. Phoebe is sitting on the couch beside the bassinet and pulls two lipsticks out of her makeup bag.]

Phoebe: Okay, so we have Woodmist, which is kinda natural and earthy, or Rouge Sensation, which definitely has more of that, you know, va-va-va-voom feel. (She smiles at the kids.) What do you think Jason will like more, huh? (She holds the lipsticks in front of them.) We got this one or this one? (They smile.) Okay, Rouge Sensation it is. Very good. (She puts on the lipstick.) You guys are so cute. Yes you are. Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up, and none of that, um, that toxic poop that you like to do, because she hasn't been around babies since she was alive, okay?

(Paige walks in.)

Paige: Prue and Piper are gonna freak if the kids are not down in their Sunday best in like five.

(Paige sits on the couch.)

Phoebe: I know. I got a little side tracked.

Paige: Hey, what's with the come-hither makeup?

Phoebe: Um, Jason called from his corporate jet and I'm gonna meet him at the airport.

Paige: Ah, he's back from Hong Kong?

Phoebe: Yeah, just for the day.

Paige: International booty call. Most impressive.

Phoebe: Hey, there are minors in the room, Paige.

Paige: _Sorry_. But you know what'll be good? Prue, Piper, and I don't have to see you moping around the house anymore.

Phoebe: I was not _mopey_.

Paige: You were too mopey.

Phoebe: Okay, well, that's because I missed him, and I didn't expect to miss him as much as I did.

Paige: Ohh. Um, I'm just curious. Has anyone ever tried the truth spell that's in the book?

Phoebe: Yes, and _don't_.

Paige: Don't what?

Phoebe: Don't try it. Especially not on Nate.

Paige: I wasn't going to. Okay, fine, so maybe I was. _But_ , you know, how else am I supposed to find out if he can handle the big dark secret?

Phoebe: Don't you think it's a little early in the relationship to start thinking about that?

Paige: No, I don't think so. He's the first guy I've really liked since Glen and I actually think he might be able to handle my being a witch.

Phoebe: Really? How do you know?

Paige: I know this sounds insane, but he's got this kind of cool, mystical Celtic tattoo, and he _actually_ knows what it means.

Phoebe: (to the kids) You could be on the cover of magazines, you're so attractive. Yes you are.

Paige: I don't think it would really hurt anything if I did the spell, because, you know, it does wear off after twenty-four hours and he'd forget anything anyway. What's the harm?

Phoebe: It could hurt a lot. You never know what you're gonna get when you cast that spell.

Paige: I know what I'm gonna get if I _don't_. I'm gonna have to dump him. It's not gonna work otherwise.

Piper: (from downstairs) Guys! Come on, hurry up!

Phoebe: Okay, we're coming!

Paige: Coming!

[Cut to the living room. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo are there. Prue and Piper are placing lit candles on the floor in a circle.]

Piper: So you think the green outfit is cute? Because I can have them put him in the one with the clouds on it.

Leo: It's her great-grandson. I don't think she's gonna care what he's wearing.

Piper: Yeah, but she's not coming as a great-grandmother. She's coming in an _official_ capacity as the matriarch of our family.

Leo: Well, she's not gonna come at all unless we summon her.

(They finish placing the candles and step aside.)

Piper: Okay.

Prue/Piper: "Here these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side/Come to me, I summon thee, cross now the great divide."

(Colourful lights swirl inside the candle circle and then Grams appears.)

Grams: Well, it's about time, girls. What took you so long?

Prue: Hello to you too, Grams.

Grams: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so excited. (She steps out of the circle and becomes corporeal. She hugs Prue and Piper.) How are you, my dears?

Piper: Excited too.

Leo: Hi, Grams.

Cole: Ms. Halliwell.

Grams: Leo. Cole. So, where's the little one?

Prue: Little one _s_ , Grams. Plural.

(Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs. Phoebe is carrying the twins and Paige is carrying Wyatt.)

Piper: Right behind you.

(They turn around and Prue takes the twins off of Phoebe, while Piper takes Wyatt off of Paige.)

Prue: Grams, meet the next generation of Halliwells. This is Phoenix and Persephone.

(Grams takes Wyatt from Piper, ignoring the twins.)

Grams: Ohh.

Piper: Baby Wyatt.

Grams: _Wyatt_? That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe: Grams. It's a _boy_. Look at the outfit.

Grams: What?

Paige: You didn't know?

Grams: Well, no, I-I mean, I just assumed it was a…. What went wrong?

Leo: Wrong?

Grams: Oh-oh, well, I don't mean _wrong_ , wrong. It's just that we've always had girls.

(She hands Wyatt to Leo.)

Piper: Well, now we have a boy.

Prue: _Two_ boys. And we do have a girl. Persephone.

Grams: _Right_. Well, um, okay. Well, we've got a lot of work to do before I perform the wiccaning.

Piper: Work?

Prue: What work?

Grams: Are you kidding? I'm gonna be calling every matriarch in our family since the witch trials and we've got to make sure that the manor is safe.

Prue: Oh, we've got that covered. Uh, every demon that could attack their spirits has been taken out. The zombies, the rigors…

Paige: Creepers.

Piper: Uh, we're all set.

Grams: What about the Necromancer?

Piper: Who?

Phoebe: Okay, you guys discuss this. I have to pop by the airport and pick up my friend Jason.

(She gives Grams a hug.)

Grams: Who's Jason?

Phoebe: A guy, Grams. Don't start the wiccaning without me. Be right back.

(Phoebe leaves.)

Paige: Actually, I have to check on my man too.

(She gives Grams a kiss on the cheek and leaves.)

Grams: You know, they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.

Leo: Excuse me?

Grams: Oh…. (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never had very much luck with men.

Cole: But you've been married four times.

Grams: Exactly.

Prue: So can we get back to this, uh, Necromancer?

Grams: Yes, we should, and fast. The last time he attacked was during your mother's wiccaning. (Prue hands Cole the twins, and she, Piper, and Grams head up the stairs.) And we can't take any chance on that happening again, so chop-chop.

Leo: (to the kids) Now you know why we don't summon her more often.

Cole: Yeah.

[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. The room is filled with skeleton heads and spider webs. The transparent Necromancer is there. His assistant, Skreek, fades into the room holding a jar with a fairy inside.]

Necromancer: You've got to be kidding.

Skreek: Don't judge it by its size, sir. She's not just any fairy. She's a _queen_.

Necromancer: I don't know. It hardly seems worth the trouble. You, uh, forgot to put holes in the lid.

Skreek: No, actually, I _didn't_. (The fairy runs out of air and collapses, dead. Her spirit rises out of the jar.) Go for it, sir.

(The necromancer zaps the fairy's spirit and sucks it inside his body. He becomes corporeal.)

Necromancer: Well, that won't sustain me for long.

Skreek: Okay, well, what? Maybe I should get you an ogre?

Necromancer: Or maybe I should just devour _you_.

Skreek: Ah, but sir, you need me, remember?

Necromancer: A century ago I didn't need anyone. I was a powerful demon, a ruler. Alive! (He swings his hand and grabs a handful of cobwebs.) I grow weary of it all. Scrounging around for magical spirits just to get a taste of life.

Skreek: Uh, actually, I do all the scrounging.

Necromancer: I wanna live again, do you understand? I wanna be resurrected. I _will_ be resurrected.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Hotel room. Phoebe is looking out the window with a blanket wrapped around herself. Jason, wearing a robe, walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her.]

Phoebe: I am so glad you're home.

Jason: Well, if leaving means more reunions like this, I'll go away more often.

(She turns to face him.)

Phoebe: No, don't go away ever.

Jason: I'm afraid I have to.

Phoebe: What do you mean, baby?

Jason: Well, we just bought an Asian Media Conglomerate. I gotta go back to set it up.

Phoebe: Oh. Well, for how long?

Jason: Six months. Maybe longer. (Phoebe sighs and sits on the bed. Jason pulls a gift out of his robe pocket and hands it to Phoebe.) Uh. I got you something. Open it. (She does so and pulls out a book.) It's a dictionary. Chinese-American.

Phoebe: Thank you.

Jason: You don't like it?

Phoebe: No, I do. It's just... I found out that I'm not gonna see you for the next six months. I was kinda hoping for _jewellery_ or something.

Jason: Well, _jewellery_ won't help you get around Hong Kong. The dictionary will.

Phoebe: What?

(He takes her hand.)

Jason: Come back with me, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Wh….?

Jason: That's why I flew out. To see if you'd fly back with me. It leaves tomorrow morning.

Phoebe: Are you serious? I can't just pick up and-and leave and move to Hong Kong for the next six months.

Jason: Why not?

Phoebe: Well, uh, for starters, I have a _job_.

Jason: Well, I'm your boss. I'll make you a reporter and transfer you.

Phoebe: A reporter? Wow. Uh, okay, and how about my family? My sisters and my new little nephews and niece?

Jason: You can use the jet whenever you want. It'll be at your disposal. I missed you, Phoebe.

Phoebe: I missed you too.

Jason: Well, I don't want to miss you again. Come back with me.

[Scene: Nate's Piano Bar. Nate sits at the piano, talking on the phone.]

Nate: Yeah, what's this gonna cost? For a new thermostat? Come on, you can do better than that. (Paige walks in.) Hey, let me call you back, alright? (He hangs up and walks over to Paige.) Hey.

Paige: Hi.

Nate: Nice to see you. What are you doing way out here?

Paige: I just, um…. I kinda wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?

Nate: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not open for another hour. You wanna have a seat? You wanna drink or something?

Paige: No, it's okay.

Nate: What's the matter? Are you alright?

Paige: Maybe nothing, but there's only one way to find out. (Paige pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket.) "For those who want the truth revealed/Open hearts and secrets unsealed/From now until it's now again/After which the memory ends."

(Coloured lights swirl around him and he waves his hands.)

Nate: Did you see that?

Paige: Okay. Here goes nothing. Nate... I'm a witch. A real witch, with real magical powers, and I just kinda wanted to see if maybe you'd be open to that.

Nate: What are you talking about?

Paige: I'm talking about this. (She orbs out and orbs back in on the piano.) Behind you.

(Nate turns around.)

Nate: How'd you do that?

Paige: I told you, I'm a witch. I just kinda wanted to see how you'd feel about it before I went any further into the relationship. I can see that you don't feel so very good about it.

Nate: No, no, no, let me just get my head around this. I mean, you don't see stuff like this every day.

(Paige gets off the piano.)

Paige: Maybe... you would be okay with it?

Nate: Yeah. Hell, yeah. I-I mean, I always sort of thought this stuff was real, you know. I just didn't really know it was really real, you know. Oh my god, my wife is gonna love this.

Paige: Excuse me?

Nate: Did I just say 'wife'?

Paige: You're _married_? You never told me you were married.

Nate: Yeah, I didn't tell you I had children either, but…. Uh, did I just say 'kids' too?

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, and Grams are there. Prue and Piper are looking at the Necromancer page in the Book of Shadows.]

Piper: See, I was right. You vanquished this demon sixty years ago.

Grams: The Necromancer is not a demon. He's a ghost of a demon. And it wasn't a vanquish. I banished him back into the spirit realm.

Piper: Well, then you should be a little more specific in your wording.

Grams: But the point is, he's had about seventy years to find a way _out_ of the spirit realm, and that man, that demon, is _nothing_ if not confident.

Prue: Well, I guess we'll take your word for it, considering you seem to know so much about him. "Enjoys Clark Gable movies", "Favourite dinner: Lamb chops with mint jelly".

Grams: Well, you know me. You never know what would be useful.

Piper: So what do you suggest? That I go to the video store and you get cooking?

Grams: Oh, don't be so literal. I-I was just trying to show how much he _craves_ life, the sensuousness of it. Food, drink, sex….

Piper: _Don't_. I don't wanna hear about a dead demon doing the dirty.

Grams: He wants to be resurrected.

Prue: It says that he has dominion over the dead. You would think that would be enough.

Grams: Not for him, it isn't. He only uses his power over the dead to absorb their spirit and get a temporary fix of life. But he was always searching for magical spirits with enough power to resurrect himself for good.

Prue: Like all the spirits of the Halliwell matriarchs.

Grams: That's why he attacked at your mother's wiccaning. Now you see why I'm so worried.

Prue: Okay, so if he's out, we'll send him packing back to the spirit realm, because nothing is going to get in the way of the kids' wiccaning.

Grams: Good, and I know just the potion to use on him too. (Grams walks over to the potion table.) See, we'll need some, oh, dragon root, uh, eel skin, bloodwort. You know, I'm still surprised that you two had boys. And demons at that, Prue, honestly.

Piper: Well, fifty-fifty chance. Of them being boys, not demons.

Prue: And my kids are witches too. _Good_ witches with the Charmed legacy.

Grams: They're still demons, Prue. And in three hundred years, there hasn't been a male in the bunch.

Piper: I guess our family's changing.

Grams: Mm. I mean, it just… begs a few questions, don't you think? I mean, we've never had _male_ witches, and, you know, men are just so-

(Paige storms in.)

Paige: They're just _evil_ , that's what they are. They are just plain _evil_.

Piper: Oh, I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch?

Paige: Oh, Nate was _fine_ with my being a witch. It's maybe his _wife_ that would have had a problem.

Prue: He's _married_?

Paige: Yeah, with two kids.

Piper: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams: I told you. She should've gotten a dog.

Piper: What did you do when you found out?

Paige: _Plenty_. I mean, I'm sure plenty will happen to him, karmically speaking. Cheat.

Grams: Well, there's no wrath like a witch scorned, I always say. Care to take it out on him?

(She shows the picture of the Necromancer in the Book of Shadows to Paige.)

[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. The Necromancer is lying on a crypt. He hears a noise.]

Necromancer: What measly crumbs have you brought me this time?

Grams: Nothing you're gonna like.

(He turns to see Prue, Piper, Paige, and Grams standing in the room. He quickly gets up.)

Necromancer: Penny!

Piper: _Penny_?

(Grams uses her power and sends him flying across the room. He lands on some large vases.)

Grams: What are you waiting for? Throw the damn potion. (Paige throws the potion at him and he bursts into flames. He is vanquished. Grams turns to the girls.) What?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are there.]

Phoebe: Wait, so he called her by her _name_?

Paige: Penny. Yeah. Kinda weird, huh?

Piper: Yeah, and he acted like he liked her.

Phoebe: _Twim-gee_. That's Chinese for "Excuse me".

Piper: Fascinating.

Phoebe: Did you guys vanquish him?

Prue: No, he's already _dead_. He can't be vanquished.

Paige: But we did send his sorry _male_ ass back to the spirit realm.

Piper: Okay, let's not jump on Grams' male bashing bandwagon, _please_.

Paige: Grams is a _wise_ woman.

Piper: I'll be sure to let Wyatt know.

Prue: And Phoenix.

Paige: Don't worry. We're not gonna let them grow up to be a _slimebag_.

Piper: _Great_ , so let's focus on blessing them in light and goodness. Okay, we don't got a lot of time. (She holds up some baby shoes.) Now white or patent leather?

Phoebe: Bok! That's "white".

Paige: Okay, what is with the Chinese thing?

Phoebe: It's a little souvenir that Jason brought me back from China, when he was there on his business trip.

Paige: Oh! Business trip, yeah, business trip. A likely story.

Phoebe: What is that supposed to mean?

Paige: I'm just saying. He could be leading a double life. He could be married, he could have a mistress, he could be gay. You don't know. There are many variables.

(The phone rings.)

Phoebe: Or he could just be perfect for me.

Paige: Don't be so sure. Men are full of surprises, that's all.

Phoebe: Funny you should mention surprises because, uh, he had a little surprise for me.

(Leo walks in carrying Wyatt.)

Leo: Paige?! Darryl's on the phone. He's pretty pissed. Something about your boyfriend?

Paige: He's not my boyfriend. He's my _ex_ -boyfriend.

(Paige leaves the room.)

Piper: What are you doing with Wyatt? I thought Grams was gonna spend some time with the kids.

Leo: Well, she didn't want to.

(Piper laughs.)

Piper: What? That's ridiculous.

Leo: Really? Then why didn't she want to touch him, or change him, or feed him? And it's the same with the twins, by the way, Prue. Cole's with them.

Piper: Well, she's probably just resting before the ceremony. She said she was gonna do it as soon as we get rid of the Necromancer.

Prue: Piper, this has nothing to do with the Necromancer, and we both know it. Grams doesn't like the fact that Phoenix and Wyatt are boys, or that the twins are half-demon.

Leo: Yeah, and she makes no bones about it.

[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. Skreek places several bones and skulls on the ground to make a pentagon. He picks up a chalice of red dust and sprinkles it into the pentagon. He chants and inside the pentagon starts to swirl. The swirling stops and the Necromancer appears.]

Necromancer: Am I really back?

Skreek: Yes, and I, uh, summoned you in record time too.

Necromancer: Bet Penny didn't count on that. She can't fool me. She's a spirit too. I can tell.

Skreek: Uh, who's Penny?

Necromancer: Penny Halliwell. The witch who stole my heart. Oh, you should have seen her. The glint in her eye, the way she held up her hand and sent me hurdling into that wall.

Skreek: Youch.

Necromancer: Didn't hurt as much as the potion did though. I can tell she made it herself. The flames were excruciating. She was furious with me, which can only mean one thing. She still feels the passion, the heat.

Skreek: You sure that wasn't the fire?

Necromancer: If only I knew why she came back here. Why leave a cozy eternity up _there_?

Skreek: Uh, it could have something to do with the new babies.

Necromancer: Babies? What babies?

Skreek: It's the talk of the underworld. Two of the Charmed Ones had kids. They're powerful ones too, ones we're not supposed to mess with.

Necromancer: That's it. She's here for the wiccaning. I'll need you to get me a troll. No, better yet, an-an elf. I'm gonna need all my energy if I'm going to take on Penny Halliwell.

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Grams is leaning over the empty bassinet, touching the triquetra symbol on the blanket. Prue and Piper walk down the stairs.]

Prue: Grams?

(Grams straightens up.)

Grams: Oh! Prue, Piper, you scared me.

Piper: Hm, I didn't know you could scare a ghost.

Prue: We need to talk.

Grams: About?

Prue: I think you know what about.

Piper: Leo seems to think that you don't want to be around your grandchildren for some reason. And I'm beginning to wonder myself.

Grams: Oh, this is all my fault. Maybe if I lived longer, been around longer, maybe things would've worked out the way they were supposed to.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Grams: This. Your kids.

Piper: Oh, you mean because Phoenix and Wyatt aren't girls, and the twins are half-demon?

Grams: Girls, you know as well as I do that the Charmed line is supposed to be lead by _women_ , not _men_. And not _demons_ , which you're _supposed to_ vanquish.

Prue: Did you seriously just suggest that we _vanquish_ my kids?

Piper: Who says that what you're saying is how things should be?

Grams: _Tradition_ says. _Destiny_ says. Piper. Tell me that you didn't hope to have a little girl, expect to have a little girl, just like you foresaw.

Piper: Well, of course, but so what?

Grams: So what if something went wrong, terribly wrong? This is not the baby you were meant to have.

Piper: _Grams._

Grams: You saw it yourself when you went to the future.

Piper: That was also the future where witches were burned at the stake. Things change.

Grams: Not this. Oh, it's just that I'm-I'm worried about the family, you know. We don't know what to expect.

Prue: We know, and that's precisely why we shouldn't treat them any differently because of what they are. That's why we're going to do the ceremony. At the very least, they deserve that.

Grams: I'm sorry, Prue, Piper. I can't.

[Scene: Police Station. Jail cell. Nate is there. Paige is standing on the outside.]

Nate: Come on, this is outrageous! Look, I'll sue you for false imprisonment, and when I get out of here, I'm gonna tell everybody about you, you _witch_.

Paige: For your information, Nate, spells can do a lot more than just make you tell the truth, something you might wanna think about.

(Darryl walks up to Paige and pulls her aside.)

Darryl: Are you out of your mind? You can't just orb him here and think that's gonna fly, 'cause it's not.

Paige: Why not? Do you know what he did?

Darryl: I don't care what he did. Get him outta here, now.

Nate: Listen to the donut hog.

Darryl: _What?_

(Nate grabs a pillow and buries his face in it.)

Paige: Men.

Darryl: Do you know how much trouble I'm in? The man's got a constitutional right, you know?

Paige: Oh, constitution, schmonstitution, Darryl.

Darryl: Look, he's a jerk, fine, but cheating is immoral, it's not illegal.

Paige: Alright, I understand that, and I can't deny that I am taking some sort of personal pleasure from this, because I _am_. But that's not the main thing that's happening here. I cast a truth spell.

Darryl: Oh, no.

Paige: It's just a little one. But you know? It's a good thing I did, otherwise I wouldn't know what a cheating jerk he is.

Darryl: This is _so_ not my problem.

Paige: Actually, it is. Because see, if he goes out, he's gonna be telling people that I'm a witch, and also about my special friend, a cop who _helps_ the witch.

Darryl: What am I supposed to do? Keep him in here indefinitely?

Paige: _No_ , not indefinitely. Just like the next twenty hours or so.

Darryl: What am I supposed to tell the other cops if they hear him?

(Nate stares at them and makes pig noises.)

Paige: Just tell them he's insane.

[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, and Grams are there.]

Prue: You are crazy! This isn't about him or our legacy! This is about you!

Grams: You don't understand.

Piper: That you don't want to perform a blessing on our kids?! You are damn right we do not understand!

Grams: You see them as innocent little babies. But they won't be like that, not for long.

Piper: So you can't even _hold_ Phoenix and Wyatt because some day, some very far away day, they will become _men_?

Prue: Or because they _might_ go evil?

Grams: _They_ cannot be trusted with magic. Evil will eventually win out.

Piper: That is silly! Look at Leo!

Grams: Well, Leo, I mean, he's an angel. You can't count Leo.

Prue: Yeah? What about Cole? Look at how far he's come.

Grams: That ex-demon is the reason that my grandkids even _are_ what they are.

(Phoebe walks down the stairs.)

Phoebe: Hey, what's going on here?

Prue: Your grandmother hates her grandchildren, _that's_ what's going on.

Grams: That is _not_ true. I don't _trust_ them. There's a difference. And there is a reason that men don't last long in this family, because they're always trying to take advantage of what we have.

Phoebe: That's not true.

Grams: Isn't it? Look what your father did to your mother.

Phoebe: So we're supposed to give up on trying to find love just because we _might_ get hurt?

Grams: Oh, no, you _will_ get hurt. That's part of our legacy too, unfortunately.

Prue: You know what? Forget it. You couldn't even bless our kids with any kind of goodness because you are too consumed by your _bitterness_.

Grams: Prue.

Piper: And since Leo _is_ an angel, we will take our chances _without_ a wiccaning!

Grams: Piper.

(Skreek fades in on the stairs and throws beams of light at Prue and Piper, sending them across the room. He throws a beam of light at Phoebe and she dives over the couch.)

Grams: Leave them alone.

(Suddenly, she is pulled backwards in a blur and into the Necromancer's arms.)

Necromancer: Surprise.

(Skreek walks down the stairs.)

Phoebe: Prue! Piper!

(Prue blows up Skreek. The Necromancer smoke-fades away with Grams.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are there. The kids are in a bassinet.]

Prue: Well, let's face it. Grams would not be in this position if she hadn't sent us after the guy in the first place.

Piper: I agree.

Phoebe: Not helpful. We have to summon her back here fast.

Leo: We can't.

Cole: The necromancer will follow and if you don't have a way to stop him….

Paige: How did he get a clean shot at her anyway? Weren't you guys with her?

Phoebe: Uh, we were fighting with her.

Paige: Fighting? About what?

Piper: Yeah, later.

Prue: Let's just focus on the vanquishing and the saving.

Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't know how to. I mean, it's not like we can even vanquish him. He's a _ghost_.

Paige: Well, ghosts can still feel pain. Maybe I can just orb his testicles somewhere.

Piper: Paige, there will be no talk of testicle orbing in front of the children.

Leo: And not around the daddy either.

Cole: Right.

Paige: Oh, criminy, I'm just trying to help.

(Cole and Leo take the kids and leave the room. Phoebe moves closer to the Book of Shadows, which is sitting on the coffee table.)

Phoebe: Okay, there's got to be a weakness in here somewhere. I mean, he must have a weakness, right?

Piper: Well, do mint jelly and Clark Gable movies count? She wrote it.

Prue: _Oh my god_. That's why she's so obsessed with him. Grams was the Necromancer's lover.

(Piper and Phoebe gasp.)

Paige: That's disgusting.

Piper: Oh, no, I think Prue's right. That would explain everything. Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?

Prue: Right.

Piper: Okay, so now she's dead.

Prue: Right.

Paige: You sound so happy about that.

Phoebe: No, that's not what they mean. The ghost vanquishing spell.

(Phoebe flips through the Book of Shadows.)

Prue: You've gotta be dead to use it, right?

Phoebe: It's worth a shot.

[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. Grams is lying on a crypt asleep. The Necromancer stands beside her and leans in.]

Necromancer: Your spirit is strong, Penny. Almost strong enough to sustain us both. Almost. (He moves away from her.) Awaken. (Grams wakes up and sits up.) No need to worry, Penny, you're safe here. (Grams holds up her hands, ready to use her power.) Ah-ah-ah. You're well aware of my powers, Penny. I covet your spirit, and any spirit I covet, I control.

Grams: You son of a-!

Necromancer: Shh! Of course, you know, the more you fight me, the more I know that you still love me.

Grams: Are you crazy? I _hate_ you!

Necromancer: Yes. But you only hate me because you once loved me. After all, we only hate those who've gotten close to us, don't we? Those who've gotten close enough to touch our hearts.

Grams: You used me. You preyed on my affections just to get to my family.

Necromancer: And for that I am truly, truly sorry. I was just trying to survive. I never intended to fall in love with you either.

Grams: What do you want, Armand?

Necromancer: What I wanted then. Life! With _you_! Think about it. Think about it, Penny. There's enough magic in the Halliwell line to resurrect us _both_. To give us a second chance together. All you have to do is to call up the spirits of the matriarchs. I'll do the rest.

Grams: No, no. You'll never make me do _that_.

Necromancer: I can if I have to.

Grams: I'll tell my granddaughters. They will destroy you! (He waves his hands and Grams gets a loud ringing in her ears. She gasps. The ringing stops.) Oh. Oh, you haven't changed one bit.

Necromancer: Isn't that why you loved me? Because I was dangerous, exciting, why your heart beats a little faster when I'm near you. Or when I do this. (He kisses her.) You still love me, Penny. You know it and I know it. And you're going to help us both to live again. _Forever_.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Piper lights five candles that are sitting on the floor in a circle.]

Prue: Alright. As soon as we summon her, we've gotta get her straight to the book, because the Necromancer's gonna be right behind her.

Paige: All over it.

Piper: Alright, let's do this. (The doorbell rings. Phoebe walks over to the window.) Who is that?

Phoebe: It's Jason.

Paige: Guys really do have bad timing, don't they?

Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda owe him an answer.

Piper: Answer to what?

Phoebe: He asked me to go back to Hong Kong with him. To live. (The doorbell rings again.) I'll be right back.

(She leaves the room.)

[Cut to the foyer. Leo answers the door.]

Leo: Sorry, Jason, now's not really a good time.

Jason: Please. I need to talk to her and I don't have much time.

(Phoebe walks into the foyer.)

Phoebe: It's okay, Leo.

Leo: But what about….?

Phoebe: Don't worry about it. (Leo leaves the foyer.) Come in, come in.

(Jason walks in and Phoebe closes the door.)

Jason: Hi.

Phoebe: Hi.

Jason: Uh, listen, Phoebe, I've been thinking.

Phoebe: Yeah, me too.

Jason: I shouldn't have asked you to come with me like that.

Phoebe: You shouldn't've?

Jason: It's not that I don't want you to, I do. I just I think I sorta blindsided you with it and I feel bad about it...

Phoebe: Jason-

Jason: And-and-and it was unfair of me to spring it on you like that knowing how close you are to your family, and...

Phoebe: That's really sweet, but-

Jason: I just… I don't want to pressure you into deciding, and I wanted you to know that if-if you need more time to think about it-

Phoebe: I don't.

Jason: You don't?

Phoebe: No, I don't. I do love my family, and I don't wanna leave them, but I think if I don't, at least for a little while, then I'm gonna wind up like my grandmother and I don't want that.

Jason: I don't think I understand.

Phoebe: You don't have to understand. What time does the plane leave?

Jason: Ten. In the morning.

Phoebe: I'll be there.

Jason: Yeah?

Phoebe: Yeah!

Jason: Yeah?

Phoebe: Yeah! (They kiss each other's cheeks and they move towards the door.) Okay.

Jason: Okay.

(Phoebe opens the door.)

Phoebe: Okay.

Jason: Alright.

(The kiss again and Jason leaves. Phoebe grins.)

[Cut to the attic. Prue, Piper, and Paige are looking out the window.]

Piper: Go on, go on.

(They quickly race to the center of the room. Phoebe walks in.)

Paige: Well?

Phoebe: How do you guys feel about intercontinental orbing?

Piper: We'll talk about that later.

(Prue hands Phoebe a piece of paper.)

Prue: Read.

Phoebe: "Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side/Come to me, I summon thee, cross now the great divide."

[Cut to the Necromancer's Catacombs. Grams hears their call.]

Necromancer: They're calling you, my love. Oh, don't, don't-don't try to fight it. You have no choice but to do as I wish.

(Grams disappears in a swirl of bright lights.)

[Cut to the manor. Attic. Grams appears in a swirl of bright lights.]

Paige: Welcome back, Grams.

Grams: Girls-

Piper: No time for apologies. Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.

(They take Grams over to the Book of Shadows.)

Phoebe: That is a spell to vanquish a ghost. But only a ghost can read it, and that's you.

Grams: You shouldn't have done this.

Piper: Oh, come on, Grams, we're not _that_ mad.

Prue: We're not?

Grams: You will be.

Prue: Grams, he's gonna be here any second.

Grams: I know, I know. It's just that I don't think that-

(Grams get a painful ringing in her ears. She gasps.)

Phoebe: Are you alright?

Grams: Yes. I never meant to hurt you, or the kids.

Prue: Right, okay, look, we kind of need to focus on the demon at hand here, okay?

(A gust of wind blows through the attic.)

Paige: Whoa. Incoming!

(The Necromancer smoke-fades in.)

Prue: Now, Grams!

Piper: Grams, read the spell.

Necromancer: Don't bother. She's with me now. (He moves closer to Grams.) It's time, dear.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Continued from before.]

Phoebe: Prue, Piper, blow him up or something.

Piper: The ghost? You want us to blow up the ghost? He's already dead.

Grams: "I call forth from space and time/Matriarchs from the Halliwell line..."

Phoebe: Paige, the truth spell. Use it on Grams.

Grams: "Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends…"

Paige: "For those who want the truth revealed/Open hearts and secrets unsealed..."

Grams: "Our family's spirit without end..."

Paige: "From now until it's now again/After which the memory ends."

Grams: "Gather now in this sacred place..."

(Coloured lights appear around Grams.)

Necromancer: Penny, finish the spell.

Phoebe: Grams, tell him how you really feel about him. Tell him the truth.

Grams: I love you.

Paige: Any other bright ideas?

Grams: And now I know that you didn't just use me, that you really did love me too.

Necromancer: I still do.

Grams: I know. But the truth is that our love isn't nearly as powerful as the love I have for my family. "Ashes to ashes, spirit to spirit..."

Necromancer: Penny….

Grams: "Take his soul..."

Necromancer: Penny, what are you doing?

Grams: "Banish this evil." (The Necromancer is vanquished.) I am so sorry. I never realized how much my anger, my bitterness, affected my life, or yours. And I'm most sorry for what I did to my great-grandchildren, and you two. And if ever I wanted a second chance, it would be with them, and the both of you. (Prue and Piper smile and hug Grams.) Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't _ever_ give up on love.

[Scene: Police Station. Jail cell. Nate is still there. Paige stands on the outside.]

Nate: Paige, you gotta let me out of here sometime. You can't keep me in here forever.

Paige: Don't worry about it. When the spell wears off, you won't remember a single thing. Although, I've got a couple of things I'd like to say to you before it does.

Darryl: Say it fast, will you?

Paige: Oh, shush.

Nate: You know, Paige, I've been thinking. I've been in here a long time and I realize what I did to you was really wrong. I hope you're buying this.

Paige: You know, I thought you would have a problem with magic. I didn't think you would _be_ a problem on a _basic human_ level.

Nate: Look, I was gonna tell you about Morgan and the kids at some point. No, I wasn't.

Paige: For what it's worth, Nate, I don't hate you. You're just too pathetic. It doesn't matter anyway. It's gonna be over in like a second.

(Coloured lights appear around Nate.)

Nate: What happened? Why am I in jail?

Paige: I don't know. Why don't you ask your wife?

(Paige storms off. Darryl laughs.)

Nate: What's so funny?

Darryl: You'll never know. (He opens the cell door.) A little friendly advice. Don't ask any questions, don't call Paige, and walk away as fast as you can.

Nate: Is that a threat?

(He walks out of the cell.)

Darryl: Actually, Nate, it is.

[Scene: Airport. Jason is standing near his private jet. A woman walks over to him.]

Woman: I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but if we don't leave very soon, you're gonna miss your meeting.

Jason: I know, I know.

(She walks away. Jason turns towards the jet. Phoebe comes running towards Jason.)

Phoebe: Jason!

Jason: Phoebe. Wow, you're cutting it pretty close, aren't you? Where are your bags?

Phoebe: Jason….

Jason: You're not coming, are you?

Phoebe: No, I'm not. I want to, more than you know.

Jason: Well, then why don't you?

Phoebe: It's hard to explain. I-I just feel like, for now at least, that my place is here, you know, that this is where I need to be. Not forever. I mean, god, I hope not forever. Just for now.

Jason: I guess I should've gotten you jewellery after all.

(They kiss.)

Phoebe: Hurry back.

(Jason gets on the jet.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. The room is lit by candles. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, Grams, and the kids are there. The kids are in a bassinet dressed in white wiccaning outfits.]

Grams: You know, I think Phoenix and Wyatt look a little like your grandfather. Oh, trust me, that's a good thing. He was a good man.

Phoebe: Nice to know.

Paige: Shall we?

Grams: I call forth from space and time/Matriarchs from the Halliwell line/Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends/Our family's spirit without end/To gather now in this sacred place/And help us bring this child to grace." (Matriarch spirits from different time periods appear in the room. Grams turns to the matriarchs.) The next generation has been born into our family, our legacy. We pledge to be with these children, these beautiful children, always. Apart but never separate, free but never alone. They are a part of us, and because of that, we will bless them with all the goodness that we are. Welcome to the family, Phoenix Langdon Halliwell, Persephone Amethyst Halliwell, and Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. (She kisses the kids on their cheeks.) Blessed be.

Matriarchs: Blessed be.

Prue/Piper/Cole/Leo: Blessed be.

Phoebe/Paige: Blessed be.

Grams: Take good care of my great-grandchildren.

(Grams steps back and stands beside the other matriarchs. They all disappear.)


	18. Oh My Goddess! Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Oh My Goddess! Part 1**

[Scene: P4. Night. Prue is sitting at a table with a guy.]

Prue: I am _really_ glad Elise made me call you. You're exactly the kind of guy I've been looking for.

Guy: Is that so?

Phoebe: Oh, it is _so_ so. You're cute, you're sweet, you're smart. And from what I hear, you're raking in the dough.

Guy: Well, you have quite the way with words, don't you?

Prue: Yeah, well, when it comes to helping needy children, I'm shameless. Come on, Evan, _please_ do the charity auction. It'll be fun.

Evan: It'll be fun to be auctioned off like a side of beef?

(They laugh.)

Prue: Yeah, well, it's not like we're asking you to marry the highest bidder. It's just, you know, one little date. And one little tax deductible donation, you know, to match your lady's bid.

(She shows him a clipboard and he writes his name down.)

[Cut to Paige and a guy sitting at the bar.]

Guy #2: Then I graduated from Stanford law in '98.

Paige: Harvard law. Hm, that's impressive. So, um, do you want to give to a charity or what?

Guy: I said Stanford, not Harvard.

Paige: Let me ask you something. Have you been having any kind of end of the world, fire and brimstone, doomsday kind of dreams lately?

Guy: Wait a minute. Is this some sort of religious charity?

Paige: Huh?

(Prue and Phoebe walk up to them.)

Prue: No, it's not. It's for children.

Guy: Right. Yeah. Hey, to each his own, but I'm not into the whole fire and brimstone thing.

(The guy walks away.)

Prue: Paige, you're supposed to be _flirting_ with the bachelors, not _frightening_ them.

Paige: I'm _sorry_. I guess I'm just a little off.

Phoebe: Well, my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong. I'm thoroughly depressed. But I still managed to sign up _six_ people.

Prue: I got seven. And you have….

Paige: I have none people.

Phoebe: _None_ people.

Prue: Paige, I know you've been in a bad mood, but this is getting a little crazy.

Paige: What? I've barely slept all week. I keep having these strange dreams about ancient wars and weird magic. It's all very disturbing.

Phoebe: Do you think they mean something?

Paige: I don't know. It could be hormones. More likely, it could be my subconscious trying to tell me something.

[Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. A cave. A demon kneels before two huge frozen people. The demon reads from a scroll.]

Demon: "Emergo dormio libertas cæles dicio. Emergo dormio libertas cæles dicio." (The ice surrounding the people starts to crackle. Suddenly, the ice explodes, knocking the demon backwards. The people are free - Titans from Ancient Greece.) It worked. You're alive.

(The demon stands up.)

Male Titan: How long?

Demon: How long? Three thousand years, give or take a century.

Female Titan: What?!

(A pot across the room bursts into flames.)

Male Titan: Who are you?

Demon: Me? I'm the demon who spent _decades_ trying to free you. Now you're going to return the favor. It wasn't easy either. The world's forgotten about you. But I had a vision. If I could somehow revive you, I could use your power to bring myself to glory, and rule the underworld as I was always meant to.

(The male titan zaps the demon and vanquishes him.)

Male Titan: _Imbecile._

(The female titan smiles.)

Female Titan: Ah, I love it when you smite so unexpectedly.

(They kiss passionately.)

Male Titan: We have to find Cronus, and free him as well.

Female Titan: Do we have to? You know he'll be furious.

Male Titan: I am counting on it.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are there. Prue and Piper are sitting on chairs and fanning themselves with sheets of paper. Phoebe opens the doors to the yard.]

Phoebe: For the love of everything good and pure, why have we never bothered to get air conditioning?!

Prue: Because we live in San Francisco where the temperature rarely goes above 75º.

Phoebe: Okay, well, it's at 90 now, can we get one today, please?

Piper: Yeah, we could, if it was not for this little expenditure here.

(Piper hands her the phone bill.)

Phoebe: Uh-oh. _Yeah_ , that's a lot of phone calls to Hong Kong.

Prue: Yes, it is.

Phoebe: Okay, before you two start yelling, let me just explain to you that I'm trying to figure out where Jason and I stand, and to do that, it requires a lot of phone calls. You're gonna throw those glass at me, aren't you?

Piper: No, honey, we get it. You know, it is a very _big_ phone bill, but if you have to choose between true love and air conditioning, I'd say it's a no brainer.

Phoebe: Who are you and what have you done to my sisters?

Prue: What?

Piper: We can't be in a good mood?

Phoebe: No. _Mary Poppins_ wouldn't be in a good mood in this kind of heat.

Piper: Well, the kids are finally sleeping through the night, and our hormones are back in wack and, you know, we are finally…

Phoebe: Back in the saddle?

Prue: So to speak.

Phoebe: Yay you. _God_ , I miss sex.

Piper: I gotta tell you, life is feeling pretty damn good at the moment.

Phoebe: So where are your lucky husbands and my perfect nephews and niece?

Piper: They are shopping for presents for Darryl's son.

Phoebe: Look at you. You're like soccer moms. Dare I say it, Piper, your life is almost _normal_.

(Paige walks in.)

Paige: There is nothing normal about this heat.

Phoebe: Good morning, sunshine.

Paige: Oh, save the quips and pass the caffeine. I have work to do.

(Phoebe hands Paige a glass of iced tea.)

Piper: What are you gonna do? Scry for mother nature and have a wiccan word with her?

Paige: Okay, you're way too perky, alright, and you're frightening me. I'm just saying.

Prue: So you think this weather's demonic?

Paige: _I don't know_. There's just something _weird_. I keep waking up all week long with these fiery dreams. What am I supposed to think?

Piper: Uh-oh, you're not getting like a god complex or something, are you? 'Cause, you know, they've got medication for that.

Paige: I didn't say my dreams _caused_ it. I'm just... I don't know what I'm saying.

Phoebe: Honey, maybe you need to get out of the house a little more.

Paige: Well, this isn't just me being obsessive…. Okay, maybe a little bit. But it's not just psychological or emotional. I _really, really_ think there's something…

Prue: Magical.

Paige: Yeah, for lack of a better term. Listen, I don't wanna be a downer, but I'm gonna go hit the book so that I can go figure out what the _hell_ is going on.

(Paige leaves the room.)

Phoebe: Should we be worried?

Prue: I don't think so.

Piper: I just wish she'd stop looking for trouble, 'cause with our luck, she's gonna find it.

[Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. The two titans are standing in front of a frozen Cronus, another Titan. The male titan is melting the ice with his power.]

Male Titan: There he is, as wrathful as ever.

Female Titan: All the more reason to leave him be.

Male Titan: Careful, Meta.

Meta: Demitrius, I'm telling you, we don't need him. We have more than enough power to rule without him. You know that. Just imagine, a new plague every day, a monsoon every week. It would be devastating.

(Demitrius chuckles.)

Demitrius: Nevertheless, we will need his strength to revenge our captors, and _that_ is something we _all_ want. Oh, now don't pout, Meta. You might start a hurricane and alert them. (He kisses her.) Now, go and find the Whitelighters. Won't be long before I free Cronus and you know how impatient he can get.

(Meta whirls away. Demitrius turns into a tornado and floats into the sky, turning into dark clouds. A lightning bolt flashes down and hits the ice surrounding Cronus.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Park. A birthday party. Prue, Piper, Cole, and Leo are sitting on chairs with the twins and Wyatt beside them in a stroller that fits three. Darryl is cooking some sausages on the barbeque. Darryl's son runs up to him.]

Leo: Wyatt?

Darryl's Son: Daddy! Daddy! Show us your trick!

Darryl: Trick? I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about. (Darryl kneels down in front of his son.) Hold on a second. Wait. You have something in your ear.

Darryl's Son: I do?! (Darryl reaches behind his son's ear and pulls out a coin.) Yeah.

(Darryl's son gives him a hug.)

Cole: You call that magic?

(Cole and Leo laugh. Prue and Piper playfully hit them on the arms. Darryl's wife, Sheila, walks over to them.)

Sheila: Okay. Who wants hot dogs?

(Cole and Leo put their arms around Prue and Piper and they cuddle happily.)

Darryl: Let me guess. First time the babies slept all night, huh?

Prue: How'd you know?

Darryl: First few months after my kid was born was rough, you know. No sleep, no time for each other.

Piper: Sounds familiar.

Sheila: Yeah, but right about three, four months, things started to level off. Really good again.

Darryl: 'Til he hit two.

Sheila: Oh, don't scare them.

(The Elders call Leo.)

Leo: Uh, Piper, I have to go.

Piper: But we just got here.

Leo: I know, baby, but it's the Elders.

(Piper looks at Darryl.)

Darryl: Don't worry. She knows.

Sheila: Ah, secret's safe with me. Argue away.

Leo: Honey, I'm sorry, but it sounds urgent.

Piper: Okay, well, then I need to express to you that this is gonna make me feel a little abandoned.

Leo: Alright, well, I understand. I acknowledge your feelings and I want to let you know that I love you, even though I have to go.

(Darryl laughs.)

Sheila: Darryl, _stop_.

Piper: What's so funny?

Darryl: Nothing. Um, just marriage counselling, huh?

Sheila: Honey, we did it too. We recognize the tools.

Piper: I think I hate the tools. I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now.

Darryl: Yeah, we felt the same way.

Sheila: But you know what? Turns out the tools really helped.

Leo: Piper, I have to go.

Piper: Fine, go. I mean, thank you for considering my feelings, and I love you, and I will see you later at home.

Leo: Okay.

(They kiss and Leo leaves.)

Sheila: Very good.

[Scene: P4. Prue and Elise are there. Other people are setting up for the children's charity.]

Elise: So you'll introduce the bachelors from here and then they'll enter from over there.

Prue: I am all over it.

Elise: Good. The newspaper only sponsors one charity event a year and I want this to go off without a hitch.

Prue: It will. I promise.

Elise: Okay. That's what I like to hear. Oh, and please thank your sister again for donating her club.

Prue: I just hope everyone doesn't melt by the time they get here. It's gonna be kinda hard to auction off bachelor soup.

Elise: It is bizarre weather, isn't it? I spoke to Jason this morning and he says it's the same way in Hong Kong.

(Paige orbs in nearby, holding three thick coats.)

Prue: Oh my god.

Elise: What? What is it?

Prue: Nothing. Hold that thought.

Elise: What thought?

(Prue flags down Phoebe and they go over to Paige.)

Prue: Paige, are you out of your mind?

Paige: As it turns out, I am not. Listen, we are in big trouble.

Prue: Yeah, you almost exposed our magic to a room full of people.

Paige: No, listen. I studied the I-ching, tarot cards, runes, and tea leaves, and they're all giving me the same reading.

Phoebe: That you need a good night sleep?

Paige: _No_ , that there's something big going on in the supernatural world. If my reading is right, it's not just the thunder and the heat, we could be in store for a big earthquake or worse.

Prue: Okay, so what do you want us to do? Do you have a plan?

Paige: Not so much a plan as a location. I scryed for evil and one place kept coming right up red hot. (She hands Prue and Phoebe a jacket each.) Take these. You're gonna need it. We're going on a trip.

[Cut to the Snow-covered Mountains. Cave. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk into the cave wearing the jackets. Phoebe is shivering.]

Phoebe: Okay, there's a reason nobody lives in this part of the world, and it's because they _all_ died from the cold.

Prue: I thought you said you wanted air conditioning.

Phoebe: Oh, this sucks.

(Prue spots a scorch mark.)

Prue: Scorch mark.

Paige: See if you can get a premonition.

Phoebe: I don't have my gloves!

Paige: Tough it out. I got us this far.

Phoebe: Okay, fine.

(Phoebe kneels down and touches the scorch mark.)

Paige: Did you get anything?

Phoebe: Yeah. Frostbite. Shush. (Phoebe gets a premonition.) Ooh! Hot, hot, hot, hot.

Paige: _Hot?_

Phoebe: No, not here hot. In my vision.

Paige: Vision, good, tell me what it is.

Phoebe: Uh, two very large someones coming out of that wall.

(She points.)

Prue: Who?

Phoebe: I don't know.

(Suddenly, the roof caves in on top of them.)

[Cut to outside. A lightning bolt hits a frozen Cronus and he is freed. Demitrius whirls in.]

Cronus: Demitrius.

Demitrius: My lord.

Cronus: They did this to me. To _me_!

Demitrius: They will be punished.

Cronus: Punished. I will _obliterate them_!

[Cut inside the cave. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige make their way out from under the snow.]

Paige: Earthquake. Did I call it or what?

Phoebe: Did I mention this sucks?

Paige: Yeah.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Phoebe has a blanket wrapped around her and she is shivering. Piper walks in carrying a box.]

Piper: Okay, I know it's cooled off a little bit since this morning, but what are you doing?

Phoebe: Defrosting.

Prue: Is this them?

(Phoebe looks at the Book of Shadows.)

Phoebe: No.

Piper: Who's 'them'?

Paige: We're not sure yet.

Prue: Is that them?

Phoebe: No, they looked a little bit more... ancient.

Piper: Will someone please tell me what's going on?

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: A Whitelighter's disappeared.

Paige: A Whitelighter? Like from a Darklighter?

Leo: No, a Darklighter's poison is slow and painful. This was more instantaneous and the Elders have no idea what it could have been.

Paige: It's all connected.

Leo: What's connected?

Phoebe: Whatever it is that escaped from that ice cave.

Leo: You were in an ice cave?

Paige: The heat wave, the earthquake, my dreams…. This is way bigger than any _one_ Whitelighter.

Prue: Phoebe, we'd better drop out of that charity benefit.

Leo: Yeah, maybe we should cancel counselling, honey.

Piper: Hold it, wait a minute, no. This is exactly what we're supposed to be learning in therapy. When to put our lives on hold and when not to.

Leo: But Piper, a Whitelighter was killed.

Piper: We don't know that. He could've just clipped his wings and he's in hiding.

Phoebe: Is that possible?

Leo: Yeah, I guess.

Piper: Look, people, we just need to manage our lives a little bit better. Dr. Berenson says that needless worry and panic serve absolutely no purpose except to prevent the possibility of happiness.

Phoebe: I am all for the possibility of happiness.

Piper: Good, so we need to address the immediate problem at hand and circle the wagons only when we have to.

Prue: Okay, Leo, maybe you should get the Elders to put a ban on Whitelighters orbing until we figure out exactly what's going on.

Leo: Okay. I'll meet you in therapy.

Piper: Okay. Don't be late. Is it safe for you to orb up there right now?

Leo: Yeah. No worrying, remember?

(He kisses Piper and orbs out.)

[Cut to Up There. Everything is white. Elders wearing golden robes walk around talking in their clickety-clack language. Leo orbs in and looks around. He walks over to two Elders.]

Leo: What's going on? What's with all the activity? I just left here.

Roland: It's not your concern.

Cecil: Roland, please. Actually, we're not sure, Leo. But we do know that something's not quite right.

Leo: Why? Has another Whitelighter been-?

Cecil: No. It's something else.

Roland: Something we're not at liberty to discuss outside the council of Elders.

Leo: Anything to do with heat waves? Earthquakes?

Cecil: What do you know?

Leo: Not much. Just that Paige has been having these strange dreams lately. Dreams that seem pretty prophetic.

Cecil: You think she foresaw these earthquakes?

Leo: Yes.

Roland: That's not her power.

Leo: It's not a power. It's more of an instinct.

Roland: An instinct? That's what you're basing this on?

Leo: Well, it hasn't let her down so far, has it? Look, excuse me, but I've just learned to rely on her instincts. All of their instincts.

Cecil: As well you should have, Leo. Now, what did you come up here to tell us?

Leo: Just that the girls think, we all think, that maybe we should ground all Whitelighters until we know for sure that it's safe.

(The Elders look at each other.)

Cecil: We agree. We'll initiate the orders as soon as you've returned to them. In the meantime, keep them working on this. It's important.

Leo: You're worried, aren't you?

Cecil: You know me better than that. At the end of the day, even we can't change what's meant to be. Just remember, no matter what happens, you must always follow your instincts too.

[Scene: A park. Night. A stone statue is there. A witch is unconscious on the ground with a wound on her forehead. Meta is standing nearby. A female Whitelighter orbs in.]

Female Whitelighter: Krista!

Meta: It's about time you came to heal your charge.

Female Whitelighter: Who are you? What do you want?

Meta: A Whitelighter.

(Meta's eyes glow and turns the Whitelighter into stone.)

[Cut to the snowy place. Demitrius and Cronus are there. Meta and the two stone statues whirl in.]

Meta: It's good to see you again, my lord.

Cronus: You never were a good liar, Meta. Where's the third one?

Meta: Unfortunately, Whitelighters are not as easy to find in this time. Much has changed. Magic is no longer practiced so openly.

Cronus: Much may have changed, but you certainly haven't. You know, it's always amazed me how someone as beautiful as you could so easily turn a mortal to stone. (He touches her cheek.) You haven't changed a bit, have you? She stays behind.

Demitrius: No, she can't. We are stronger as three than two. We will need _every ounce_ of that strength if we are to take revenge on our captors.

Cronus: But if we wait, we risk them finding out we've been awakened, and then even with orbs, we will _not_ be able to break in.

Demitrius: Then that is a risk we will have to take.

Cronus: Says who? You, Demitrius? Are you challenging _me_?

Meta: _No_. No, of course he's not, Cronus. I've got power enough for both of you. You can take them and use them to find a _third_ Whitelighter for me.

Cronus: And if we can't?

Meta: Then I suppose I'll just have to let you boys handle it.

(Demitrius and Cronus walk over to the statues and suck the power out. They turn to dust.)

[Scene: Outside Dr. Berenson's office. Waiting room. Piper is sitting on a chair with Wyatt. Leo walks around the corner.]

Piper: Leo?

Leo: Sorry, honey.

Piper: I was starting to get worried about you.

Leo: I know, I-I-I know. I came as fast as I could.

Piper: Well, what happened? What took so long?

Leo: I don't know. They don't know. But we can talk about it later. Right now our first priority is us.

Piper: That's a good answer, 'cause I don't think there's enough tools in the box to handle being stood up at the shrink.

(The Elders call Leo.)

Leo: Uh-oh.

Piper: No way. Are you kidding me?

Leo: It sounds important.

Piper: But you were just there.

Leo: I know. Look, I acknowledge that this is very difficult for you.

Piper: You know what? Screw that, damn it! I'm just... scared.

Leo: Well, I told you it was safe orbing up there.

Piper: No, not about that. I'm scared that, you know, every time something good happens, every time I actually think that we can have a normal life together, _something_ goes wrong.

(The Elders call Leo again.)

Leo: Piper, I have to go.

Piper: I know. And I know it's not your fault. It's just the way that it is.

Leo: I love you.

(He kisses her forehead and leaves.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is there looking at the Titans page in the Book of Shadows.]

Paige: Prue! Phoebe!

(Prue and Phoebe run in.)

Prue: Did you find something?

Paige: Do Titans ring a bell?

Phoebe: Titans like from Ancient Greece?

Prue: You have got to be kidding me.

Paige: No. Ancient gods who were entombed because it was the only way to stop them.

Prue: Okay, well, even if it _is_ them, how'd they get out? And why go after the Whitelighters?

Paige: I don't know. Maybe one of them was hurt, maybe they needed healing powers? I do know that because of the Elders' no orbing edict, that the only way they're gonna get another Whitelighter is if one….

Prue: Oh, _no way_ , Paige, forget about it.

Paige: Why not? If I'm right, they will come right to us.

Phoebe: And you're saying this like it's a good thing?

Paige: It _is_. This is why I haven't been sleeping. This is what I've been preparing for all year. I have got potions here that are stronger than the ones that we used on the Source.

Phoebe: Okay. Devil's advocate? Until we figure out how powerful they are, we shouldn't use you as bait.

Paige: Witch's advocate? There are evil gods running around on the loose that we should eliminate. Can we just do this, please?

(Prue and Phoebe sigh.)

Prue: Okay, fine.

Phoebe: Bring on the earthquake causing gods.

Paige: Watch this.

(Paige orbs out and orbs back in. They hear a rumble and Meta whirls in. Paige throws a potion at her. Meta's eyes glow. Phoebe throws another potion at Meta but nothing happens. Prue tries to use her telekinesis on Meta but nothing happens. Meta uses her power and sends Prue and Phoebe flying across the room. Suddenly, a guy orbs in in front of Prue and Phoebe.)

Guy: Don't look into her eyes! (The guy throws three potions at Meta but doesn't harm her. Meta whirls out. The guy helps Prue and Phoebe up.) You alright?

(Prue and Phoebe look over at Paige, who has turned to stone.)

Prue: Oh my god.

Phoebe: Paige.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue and Phoebe are looking at Paige.]

Guy: Don't worry. She's alright. (Prue and Phoebe give him a look.) Well, I mean, she's not _completely_ alright, obviously, but she's not dead.

Phoebe: Are you sure she's not?

Guy: Frankly, you see this a lot. Museums, universities, town centers…. Most of those statues? Not really statues. They're people like your sister here who have been, uh, turned into stone.

Prue: Who are you?

Guy: Chris. Chris Perry. I'm... from the future.

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: Oh! My god! Tell me that's just a _really_ _good_ likeness of Paige.

Phoebe: No, it's Paige.

Chris: Titan turned her to stone.

Piper: Uh, who-who are you?

Phoebe: That's Chris. He's from the future.

Chris: Yeah, but just like twenty years or so.

Piper: Uh-huh. Friend or foe?

Prue: Not so sure yet.

Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?

Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you?

Chris: Hey, I'm the one that put _my_ life on the line here. I didn't have to drop everything I was doing just to orb in and save her butt from the-

Piper: You-you orb? You're a _Whitelighter_?

Chris: _Look_ , where I come from, history shows that Paige didn't get turned into stone on this day. She died. And with her death, the power of four died too, allowing Titans to rule and create a world you don't wanna see. Trust me. I'm here to alter history. To help _you_ save the future.

Prue: Who sent you?

Chris: I can't answer that.

Prue: Why not?

Chris: Because anything I tell you could risk changing the future in ways _we_ don't want.

Prue: Who's 'we'?

Chris: All I gotta say is, is that if I hadn't gotten here when I did, Paige would have been the _third_ Whitelighter victim.

Phoebe: Wait, _third_?

Piper: I thought only _one_ was missing?

Chris: Not anymore.

Piper: Leo! Leo!

(Leo orbs in.)

Leo: Honey, I'm sorry I missed counselling, but-

Piper: Forget that. We've got bigger problems.

Leo: What happened?

Piper: Forget that too. How many Whitelighters are missing?

Leo: What?

Piper: How many?

Leo: Uh, two. That's what the Elders just called me for.

Chris: Believe me now?

Leo: Who's he?

(They hear a crash coming from downstairs.)

Prue: What was that?

[Cut to the stairs. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Cole, and Leo walk down them. A fairy flies past. They look down into the parlor where there are dwarves, leprechauns, wood nymphs, an elf, and other creatures.]

Dwarf: Sorry. We'll pay for that. (He points to the broken vase on the floor.) So long as you can keep the world from ending.

[Scene: Snow-covered Mountains. Cronus, Demitrius, and Meta are there.]

Cronus: It was a trap. _You_ were tricked.

Meta: Still, there are other Whitelighters.

Cronus: No. We have been discovered. Your _incompetence_ has endangered us all!

Meta: _My_ _incompetence_?! I only went where I was told! My lord.

Demitrius: _It doesn't matter_. We can go back. They will be no match for the three of us.

Cronus: Out of the question. We have to attack our enemies now while we still can.

Demitrius: I won't leave Meta behind.

Cronus: It's alright, Demitrius. You won't have to. (Cronus throws a fireball at Meta and vanquishes her.)

Demitrius: No!

Cronus: Careful, Demitrius. Either you're with me, or you're with her.

[Cut to the manor. Piper and Leo are taking everyone into the conservatory.]

Piper: Come on, come on, prance this way. Here we go. Here we go. Move it, move it, move it. Today.

Dwarf: Hey, quit manhandling us! We're not your pets.

Piper: No, you're just a _pain_. Now, go on. And don't let the neighbours see you. (Piper closes the conservatory doors. She gasps. She has the fairy stuck in the door.) I'm so sorry, I'm _so_ sorry. (The fairy flies away.) Stay away from those windows. (She steps into the parlor.) What the hell is going on around here?

(The elf walks in, holding onto a drumstick.)

Elf: If you haven't noticed, the world's a mess out there. Something terrible's going on. Everyone senses it.

Prue: The Titans?

Cole: Must be.

Piper: So you guys just all came here figuring that we would stop them?

Elf: Well, you _are_ the Charmed Ones, aren't you? (The babies cry from upstairs.) Do you always leave the little ones unattended?

Prue/Piper/Phoebe: No!

Elf: Well, it just sounds like they need to be changed. I'll take care of it.

(She turns for the stairs.)

Piper: Hold it! You are not the nanny. We rejected you.

Elf: No, I rejected _you_. But I suppose I could fill in, just for a bit.

(The elf faces the stairs and fades away.)

Phoebe: Did she just hire herself?

Piper: (to Cole and Leo) You two need to go watch her.

Leo: What about the Elders? I need to let them know the Titans are back.

Phoebe: Can't Chris tell them? I mean, he's a Whitelighter, isn't he?

Piper: Wait a minute. Where is he?

Phoebe: Upstairs, with Paige.

Leo: And the book.

Prue: (to Cole and Leo) Alright, you two, to the elf. (Cole and Leo go upstairs.) Phoebe, you keep an eye on our magical house guests. Herd them into the basement or something. We're gonna go see what future boy is up to.

[Cut to the attic. Chris is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Prue and Piper walk in.]

Prue: What are you doing?

Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone-cold Paige over here.

Prue: Step away.

Chris: Please, like I haven't looked in this before. By the way, you should update your goblins entry. It'll come in handy someday.

Piper: Goblins?

Chris: Yeah, trust me. It's gonna get ugly. Look, obviously you guys don't trust me, but I touched the book, right? And the book thinks I'm good. Shouldn't you?

Prue: Well, maybe you found a way around that.

Chris: Prue, Piper, come on. I'm just trying to help.

Piper: Well then, if that's true, why don't you tell us how to vanquish the Titans?

Chris: Except you can't vanquish them.

Piper: You mean, not without the power of four.

Chris: Maybe not even with that. The only way the Elders could stop them three thousand years ago was by infusing some mortals with _a hell_ of a lot of power. _Way_ more than you guys have.

Prue: So they can do that again.

Chris: Not after what happened last time. When the mortals trapped the Titans, the power went to their heads. They declared themselves gods and _forced_ the world to worship them. The Elders swore they would _never_ allow that to happen again.

Piper: Hang on a second. I'm having a ninth grade flashback. You're talking about the Greek gods. Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite….? They were _mortals_?

Chris: Mythology left that part out. Not the only inaccuracy, by the way.

(Phoebe, the dwarf, and Finnegan the Leprechaun walk in.)

Prue: _Phoebe_ , what are you doing? You're supposed to be-

Phoebe: I know, I know. But I thought they could help us free Paige. After all, a leprechaun's luck has helped us before.

(She pats the dwarf on the shoulder.)

Dwarf: He's the leprechaun, I'm one of the seven dwarves. Try to keep it straight, will you?

Phoebe: Sorry.

(Finnegan walks over to the statue.)

Finnegan: It's gonna take a lot more than just me luck to free this one. We're gonna need some pixie dust too.

Dwarf: I'll get a fairy. Left my axe downstairs anyway.

(The dwarf leaves the attic.)

Phoebe: Okay, so where are we?

Piper: Screwed. Possibly. One thing I'm still not clear about. If the Titans are roaming around, why are they killing Whitelighters?

Chris: Because they need their orbing power.

Piper: Their orbing power? What on earth would they wanna do with-?

Prue: Oh my god. Leo!

(Prue races out of the attic. Piper figures it out a second later.)

Piper: Leo!

(Piper races out of the attic as well.)

Phoebe: Wh-What did I miss? What'd they just figure out?

Chris: Nothing good.

[Cut to the nursery. Cole, Leo, and the elf are watching the crying babies in their crib. The elf uses her magic and a blanket appears wrapped around the babies.]

Cole: How'd you know they were cold?

Elf: Babies are what I do.

(Prue and Piper race in.)

Piper: Leo?

Prue: The Titans are after the Elders.

Leo: What?

Prue: You have to go warn them.

Piper: But don't stay up there too long. Hurry.

(Leo orbs out. Prue and Piper look down at the kids and smile.)

[Cut to Up There. Leo orbs in and sees the Elders' bodies lying dead on the floor. There are black scorch marks everywhere. Leo sees Cecil's body nearby.]

Leo: What? No.

(He falls to his knees.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, the dwarf, Finnegan, and a fairy are there. The fairy throws magic dust on the Paige statue and Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck.]

Finnegan: Now, laddie!

(The dwarf hits the statue with his pick but nothing happens.)

Dwarf: Don't know what else to try.

Finnegan: Running out of gold too, I'm afraid.

Phoebe: Okay, well, there's gotta be something we can do. Just keep trying. (Phoebe walks over to Chris, who is looking at some things on a shelf.) What are you doing over here?

Chris: Nothing. You guys keep this stuff forever, you know that?

Phoebe: You knew the Titans were after the Elders, didn't you? Why didn't you tell us?

Chris: I told you. There's some things I can't tell you. Some things you need to figure out on your own.

Phoebe: Even at the risk of making things worse?

(Prue and Piper walk in.)

Piper: Alright, what's going on? Leo's not responding to _any_ of my calls and it's been over _five hours_.

Chris: I really don't know.

Piper: Well, I really think you do.

Chris: Look, you're the one who wanted him to go up there in the first place, not me. Alright, _fine_ , maybe I do know. And if I'm right, he's gonna need some serious alone time.

Piper: You know what? Cut it out with the cryptic _crap_. You need to go up there and bring him back _now_. No more games.

Chris: Okay, fine, I'll go. But if I were you two, I'd focus on freeing Paige, because you're gonna need her. Soon.

(He orbs out.)

Piper: I swear to god, if he does _not_ come back with Leo, I'm gonna blow his ass back to the future, orbs and all.

Prue: You know what? Why don't _you_ go be with the kids and we'll take care of everything up here.

Phoebe: We will call you if anything happens. Promise. You're not breathing.

Piper: Nope.

Phoebe: Breathe.

(Piper leaves the attic.)

Prue: Okay, next sister.

Phoebe: Next sister.

[Cut to Up There. Leo is sitting beside Cecil's body. Chris orbs in.]

Chris: Leo.

(Leo gets up and walks towards Chris.)

Leo: Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let this happen?!

(He pushes Chris against a wall.)

Chris: Easy, easy!

Leo: Why?!

Chris: Because this _had_ to happen! It had to happen so _you_ could do what has to be done!

Leo: What are you talking about? They're all dead. Gone.

Chris: No. Not all of them. Some of the Elders escaped back to earth, but it won't be long before the Titans hunt them down too. But _you_ can still stop them. You can still defeat the Titans.

Leo: How?

Chris: I think you know how.

Leo: It's too dangerous. The Elders forbid it.

Chris: True. But then again, the Elders aren't around to stop you now, are they? That's right, Leo. This is what it's all about. This is why _they_ had to die. So _you_ could do something they'd never do. To save the future for your family, for your son.

Leo: This is crazy.

Chris: Maybe, but it's our only chance. Like it or not, you've been put in this situation for a reason, Leo. We both have.

Leo: Says you. How do I know you're not trying to manipulate the situation for your own future, just the way you've manipulated everything else?

Chris: You don't. But what choice do you really have? There's certainly no future unless you do something.

Leo: I don't know. Even if I were to believe you, even if I were willing, I couldn't. I'm no Elder.

Chris: Well, you better start acting like one.

[Cut to the manor. Attic. The fairy sprinkles magic dust on the Paige statue.]

Prue: _Now_. (Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck. Phoebe throws a potion at the statue.) Hit it!

(The dwarf hits the statue with his pick. The stone crumbles and frees Paige.)

Phoebe: Oh, honey. Hi! (Prue and Phoebe hug Paige.) Oh, I'm _so_ happy to see you.

Prue: Are you okay?

Paige: What happened? Where's the Titan? What the hell are these guys doing here?

Phoebe: Long story.

Prue: We'll tell you on the way.

(Prue, Phoebe, and Paige leave the attic.)

Dwarf: You're welcome!

[Cut to the living room. Piper is sitting on the couch. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk down the stairs.]

Phoebe: There you are.

(They walk into the living room.)

Paige: Okay, I get the whole epic Titan thing, but what I'm not getting is the Chris thing.

Phoebe: Yeah, we're still trying to figure that part out. Look who's not stoned.

Piper: Welcome back. You've missed a lot.

Paige: Yeah. I can't help but think it's kind of all my fault though. I'm the one who lured the Titans here. Insert I told you so.

Prue/Phoebe: Done.

Paige: I just kind of was obsessed with the whole weird dreams thing and…. But I am so sorry for any distress I might have caused you, Piper.

Piper: Don't worry about it. I should've listened to you in the first place. Just trying not to worry or to panic. I've just got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Phoebe: What kind of feeling?

Piper: That Leo's not coming back.

Phoebe: Oh, sweetie.

(Prue and Phoebe sit beside Piper.)

Prue: Of course he's coming back. How could he not?

Piper: I don't know. It's just something that Chris said about Leo having to go through this alone. I don't know. What the hell is he doing up there?

(The dwarf walks in.)

Dwarf: Sorry to interrupt, but we're all leaving now.

Paige: Wait, why?

Dwarf: Didn't you hear the distress call? The surviving Elders have all been flushed out and they need protection.

Paige: Surviving?

Dwarf: Ciao.

(He leaves.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Up There. Chris is there.]

Piper: (down below) Leo!

(Some doors open and Leo walks in holding an urn.)

Leo: Piper.

Chris: No.

Leo: But she needs me.

Chris: Not as much as the rest of us do. You need to stay here. Even afterwards, to coordinate.

Leo: Alright. Then you should go. Otherwise, the girls won't understand.

Chris: Good luck.

(Chris orbs out. Leo takes the lid off of the urn.)

Leo: "Eccere, oh, gee, ac mando ma mento."

(A bright light rises out of the urn.)

Piper: (down below) Leo! Leo!

[Cut to the living room.]

Piper: Leo, for god's sakes, if you can hear me! (Chris orbs in.) You? Where's _Leo_?

Chris: He's safe. For now. Paige. Hi.

Paige: Hi.

Piper: Forget that. What do you mean 'for now'?

(A tornado of light swirls around the girls. It disappears and reveals them wearing outfits from ancient Greece. Prue is holding a golden longbow. Phoebe has extremely long and thick blonde hair. Paige is holding onto a trident. Phoebe gasps. Chris smiles.)

Paige: What happened?

Prue: What are we?

Chris: You're gods.


	19. Oh My Goddess! Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone or anything.

 **Author's Note:** Just so everyone knows, just like with Season 5, I will be writing all of the Season 6 scripts before proofreading and posting the chapters. So please be patient, and put me on your Author Alert if you are interested in Season 6.

 **Oh My Goddess! Part 2**

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Chris are there. The girls have just been turned into goddesses and they're wearing ancient Greek outfits.]

Piper: You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this? Maybe at a costume party.

Chris: That's not a costume. That represents your new position _and_ power.

Paige: Power? Power's good. I like power. (She thinks for a moment.) Why do I like power?

Chris: Because _you_ are the goddess of war.

Paige: Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitchfork.

Chris: It's not a _pitchfork_. It's a _trident_. Be careful. That's a formidable weapon.

Paige: Right on. Who wants to fight?

Phoebe: I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Chris: You're the goddess of love.

Prue: I want to _hunt._

Chris: That's because you're the goddess of the hunt.

Piper: Naturally. Well, then that must make me the goddess of _sanity_ , because I find this _ridiculous_.

Chris: Actually, Leo gave you dominion over the earth and all it's natural elements.

Piper: Wait a minute. You're saying that _Leo_ did this to us?

Phoebe: Chris? You never told us. Do you have a girlfriend in the future?

Chris: (ignoring Phoebe) As you can see, all of you have drives and urges based on your powers. Don't let them distract you, alright? Stay _focused, focused_ on the Titans.

Piper: Hold it, pal. I don't know what kind of game you're running here, but Leo is not in the god-making business.

Phoebe: (to Chris) How old are you, anyway?

Piper: The Elders forbid it. And if anything, Leo is a company man.

Chris: The Elders did forbid it. And guess what? They're dead. Most of them. Leo's in charge up there now and he's taken a _huge_ risk that you three won't lose your humanity like the ancient Greeks... Whoa!

(Paige sticks her trident into Chris's shirt and holds him up in the air, while Prue aims her bow at him, an arrow forming magically.)

Paige: You killed the Elders. You could've prevented it.

Prue: I say we castrate.

Chris: A little control here, ladies, please.

Phoebe: Can't we figure out something else to cut off?

(Chris orbs out and orbs back in across the room.)

Chris: I told you, _stay focused_. In my future, all the Elders were killed. That's why I came back, to help Leo give you the power so this would _never_ have to happen again.

Paige: Hey, guys, watch this.

(She points her trident at the piano and a bolt of lightning flies out of it, hitting the piano. The piano breaks into pieces.)

Prue: You think that's good?

(She fires the arrow and demolishes a wall.)

Piper: Put those things down. You're gonna hurt someone.

Paige: I certainly hope so. Do you know the kind of damage these things could do?

Chris: A lot.

Phoebe: Prue, Paige, make love, not, you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... (She thinks.) hurdle.

Piper: _This_ is Leo's strategy? Well, he must have lost it up there, because these girls can't be seen in public, much less-

Phoebe: Ooh, that reminds me. Prue, we're late for the bachelor auction. I'm gonna go pick up a guy or two, or twelve.

Prue: Have at it. I have better things to do.

(Phoebe claps her hands and a pink misty heart appears. A pink swirl of mist surrounds her and she disappears from the room.)

Chris: Phoebe?

Prue: I'm gonna go get in some target practice with some demons. Watch out Titans.

Paige: Ooh, that's a good idea.

(Lightning bolts surround Prue and Paige and they disappear from the room.)

Chris: I knew this was gonna happen. You gotta go after them.

Piper: Oh, no, no, no. This was your big plan. _You_ clean up the mess.

Chris: _No_. Your role is to provide balance. That's why you feel so grounded and in control.

Piper: Wow, Chris, that was actually pretty good. You almost sounded like a Whitelighter. Too bad I already _have_ one. And if he would like me to do something, he can come down and tell me himself. (to the roof) Do you hear that?!

Chris: You want Leo? Hm? Then vanquish the Titans. If you can't do that, you're gonna find out what a world of darkness feels like. My world.

[Scene: Snow-covered Mountains. Cronus is waiting there. Demitrius whirls in.]

Demitrius: I can sense what's left of the Elders. They're scared and running for their lives.

Cronus: You're still angry with me for killing her, aren't you? Demitrius, I'm sorry. Meta was a distraction. Once we control the heavens, you can have any woman you want. I want you to know, I did what had to be done. We needed to hit the Elders hard and fast, and we did, _right_? Demitrius, let's go finish off the Elders.

(They whirl away.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: P4. The bachelor auction is taking place. Elise is up on stage behind a podium.]

Elise: Ladies, prepare your check books because here comes Evan.

(A handsome man stands up and walks onto stage. Everyone cheers and whistles.)

Elise: Oh, my, my, my. Somebody turn the heat down in here.

Evan: I don't have to take off my clothes or anything, do I?

(The ladies cheer.)

Elise: That's entirely up to you. Okay, ladies. Evan's an internist from Sausalito. And he promises the highest bidder a free physical on their date. So who'll start the bidding?

Lady From Crowd: Four hundred!

Elise: Excellent! Do I hear five hundred?

Phoebe's Voice: One thousand dollars!

(Everyone turns to look at Phoebe walking down the stairs.)

Elise: Phoebe.

(The guys stare in awe as she walks through the crowd toward the stage.)

Evan: Uh, can I bid on her?

(Phoebe chuckles.)

Phoebe: If you insist.

Elise: That isn't…. This isn't…. I don't really….

Evan: I've got a ten thousand limit on my credit card.

Elise: Well, okay then.

Man From Crowd: Eleven thousand!

Man #2: Twelve thousand!

Man #3: Thirteen thousand!

Man #4: Fourteen thousand!

Man #3: Fourteen five!

Man #2: Fifteen thousand!

(Phoebe makes her way onto the stage.)

Man #3: Sixteen thousand!

Phoebe: Easy, boys. There's plenty to go around.

[Scene: Woods. Prue, Paige, and three demons are there. Prue is aiming an arrow at them and Paige is pointing her trident at them.]

Prue: Come on, now. Hit us with your best shot.

(A demon throws an energy ball at them and Paige catches it. She extinguishes it.)

Paige: Give me one firm spot on wish to stand and I will move the earth. (She points her trident at the demon and zaps him, vanquishing him.) Archimedes said that. Great warrior. And he didn't even have a trident.

Prue: Okay, on your knees.

Demons: Yes, my ladies.

(They kneel in front of Prue and Paige.)

Prue: Mm, being a goddess does have its perks.

(Leaves fly around in one spot and Piper whirls in.)

Piper: Prue, Paige, what are you doing?

Prue: How'd you find us?

Piper: Apparently it's one of my powers. To keep an eye on you. What is going on here?

Paige: Oh, we're just building an army.

Prue: I figured what better way to smite the Titans than with hordes of demons, right?

Piper: Wrong. All of you, _out_.

Demon: We answer only to our goddesses.

(Prue and Paige smile and nod.)

Piper: I see.

Prue: See? They're very loyal.

Paige: And you know what? I don't know why I was wasting my time studying witchcraft when I _clearly_ should have been earning my general stripes.

Piper: I said go! Now!

(The ground shakes. The demons disappear, frightened.)

Paige: What'd you have to do that for?

Prue: We had followers.

Piper: You can't have followers. None of us can. Now come on, before I unleash my wrath on you two.

(They whirl away.)

[Cut to the manor. Foyer. Piper, Prue, and Paige whirl in.]

Piper: Not in the house. (Piper takes the bow and trident off of Prue and Paige and put them aside.) Now let's go find Phoebe.

(They hear voices coming from the living room.)

Man's Voice: How's that feel, Phoebe?

(Prue, Piper, and Paige walk into the living room. Phoebe is lying on a red sofa surrounded by half-naked men. Some are fanning her with a large feather, another is massaging her feet, and another is feeding her grapes.)

Phoebe: Oh, make sure you peel those for me, will you?

Piper: Phoebe? We need to talk.

Phoebe: Yes, we do. The world would be overflowing with peace and love if only we just talked more.

Piper: Mm-hm. What are they doing here?

Phoebe: Oh, worshipping me, adoring me, exalting my name. There is so much love in this room I can barely stand it.

Piper: Me neither. It's time to send your groupies away, now.

Phoebe: But serving me makes them so happy. (One of the men hands Phoebe a chalice.) Thank you, bachelor number three.

Piper: Alright, all of you, show is over. Move along.

Evan: We live to serve Phoebe.

Phoebe: Oh, you do, don't you? That's so sweet. Piper, you need to get some followers of your own. It's a really great confidence builder.

Paige: Are you eyeing me, soldier?

Prue: Yeah. Eyes off.

(Chris walks in.)

Chris: What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild? I told you to keep them in line. What would happen if the Titans attacked right now?

Piper: Chris, I've got it. Thank you. All of you, _out_!

(A gust of wind blows through the room and the men land in the foyer all on top of one another. They quickly get up and race outside.)

Chris: Now that's what I'm talking about.

Piper: Time for a morality check. Leo did not give us this power so we could form armies or love cults. (Phoebe looks at Chris and flirts.) The ancient Greeks indulged in their whims that way and look what they became.

Chris: Petty, evil, vindictive.

Piper: Thanks. I've got it. Now…. Hi! (She pokes Phoebe with a pillow.) Can you three get it under control?

Paige: Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus. 100 A.D.

Phoebe: _Love_ will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s.

Piper: Fascinating. Now, can we figure out a way to beat the Titans? Cause I for one would like my family back. Soon.

(They hear the Elders call.)

Paige: Is that a jingle?

Phoebe: There are no Elders up there.

Prue: Who's jingling?

Chris: It's Leo.

Piper: Leo can _jingle_?

Chris: Yep. He says an Elder's under attack. Like it or not, it's time to face the Titans.

[Cut to the woods. Finnegan stands in front of Roland the Elder. The Titans are standing a few feet away from them.]

Finnegan: Stand back, wise one.

Cronus: Such bravery in the face of death.

Finnegan: We ain't the ones who'll be dying today. (He waves his shillelagh.) "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat."

(A rainbow appears and sucks up Finnegan and Roland. Cronus throws a blast of fire into the air, hitting the tail of the rainbow. Finnegan screams and Roland falls out of the rainbow onto the ground.)

Cronus: Remind me when we're through with the Elders to do something... nice for the Leprechaun community.

Roland: We've beaten you before, Cronus. We'll do it again.

Cronus: How? Your numbers are dwindling. By day's end, the great Elders will all be _dead_ and we'll own the heavens. (Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige whirl in.) _Who are you_?

Prue: The Supremes.

(Prue aims her bow at them, while Paige points her trident. They both fire at Cronus. He blocks it with a wave of his hand.)

Demitrius: They wield the powers of the gods.

Cronus: Just kill the Elder.

(Cronus and Demitrius throw a stream of fire and a lightning bolt at the girls. They hold up their hands and a light shields them.)

Piper: Somebody get the Elder out.

Phoebe: I can't. I can't move.

Paige: Me neither.

(The Titans move closer to them.)

Prue: Leo!

(They all orb out.)

Demitrius: Where did they go?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Sewer. The remaining Elders are there, clicking away. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige are standing off to the side.]

Piper: Everybody okay?

Phoebe: _No_. Is my hair singed?

Piper: _You're fine._

Paige: I guess we're not so all powerful after all.

Prue: How'd we get out of there?

Piper: I guess Leo must have orbed us out, but I don't know how. He doesn't have that kind of power.

Prue: Well, he must have, because we're out of there.

Phoebe: What is this place, a sewer?

(Roland turns to them.)

Roland: This is sanctuary.

Phoebe: Oh, my, my, my. (She walks over to him.) Aren't you just the edible Elder? Have you taken a vow of celibacy?

Piper: Phoebe. Stay on target.

Phoebe: Right.

Piper: What do you mean this is sanctuary?

Roland: It's a safe house. Set up by Leo to protect the Elders.

Paige: Well, it doesn't look so safe to me. I can see unprotected points of entry all over the place.

Roland: Don't worry. The Titans can't sense our location. We're hidden from them by a web of fairy magic. Another of Leo's ideas.

Piper: _Leo_ did all this?

Roland: I was surprised myself. I'm afraid I'm one of the Elders who always sold Leo short. What with him marrying a witch and all. No offence.

Piper: Offence taken.

Roland: I will never make that mistake again. Without Leo, we'd all be dead. He's out there now tracking Elders as we speak, moving them here. We owe Leo everything.

Piper: I guess so.

Roland: Well, good luck with the Titans.

Phoebe: One more question. What are you wearing under that robe?

Roland: More robes.

(Prue and Paige laugh. Roland walks away.)

Phoebe: That is _so_ hot.

Piper: This is getting tired.

Paige: A warrior preparing for battle cannot be weary.

Piper: No, I'm tired of getting all this information second hand. I would like to hear it from _Leo_.

Phoebe: Piper, I'm sensing a blockage in your spiritual energy. What's wrong, sweetie?

Piper: I _need_ to talk to my husband. I-I appreciate him becoming a magical folk hero for the masses and all, I _really_ do, but enough is enough. _Leo_! Remember me?! Your _wife_?! (Leo jingles.) Don't you jingle me! I need more than a jingle here, mister! You will get down here _right now_!

(The sewers shake like an earthquake.)

Paige: Are you _trying_ to alert the enemy?

Prue: The quarry, Paige. They're not threat enough to be called enemies.

Phoebe: Piper, I'm sure as soon as Leo figures out how _angry_ you are, he's gonna come _running_ down here. (They look up and wait a moment.) _Okay_ , you can come running now.

Prue: Look, sweetie, it's not like he's not busy. He's saving the world.

Paige: And buying us time to vanquish the Titans. Although, I don't know where we're gonna get the strength from. They had no problem with our power. (Prue looks about to argue.) I appreciate your confidence, Prue, but seriously.

Phoebe: Then let's try my power.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe sits on the red sofa. Demitrius walks in.]

Phoebe: I've been waiting for you. (She gets up and walks over to him.) My whole life.

Demitrius: You have? _Why_?

Phoebe: Why? It doesn't matter. (She picks up a feather and strokes his face with it.) The only thing that matters is that you're here and I'm here. Do you know what that means?

Demetrius: We're here.

Phoebe: Right. _Together_. Do you want me?

Demitrius: Very much.

Phoebe: I'm all yours. (He leans in closer.) But wait. What would Cronus think?

Demetrius: I don't _care_ what Cronus thinks. (Cronus walks in behind him.) If he tries to stop me, I'll just-

Cronus: What are you doing, Demitrius?

Demitrius: The goddess wants to seduce me. I was just playing along until you got here.

(He goes over to Cronus. Phoebe sighs.)

Phoebe: Fooey!

(The Titans throw a stream of fire and a lightning bolt at Phoebe. Prue and Paige walk in and Paige waves her hand. The Titans flicker away.)

Paige: End the war game.

Phoebe: My way didn't work.

Paige: Nothing's working. I need a break.

Phoebe: How did the Greeks do it?

(They walk into the parlor and sit down.)

Paige: Well, for one thing, there were more of them. Like an entire mountaintop full of them, till their powers consumed them.

Prue: Maybe declaring themselves as gods gave them the strength to defeat the Titans.

Paige: I'd rather be flayed alive.

Phoebe: Not an option for me. God, I miss Leo. (Chris orbs in.) Leo?

Paige: Oh, it's just you.

Chris: Hello to you too. So the Elders are taken care of. Where's Piper?

Phoebe: She's upstairs with the kids. Um, could you bring us Leo?

Chris: He's busy. How's it going here?

Prue: Not so good.

Paige: I keep trying to come up with a plan to defeat the Titans, but every battle simulation ends the same way.

Phoebe: With our _death_.

Paige: We could really use Leo right about now.

Chris: I'm starting to get that impression.

Prue: Could you bring him back?

Chris: For the last time, _no_. What is wrong with you three, huh? You're acting hopeless.

Phoebe: I don't know. I mean, I guess I always feel like this right before a big battle, and then Leo comes down, and I don't know how he does it, but he... makes me feel like I have the power to do anything.

Paige: Really? It's different for me. It's like I forget that I even have any training, and I-and I can't concentrate, but Leo helps me focus and calm down.

Prue: You know, I'm starting to think that we take Leo for granted. Are you sure you can't get him?

Chris: Leo-Leo is up there. Okay? And he's gotta stay up there until…. You know what? I'm not gonna go over this again. What can I do to get you three over the hump here?

Phoebe: Try saying this. It always works for Leo. 'Your power comes from your emotions.'

Prue: Or what about this? ' _Trust_ the power of three.'

Phoebe: Or how about this one? 'I'm gonna go check with the Elders.' Do you actually think he checks with the Elders?

Paige: Ha! _No_. He probably just orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies rounds of drinks. (in a manly voice) Yeah, my wife thinks I'm up there. Here's to the Elders.

(They giggle.)

Chris: You really are helpless without him.

[Scene: Heavens. Cronus and Demitrius are there.]

Cronus: Somebody's still alive up here.

Demitrius: We don't know that, Cronus. Maybe the world's magic has increased since we were frozen in that-

Cronus: Demitrius. The bow, the trident. The Greek gods have been recreated, which means somebody up here released their essence as mortals, which means _somebody_ is still up here.

Demitrius: If you're right, and the gods have been recreated, (Leo peers around a large pillar) then we should be after them now before their powers grow too strong.

Cronus: No. Whoever's up here will just create new gods. That threat must be dealt with now. I am sensing something.

Demitrius: Where?

Cronus: It's faint. (He points to the pillar where Leo is hiding.) There. (They move slowly towards it.) Whoever created these gods, whoever's hiding, they're trapped. They can't dematerialize without exposing themselves to us. (Suddenly, Leo turns invisible.) There's only so many places up here they can hide. (They look around the pillar and see nothing.) I could have sworn….

Demitrius: I don't see anything.

Cronus: Keep looking.

(They walk away. Leo becomes visible.)

[Cut to the manor. Nursery. Piper is there, standing by the bassinet.]

Piper: I know you miss him, Wyatt. I miss him too.

(Chris walks in.)

Chris: Where's Cole?

Piper: Catching some sleep for a bit.

Chris: I need help. Your sisters need you. Actually, they need Leo. I got them working on the Titans, but I don't know how long that's gonna last. Will you please go deal with them?

Piper: What's the matter, Chris? The all-knowing running out of answers?

Chris: _Yes_. _Yes_ , I am. If that will motivate you, yes. I'm losing control, because I'm watching history repeat itself and nobody's willing to do a _damn_ thing about it.

Piper: I feel your frustration.

Chris: Piper, if it helps, I get it, okay? I do, really. You need Leo. Your sisters need Leo. But if you can't stop-

Piper: You forgot Wyatt. Wyatt needs his father too.

Chris: Fine. But if you can't stop missing your husband long enough to see the bigger picture-

Piper: There is no bigger picture than my family.

Chris: Well, then _pay attention_. Because the world I grew up in, families hardly existed. I never had a chance to know mine.

Piper: _Not my fault._

Chris: Not yet.

Piper: Is that what this is about? You blame us for what happened to you?

Chris: I just want you to get it right this time. Use your power of four. Use your power as gods. Save the world from going to hell.

Piper: If that's what you want, then I will say it one more time, and maybe you will hear me. We need Leo. Now excuse me, I have to go warm up a bottle.

(She leaves the room. Chris walks over to the bassinet. The kids' force field surrounds the bassinet.)

Chris: Don't worry. You'll come to trust me in time. They all will.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Heavens. Leo is hiding behind a pillar. Chris orbs in beside him.]

Leo: What are you doing? You're gonna expose us?

Chris: Shh! That's the idea.

Cronus: Did you sense that?

Demitrius: Someone orbed.

(Chris peeks around the pillar and whistles. Cronus throws a stream of fire at Chris. He quickly pulls back behind the pillar.)

Chris: Hurry, go. Piper needs you.

(Leo orbs out. Chris peeks around the pillar and Cronus throws another stream of fire. Chris orbs out. The Titans whirl away.)

[Cut to the manor. Piper's room. Piper is lying on the bed. She sighs.]

Piper: Leo, how could you leave us? (Leo orbs in with the hood of his robe over his head. Piper sits up.) Who are you?

(Leo removes the hood.)

Leo: Hi, Piper.

Piper: You're home. (She goes over and hugs him.) You heard my calls, right?

Leo: Of course I did, honey. But I had to make sure the Elders were safe and then I was cornered by the Titans.

Piper: I'm just thankful you're okay. My mind was just _racing_.

Leo: I know. I felt it. Good thing Chris came when he did.

Piper: Chris?

Leo: He distracted the Titans so I could escape. Right now they're probably following his orb trail, so we don't have-

(Piper looks at his hair.)

Piper: What's wrong with your hair?

Leo: What?

(She touches a patch of white hair on his head.)

Piper: Um, it's _white_.

Leo: Is it? (He looks in the mirror.) Wow. It must be from staying up there for so long.

Piper: I guess so. And the robe?

Leo: It was windy up there. Where are your sisters?

Piper: Well, they can wait a minute while we spend some time alone, and then you need to hold your son.

Leo: Spoken like a true earth goddess.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Leo: You need to channel your hearth and home instincts to fight the Titans.

Piper: Leo, I was speaking from the heart, not the _hearth_. Hi. I'm your wife, remember?

Leo: I do, but Chris can only throw off the Titans for so long. We need to be ready with a battle plan. Now let's find your sisters.

(Piper and Leo walk out into the hallway and go downstairs.)

[Cut to the parlor. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Phoebe is reading up on Zeus.]

Phoebe: It says in here that Cronus swallowed his newborn children to keep them from overthrowing him.

Prue: What if you lure the Titans to a field, Piper lifts them with a tornado, and Paige and I hit him with our weapons?

Phoebe: I'm afraid there's no way to beat a man who eats his own children.

(Piper and Leo come down the stairs.)

Leo: Those stories are fables.

Prue/Phoebe: Leo!

(Prue and Phoebe hug Leo.)

Paige: Welcome home, Leo.

Leo: What do you have for me?

Prue: Paige ran every battle plan she knows, which as a war goddess is basically every battle that's ever been fought.

Paige: No matter how you spin it - warrior, hunter, seductress, earth mother - we don't have the power to defeat the Titans.

Phoebe: We can't beat them. They're too strong for us.

Piper: See how much this family needs you?

Leo: No. I don't. You can do this without me. And it's not because you have the power of gods or the power of four. It's because you're the greatest force of good that I know and that's why I chose you.

Phoebe: Oh, see? I can just feel the confidence wash all over me. He's doing it.

Piper: What is he doing?

Leo: Prue, you know exactly where to find the power to conquer the Titans.

Prue: I do?

Leo: Yes. You just need to focus.

Prue: We have to declare ourselves gods.

Leo: It's how the ancient Greeks did it.

Piper: Chris told us not to do that.

Leo: Well, Chris is _wrong_. He doesn't know you like I do.

Phoebe: But Leo, the ancient Greeks lost their humanity.

Leo: You're not the ancient Greeks. You're the Charmed Ones. I didn't give you anything you can't handle. Phoebe, you have the biggest heart I know. Of course you can handle being the goddess of love.

Phoebe: Thank you.

Leo: Prue, Paige, you're the goddesses of hunt and war because you've always been consumed with gaining power, but you've never let the power consume you. Piper. Is it any wonder I made you the goddess of earth? You are everything that is good and beautiful in this world. The mother of my _son_.

Piper: You really have that much faith in us?

Leo: Do you really even need to ask that? It's like I've always said. Your power comes from your emotion, and right now, you need to dig deeper than you ever have before. Whatever motivates you. Your heart, your soul, your darkest fears. Whatever it takes, you need to find that, and channel it into power. Power not to _capture_ the Titans, but to destroy them, forever.

(Suddenly, Leo glows all over.)

Piper: Leo?

Leo: What's happening to me?

Commercial Break

[Scene: P4. It's empty. Cronus and Demitrius whirl in.]

Demitrius: He's not here. Another dead end.

Cronus: No. The orb trail's getting stronger. We're getting closer. We'll push ahead.

Demitrius: Wait. Wait. Do you sense that?

Cronus: An Elder, out in the open.

Demitrius: Do you think it's our target?

Cronus: There's only one way to find out.

[Cut to the manor. Nursery. Leo is playing with the kids, who are in their bassinet. They're giggling.]

Leo: I'll never leave you, Wyatt. I promise.

(Piper walks in.)

Piper: Why would you? Leo, what's going on?

Leo: I'm not sure.

Piper: What do you mean you're not sure? Chris! Wherever you are, get your _ass_ over here!

Leo: It's okay, Chris.

(Chris orbs in.)

Chris: This better be an emergency. You are going to lead the Titans _straight to us_.

Piper: What's happening to my husband?

Chris: Something amazing.

Piper: You know what? Cut the crap. You knew the Elders were gonna die. You coached Leo up there. You knew all of this was gonna happen.

Leo: Did you?

Chris: You're not serious.

Piper: Whatever it is you _think_ you're doing, you need to make it stop.

Chris: Piper, nobody _chose_ this. It chose Leo. What he did up there for all of us was nothing short of a miracle. Now he's receiving the ultimate reward. A chance to become an-

Piper: Don't you _dare_ say it.

Chris: The world needs sources of good to watch over it. Do you know a source of pure goodness better than Leo?

Piper: Leo is not…. He's not an Elder, okay? Because Elders don't live on earth. They don't _have_ families. Okay, just _tell him_ you're not an Elder.

Leo: I don't know that I can.

Chris: I think you should get back to your sisters.

Piper: No. Not until you tell him.

Chris: They're waiting for you.

Leo: Chris is right. You need to get back to Prue, Phoebe, and Paige.

Piper: No. Not until you say it.

Chris: The Titans are gonna be here _any_ moment.

Piper: I said no!

(Piper points at Chris and sends him flying across the room. He hits the door and is knocked unconscious. Leo rushes to him.)

Leo: He'll be okay. You did it, Piper. You found your power. Now control it. Don't let it control you.

(They hear a crash from downstairs.)

Phoebe: (from downstairs) Piper!

[Cut to the conservatory. The Titans send Phoebe flying across the room.]

Cronus: Where is the Elder that created you?

(Phoebe gets back up. The room starts to shake. Piper whirls in. Cronus and Demitrius send lightning bolts and a stream of fire at Piper. It doesn't harm her.)

Piper: It's not nice to piss off Mother Nature.

(Piper holds out her hands and the room starts to shake. A hole opens in the ground in front of the Titans. A chandelier above falls from the roof and into the fiery pit below. A dresser falls into the pit. Prue and Paige grab their weapons and fire at the floor at the Titans' feet. It crumbles and they fall into the fiery pit. The hole seals back up. Leo rushes down the stairs.)

Prue: So much for the Titans.

Phoebe: Thank god.

Piper: You're welcome.

Leo: You did it, Piper. You found the power you needed. You all did. Now it's time to give it back.

(Piper whirls away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. It's raining and thundering outside. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, Leo, and Chris are there. Prue and Phoebe are back to normal. Phoebe is looking out a window. Paige is standing in front of Leo. Leo is holding an urn.]

Leo: Are you ready?

Paige: Just get it out of me.

(Leo lifts the lid of the urn and Paige's god powers return to it.)

Leo: How do you feel?

Paige: Phew. _Free_. Anything on Piper?

(Paige sits next to Prue, who is scrying.)

Prue: Nope. I still can't get a read.

Chris: Just keep trying.

Paige: Okay, even if we do find her, how are we gonna get her back? She's on this _major_ power trip. She destroyed the Titans. Not even the Greek gods could do that.

Chris: We've just gotta hope she has some humanity still left inside.

Leo: If anyone can come back from this, it's Piper. I've gotta go now. If you need me, Chris knows how to get in touch.

Paige: Where are you going?

Leo: The Elders have returned to the heavens and they're calling for me.

(He orbs out.)

Phoebe: Did he just bail on us? Is that what he did?

Prue: Uh, what about, you know, helping us find his _wife_?

Chris: He's trusting in _you_ to do that. You need to find Piper and talk her down before she sets up shop somewhere and throws the world into chaos. Then it'll be too late for her.

Prue: Okay, maybe you missed the part about Piper being Leo's _wife_.

Chris: Look, you have to understand. Things have changed. The Elders _need_ Leo up there to help restore order.

Paige: Cut to the chase, future man. Is this about Leo being turned into an Elder or what?

Chris: He's on the path.

Phoebe: Okay, don't give us that creepy pod-people smile. Okay, in your world, being an Elder may be cool, but in our world, it pretty much sucks. Leo is our brother-in-law…

Paige: And our Whitelighter…

Prue: And our friend.

Phoebe: And we don't want to lose him.

Prue: So listen, you go up there and tell him-

(Suddenly, a tree branch hits the window, smashing it. Phoebe jumps back and screams.)

Phoebe: What is going on with this storm?

(Prue realizes something.)

Prue: Piper. Piper's what's up with this storm.

Phoebe: What do you mean?

Prue: Remember when the Titans were first released, Paige?

(Paige catches on.)

Paige: The major weather shifts and the earthquake.

(Phoebe catches on.)

Phoebe: Yeah.

Prue: When you have power over the earth like the Titans did, it's bound to suffer your emotional baggage.

Phoebe: And like Leo says, our power comes from our emotions. Okay, _okay_. So if you're a _god_ , and you're angry, and you're taking it out on the city, where would you go?

Prue: Somewhere high where I could enjoy the damage I'm inflicting.

[Cut to a high mountain just before the Golden Gate Bridge. Piper is standing there, soaking wet from the rain. She raises her arm and several flashes of lightning strike down on the city. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige orb in, holding an umbrella.]

Phoebe: Piper!

Piper: Stay away from me.

Paige: We're taking you home.

Prue: To your family.

Piper: _What family?_

Prue: To your son. Wyatt. Remember him? He needs his mother. He already lost his father. Don't take his mother away from him too.

(Piper whirls away.)

[Cut to the heavens. The Elders are there. Piper whirls in.]

Piper: Where is he? Where is Leo?

(Leo goes over to her.)

Leo: Piper, what are you doing here?

Piper: How can you do this?

Leo: Uh, excuse us for a minute.

(Piper and Leo move across the room.)

Piper: You asked me to marry you and I did. You wanted a family and I gave you a son. And now you want me to watch you just walk away?

Leo: It's not that simple.

Piper: Then _make it_ simple. Because I'm trying _really_ _hard_ to understand.

Leo: Piper, if I had a choice in any of this, I would choose you. I always have.

Piper: Then choose me now, and let's go home.

(She holds out her hand.)

Leo: Don't you think I want to?

Piper: I don't know. And that's what scares me the most.

(Piper sniffs.)

Leo: The Elders were wrong about us. They didn't think our love could survive, but it did. Our love blessed us in ways they couldn't even imagine. It produced a baby with a greater future than any of us. And it made me…

Piper: An Elder.

Leo: Our love is transcendent, Piper. It lifted me up _so_ high that this was the only possible result. Being an Elder wasn't my destiny, but yet here I am, because of you.

(She starts to cry.)

Piper: I can't just give up. I don't know how.

Leo: You can't fight this. Not this.

(The god powers leave Piper and float back into the urn behind the door.)

Piper: How am I supposed to do this alone?

Leo: You have your sisters.

Piper: It's not the same. Will I ever see you again?

Leo: I don't know. I'll always be watching over you.

Piper: But you won't be there for Wyatt. You're gonna miss so much.

Leo: I will never leave Wyatt's side. He will always feel my presence. It's not the same as human love. He needs you for that.

Piper: He's got me. And I hope that that's enough. But what if it's _not_?

(She cries.)

Leo: As an Elder, I have the power to take your pain away.

Piper: You can't make me forget you.

Leo: No. Help you find peace.

(They hug. Leo glows and then Piper glows.)

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Prue is on the phone. Paige is making a pizza.]

Prue: (on phone) I _know_ , Elise, yeah, it really was a great costume. I'm just glad that the night was a success and I'm sorry that I wasn't there. Okay. You too. Bye. (She hangs up.) Well, Phoebe, you managed to raise $18,000 for The Bay Mirror Children's Foundation.

Phoebe: Gotta admit, being a goddess did have its perks. I even got a second date with Evan.

Prue: What's Jason gonna think?

Phoebe: You know, I miss Jason, I really do, but I can't put my life on hold for him. You know, if he comes back to San Francisco, then we'll give it another shot. How about you two? You miss being warrior princesses?

Prue: No. I prefer being warrior mom.

Paige: And no, I do not miss being a warrior princess. In fact, I don't even think that I'm gonna miss being super witch.

Phoebe: What do you mean?

Paige: I've been on this crazy magic journey for so long now, I just think it's time to slow down a bit. You know, I've kind of let my career slide, let my friends slide. I think I'm just tired and I need a break.

(They pick up food trays.)

Prue: Got it? (Phoebe and Paige nod. They walk into the dining room where the table is set.) You know, Paige, you should be really proud of yourself. All that hard work paid off. We beat _the Titans_.

Paige: Yeah, I am. That's great. I guess I'm just kind of looking forward to a change, you know, to help me take my mind off what we're losing.

Prue: Yeah….

Phoebe: Guys, you can't look at it that way. We didn't lose him. He'll be watching over us.

Paige: It's different.

(The doorbell rings.)

Prue: Come in!

(Darryl and Sheila walk in.)

Sheila: Hi.

Darryl: Hey.

Prue/Phoebe/Paige: Hi.

Sheila: Are you sure you want us over today?

Darryl: Yeah, I mean, we don't wanna intrude.

Prue: No, you're not intruding. This was Piper's idea.

Sheila: I can only imagine what she's going through. How's she doing?

Phoebe: We're not really sure.

Prue: She wanted to be alone with Wyatt last night.

Darryl: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't come out of her room for like a year.

(Piper comes down the stairs all cheery.)

Piper: Hi, guys. I'm so glad you could come.

Darryl: Hi.

Sheila: Hi. We wanted to show our support.

(She hands her a bunch of flowers.)

Piper: Thank you.

Darryl: Yeah. Leo was... _is_... somebody...

(There's an awkward silence.)

Piper: Oh, come on, guys, this is a celebration. Leo got promoted. We should all be happy for him. I am.

Prue: You are?

Piper: Of course I am.

Paige: Piper, you don't have to put on a brave face. We're all here for you.

Phoebe: Suppressing emotions in this family can be dangerous.

Piper: No, I'm not suppressing anything. Really, I'm okay. Prue, Cole's upstairs watching the kids, so let's eat before they wake up from their nap. Oh, I forgot the baby monitor. Here. (She gives Phoebe the flowers.) Be right back.

(Piper runs upstairs.)

Prue: Okay, let's eat.

Darryl: Yeah, come on, honey.

(Darryl and Sheila go into the dining room.)

Prue: Something's wrong with Piper.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Paige: Maybe she's moved on.

Prue: No, Piper doesn't move on, Paige, she fights.

Phoebe: Yeah. We're telling you, that wasn't Piper.

[Cut to outside. Chris is sitting on the stairs. Leo orbs in.]

Chris: So the Elders decide what to do with me yet?

Leo: Well, you've been the subject of heated discussion. One thing we agreed upon is you can't return to the future.

Chris: I figured as much. The timeline's changed, I don't even know what I go back to. So, what did they decide?

Leo: The Elders voted to make you the Charmed Ones' new Whitelighter.

Chris: They did?

Leo: As a reward for helping to defeat the Titans, but then somehow I figured you knew that. You know, I can't stop thinking about what Piper said, and wondering myself if this wasn't part of your plan all along. Take good care of them, Chris. And don't forget. I'll be watching over you.

(Leo orbs out and as the white orbs leave, Chris waves his hand and the white orbs explode into nothing. He looks around and gets up. He walks inside and closes the door with telekinesis.)


	20. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Just an author's note to answer the reviews, so that you don't have to wait until Season 6, which I am currently in the process of writing. So far, I am on 6x08. (For future reference, I would suggest making an FF account, or if you already have one, logging in before reviewing. It would make it easier to respond to everyone's reviews if I've already finished a season, as I could just PM you.)

Cole is a draconic guardian, which are akin to Whitelighters. However, unlike Whitelighters, who have multiple charges, draconic guardians are assigned to specific people. Cole was assigned to the Charmed Ones and their progeny, which is why he is never seen "working" like Leo. He would primarily be at the manor, in case his charges needed something, or out socializing, which I can't see Cole doing, unless it was with, like, Darryl. He's never seemed very social to me.

As for the differences between Prue and Piper regarding how they are during their pregnancies and being mothers, that was actually intentional on my part. Prue has always been very confident, while Piper has always been more of a worrier. So I figured that Prue would be more relaxed as a mother, while Piper would be a nervous wreck, like in canon.

As for the twins and Pagan, and their role in Chris's Dark Future, read S6 and find out. :)

Regarding Phoenix's actor and Persephone's actress, I assumed that people would do this on their own, but apparently not. Prue and Cole actually both have green eyes, according to the wiki, so just picture the actor and actress I picked for the twins with that eye color. It's difficult enough to find actors/actresses, especially baby/child actors, so I just tried to get in the ball park, you know.

As for Prue going straight back to work, that was actually intentional on my part. I saw Prue as being like my aunt, a workaholic who just can't slow it down. So she'd have wanted to get back to work as soon as possible, I think.

The twins are half-demon, half-witch. That should be obvious. Prue's power is Advanced Telekinesis, as was said in a chapter in S4, which means that she can move things so fast that they explode. Basically her power from Morality Bites, but more focused. It's not the same as Piper's Molecular Combustion, but it is very similar. Saying that she exploded something is a lot simpler than saying "Prue moved X with telekinesis so fast that he exploded" every single time. She would still keep her normal telekinesis as well though, same as Piper kept her telekinesis. As for the twins' powers...

In S4, the twins have the same powers as the Source and the powers that they exhibited in 4x21. However, in 4x21, they were being augmented by the Source's essence. Once it was removed from them, their powers became inactive. They didn't lose them, but they did become inactive, as they were no longer being augmented. They'll have to progress back to that point. In S5, they gained healing and a fire shield, which is why their shield is red rather than Wyatt's blue, and they can combine the power with Wyatt to make a purple force-field, which is what they usually do. They also regained the ability of Flaming. And they also gained the power of Sensing. In S6, so far I have given them the power of Reality Warping, as I have always loved that power. It works like Wyatt's Projection power sort of, but they gained it a lot later than he did Projection, as Wyatt had his Projection power in S5.

As for who's more powerful out of the twins and Wyatt... So that I won't have to answer this question again, power level will go like this for all of the Charmed progeny:

Individually

Phoenix, Wyatt, Tamora, and P.J.  
Persephone, Chris, Kat, and Parker.  
Pagan, Melinda, and Peyton.  
(Paige's son won't have powers.)

Together

Prue's kids  
Piper's kids  
Phoebe's kids  
Paige's kids  
(Phoenix and Persephone, along with Tamora and Kat, would be more powerful together as well, due to being twins, with the Phoenix/Persephone pair being more powerful than the Tamora/Kat pair.)

In their specific sibling grouping

(Oldest to youngest like normal, though like I said, Paige's son won't have powers.)

And OMG, thank you! I'm not the only one who hates Grams! I know that most like her, and see her as this model grandmother, but I could never stand her. She's sexist and drove the girls' father away. I honestly can totally believe that she did something to literally keep Victor away from his kids. Hell, she even tried to take the girls' destiny away, as seen in Pre-Witched, and she had no right, especially since by then they were adults. It should have been their choice.


End file.
